With creatures of the night begging to play,
her mind that was once
an enchanted garden
was becoming a tainted dystopia.
It was only when the
voices rang louder that she began to hear
the soft symphonies of hope
whisper among the madness.
and so she found comfort
in the melodies that the universe
began singing to her.
Slamming her glass jar to the ground
(what was once a forbidden secret)
stillness began surrounding her being,
and opening the rim of her mouth,
she began to sing along.
- a promising ballad.
by orion carloto
you worry
so much
about
the comfort
of others
that you
cannot
remember
a time
when
you did
something
just
for
yourself.
- you are worth spoiling.
When I was a child,
I thought astronauts
and astronomers and anyone who explored the universe
were space mermaids,
diving into
the unknown ocean of the universe,
our planet the comfortable shore.
This is why lately,
I have stopped asking
the cosmos
for the cure.
To bleed the sad planets out from inside my skin
and replace them with the ashes of happier stars.
It took me nearly three decades to learn how to embrace
the constellations of my own
tragedies and dive,
courageous, into
the galaxy of who I am,
emerging as the better, stronger version
I deserve myself to be.
When I was a child,
I used to believe anyone
who explored the stars
was a mermaid.
Now that I am grown,
I know that they are.
- because i am one of them.
by nikita gill
you did all you could do.
now you must learn
what it means
for you to
live.
- tweet from august 8th, 2017.
take my words,
but
expand upon them.
argue with them.
change them.
twist them.
- make them yours.
i’ve
never been
a mirror
nor a lake
for you to
peer
into &
see yourself
or your past
& future paths
reflected
back to you.
my
story
has never
been
your story.
your
story
has never
been my
story.
their
story
has never
been anyone
else’s story.
the
wonderment
of all this
can be found
in the
bits & pieces
we’re
able to
gather
from
each other
to form
the entire
window.
- stained glass.
they will say:
you’re not talented enough.
you don’t have an original cell in your body.
you don’t measure up to the ones who came before you.
your feelings are shallow.
you’re whiny.
you’re a hack.
you’re a whiny hack.
none of that could have possibly happened to you.
. . . but if it did, then you embellished it.
& it’s probably your fault anyhow.
- & you will keep writing anyway.
soon
they will
have chopped
down all the trees
& with them
all the
b
e
a
u
t
i
f
u
l
w o r d s , s o
- write the story II.
nobody
has
the right
to lure
your voice
out of
you—
not
even if
they’re
a sea witch
looking
to make
a bargain.
- rip this page out & keep it with you.
no
matter
how you choose
to tell your
truths
—a whisper
melody
s c r e a m—
you
are still
toppling
mountain
ranges.
- you possess avalanches.
“be
victorious
in
everything
you do.
disturb
the gods,
if that’s what
it takes.
& maybe
especially then.”
- mother knows best IV.
the rest of this story
belongs to
you.
dearest reader,
this is the final poetry collection in my “women are some kind of magic” series. it all started with a princess who collapsed into a pile of ashes & somehow learned to make a queendom from them. that princess-turned-queen was, of course, me. in that first collection, i attempted to summarize the entirety of my life in a little over two hundred pages. everyone i loved. everyone i lost. every struggle. every unsteady step to survival. it seems like an impossible feat & that’s because it was. there is & has always been so much more to my story.
it continued, then, with a group of fire witches. the princess had survived & she wanted revenge for everything she’d been put through, especially the sexual violence she had endured & had to watch all around her. messy was the witch. angry was the witch. politically charged was the witch. i allowed her to be all of those things. i allowed myself to feel without restriction, without worrying how unladylike everyone would find me. but that witch—that witch-queen—still wasn’t ready to share the story she had been keeping behind lock & key for so long.
in a way, that witch & her coven bridged the gap between the princess & the mermaid who had long ago decided to fly far, far away from her problems so she didn’t have to deal with them on the page . . . or at all.
finally, that mermaid who had been a witch who had been a queen was ready to tell her story. this tale has been a mix of fantasy & truth for that very reason. i knew the only way i could let the mermaid speak was if she could do it discreetly & safely. i owe that bravery to the #metoo movement, first started by tarana burke. i may ne
ver be ready to say the name of the ones who hurt me, but being able to tell the story still lifted the weight from my shoulders. boulders have since been replaced by sea foam.
if there’s one thing i hope you take away from this collection, it’s that there are so many ways for a victim/survivor to come forward & speak about their experiences with sexual violence. the method i chose doesn’t have to be your method, just as your method doesn’t have to be my method. it’s about what’s right for the victim/survivor as an individual. this book, here, was simply the path that was best for me. in the end, all paths are valid &, with any luck, lead to happiness & healing.
may the chorus of mermaids follow you wherever you go. may they offer reassurance whenever you’re in need. remember you are one of us. forever. from the glittering sea to the starry skies.
laced with love,
amanda
coming:
the story you
needed to write
on a bookshelf
waiting to save
someone
else.
