Cooper: Only for you, though.
Cooper: I wouldn’t do the same for Zoe or Brynn.
Cooper: Actually, yes I would.
Cooper: But only if they really deserved it.
Cooper: Same with Leo.
Cooper: Although Leo could easily kick my ass. He’s like a fucking ninja. But I’d still do it if you needed me to.
Cooper: It wouldn’t surprise me if he needed someone to knock some sense into him.
Me: No
Me: It’s fine, Cooper
Me: You don’t need to do anything.
Cooper: You’ve said fine twice, but okay.
Cooper: I’ll wait to hear from you then.
I shook my head and tossed my phone on the couch next to me.
“Cooper?” Zoe asked.
“How did you guess?”
“The bewildered look on your face speaks volumes. Ever been in a group chat with him and Chase?”
I laughed a little. “No.”
“It’s both insane and hilarious.”
“He was offering to kick Leo’s ass for me,” I said.
She snorted. “I’d like to see him try. Leo would turn him into a pretzel.”
I thought about how quickly he’d taken down Jace. “No kidding.”
My phone buzzed again. “Seriously?”
Shannon: Just checking in. Is everything okay?
“It’s Shannon this time.”
“Welcome to the Miles family,” Zoe said.
I spent the next couple of hours fielding texts from… everyone. It didn’t appear that Leo had told the whole family that I was pregnant, but it was clear they knew something was wrong. I didn’t know where Leo was, or if he’d spent the night away from home, but something had tipped them off.
Shannon wanted to make sure I was okay and asked if I wanted to come over for lunch. The thought of food still made me queasy, and I wasn’t ready to face Leo’s mom. Not yet. Brynn and Amelia both asked what I was doing today, as if they simply wanted to get together with no ulterior motives.
Chase stopped by with a big bag of M&Ms and a handful of movies. Cooper texted again to tell me he’d spotted Leo going home. I even heard from Ben. He called to check up on me, and by his voice I had a very strong suspicion that he knew at least some of what was going on. I was also pretty sure that Leo had spent the night at his house.
Leo texted one more time, to ask if I was still at Zoe’s. I replied with a simple yes. And that was that.
I didn’t know what this all meant for me and Leo. We needed to talk this out—decide how we were going to handle it. Spending the day at Roland and Zoe’s—surrounded by baby things and watching them with their son—was making the reality of being pregnant sink in quickly. I was going to have a baby—be responsible for a tiny human being. Did Leo want to be a part of that? Or was this a deal breaker for him?
Leo had some very real struggles, and I was sympathetic to that. But I had a baby to think about now. It would be months before he or she came into the world, but already, my focus was shifting. Maybe I didn’t know what would become of my relationship with Leo, but I needed to make sure I was as ready for this as I could be.
Which meant I needed a place to live. And I didn’t think it was going to be with Leo.
I found Zoe in the kitchen, washing bottles, the tea kettle on the stove. Roland had taken Hudson out for daddy-son time after his nap.
“I need to find a new place to live,” I said.
She looked at me over her shoulder, a soapy bottle in her hand. “What?”
“I’ve been thinking about this all day. I’m going to have a baby, and I can’t sit around waiting for Leo to decide what he wants.”
“True.”
“I make enough money to support myself. That’s not an issue.”
“Okay. That’s good.”
I leaned against the counter. “You’re being very non-committal.”
“You don’t need my permission.” She turned off the water and set the bottle on a drying rack. “Are you thinking of going back to Seattle, or staying around here?”
“I’d say close by. I’m not trying to leave. I just need to feel like I have my feet planted on the ground, you know? Leo doesn’t…” I trailed off. It would hurt too much to say it out loud. Leo doesn’t seem to want to have this baby. “I think this is the right thing to do. You know the area better than I do. Can you help me find a place?”
The tea kettle whistled.
“More tea?”
I put my hand on my belly. It felt better than it had this morning. But tea did sound nice. “Please.”
She poured water into two mugs. “Sure, I can help.”
I took the mug, wrapping my hands around it, feeling the warmth seep into my skin. It smelled like lemon and ginger. “Thanks.”
“You’re sure about this?” she asked.
“Yes. I want to stay close, but I really think this is the best thing for me right now.”
She blew on her tea, then took a sip. “Okay. I’ll see what I can find.”
Thirty-Two
Leo
With Hannah staying at Roland and Zoe’s, at least I didn’t have to worry about her. She was safe with them—maybe even safer than if she’d been here at Salishan.
But god, I missed her.
It had only been a couple of days, but I was crumbling inside without her. It was my fault, and I knew it. I needed to go see her. Sit with her and talk in person, instead of exchanging brief texts that didn’t go anywhere.
The problem was, I didn’t know what to say.
Darkness was pulling me under again. I could feel it happening. Feel the seductive pull of solitude.
I spent the first night she was gone at Ben’s house—we’d gotten into the whiskey. I’d had enough presence of mind to know that walking home drunk in the freezing cold was a bad idea. But since then, I hadn’t left home. Hadn’t stepped a foot outside.
