“Liv?” His voice is deep and full of concern. The glass trembles in my hands as I fight the need to look at him. To let him in. It wouldn’t be fair on him if I did. I won’t lead him on, no matter how much I might want to.
Clearing my throat, I prepare to say the words I was just practicing in my head. “Thank you, but you can leave now.” My voice betrays me and cracks long before I’ve come to the end.
“Fuck that,” he spits, but to my surprise, he walks out of the room. I half expect him to do what I suggested and to hear the front door slam, but in reality, all I hear is his heavy footsteps thundering up the stairs.
Falling back onto the sofa, I allow the events of this evening to run through my mind. How could I have fucked everything up so royally when I’ve only been here a couple of hours? This was not how it was meant to go. I just wanted a night where I could be normal. So I could act like a normal twenty-four-year-old and have fun with my friends, celebrate their good news, but here I am, falling apart in front of the one person I don’t want to see it.
My phone ringing from my bag pulls me from my misery. I fall to my knees in front of my stuff and dig it out. Seeing Nicole’s name, I immediately swipe to answer.
“Liv, are you okay?” she asks in a rush.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Things just got a little intense.”
“Liam said he’s taken you home. Do you need me to come back?”
“What? No! You stay and enjoy yourself. I’m just being stupid. Life’s been…” I trail off, not wanting to go there. “It was all just a bit much.”
“I wish you’d tell me, Liv. I could help. We could all help.”
“Everything’s fine. Honestly.” I think everyone can see that my life is far from being fine, but it’s the only thing I’ve got right now. “I’ll see you when you get home. We’ll catch up, yeah?”
“You’re sure?” Liam’s footsteps descend the stairs, and my heart starts to race at the thought of him trying to break down the walls I’m fighting to keep up.
“Yes,” I whisper, my fight once again eluding me.
I end the call, and I feel the atmosphere in the room change. The air around me suddenly seems thick. I swallow down my apprehension before looking up. My eyes run from his shoes up the dark denim, over his low-slung waistband and then the white cotton of his shirt. Just being in the same room as him affects me just like it did the day I first met him, but it’s not until I meet his eyes that I get the full force of his intensity. His rich chocolate eyes are almost black as they stare down at me on my knees in front of him. His lips are pressed into a thin line and I can see a muscle pulsing in his neck.
His dark eyes bore into mine and it’s as if he can see everything I’m trying to hide from the world.
I’m so lost to him in those few moments that everything outside of this room is forgotten. It’s the most freeing feeling.
Sadly, it doesn’t last, because before long Liam swallows, blinks, and schools his features. He reaches down and lifts me from the floor as if I weigh nothing. Our eyes hold for a brief second when I’m at full height, but he tears himself away in favour of collecting my bags.
“Come on.”
I don’t have it in me to argue, so I wait until he has everything, grab my wine, and follow him up the stairs.
The smell of camomile and lavender assaults me as we head towards the guest room, but I don’t have time to appreciate it because no sooner has he put my bags on the bed than he’s unzipping the holdall and rummaging through it.
“What are you doing?” I snap. I’m not sure why; it’s not like I’ve got anything to hide, but it feels like a bit of an intrusion into my privacy.
The look he pins me with stops any further argument falling from my lips, and I continue watching as he pulls out the shorts and vest top pyjama set I packed.
“Sit.”
I do as I’m told, and my eyes almost pop out of my head when he drops to his knees by my feet.
“Relax, Liv. You’re safe here,” he whispers, the harsh tone to his voice from only moments ago long gone.
I want to agree. I’m safe from my living nightmare, but there’s nothing safe about me being alone in a bedroom with this man.
Sparks shoot up my leg the second I feel his fingertips against my skin. His eyes meet mine immediately. He felt it, too.
“Interesting knot you’ve done here.” He stares back down at my shoes as he runs his fingers over the thin black straps wrapped around my ankles. The contact has goosebumps covering my entire body. He’s fascinated, and his eyes remain focused as he expertly undoes the knot tying the straps at the back of my leg.
My eyes stay locked on his hands, my heart beating erratically, as he slowly peels the fabric away from my skin before running his fingers over the top of my foot and sliding the shoe off.
Biting down on my bottom lip and grabbing onto the sheet beneath me in an attempt to stop myself from reacting more than I already am, I watch as he repeats his previous actions on the other foot.
When he eventually drops my second shoe to the floor, he sits back on his heels and looks up at me. My breath catches at the sight of his dark and hungry eyes.
I open my mouth to say something, but he soon puts a stop to it.
“Don’t,” he barks before getting up and leaving the room.
I breathe for the first time in what feels like hours. When he’s in the room, he steals every bit of my attention.
“It’s ready, come on.” His voice is calmer and he sounds a little more in control of himself as he rounds the corner.
I silently follow behind him, wondering if there’s anything I wouldn’t do if he asked it of me, until I come to a stop in Nicole’s bathroom. My breath catches when I see the bath full of bubbles and flickering candles on every surface he could find.
“Liam,” I breathe, his consideration making me speechless.
“Just relax. I’ll be here when you get out.”