contributors
in order of appearance
lang leav
author of the foreword
twitter: @langleav
instagram: @langleav
website: langleav.com
caitlyn siehl
author of “blade”
twitter: @caitlynsiehl
instagram: @caitlynsiehl
facebook: @caitlynsiehl1
clementine von radics
author of “notes on the term survivor”
twitter: @clementinevr
instagram: @clementinevonradics
website: www.clementinevonradicspoet.com
trista mateer
author of “untitled”
twitter: @tristamateer
instagram: @tristamateer
website: tristamateerpoetry.com
gretchen gomez
author of “wading”
twitter: @chicnerdreads
instagram: @chicnerdreads
wordpress: chicnerdreads.wordpress.com
noor shirazie
author of “earth / water”
twitter: @shirazien
instagram: @shirazien
facebook: @n00rshirazie
tumblr: @noorshirazie
jenna clare
author of “trust me”
twitter: @jennaclarek
instagram: @jennaclarek
website: jennaclarek.com
ky robinson
author of “the grit of healing”
twitter: @iamkyrobinson
instagram: @iamkyrobinson
website: kyrobinson.net
yena sharma purmasir
author of “in place of mercy”
twitter: @yenapurmasir
instagram: @yenasharmapurmasir
tumblr: @fly-underground
morgan nikola-wren
author of “one breath at a time”
twitter: @wrenandink
instagram: @morgannikolawren
website: morgannikolawren.com
mckayla robbin
author of “untitled II”
twitter: @bymckayla
instagram: @bymckayla
website: mckaylarobbin.com
sophia elaine hanson
author of “i am yours”
twitter: @authorsehanson
instagram: @sophiaelainehanson
tumblr: @sophiaelainehanson
website: sophiaelainehanson.com
orion carloto
author of “a promising ballad”
twitter: @orionnichole
instagram: @orionvanessa
youtube: @orionvanessa
website: orioncarloto.com
nikita gill
author of “because i am one of them”
twitter: @nktgill
instagram: @nikita_gill
special acknowledgments
I. cyrus parker – you seriously deserve some kind of prize for listening to me rant & rave about this book all these past months, my poet-spouse. most of all, i just want to thank you for letting me spill water & for always being there to help me dry it up. ~O)
II. christine day – this was, without question, the most difficult collection i’ve had to write to date. it went through more drastic changes than all of them combined & kept me up all night for weeks at a time. on the bright side, it was never as difficult as it could have been, all because you were always there for me to turn to.
III. my contributors – when i first set out to include poems from other poets i deeply admired, i had no idea how it would go. honestly, this whole thing could have been a disaster. instead, we sang to each other through the uncertain dark, our feet searching for common ground, & it became an accidental masterpiece. thank you for lending me the gorgeous words.
IV. my family – to my dad, my stepmom, & my sisters. thank you for coming to every book launch. for reading every word. for desperately asking to read an early copy of each book, even before they’re halfway finished. (i’m looking at you, courtney!)
V. my beta readers – trista mateer, caitlyn siehl, danika stone, mira kennedy, olivia paez, & alex andrina. from the bottom of my heart: thank you for always pushing me to be the best i can be. thank you for transforming my words. this has been, in no exaggeration, the greatest group effort of a lifetime.
VI. the people who always make me smile & give me their never-ending support – gretchen gomez, nikita gill, sophia elaine hanson, iain s. thomas, ky robinson, courtney peppernell, lang leav, shauna sinyard, summer webb, courtney summers, & nicole brinkley. & you, whoever i’m inevitably forgetting.
VII. my publishing team at andrews mcmeel – to patty rice, kirsty melville, & holly stayton. there are no words to describe how grateful i am for you & the work that brings my words to life.
VIII. my readers – here’s to our fourth book. <3
a small space for you to begin your story:
growing up a word-devourer & avid fairy tale lover, it was only natural that amanda lovelace began writing books of her own, & so she did. when she isn’t reading or writing, she can be found waiting for pumpkin spice coffee to come back into season & binge-watching gilmore girls. (before you ask: team jess all the way.) the lifelong poetess & storyteller currently lives in new jersey with her spouse, their bunnycat, & a combined book collection so large it will soon need its own home. she has her B.A. in english literature with a minor in sociology. her first collection, the princess saves herself in this one, won the goodreads choice award for best poetry of 2016 and is a USA TODAY & Publishers Weekly bestseller.
@ladybookmad
@ladybookmad
@amandalovelace
amandalovelace.com
the mermaid’s voice returns in this one
copyright © 2019 by Amanda Lovelace. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews.
Andrews McMeel Publishing
a division of Andrews McMeel Universal
1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106
www.andrewsmcmeel.com
ISBN: 978-1-5248-5231-3
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018957490
Editor: Patty Rice
Designer: Amanda Lovelace
Art Director: Julie Barnes
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