If I stayed here, I could control my environment—keep tabs on security. With my cameras, I knew who was coming and going in real time.
The still-rational part of me warned that I was slipping. That my constant vigilance was becoming obsessive, rather than necessary.
But it was all I had.
Danger lurked out there. That wasn’t my imagination. A man had threatened my mother with a gun. They were a goddamn organized crime family. I didn’t know how long we had before they’d either make good on their threat to Mom, or make an example out of Dad.
Agent Rawlins had assured us the DEA was working on a case against them. But the Paine family were experts at evading the law. There was a reason they were still operating, and it wasn’t because the DEA was unaware of their existence.
I hated feeling so helpless. My personal life was a fucking disaster, and I didn’t know what I was going to do about it. Protecting my family was all I had left to give. Maybe I was a goddamn mess, but I could do that much. I could make sure they were safe. I just had to figure out how.
My phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, and I usually let calls go to voicemail. But something told me I should answer.
“Hello?”
The voice on the other end sounded robotic. “Will you accept charges from the county corrections facility? Press one for yes.”
Oh shit. I pressed one and waited.
“Leo?”
“Dad?”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d answer.”
Something about his voice sounded strange. “What’s going on?”
“There was an incident last night.”
Oh god. Please tell me he didn’t… “What incident?”
“Seeing as I’ve failed to comply with a certain request, they decided to give me a little nudge.”
“And by that you mean…”
“They had someone beat the shit out of me.” He grunted, like he was moving and it hurt.
“Where are you?”
“Still in jail,” he said. “They didn’t do enough damage that I’d ne
ed hospitalization. Probably on purpose. They want me here.”
“Fuck,” I muttered.
“I know there’s nothing you can do about it,” he said. “And maybe you don’t want to. But I wanted you to know in case they try to threaten your mom again.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“How is she?”
“Don’t ask about her,” I said. “Is there anything else?”
“No. No, that’s all.”
I ended the call without saying goodbye.
Without really thinking about what I was doing, I brought up Hannah’s number and hit send. It rang once. I closed my eyes, silently begging her to answer. I needed to hear her voice, even if it was just a few words.
“Leo?”
I let out a breath, my shoulders relaxing. “Hi.”
“Um, hi?”
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine, I guess.”
“Good. What are you doing today?”
“Really?” She sighed. “I’m with Zoe.”
“Okay, good.”
“Is that it?”
“Yeah.” Squeezing my eyes shut, I pinched the bridge of my nose. Why was I such a mess? Why couldn’t I have a normal conversation with her right now? “Just wanted to see how you are.”
“Well, I’m fine, so…”
“Good.”
“Jesus,” she muttered. “Bye, Leo.”
“Bye.”
She ended the call. Fuck.
Rawlins needed to know about Dad, so I forced myself to text him. My ability to communicate with other humans was obviously severely lacking, but I managed to give him the important details. Roland would want to know, so I texted him, too. Then I tossed my phone on my desk.
Fuck. Again.
I stared at the front door. I hated that I wasn’t sure if I could go outside right now. Had I really backslid so badly? Was I back to hunkering down in this cottage, refusing to come out? I’d been that way for a while, when I’d first come home, except it had been Mom’s house I was stuck in. Still healing physically, and beyond broken mentally. I’d been like a fucking animal.
Closing my eyes, I took a few breaths. I wasn’t going to fall that far. I couldn’t. If I lost my shit completely, I’d be useless. Protecting my family was too important. I couldn’t let it come to that.
It was cold out—probably cold enough for snow. I bundled up, steeled myself for whatever my brain and nervous system tried to do to me, and went outside.
I didn’t panic. I didn’t feel good, but I stayed in control.
Good.
The sky was clear, but the early winter sun didn’t do anything to warm the air. Still, sunlight and movement would be good for me right now.
I walked out to the south vineyard, my hands stuffed in my pockets, my breath misting out in front of me. The desire to go home and check the cameras again was almost overwhelming. What if I missed something? What if they took Mom? If anything happened to her—to any of my family—I’d never forgive myself.
Ben was with her. They wouldn’t get through him. Chase was with my sister. Zoe and Hannah both home with Roland. Cooper wasn’t letting Amelia out of his sight. They were fine.
And I still wanted to check the cameras.
I kept walking. I wouldn’t stay out long. But if I gave in to that fear now, I’d only keep spiraling out of control.
Stretching my legs and breathing fresh air felt good. The solace of my family’s land surrounded me. The grapevines had gone dormant for the winter, bare of their leaves. There was a stark sort of beauty to it, the brown vines winding up and around the trellises. It was quiet. Subdued.
Only when I felt calm again—when it seemed like my rational brain was mostly in charge—did I turn around and head for home.
When I got back to the main grounds, I spotted Cooper and Chase. It looked like they were heading for my place.
“Hey, Coop.”
“Dude,” Cooper said, stopping to put his hands on his hips. “What the fuck is going on?”
“With what? Dad?”
“No, with Hannah. But Dad? What are you talking about?”
“Dad got roughed up last night,” I said.
“Shit. The fucker deserves it, obviously. But still.”
