She threw her arms up and wiggled her butt in her chair, whisper-singing the lyrics. I stood in the entrance to the kitchen, smiling as I watched her chair-dance. She was so damn adorable.
How did this beauty end up here, with me?
She turned around and pulled her headphones back. “I can feel you watching me.”
“You’re cute when you wiggle your ass like that.”
She shrugged. “It’s a good song. Gets me every time.”
“What are you up to today?”
“You’re looking at it.” She jerked her thumb at her screen. “What about you?”
“They’re having some issues at the front desk over at the Big House. I’m going to go take a look.”
“Okay, have fun. Say hi to Zoe for me if you see her.”
“Sure.” I spun her around to give her a kiss.
After putting on my coat and shoes, I ventured out into the cold. When I got to the Big House and went inside, I rubbed my hands together and blew into my fists.
Lindsey was behind the counter, helping a guest, so I stood aside and waited. We weren’t quite as busy in the winter, but we still had a full events schedule bringing people to the winery. There was a brunch in the back room this morning—someone’s anniversary, if I remembered correctly—but guests were only just starting to arrive.
A couple walked in with a little boy. He was probably three or four, with blond hair, and dressed in a sweater with a bear on the front. The parents waited behind the other guest, their backs to me, but the boy turned to explore the lobby.
His gaze landed on me and his mouth opened. Eyes widened. Wordlessly, he stumbled backward, reaching up as if seeking the solace of his parents’ arms.
Trying to get away from me.
Looking down, I turned so the scarred side of my face wouldn’t show. But it was too late. He’d seen, and he was terrified.
“Mommy,” he whimpered, pointing at me. “Mommy.”
“What’s the matter, honey?” she asked, her voice soft as she picked him up and situated him on her hip.
“That man.” He pointed at me again.
“What man?” She glanced back at me and surprise flitted across her features. But like most adults, she quickly smoothed her expression, and she turned back to her son. “Shh, buddy. Don’t point. It’s not polite.”
“But Mommy.”
The kid was almost crying. Most kids were scared of me, so I avoided them if I could. I certainly didn’t let them see me straight on. But this little guy had gotten an eyeful, and it was clear his mother’s reassurances weren’t going to be enough to calm him down.
I ducked out as quickly as I could, heading upstairs. There were mostly offices on the second floor. I could wait up there until the lobby cleared out a bit.
The small meeting room was empty, so I went inside and closed the door. Sank into a chair and rested my forehead in my hands.
My fucking face. Maybe it shouldn’t have mattered to me what some little kid thought, but it stung. Normal people didn’t inspire fear in children. This was the price I had to pay.
The encounter left me feeling like crap—and like hiding. The impulse was so strong I almost crawled under the table. Now that was some messed-up shit. I had to consciously stop myself from dropping to the floor and covering my head. What the fuck was wrong with me?
Panic. That was what was wrong with me. I had a goddamn case of chronic PTSD and I always would. Recognizing the feeling for what it was didn’t help this time. I couldn’t escape the intense sensation of imminent danger. Like my life was being threatened.
Get down.
Take cover.
I fought against the panic threatening to overtake me. Tried to breathe. I hated that my brain and body did this to me. Part of me was convinced I was about to die, and my body reacted accordingly. I fucking hated it. Hated that I had to live like this.
Get down.
Take cover.
“Fuck,” I growled. I got up and paced around the room, willing myself to stay in here. Not to run out of the building. At least here no one else was around to see me lose my shit.
I backed against the wall and slid down. Put my head down on my knees. Breathe, Leo. Just fucking breathe. Why couldn’t I remember how? My brain wouldn’t work. I couldn’t calm down. There was a way through this, if I could just remember how.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I almost ignored it, but the thought that it might be Hannah made me check. She’d texted me, but the screen was too blurry. I couldn’t read it, so I just called her.
“Oh, hey,” she said. “I’m so sorry to bug you when you’re working, but do you have a second?”
“Hannah,” I choked out.
“Leo, what’s wrong?”
I gasped for breath. My chest felt like it was being crushed.
“Where are you?” she asked. “The Big House?”
“Upstairs.”
“I’m coming. Hang in there with me, okay? You’re going to be fine.”
I heard the sound of a door close, then what might have been footsteps. Hannah running.
“Stay with me, Leo,” she said. “I’m heading over. Just breathe, okay?”
“Yeah.”
She kept talking, getting breathless as she ran.
“I’m here,” she said. “Where upstairs?”
I couldn’t answer. I had no idea where I was.
Footsteps approached outside and she burst through the door.
“Oh god, Leo.”
Seconds later, her arms were around me, my head on her chest. We were lying on the floor, although I didn’t remember how I’d gotten there.
The sound of her heartbeat was like magic. Thump. Thump. Thump. It pulled at me, coaxing my own heart to match its calm rhythm. I kept my eyes closed and breathed. She smelled so good. I only realized I’d been shaking when my body began to stop, the shivering subsiding.
“Shh,” Hannah whispered, stroking my back. “You’re okay. I’m here. You’re okay.”
