Pushing him and everything he did to me to the back of my mind, I jump out the car to embark on the next part of my life. I’ve got friends who’ve already proved how far they’ll go for me. I owe it to them not to drown in my own sorrow.
“Wow, Dec. This room’s incredible,” I say, looking around what I presume is the master bedroom.
“It’s not bad, huh?”
“Do you want us to stay and help you unpack?”
“No, you two have already done so much for me. Go and spend some alone time together.” Dec’s eyes light up at my suggestion. Nic starts to argue but he’s having none of it, and, after threading his fingers through hers, he pulls her from the room.
“Call me if you need anything,” she yells, giggling as she goes. I agree with a laugh as I walk over to the little balcony and breathe in a lungful of fresh sea air. A little slither of positivity nudges its way in. It’s an odd feeling after living a life full of grey and muted colours for so long.
After a few minutes, I pull myself back to the here and now and start figuring out where I want to put everything. I have nowhere near enough stuff to fill all the storage in the room, and I’m a little deflated at what my life consists of.
“Has Nic come to her senses and kicked your arse to the curb?” is shouted up the stairs, followed by heavy footsteps.
Sucking in a giant breath, I prepare to see him in the doorway. His footsteps get louder until they’re right outside. My heart pounds and my eyes flick to the opening as he appears. Dressed in a pair of stonewash jeans and a black t-shirt, he looks like a freaking model stood there with his windblown hair. The second his eyes land on me, he mutters, “Damn,” before running his hand though the shaggy mess that’s his hair, pulling it away from his face, and biting down on his lip.
“Hey,” I say awkwardly, before dragging my eyes away when I fear he sees too much.
Liam
When I come in and hear movement up in Dec’s room, the last thing I expect to find is Liv in a pair of cut-off shorts, showing off her mile-long legs, and a vest. Her hair’s hanging loosely around her shoulders, and the need to thread my fingers through it has me clenching my fists and shoving them deep in my pockets. Knowing she’s been so close yet so far away this past week has been torture. Every day, I’ve either been at Nic’s front door begging to be allowed in, or on the other end of the phone trying to find out if Liv’s okay, if there’s anything I can do. I was desperate to march in there and demand she forgive me, but I knew Nic was right and that I had to give her the time she asked for. But she’s right here, in front of me, in the house I call home. Has it been long enough?
Taking a step forward, I watch as her head spins back around to me. I don’t stop moving until I’m right in front of her. I can feel the heat of her body against mine, and every one of my muscles tenses with the need to reach out and touch her. Her sweet scent engulfs me, making my mouth water. “Liv,” I breathe, staring right into her blue eyes. I can see her fear and her lingering anger, but there’s more. There’s hope, fight, passion. It’s staring right back at me. She just needs to be strong enough to allow it to fuel her instead of everything she’s afraid of.
“D…Dec said…” She swallows and I watch the smooth skin of her neck ripple as she tries to get a hold of herself. A huge part of me wishes she wouldn’t; I like knowing how much I affect her. “He said I could mo…move in.”
“Motherfucker,” I mutter, dragging myself away from her and walking over to the open balcony doors. I scrub my hands over my face as I try to get any inappropriate ideas to do with us living under the same roof out of my head.
“Fuck you,” she spits, clearly getting the wrong impression about my reaction. “I won’t leave just because you don’t like it.”
“It’s not that—”
“You need to leave.”
“What?”
“Get out.” Her arm comes up. I half expect her to slap me, but instead she points towards the door. “Go.”
Running my eyes over her face, I can see that her shutters have come down. I’m not going to break through them, so I may as well do as she says.
“Fine. But this isn’t over, Liv. We’re going to talk.”
“Whatever.”
“I’m going to cook. There’ll be enough if you want some.”
Turning her head away from me and jutting her jaw out is the only response she gives me. I reluctantly walk away from her. Again.
I seem to spend a lot of time walking away from the one person I want to get closer to.
