She settled back on her heels, and her lower lip quivered. “Was that right?”
“Yes,” he croaked. His beautiful wife was one of God’s own.
Without thinking, he leaned over and brushed his mouth against hers. He lost his breath when her face tilted up instead of away. Did he dare press another kiss to the same spot?
She didn’t move when his hands encircled her upper arms, and he touched her lips again. A tiny bit of returned pressure made his heart soar. Could it be true? Could God answer both of his prayers in only a matter of seconds? One with God and one with him? With her fear and guilt gone, was her heart free to love him? A heat from the center of his being radiated to the far reaches of his body, and he pulled her in tighter. A small hand cupped the back of his elbow. She was kissing him back!
His fingers turned liquid and he let go of her, his hands thumped against the blanket to keep himself from melting into her lap. And then he couldn’t hold back, breathing her in like air.
She pushed away. “No.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I can’t.”
His breathing labored, he wished he could hide in a hole. Her eyes were terrified. “I’m sorry.” His voice cracked.
She rubbed her arms and looked away from him.
His whole body trembled with the feelings he had naïvely given in to. He stood and rubbed his neck. He couldn’t force out the words to apologize again. Had this evil man not only stolen her innocence but also his hope of ever fully showing his wife how much he loved her?
Lord, I praise you for saving my Julia’s soul. Never would I have thought it would have been so quick and simple, but you knew what it would take to capture her. I’m glad you have her in your arms. Keep her safe there, for my arms are not capable. I went headlong into this relationship without your approval. I chose without your help and guidance.
Julia remained quiet, keeping her gaze averted toward the darkening horizon.
What a good gift you’ve turned her into: a believing, hardworking, beautiful wife. Help me not to want anything beyond that. To keep my hands to myself.
Her body quivered too, but he surmised the shivering was more from fear than the fervor that trembled through him. The sun sank as fast as his hope.
Was I wrong to believe you’d bless me beyond what I deserve?
He’d asked too much of God. She’d been hurt too deeply, and he was not desirable enough to overcome the panic one man’s touch had created within her.
She’d never love him.
Chapter 26
Over at the house, Everett was feeding bits of leftover meat to Sticky and Merlin, but Julia stayed on the blanket outside. Her fingers found her lips. They felt different, from the inside out. His kiss hadn’t scared her, but the sensations hadn’t stayed where they should have. Drawn to the feel, her lips had responded, and then her body had reacted. She had wanted to kiss him longer to make that feeling last. But a buzz inside her heart set off an alarm.
Slouching forward, she hung her head. Feeling such things in the arms of her husband was good, right? Or was her sensuous reaction wrong? What kind of girl felt such things? She dug her hands into her hair. Everett had held her in his arms, not Theodore.
Would that man’s cruel grasp never let go?
She bit her lip and gazed in the direction of the Stanton cabin. If only Rachel, with her no-nonsense advice, could tell her what to do. But Rachel had never experienced anything but love in a man’s embrace.
Glancing at her feet, she saw that the Bible Everett had left lay fluttering in the breeze. God. Her lips pursed in amusement. Simple, really.
I . . .
Hmmm. Did she have to start formally like the preacher did? She hadn’t earlier, and Everett rarely did.
I need help.
That about covered it. Sucking in air, her chest expanded, confident God would answer her prayer. Rachel, Everett, and every pastor she’d heard believed prayer received answers. Now that God had saved her, surely He would answer a simple request.
She placed her bare feet in the grass, swishing her toes through the cool blades. Her lips still tingled, reminding her of his kiss and the heat that had flowed through her body. She pulled a few dandelion heads and ripped away their minuscule petals one by one, painting her fingers yellow. Why had she pulled away from him? It wasn’t like he hadn’t kissed her before. Although, thankfully, this time she was firmly seated on the ground.
The feel of Theodore’s first kiss pushed its way up through her memory. She hadn’t pulled away from that one even an inch. Her stomach soured. Why must memories of that odious man surface when she thought of Everett? Beyond looks, the men were so different. She shouldn’t keep comparing the two—because Everett actually loved her.