Chase had his arms crossed, but he didn’t say anything. There was no love lost between Chase and our dad. Especially because Dad had almost ruined Chase and Brynn’s wedding.
“Yeah,” I said. “And I don’t know what that means for us here. But probably nothing good.”
“This is so fucked up,” Cooper said.
“I know. But, wait. What about Hannah?”
“Why is she looking for an apartment?” Cooper asked.
“She’s what? Who told you that?”
“Amelia,” he said. “She left a little while ago to meet Zoe and Brynn. Said they were apartment hunting with Hannah today. What the hell, dude?”
What the fuck?
“Are you gonna talk, or just do the Leo thing where you bottle all your shit up inside?” Cooper asked. “Because it’s fucking cold out here and I’ll totally deal with freezing my ass off if you want to talk. Or we could go inside. Whatever. But I need to know what it’s going to be. I don’t want to stand here waiting for you to talk if you aren’t going to.”
“I vote inside,” Chase said, rubbing his hands together.
“Hannah’s pregnant,” I said suddenly.
Cooper’s eyes widened and Chase clamped his mouth shut.
“Oh shit,” Cooper said.
Damn it, why had I just blurted it out like that? “I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know if she wants me to tell anyone yet.”
“Okay, let’s think this through,” Cooper said. He stepped closer and put an arm around my shoulders. I flinched at the contact, but he didn’t seem to notice. “A pregnant girlfriend would normally be a stage-five emergency, but in this case, I think we’re at like a stage two. Three, tops. What do you think, Chase?”
“Sounds about right,” Chase said. “Three, maybe, considering she’s apartment hunting.”
The three of us walked toward my house, but I didn’t say anything yet. Just let Cooper talk.
“Let’s face it, Hannah isn’t an ordinary girlfriend. You know it, I know it, Chase knows it. We might as well be up front about it. She’s absolutely wifey material.”
“Oh, for sure,” Chase said.
“Wifey material?”
“Yeah. Like, we all know you should marry her.”
I had no idea what to say to that.
“That’s why we burned the mattress, bro. Now, you’re going to argue that it hasn’t been that long or some shit,” Cooper continued. “And I get it. People seem to think there’s some minimum amount of time that you need to be with someone before you know they’re the one. I call bullshit on that. You know when you know.”
“Also true,” Chase said.
“I never said I knew anything.”
We got to my house and went inside. Cooper took his arm off my shoulders, but kept talking. Chase pulled up my office chair and sat.
“Oh trust me, bro, I know you didn’t,” Cooper said.
“What?”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re hard-core denying your feelings right now. That’s your thing, fine. But dude, you might want to let those bad boys out into the light of day before you really fuck things up with her.”
I glanced at Chase, but he was nodding along, like he actually understood what Cooper was talking about.
“I’m not denying my feelings,” I said.
“Then why is she out apartment hunting with the girls, instead of curled up in bed with you looking at baby name books?”
“Jesus, Cooper. It’s not like we planned to have a baby.”
Cooper held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “I know, I know. I’d be freaking out, too. Actually, no I wouldn’t really. Amelia’s totally having my babies, so if it happened sooner than we planned, it would be fine.”
/>
“Yeah, same,” Chase said.
“Well, that’s great for you guys,” I said. “But I’m the one with a pregnant girlfriend who’s apparently moving out, not just spending a few days at Zoe’s while her fucking disaster of a boyfriend gets his shit together.”
“Good summary,” Cooper said. “I know what you need.”
“What?”
He held his arms out wide. “Emotional jumper cables.”
“I don’t do hugs, Cooper.”
“Come on, man.” He widened his arms. “It’ll help. Bro hug. Come on.”
“I’m good.”
He lowered his arms and shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
Chase slowly raised his hand.
“You need a jump, buddy?” Cooper asked.
“Yeah, dude, things have been really stressful lately,” Chase said.
“Cool, man. Bring it in.”
Chase stood and they hugged, slapping each other on the back.
“See?” Cooper said as they stepped back. “It works.”
“Totally does,” Chase said.
Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes. “You two are so weird.”
Cooper pulled his phone out of his pocket. He tilted it and looked, then turned it the other direction, his brow furrowing.
“What?” I asked.
“Cookie’s been sending me listings for the rentals they’re checking out for Hannah. Jesus, this one sucks.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s a shithole,” he said.
I grabbed the phone out of his hand and swiped through the photos. It was a shithole.
“Oh, hell no,” I said. “She’s not living in this place.”
“Yeah, apparently Hannah said the same thing,” Cooper said. “They’re on their way to the next one.”
“Do you know where it is?”
“I will in a second.” He grabbed the phone out of my hand and typed.
Less than a minute later, Amelia sent him the address.
“Let’s go,” I said.
“Finally,” Cooper said. “See, this is what I was getting at. You need to talk to her.”
“I’m not ready to talk to her,” I said.
“Then what are we doing?” Chase asked.
“I just want to see where she’s looking,” I said.
“You want to stalk her while she’s apartment hunting,” Cooper said, raising an eyebrow.
Hidden Miles (The Miles Family Book 4) Page 23