Chapter Eight
Olivia
The smell of Liam’s cooking eventually draws me out of hiding in my new room. Slowly making my way downstairs, my stomach grumbles as I go. I try to forget about our conversation earlier. While I’ve been worrying about the possibility of living in the same house being a really bad idea, I never considered that he wouldn’t want me here.
Their eyes burn into me as I round the corner into the kitchen. Both Liam and BJ are sitting at the table with forkfuls of food halfway to their mouths. Liam’s eyes flash with something I can’t decipher, whereas BJ’s light up in delight.
“Were you holding out on me, bro? Have we got a new tenant?”
Liam’s mute. Instead of answering, he continues eating as if I’m not there. I can’t lie, after the way he’s been with me, his dismissal hurts. I’m aware it’s nothing less than I deserve after keeping him at arm’s length when all he’s wanted to do is help.
“Yeah…uh,” I stutter, dragging my eyes away from Liam, who’s now looking down at his plate like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. “Dec said I could make use of his room. I hope that’s okay.”
“Okay? Of course it’s okay. I think a chick is just what this place needs.”
“She’s not going to be your fucking slave, dickhead,” Liam mutters.
“I’ll pull my weight. You don’t need to worry about that.” Truth is, when I’m stressed, I clean, and my fingers have been itching to dive into Nic’s cleaning cupboard since I first arrived. I managed to hold it off but now I’m here, I think I’m going to be able to keep myself busy. It’s not dirty, but it’s obvious that guys live here.
After filling a bowl with Liam’s incredible pasta, I sit myself down at the table. Awkwardness surrounds us and, for the first time ever, BJ looks totally out of his depth.
“Sooo…what’s the plan then, Liv?”
“I’ve no idea. Get a job, I guess, and see what happens.”
“What do you do?”
“Well, I want to be a journalist, but since graduating I haven’t found a job, so I’ve been working in a call centre. It was shit. I hated it.”
“Maybe Liam can put in a good word for you at the station,” BJ says, giving Liam’s shoulder a shove to get his attention. It’s not necessary; I can tell from across the table that he’s taking in every word.
He mutters some kind of agreement before grabbing his empty bowl and throwing it in the sink with such a crash, I wouldn’t be surprised to find it in shards.
“Whoa, what crawled up his arse?” BJ asks when Liam’s disappeared from sight and slammed his bedroom door with such force, I felt it.
“I don’t think he’s happy about me being here,” I admit.
“What? Don’t talk shit, girl. He’s wanted you here since the day you left.”
“He told you that?”
“Well, no. We don’t talk about feelings and shit, but I could tell. He moped around like a right sad case for weeks.”
BJ’s words have butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I know that I missed him when I left—even though we’d only just met, I felt something between us. Something that wasn’t easy to put to the back of my mind, but I knew I had to. I hoped that he was equally affected. I believed he was when we were together. I could see the same intensity in his eyes every time I looked into them, but with the miles between us, it was easy to imagine it all.
“It’s probably my fault for n
ot seeing him last week, but I just needed—”
“You don’t have to justify yourself to me. I get it; you needed time and space. Liam knows that too, deep down. He’ll come around. He still wants you.”
I open my mouth to respond but no words form. A welcome warmth rushes through my body, and I fight to keep the blush from spreading to my cheeks.
“You know, I’ve never seen him go after a girl before. You must be all kinds of special, Liv.” BJ gives me a wink before also depositing his bowl and disappearing.
I sit there, staring at the wall for god knows how long, as I think about what BJ just said. I can hear movement upstairs and part of me wants to go and sort it out. I hate knowing he’s annoyed with me, but at the same time, I’m still pissed off with him, too.
In the end, I finish dinner before getting the washing up done and giving the kitchen a thorough clean. By the time I’m done, the black and chrome fittings are sparkling, and I feel a little more grounded.