He walked from the front of the house to the well. She could just make out his form in the dim light. His shoulders slumped. Her reaction must have hurt him terribly.
She replayed the kiss again—the pull of his scent, the trembling of their bodies, the wash of warmth that spread to her outer limbs. Not the unpleasant feelings like those that overwhelmed her when she revisited Theodore’s kiss.
Her husband’s kisses were warm, gentle, tender—and yearning. So why hadn’t she given in when she’d wanted to?
The moon in the dark blue sky shone bright, low and large in the heavens. The expanse lit with twinkling white. Head tilted, she took in the awe-inspiring sight of planets and stars. What had kept her from trusting the obvious Creator behind such a lovely world? What kept her from accepting the love Everett offered now?
Knowing that I shouldn’t have what I don’t deserve.
She stared at the stars, shimmering and blurred by tears. And yet, God and Everett offered themselves to her anyway.
Thank you, Lord. Please help me get over my fears so I can show the man I don’t deserve how happy I am that he chose me in spite of what I asked of him.
Panic had kept her from something she had wanted before Theodore killed her dreams: to be cherished by a man and adored by her own children—or to be held in her husband’s gentle arms if the dream of little ones was never realized.
With God’s help, she’d chase that dream again.
“Can I help you?” Emerging from the mercantile’s back room, Kathleen gave a tired smile. “Oh, hello, Julia. What brings you in?”
Julia fingered the lace in her hand. None of the spools matched the lace tucked away in Adelaide’s dusty trunk. Should she buy enough to redo her new nightgown’s trimming, or just make do with a hodgepodge? Would Everett even notice? She sighed. “I’m just trying to figure out how much lace I need to buy. But I’d love to see the baby again.”
Kathleen smiled and swept past the counter. “Carl’s changing him, but I’m sure he’ll come out with him soon. Can I gather supplies for you while you’re deciding?”
“No. I came in just for this.”
Kathleen cocked her head. “You drove into town for lace? Everett was here for supplies three days ago.” She pulled down a few dusty spools from a high shelf. “What are you working on?”
Julia’s cheeks heated. “Um . . . just a . . .”
“Another new dress?” Kathleen frowned.
She shook her head. Goodness knows she had more dresses than any woman in the county. “I’m working on . . . uh, my . . . nigh—nice mittens.” She bit her lip, trying to maintain a serious face. How would she explain that?
“Mittens?” Kathleen’s brows jiggled. “With lace?”
Julia closed her eyes and sighed. Looks like she’d be making mittens so her foolish brain wouldn’t turn her into a liar. Why couldn’t she have said nightgown? It’s not like that was an unusual garment. Only she knew why she was making it fancy. “Well, I was thinking that I could make some uh . . . thick quilted mittens for baking.”
“Are your towels or aprons not working well enough?”
“I just thought it might be nice. Who knows? Maybe people will find them . . . interesting, especially if they’re pretty.”
/> “Hmm. If you have a hankering to, make some extras, and I’ll put them on display at the front counter.”
“Sure.” Julia nodded and scratched her head. No one would buy such a thing, but at least Kathleen seemed to have accepted the crazy idea.
“Everett drove you into town for mitten lace? Are you sure he doesn’t need anything?”
“He didn’t come with me.” Hopefully he wouldn’t return from the fields before she got home and discover she’d left.
“But he’s outside with your team.”
Julia fumbled the lace. “I’m afraid you’re mistaken. He didn’t—”
The mercantile’s bell jingled, and Kathleen touched her arm before stepping around the overflowing shelf of sewing notions.
“Good afternoon, Everett.”
Julia bit her lip and wished she could disappear. He’d be sore at her for leaving since she’d promised not to go anywhere without telling him first. But she hadn’t the gumption to tell him why she wanted trimming now instead of waiting for his next trip. Had he galloped after her all the way into town like last time?
