by Jenni James
“I—I don’t. You’re right. We did.” I took a deep breath and looked out the window at my side. “I’m sorry if I hurt you with Bryant today. I didn’t mean to.” My head whirled around with so many thoughts, but mostly, that memory in July came hurtling back. Maxton was right—I’d been scared and alone and so very needy. My fever had gotten too high, and I couldn’t sleep and I wanted a friend. I wanted someone to care about me.
My aunt and uncle weren’t the type who liked to be woken up when you were sick. And they definitely didn’t like to know when you threw up, or any of that kind of stuff. They really didn’t do “sick” at all, as evidenced by how Clarise had let me sleep in Saturday and actually made Kaitlyn and Jayda help her clean. So back in July, I was miserable and called the person I could depend upon most.
So, that was what love was? Not make-out sessions and hot dates and long letters or ridiculous poetry and flowers and all that. It was a guy who took the chance of getting in trouble to spend time with the girl who asked him to. All in all, I wasn’t too excited that Maxton had risked his parents’ wrath for me and my breakdown. I definitely wasn’t worth it. But it showed a bit more about his character than I’d seen before. This guy fell for me, was in my room all night long, but remained a gentleman. He didn’t try to maul me or make out or anything. He respected my boundaries. I got all girly for a minute thinking of how awesome that was—until I remembered that I’d been sick. Yeah, that. He wouldn’t have wanted to touch me with a ten-foot pole.
Maxton said, “You didn’t hurt me. Don’t worry about it.”
“What?” I was completely lost.
He looked at me like I was crazy. “Today. At lunch? Remember? Don’t worry about an apology. I’m okay. I mean, I was shocked—but you didn’t hurt me.”
Oh! Yeah. Today. Bryant. I cleared my throat, trying to sound more normal. “So after last summer, why didn’t you try to kiss me or something? Why didn’t you let me know?”
“Kiss you?” He laughed. “You’re not the kissing type. I mean, you weren’t then. Now, that’s different.” He grinned and then looked away.
“What do you mean, it’s different?” I tried not to laugh, but really, he was bizarre sometimes.
“I mean, today, after I found out you were willing to begin kissing people, I decided I wasn’t going to hold back anymore.”
“Oh, well, I noticed that part.”
“Did you?”
I rolled my eyes and looked back out the window. “Dork.”
“Hey! Don’t call me a dork. I’m awesome—admit it!”
“Whatever. You’re such a dork, my mom would’ve called you a doofus!”
“Doofus?” He chuckled. “What in the world is a doofus?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “It’s bad. It’s really bad. It’s worse than a dork.”
“Great. Now she’s calling me vintage names.”
“Vintage names?” He really was a doofus. I grinned and shook my head as I watched the neighbors’ houses as we drove by. I waited a few seconds and then asked, “Why me?”
He pulled into my driveway and put the car into park. “What do you mean? Are you asking why I like you?”
“I guess. Sounds like I’m fishing for compliments, doesn’t it? I don’t mean to be—wait. Yes, I do. I don’t know who I am, and I’m trying to figure it out. So any little help here—anything you see that makes me unique or special, would you let me know?”
“Right.” He took another deep breath and then put the car in reverse and looked over his shoulder as he backed out of the driveway.
“Hey! Where are we going?”
“To talk.”
“Yeah, but Clarise is going to have a cow.”
One eyebrow rose. “Clarise always has a cow. She’ll have to get over it today.”
“What?” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Maxton, you’re killing me!”
“I know, but it’s good for you.” He gave a smug grin as he headed toward the stop sign down the road.
“Kidnapping me is good for me?”
He slammed on the brakes. Thankfully, he wasn’t going that fast, but I still jerked forward. “Seriously? You feel like this is kidnapping?” Pulling over, he looked at me. “Do you not want to talk?”
“Um, I want to talk without getting in trouble.”
“Too late. That’s going to happen anyway. And you and I both know Clarise wouldn’t be happy if I came over.” He rubbed his hands through his brown hair, messing it up. “Okay, so I know this has been an odd day for you, but why all the drama? What do you need from me?”