I focused on her voice, letting it anchor me. The world started to come back and I remembered where I was. Upstairs in the Big House. And I’d just had one of the worst panic attacks I’d had in a long time.
Sitting up, I leaned my back against the wall and pushed my hair out of my face. “Jesus.”
Hannah sat in front of me and put her hand on my knee. “Do you need me to get someone? Your mom?”
I shook my head. Mom knew how to help me through these, but Hannah’s soothing voice had been better than anything else I’d ever tried.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t know what happened.”
“Don’t apologize.”
I took another slow breath. “I used to get panic attacks all the time. Daily. I don’t get them nearly as often anymore. That was the worst in a long time.”
“Does something usually trigger them?”
“Sometimes.” I didn’t want to tell her about the kid. That shouldn’t have made me panic like that anyway. “They can hit out of the blue, though.”
She just nodded and kept rubbing my leg.
Zoe poked her head in. “Hey. Do you need anything?”
Hannah shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“I’ll be right over here if you do,” Zoe said, her voice soft.
“Do you want to stay here for a while?” Hannah asked. “Or go home?”
“Let’s go.” I didn’t want to sit here on the fucking floor anymore. Felt like an idiot.
My body felt jittery from all the adrenaline. I got up and helped Hannah to her feet. That’s when I realized she wasn’t wearing shoes.
“Did you run over here in socks?”
She glanced down. “Oh. Yeah, I guess I did.”
“Damn it, Hannah. I’m sorry.”
She threaded her arms around my waist and looked up at me. “It’s fine. Why don’t we go home and get in bed. I bet snuggling under warm covers will help calm you down. You still feel really tense.”
&nb
sp; I was tense. Although I still had Lindsey’s issue to deal with at the front desk, it would have to wait. I was in no state of mind to troubleshoot computer problems, especially with guests around.
And Hannah’s suggestion did sound good. The thought of her in my bed woke up my dick—which was an odd feeling on the tail end of a panic attack. It made me feel quite a bit better, in fact. Like my body had something to do with all the adrenaline coursing through my veins.
I hugged her back, enjoying the feel of her little body against me. “Yeah. Let’s go get in bed.”
Twenty-Seven
Leo
The panic attack at the Big House left me on edge. Hannah had done wonders to calm me down, but the way it had come on bothered me. It had been so sudden, and so debilitating. I hated to think what I would have done if Hannah hadn’t texted. Or if she’d texted a few minutes later. Would I have had the presence of mind to call her? Who would have found me if she hadn’t come—and what state would I have been in?
I’d thought I’d been doing so well. Leaving the winery, sometimes even without Hannah. I didn’t always like it, but I could do it. That was a far cry from where I’d been before her.
But this felt like a relapse waiting to happen.
I had a Skype call with my therapist and he was reassuring, although I could tell he was concerned. He said to try to take it easy and avoid potential triggers. Give my system a chance to reset.
I just hoped it would.
Instead of going back to the Big House to deal with the front desk issue during business hours, I went the next evening, after we’d closed. It was easier that way. The last thing I needed was to wind up backed into a corner, shaking.
I was such a fucking mess.
It was quiet outside when I left and locked the door behind me. I liked being out at night. Darkness cloaked the world, blanketing it all in shadow. Made it easier to stay hidden. It was cold, though, so I zipped my coat and stuffed my hands in my pockets.
Hannah was singing in the shower when I got home. Shaking my head, I took off my coat. She was many things, but a good singer wasn’t one of them. Didn’t stop her from belting out eighties pop tunes when she thought no one was listening, though.
Fucking adorable.
I sat down and checked the security footage like I always did. There was something calming about it. My therapist said it gave me the illusion of control, but was otherwise a harmless coping tactic. As long as it didn’t cross into compulsion territory—which it had, in the beginning—it was probably okay.
Despite my mom’s protests, I’d installed a camera outside her house a few weeks ago. It gave me a view of the area in front of her porch, mostly. I clicked over to check the live feed. Her car wasn’t there, but that wasn’t unusual. She might have been at the store. Or maybe Roland and Zoe’s, or out in Tilikum visiting Grace’s mom, Naomi.
I checked a few more things, leaving that feed open on one monitor. The shower turned off and Hannah stopped singing.
Headlights flashed in front of Mom’s house, the light on the screen catching my attention. Before she could finish parking, a man stepped out of the darkness, right in front of her car.
What the fuck?
She braked hard to avoid hitting him. He stood with his hands casually in his pockets, wearing sunglasses although it was dark outside.
Don’t get out of the car, Mom. Drive away.
“Oh hey, you’re back.” Hannah stood in the hallway wrapped in a towel, her hair hanging wet around her shoulders.
“I’ll be right back,” I said.
“What’s going on?”
I glanced at the screen. The guy was walking around to the driver’s side. Why wasn’t she leaving? Damn it, Mom.
“Call my mom and tell her to drive away.”
“What?”
“Just do it.”
I took off outside, running as fast as my feet would carry me. The scar tissue on my thigh hurt from the sudden burst of movement, but I ignored the pain. If that piece of shit put one finger on my mother, I’d turn him inside out.