“Is Julia in here?” His voice sounded a bit raspy.
Her stomach sank lower. Could she do nothing right where he was concerned?
“Yes, right around here.”
Julia slid out from behind the shelf, wadded up the lace she’d been fingering, and thrust it toward Kathleen. “I’ll take five yards of this.”
“Five? That’s a lot of mittens.”
Julia suppressed a laugh, but felt the pink in her cheeks. Mittens indeed. “I might need it for other projects as well.” She glided over to Everett and shakily took his clammy hand.
He squeezed hard. “I’m sorry I’ve disturbed your shopping.”
“No, of course not.” But why was he here? Had he not enough faith in her to believe she’d not really leave him without some kind of warning?
Carl stepped out of the back, his infant son tucked against his side. “Are you all right up here, Kathleen?”
“Yes, unless you want to take care of Mr. Cline.”
He shrugged. “Not if you don’t need me to.”
Everett’s surprised gaze shot over to Carl, then back to Kathleen.
Carl walked around the counter and leaned against the pickle barrel. He lifted his eyebrow, looking in Everett’s direction. “You’ve met Junior, right?” The baby’s bright eyes blinked against the sun streaming through the front windows. Julia itched to shield the boy’s eyes, but he looked happy enough.
“No, I believe he’s been napping each time I’ve come around.”
“Well, take a look.” He hefted the baby up and cradled him against his chest. “He’s already got bottom teeth.” The baby gnawed on Carl’s probing finger. “See, two little nubbins. He’s got my cleft here, the prominent brow bone, the lips. No mistaking him for anybody else’s son, huh?”
Julia’s heart grew warm at the man’s obvious pride. The boy surely did look a lot like his father—along with the sparse hair, overbite, and mottled skin.
Carl pulled Kathleen over with his free arm and bussed the top of her head. “She couldn’t have birthed me a finer son.”
Everett reached over and took the baby’s chubby fist and shook it. “Pleased to meet you, Junior.”
Junior got a serious look on his face and turned red. Julia tried not to giggle at the baby’s extreme look of concentration.
“Ah, excuse us.” Carl lifted the baby into the air above his head and brought him down to touch noses. “Come on, stinky britches. Let’s change you again.”
Kathleen smiled at the two of them disappearing into the back. Then she turned to Everett. “He’s so enamored with him—especially the fact that he’s his spitting image.”
“No longer worried about me, then?”
Kathleen brightened, and her lips twitched. “Nope. Finally. The dense man.”
“Good.” Everett nodded, then sneaked a glance back at Julia before tugging his hand free and toying with the pipes arranged next to the tobacco on the front counter.
Julia laid a hand on his bicep. “Was there something you needed? I’m sorry I didn’t ask, and I’m sorry I worried you.”
“Excuse me, but I need to check on this price.” Kathleen swiped up the bundle of lace on which she’d already pinned a receipt and escaped in the direction of coos and manly chuckles.
Julia clasped his sleeve and lowered her voice. “I should have told you where I was going.”
“Oh, I wasn’t worried about that.” He sneaked a glance back out the window.
“Then you came in for something? A pipe?” She let her fingers slide down along his thick forearm.
He tried to set the dark wooden pipe back in its place, but it clattered back onto the counter. “No, never smoked in my life.” After three attempts, the pipe stayed upright. He pulled at his collar. “It’s just that I saw Ned’s team pass after you left. . . .”
The store door banged open, and an irritated humph sounded behind them. The hair on her neck bristled.
She whirled around and met Ned’s black gaze. Everett stepped closer to her side and placed his hand on her shoulder. She couldn’t help the shiver that trembled through her whole body. Everett squeezed her for reassurance, but still she fought the urge to duck behind him. They hadn’t seen Ned since Everett threw him off the property. Surely he wouldn’t start trouble in town. Would he flaunt Everett’s demands, believing he wouldn’t fight him in public?