My heart clenched as I looked at this guy for the first time. Really looked at him. His hazel eyes flashed with something I wasn’t sure I could identify. Impatience? Pain? Hope? I didn’t know. I don’t think I’d ever really looked into his eyes before. Maxton’s nose was straight, his lips full, and his jaw—when did his jaw get that little bit of stubble? It made him look . . . older. It was weird. I decided to focus on his eyes again and found long eyelashes and nice, lighter-brown eyebrows. Wow. When did Maxton get so hot?
CHAPTER TWELVE:
Beyond all of his hotness, I saw a guy who’d stayed with me. I always assumed until that moment that Maxton was a loner, like me. But . . . “You’re in wrestling, aren’t you?”
He blinked. I guess the change of subject was a little much, but he went with it. “Yes. Er, but you knew that.”
“Yeah. I guess I forgot.” I frowned. “Don’t you have wrestling practice today or something?”
He pulled back. “Are you trying to get rid of me?” When I looked confused, he said, “Okay. Look. We’re getting off on the wrong foot. Let’s try this again. No, I don’t have practice on Mondays. I’ve never had practices on Mondays. However, I have a match every Saturday for the next five weeks. And then if I make it to finals and state, it’ll be another couple more Saturdays. Does that help?”
“Uh—yeah. More than I needed. But it works.” Then I shifted in my seat. “So, do you ever hang out with your team?”
He glanced away and then back at me. “What do you mean? Sure, on the bus and stuff.”
“No. I mean, like at school—do they ever invite you over to hang with them or to do things?”
“Well, yeah, all the time.”
“Like for lunch?”
He shrugged. “I guess. Cameron’s mom makes all the guys healthy lunches on Tuesdays and Thursdays to help them maintain their weight. So I get invited to that all the time.”
“Why don’t you go with them?”
Maxton looked at me funny and then shook his head. “Um, because I’m hanging out with you.”
“So, wait. All this time that we’ve been having lunch together, you’ve been doing it because you want to, not because you have to?”
“What are you asking, Indy? You’re acting really odd. Just spill it.”
“I don’t know how to say this.” I took a deep breath and tried again. “I don’t mean to sound weird—I’m just confused. I thought we stayed in the cafeteria because your dad got laid off and you couldn’t afford to eat out. But now you tell me you could’ve actually have awesome food, but you didn’t go. Why?”
“Uh, is this a trick question?” He gave me a funny smile and then laughed. “Because it’s sounding like one.” He leaned forward. “Look, I like you. Most days, I try to convince myself I’m not in love with you too, but that’s a total lie, and I know it. Clarise won’t give you money to go out to eat, and she refuses to let you make your own lunches and bring them to school because it’s ‘tacky.’ When you got embarrassed about it and was worried about eating in the cafeteria in high school, I had my mom get me meal tickets too because it wasn’t that big of deal to me where I ate, and I knew you wouldn’t accept some pity-lunch thing. So I made up a story about my dad getting laid off, and—yes—I shouldn’t have said that. Mainly because you ask how my dad is doing all the time, and I have to keep lying to keep the truth from coming out, all because of your
stupid pride or whatever. And because I can’t help it. You’re amazing. And I’ll gladly make up more junk just to have an hour with you every day.”
I didn’t even know what to say. I think my jaw hit the floor about halfway through, but I wasn’t quite certain. “So . . . wait. Your wrestling friends—do they know you hang out with me?”
“Um, yes, it’s pretty obvious. They tease me about my girlfriend all the time. Mostly, they ask why she never comes to my matches. I tell them it’s complicated, but I know it’s because you couldn’t, even if you wanted to—which I doubt. So I’ve never really invited you.”
How were Maxton and I living two completely different realities, and I never knew it before? My heart sort of grew all warm and fuzzy and then became broken at the same time. I really couldn’t explain what was happening. Only that it was something huge. All I knew was that I was a lousy friend. And probably the worst girlfriend on the planet. But in my defense, I had no idea I was a girlfriend. For the first time, I was beginning to understand Maxton a little more.