I can hear Liam’s TV as I climb the stairs and head towards my own room. I pause when I’m stood in front of his door, and I almost knock, but at the last minute, I turn and keep walking. I convince myself that I need to give him space, and that it’s nothing to do with not trusting myself not to lead him on.
He might think he covers it well, but I can see what he wants written all over his face every time he looks at me. And although I may want the same thing, I’m not sure I’m capable of it right now. My body’s still showing the evidence of what happened the last time a man touched me, and I’m not sure I could cope, even if it was Liam’s touch.
* * *
It seems to have become my routine that the alarm goes off two minutes before Liam’s breakfast radio show starts. I pull up the app on my phone and wait for his voice to fill the room. I feel ridiculous; it’s like a guilty pleasure that I’m ashamed to admit, but it makes me feel better. Just listening to him talk transports me back to a few weeks ago when I allowed myself to just enjoy life and forget the bullshit that was happening at home. I could pretend everything was easy, that I had a loving boyfriend and lived in a place that felt like home.
It’s that moment that I realise I could have all those things. I sit upright in bed and look around the room.
With newfound enthusiasm, I shower, dress, and grab my stuff, ready to make a fresh start. I’ve got a new home and I’m surrounded by incredible people, but I’m wallowing in self-pity and driving myself crazy. I’m not suddenly going to wake up one day and everything that happened is going to be behind me; I need to actively push it back. I need to fill my life with good stuff that will overpower all that shit.
With my newfound enthusiasm, I set about putting an end to my old life. I cancel the direct debits for everything to do with the flat and change my address wherever I need to. I’ve carried David long enough; it’s time he sorted his own life out. Do I feel guilty? Fuck yes, but drowning myself in debt for him isn’t worth it.
Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I grab my trainers and jog down the stairs. The house is in silence. BJ must either be surfing or still in bed. I quickly down a glass of water before heading out into the early morning sun.
I drive around for a bit, taking in my new home as the sun rises and bathes the little sleepy town in gorgeous yellow and orange hues. With the windows open, I breathe in lungfuls of sea air and allow it to wash my past away. I’m not naïve enough to think I’ll ever forget about all that, but like fuck am I going to let David and his monster of a brother control my life when they’re no longer in it.
I waste no time in getting out of the car when I get to my destination, and I go straight towards the cleaning aisle. Before I do anything else, that house is getting a serious blitz.
With a trolley full of cleaning products, along with toiletries and everything the guys didn’t think to pack for me that I’ve been borrowing from Nic since I got here, I head for the checkout.
I didn’t really think about it while I was picking everything up, but my eyes almost pop out of their sockets when the cashier tells me the total. I hesitantly hand over my debit card, hoping and praying there’s enough in there to cover it. When I said to BJ last night that I need to get a job, I wasn’t joking. I’m skint and so far into my overdraft that I’ve got my work cut out for me to dig my way out of it.
Thankfully, the transaction is approved, and on the way back to my car, I make the stupid mistake of going to the cash point to see how dire the situation really is. My stomach drops when I see the negative figure staring back at me.
Feeling a little more deflated than when I arrived, I plod back to the car and load up the boot.
I start with downstairs, seeing as I’ve already made a start on the kitchen. I wipe down every surface I can find before vacuuming and mopping the floors within an inch of their lives. By the time I’m ready to head upstairs, all I can smell is the wild berry scent from the cleaning product I chose. The man smell is long gone.
I feel lighter as I climb the stairs. This new start has officially commenced.
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask, pulling my phone from my back pocket when it starts vibrating.
“Hey, you okay? You sound out of breath.” Nic asks.
“Yeah, I’m cleaning the bathroom. Do you have any idea when BJ and Liam last did this? I don’t even want to think what could have been growing around that toilet. Guys are gross.”
“You’re a braver woman than I am,” she says with a laugh. “Anyway, it’s Friday night. Get your backside in the shower then get down here for a few drinks. We’ve got an awesome band playing tonight.”