After holding my stare for a second, he turns to leave.
“Wait,” I say in a rush.
He looks back over his shoulder, desire and concern in his eyes, and I know what I’m about to ask of him is unfair, but I don’t want to be alone right now.
“Would you sit with me?”
He looks confused for a few seconds before what I’m asking settles in. His eyes flick to the bath behind me before coming back to mine.
“Uh—”
“I’ll shout once I’m in.”
“O…Okay, yeah, sure.”
The second the door closes behind him, I feel like I can breathe, but I know that I made the right decision. I don’t want to be alone right now. I don’t want to talk, either. I just want to have someone beside me. I want to say that it doesn’t really matter who, but I’d be lying. He’s the only person I want.
Stripping out of my clothes, I abandon them on the tiled floor before stepping into the bubbles. The water is just a little too hot and my skin stings as I lower myself into it, but the pain is quite welcome. It’s another reminder that I’m here in Devon and a long way from home.
After rearranging the bubbles, I call out for Liam. My heart jumps into my throat when the door clicks. A sudden realisation that this was a really bad idea hits me. I know how he feels; it’s written all over his face every time he looks at me. I shouldn’t be putting him through this. Hell I shouldn’t be putting myself through it, but I’m powerless to stop. Powerless to send him away, which is what the sensible thing would be to do.
“Thanks,” I whisper when he hands me my wine before dropping a folded towel on the floor and sitting so his back is resting against the bath. It doesn’t escape my notice that since the moment he walked in here, his eyes have avoided me.
I feel stupid for asking him to stay with me, but as I lie there with the hot water soothing my tight muscles and my eyes closed in an attempt to block out the world, I feel a huge amount of comfort at being able to hear his soft breathing only feet away.
The pea
ce only last so long, although it’s longer than I was expecting him to allow me.
“You can tell me anything, you know…” He trails off, his words are heavy in the room. Every time he looks at me, I can see his desperation to know what’s caused this, but as much as I want to unload my stress onto someone else, he’s not the one. I have a feeling that if he knew the truth, he’d want to fight my battles for me, and I’d never put someone else in the middle of everything. I wouldn’t even wish that on my worst enemy.
Eventually, I break the silence and tension between us. “I know,” I whisper.
“I promise I won’t judge, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Turning so my cheek rests against the lip of the bath, I open my eyes and look at his soft, kind, ruggedly handsome face. “Liam…” I breathe, now unsure as to what I want to say. “I…I know you wouldn’t. It’s not about that, it’s just…everything’s just so fucked up.”
His eyes beg me to say more, but no more words come.
Eventually, he nods in understanding before demanding that I lie back and relax. I eagerly follow his order.
* * *
“I’m ready to get out,” I say when the water starts cooling around me.
“You okay?” Liam asks as he pushes himself up from the floor and shakes out the towel he was using as a cushion. I feel bad when I watch him stretch out what must be a numb bum and stiff back from sitting down there for the last however long.
“Yeah, I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
I watch him leave, his shoulders sagged in defeat. If he had any expectations of seeing me again tonight, I’m pretty sure I’ve shot them all to shit.
After wrapping myself in towels, I cheekily help myself to the makeup remover sitting on the shelf. I don’t feel so bad when I get a look at myself in the mirror. My black makeup is smeared everywhere. I look like a disaster.
He’s sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me when I emerge, feeling a little more like myself.
I find myself a fresh pair of knickers before swiping up the pyjamas he got out not so long ago.
His eyes follow my every move. My mouth goes dry as they drop and run the length of my body.
“Do…do you mind?” I ask, flicking my eyes to the other side of the room to gesture for him to give me privacy.
He nods and eventually drags his eyes away from me. I stand and watch him for a few seconds. His fists are balled at his sides and his neck and shoulder muscles are pulled tight beneath his shirt.
As quickly as I can, I drop the towel and drag my pyjamas on. I know I’m really testing his restraint, and I don’t want it to snap before I’m ready.
After telling him it’s safe to turn around, I slide into bed and pull the covers up around my waist. It takes him long minutes before he lets out a giant breath and turns to me.
“I’m okay, really.” I try to sound as convincing as possible, but from the narrowing of his eyes, I’m pretty sure I fail. “I’m probably just going to sleep. You should get back to the party.”
A little anger clouds his eyes, and I have to bat down the fear that threatens to take hold of me at seeing it. This is Liam. I’m safe, I tell myself.
“Fuck that, Liv. I’m not leaving you.”
A smile twitches at the corner of my mouth. I want him here, I can’t lie, but I also don’t want to get used to the feeling of him having my back, looking out for me. I’m worried that if I allow myself to relax too much, it’ll only make me weak when I go back. Being weak will only lead to more pain.
“Wha…what are you—?” I stutter as I watch him toe off his shoes before pulling his shirt over his head. Without instruction, my eyes wander from his face and down to his newly exposed tanned skin. Jesus. He takes a step towards me and my focus drops to his low-slung jeans and the black waistband of his boxers a few inches above.
“Keeping you company,” he says, answering the question I was too distracted to finish. When he gets to the edge of the bed, he grabs the duvet, pulls it back and slides in beside me.