It only took me a couple of minutes to cover the distance between my house and hers. By the time I got there, her car was still in the same spot—slightly crooked from the hard stop. And it was empty.
“Fuck.” I ran up the porch steps and tried the front door. Locked. I punched in the code and threw the door open. “Mom?”
She was standing in the living room, her phone in her hands like she’d been about to make a call. Her face was shockingly white, her eyes wide with fear.
I grabbed my chest, trying to catch my breath. Thank god she was here.
“Jesus fuck, Mom,” I said. “What the hell happened?”
She took quick steps toward me and landed in my arms. I held her tight, smoothing down her hair.
“It’s okay,” I said. “But you need to tell me what just happened.”
She moved back and took a deep breath. “A man stepped in front of my car when I got home just now.”
“Yeah, I saw that on the security feed. Why didn’t you drive away?”
“He had a gun, Leo.”
I ground my teeth together. Motherfucker threatened my mother with a gun. I’d fucking kill him.
“He opened his coat and he had a gun. I locked the door, but I was scared. He came over to the window and motioned for me to roll it down. I opened it a tiny crack and he said he just wanted to talk to me.”
“What did he say?”
“He said I needed to go pay my husband a visit. And I said ex-husband, and he said that doesn’t matter. He said I need to tell Lawrence he needs to cooperate or more than mattresses will be burning here.”
“What the hell?”
“After that he walked away, but he put that on the hood of my car.” She pointed to something on the table.
I walked over and picked it up. It was a thick piece of grapevine—charred and burned.
“Did he really say more than mattresses will burn?” I asked.
She nodded. “Leo, the fire pit isn’t on the public grounds. No one goes back there but us. How did he know about the mattresses?”
“It means he’s having us watched,” I said.
“Should we call the police?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I don’t think they’ll be able to do anything, but we should file a report. We should call Agent Rawlins, too. And someone needs to stay here with you tonight.”
I eyed her, waiting for her to argue, but this time she didn’t. She wrapped her arms around herself and nodded.
“What does he want with Lawrence?”
“I don’t know. But if they can’t get their money out of him, maybe they want something else in return.”
“But he’s in jail.”
I pulled her in for another hug. “I’ll find out. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
A loud knock on the door made her jump.
“Mom?” Cooper’s voice was muffled. The lock beeped as he put in the code. The door burst open and he and Amelia came in. “Mom, what’s going on?”
Not two seconds later, tires crunched on the gravel outside and headlights flashed through the front window. We heard a car door slam and Ben rushed inside. His eyes landed on my mom and he let out a breath.
“Oh thank god,” Ben said. “Hannah called and said something about you being in trouble.”
Hannah. She must have called everyone. God, I loved that girl.
We filled them in on what had happened, then went over it again when Roland, Chase, and Brynn arrived. Roland put in a call to Rawlins and the local police came to take a statement.
After the commotion died down, my poor mom looked exhausted. Roland had to go home to Zoe and Hudson, but Cooper, Amelia, Chase, and Brynn all declared they were staying the night. Ben looked pained when he finally left. He was still sitting in his truck outside her house when I went home, and I wondered if he’d stay there all night.
Hannah and I went to bed, bu
t I couldn’t sleep. I got up and went to my desk. Pulled up the footage. Who the hell was this guy? And what did they want with Dad?
There was only one way to find out.
I met the guard’s gaze when he inspected my ID. He checked me in, gave me a visitor’s badge. And I waited.
I’d gotten a few hours of sleep with Hannah curled up next to me. Then got up early to drive out here.
The visiting room was empty this time. A guard led me in and nodded to a table. I sat and folded my hands in front of me. A few minutes later, another guard brought Dad in.
He looked about the same as last time. Maybe a little worse. He’d lost weight, but it left him looking gaunt, rather than healthy. The prison blues gave his skin a sallow cast and he had dark circles under his eyes.
“Leo,” he said as he sat. “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”
“Listen,” I said, leaning close and lowering my voice. “You’re going to answer my questions and you’re going to tell me the truth. Are we clear?”
“Did something happen?” he asked.
“Yes, something fucking happened,” I hissed. “Some asshole threatened Mom last night.”
He let out a breath, closing his eyes. “Damn it.”
“You don’t seem surprised.”
“What happened?”
“He told Mom she needs to pay you a visit and tell you to cooperate.” I held his gaze, not shying away. Not trying to hide my face. “Cooperate with what?”
He closed his mouth, his eyes darting toward the guard, and shook his head.
“Dad,” I said, lowering my voice again. “He flashed a gun at her and threatened to burn down the winery. Cooperate with what? What do they want from you?”
Dad shifted in his chair, then leaned closer. “I can’t pay my debt and they’re disappointed in how the poppy crop turned out.”
“I can’t imagine why drug dealers would be mad that their heroin source was destroyed,” I said, my voice laced with sarcasm.
“These people aren’t playing around,” he said. “They know I’m going to prison. The state’s case against me is ironclad. I have no defense. So there’s no chance of me paying them back.”
Hidden Miles (The Miles Family Book 4) Page 20