Ned stared at them both for a few seconds, his expression full of hatred now instead of lust. He made a sucking noise, then aimed a brown slurry of spit at the brass pot near the door’s frame. He spit again before turning. The door slammed hard behind him, bouncing twice before settling in a closed position.
“Wonder what he wanted?”
Julia jumped at Kathleen’s annoyed voice.
“Nothing he can have.” Everett’s grip on her shoulder slacked, and he gently pushed her back toward the lace counter. “Pick out whatever else you need. I’ll be escorting you home.”
She rubbed her arms, attempting to dispel the prickly feeling under her sleeve. She hadn’t thought about the possibility of meeting up with Ned alone when she’d ridden in. If Everett hadn’t seen him pass the homestead . . .
She looked over at his stony face. He’d put distance between them, pretending to be fascinated with an oil lamp this time. His behavior had definitely backslidden to that of their first month of married life since their last kiss. Acted as if he didn’t care how she spent her day, left in the mornings with hardly a word, skipped meals, and left her to her own devices. The only thing different was he continued to read Scripture after supper.
But she needed him. And he needed her.
She looked at the jumbled piles of bobbin and needle lace. “Kathleen’s already prepared what I needed.”
“All right.” He nodded and strode toward the front door. “I’ll ready the team.”
She took a deliberate breath and felt the uneven patter of her heart. Maybe this venture had turned out better than she’d hoped, even with the run-in with Ned. An hour and a half alone with her husband beside her. A few days ago, he’d gone to town at the last minute and hadn’t taken her, claiming he didn’t want to interrupt her plans. But she knew he’d done so to avoid conversation—and sitting next to her that long.
And so she would sit next to him now, close. Real close.
“I’m ready to go, Kathleen.” She grabbed an armful of apples to make Everett a cake. “And I was wondering if you and Carl might want to come out to the homestead and have dinner sometime. I know it’s quite a way to drive, but I’d love to spend some time talking to you about things other than flour and sugar.”
“I’d love to, but let me talk to Carl. It’d have to be late, considering he doesn’t like to close the shop early.”
“Maybe a Sunday?”
Kathleen smiled. “That would be better. How about two Sundays from now, after church?”
“Sounds good. I can’t wait to have you over.” She gathered her things and left the store, but her smile died. Everett was sitting atop Blaze behind the wagon. He tipped his hat to her, and she hoisted herself up onto the wooden seat and yanked up her reins. He couldn’t sequester himself from her forever. A distant husband wouldn’t make a good dinner guest two weeks from now.
His impatient pace on the way home required her focus to remain on Dimple and Curly so she wouldn’t fall behind.
Well, she too was growing impatient. But she’d fix that.
The next night after dinner, Everett couldn’t help but notice Julia kept looking out of the corner of her eye at him when she thought he wasn’t looking. And he shouldn’t be looking. She had put on a lacy nightgown she’d fitted to her tiny frame.
The sweltering summer temperatures had crept into September, so he stripped to his drawers and undershirt. He brought the quilt up to his chest despite the heat, poked his feet out as he stretched on the far side of the mattress, and finally curled up facing the wall.
She hummed to herself as she brushed her hair. He flung his arm across his ear.
The bed bowed with her weight, but she didn’t lie down.
“Do you mind if I pray at bedtime? Since you pray at dinner, I thought maybe I ought to take on an evening prayer.”
Her question made him feel ridiculous, lying balled up like a defiant child. Here he was hardening his heart, and she was growing in God. He rolled onto his back and clasped his hands on his chest. The trembling in his fingers betrayed his desire for her, making it tough to talk with her in bed, but he couldn’t return to his taciturn ways without destroying all hope for a good relationship. He longed for a godly wife. How could he expect her to mature in her faith if he demonstrated the opposite? “Sure.”
Bowing her head, she remained silent. After a few moments, her breathy voice beseeched God. “Lord, help us to know how to live together. Thank you for saving me and providing me with a good home. Give us rest to accomplish the goals we have in the morning. Amen.”
A Bride for Keeps Page 27