His heat burns as he brushes up against me. Turning on his side, he rests his head on his hand and stares down at me, his shaggy hair falling down into his face.
The intensity in his eyes scares me, but the fear is very different from what I’ve become used to. I’m scared, but in a good way.
“Liv,” he breathes, his spare hand cupping my cheek.
A giant lump forms in my throat. We stare at each other as I fight the tears stinging the backs of my eyes.
I can’t imagine anything better than him leaning down to kiss me right now. My mouth waters at the thought, but even being surrounded by his scent and his obvious desire, I know it’s wrong.
His eyes drop to my lips as my head and heart continue to duel. But in the end, my head wins.
“Thank you for looking after me,” I say. His eyes come back to mine and I manage to contain my sigh of relief—or is it disappointment? I’m not really sure at this point.
“Whatever you need,” he repeats.
“Can we just lie here?”
“Sure.”
I close my eyes, hoping he’ll get comfortable. Well, as much as he can while we’re both squashed into this tiny bed. But I can still feel his eyes on me. They burn a trail around my face before they drop to my chest.
I startle when his warm fingertip runs down my collarbone. I know what he’s found, but there’s no way I’m opening my eyes to see his reaction. The yellowing bruise has almost vanished. Of course he’d notice it.
“What’s this?” he asks, sensing that it’s not just an innocent bruise.
“It’s nothing.”
It tears me apart to do it, but I push his hand away and turn my back to him. I need to shut him out, and I really don’t need him to see the tears that are about two seconds away from streaming down my cheeks.
He makes a weird kind of grunting sound, but he allows me to put an end to whatever this is. He’s already seen enough. He doesn’t need to start digging any deeper into my life.
The effort it takes to pretend I’ve fallen asleep is incredible. I should be tired; I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in weeks, but the tension in the room is too much to allow me to relax. Even the sounds of Liam’s soft, shallow breathing behind me isn’t enough to lull me to sleep.
As desperate as I am to turn back and look at his sleeping face, I’m terrified that he’s not actually asleep, and one more look in those eyes and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to hold myself back. I need to forget, and I have no doubt that Liam would be able to help me with that.
My mind’s still running at a mile a minute when I hear the front door open and two whispered voices coming from downstairs. I guess the party’s over. Frustration runs through me that I bailed on Nicole’s big night. She’s been nothing but an amazing friend to me since we met, and I hate that I wasn’t even able to stick a few hours.
Hearing footsteps climbing the stairs, I school my features into what I hope is a believable sleeping face.
The second the door creaks open, I feel movement next to me.
“Liam, what the fuck?” Nic whisper-shouts, clearly not impressed that we’re in bed together.
“Relax,” he whispers as the covers are pulled back.
“Liam, no. I don’t want to see…oh, you’re clothed.”
“I was just lying with her, Nic.”
“I’m sorry.” There’s regret in her tone. “Is she okay?”
“She keeps trying to convince me she is, but I don’t believe a word of it. What the hell’s going on with her?”
“I don’t really know.”
“You must know more than me,” he snaps. “She won’t tell me fuck all. But whatever it is, it’s bad. This isn’t who she is,” he says with such confidence I almost let out a sob. How can he be so convinced he knows me when we’ve only spent a few hours together? The same way you know him, a little voice in my head says, but I force it down.
“I know. I just
don’t know what to do. She won’t talk, so how can we help her?”
“I’m not sure, but I’m going to find out, and I’m going to find whoever the fuck’s done this to her.”
My stomach turns over at Liam finding out the truth and getting involved. He’s more than capable of fighting my battles for me, but he shouldn’t have to. No one needs to get involved in my ugliness.
“You should go home and get some sleep,” Nic says, and I tense, already knowing it’s not a suggestion that’s going to go down well.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Liam, please,” she breathes, probably trying to decide the best way to play it. “She needs sleep and probably needs a little space. She’s safe here, and she’ll be here in the morning. You can come back.”
Although I don’t really want him to go, my thoughts return from earlier about not getting too used to the feelings of comfort and safety he brings. I’m so grateful that Nicole can sense how I’m feeling, even if she has no idea why.
“I’m not—”
“Do it for Liv, yeah? Just give her a few hours to get some rest; then, you can come straight back.”
It takes another couple of minutes of convincing, but eventually, Liam concedes and I listen to him pulling his shirt back on and sliding his feet into his shoes. My stomach clenches painfully at the thought of him leaving, but I know it’s for the best. I just wasn’t strong enough to make it happen myself.
Before leaving the room, Liam’s footsteps get closer, and I put everything I have into keeping my shallow breathing consistent. His breath covers my face and instead of making me want to run, my muscles bunch with desire. It’s not long before the heat of his lips connects with my forehead. Tears once again sting my eyes as his kiss lingers. I feel everything he wants to tell me but is too afraid to say out loud in his kiss. I’m desperate to reach out, to pull his lips to mine, but I can’t. Instead, I stay stock still, hoping I’m pulling off this sleeping act.
Falling For Liam (Falling Book 9) Page 3