“I don’t know, Nic.”
“Come on. I’m working all night so you can just sit at the bar and keep me entertained. You don’t have to talk to anyone else. You can’t tell me the idea of getting dressed up and letting your hair down doesn’t sound appealing.”
Although the thought of all the effort it’s going to take to get the smell of bleach from my skin, I can’t argue with her. It’s been so long since I did my hair and make-up and went out with friends that the thought does have a little excitement bubbling up.
“Yeah, okay.”
“Awesome. Now, drop the scrubbing brush and get yourself dolled up.”
“I’m pretty much done, anyway.”
“You know, if you start doing all the cleaning, they’ll begin to expect it,” Nic warns.
“It’s okay, I find it kind of relaxing.”
“Really?” she asks, like it’s the most absurd thing she’s ever heard. “I’m here for the rest of the night, so come down when you’re ready.”
Once I’ve finished, I head back to my bedroom and turn the shower on so hot that steam immediately starts filling the room, and I strip out of my clothes. My muscles ache from all my activities today, and I can’t help but groan as the water pounds down on my skin. I knew this house was big, but I didn’t appreciate quite how big.
Before I know it, I’m stood in front of the mirror in a floral print maxi dress and my favourite sandals. My hair’s straight and my make-up’s light. As I stare at myself, I almost feel a little of the old me beginning to creep back in. The version of myself who wasn’t always looking over her shoulder and feeling totally beaten down by the world. It’s an incredibly refreshing feeling.
“Did you do something to my bathroom? It smells like chick,” BJ asks suspiciously as I descend the stairs. “Whoa, girl. Look at you!” he exclaims when my foot hits the bottom step. He’s sat in front of the TV with a beer in his hand. “Hot date?”
“No, just going to hang out with Nic at the shack.”
“Sweet.”
“You got plans for the night?”
“I’m still weighing up my options.”
“That right?” I ask with a laugh.
“Yeah, bitches just can’t get enough of me. Gotta pick wisely, you know?”
“Wow, sounds like such a problem to have.”
“It’s a hard life, but someone’s got to do it.
Now Dec’s been whipped, I’m the only one serving their needs.”
“Lovely. Well, I’ll leave you with that. Have a good night,” I call over my shoulder as I walk towards the front door. I can’t help but smile. BJ likes to think he comes across as a bad boy player, but I’m pretty sure that in reality, he’s anything but.
Liam
“Where are you going?” BJ asks the second I start to head up the stairs.
“To bed. I’m wiped.”
“Nah, fuck that. We’re going for drinks.”
“Can we go tomorrow?”
“No. Stop being a pussy. We’re going out. Go put on a pretty dress and your favourite shoes, and let’s go.”
Rolling my eyes at my best friend, I continue the way I was going, only it’s not to fall face-first onto my bed like I intended. I’ve been sleeping like shit since Liv arrived, and getting up before the bloody sun rises to get to the station doesn’t help. But I can’t say the idea of a cold pint isn’t appealing.
It’s not until I walk into the bathroom that I realise something’s different. It smells like fucking flowers. I don’t need to put too much thought into what’s happened, because it’s obvious it’s the same person who cleaned up the mess in the kitchen after I cooked last night. I didn’t intend on leaving it for her to do. I was going to go back down later, once she’d gone to bed, but I was too late.
I felt like a twat treating her the way I did, but she’s fucked with my head all week. I’ve spent every fucking second since she arrived worrying about her. What if she goes back? Will that motherfucker have another go and succeed next time? What if he comes here? Every inch of me wants to protect her, but that’s easier said than done when she’s keeping me at arm’s length.
After showering in the cleanest bathroom I think I’ve ever seen, I throw on a pair of dark jeans and a white polo shirt before running some wax through my hair and joining BJ in the living room, where he’s nursing another can.
Falling For Liam (Falling Book 9) Page 8