“So, every lunch has been like a date, then?”
He sheepishly looked down. “Maybe. I guess so.” Then his smiling eyes met mine again. “I don’t know. Look, I’m completely—inexperienced here. I fail at this whole relationship thing. Clearly. Since you’re acting like you didn’t even know I had a thing for you. So somehow, somewhere, my communication skills bite. But . . . I don’t know. I . . . look.” I noticed that his hands were twitching.
Wow. He really was nervous. And probably a lot shyer than he let on.
Maxton tried again. “Look. I know I’m not Bryant Bailey. And I’m not trying to be him. He’s his own brand of whatever.” He shook his head. “Great. I’m rambling. What I’m trying to say is, I like you.” His face started to turn red. “Okay, I probably love you, too. And I’d like to start something here. And I’d like a chance before this other guy comes in and sweeps you off your feet. I’d like to at least not be a complete nerd, or doofus, or whatever you want to call me. I’d like to prove to you—” He stopped and cleared his throat. “I like to prove that all this time I’ve spent with you wasn’t just because. I really have put a lot out there, hoping you’d take my hints or return my feelings, or I don’t know—care for me too—and I . . . ”
He was talking too much. It was becoming ridiculous. Right then, I learned way more about my selfishness than I wanted to admit. All I knew was that Bryant was right. Bryant saw something I never had. He knew—probably the whole school knew—that this completely sweet and wonderful guy had been falling for me all along, and I was clueless to it. As Maxton rambled, I finally did the only thing that made sense. I leaned over and kissed him. Right there on the side of street, in front of one of my neighbors’ houses, I kissed Maxton Hoyster. And it was about time.
This kiss was pretty shocking, much better than the simple peck he’d given me in the hallway. In fact, I was surprised to feel the sparks flying. When I moved back, I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t catch their breath.
“Um, you kissed me,” he said.
“Well, I wanted you to stop talking.”
“Huh. Well, it worked.” He smiled and put his arm up on the steering wheel. “What was the other reason?”
I decided not to answer that question right away. Instead, I changed the subject. “I want to go to your next wrestling match.”
“You mean this Saturday?”
“Yeah. What time does it start? Is it here in Flagstaff?”
He grinned. “Are you kidding me? What will Clarise say?”
Clarise was the last person I wanted to think about right then. Maxton was right—my aunt was always going to be mad. “I’m not going to ask her. I thought if I got caught, I’d beg forgiveness.”
He looked shocked. “You’re really serious?”
“Well, you’ve done so much for me, I figured it was time I started to support you. Unless you don’t want me there—I completely understand if you don’t.”
“No! I think it’s awesome. I would love to have you cheering me on.” Then he got a little sheepish again. “But just so you know, wrestling isn’t a pretty sport.”
“Pretty?” What in the world was he talking about?
“Yeah, it’s not like basketball or soccer where the players run around a lot. This is intense. And we’re—well, wrestling each other. Which is, um—guys on top of each other in a battle of concentrated maneuvers to determine who is the stronger of the two players.”
I’d never seen a wrestling match, but I’d never thought of it being like what he described.
“Oh, and we wear funny clothes.”
“What do you mean?”
“They’re like racing swimming suits with attached suspenders.”
I had no idea what he was talking about. “Okay.”
“Cool.” He smiled. “Well, if you’re serious, the meet starts at eleven, but the matches for the younger competitors go first, and then I’ll be near the end. So if you show up around twelve thirty or so, you should be there in time.”
“All right. That sounds like fun.”
He nodded. “Yeah, it’ll be exciting having you there to watch me.”
“Okay. Sounds like a plan.” Suddenly, the conversation sort of stopped, and I wasn’t sure what to do. We were still parked outside my neighbor’s house, and…
“Indy?”
“Yeah?”
“I know I kind of threw this out there during lunch—mainly because I was jealous of Bryant and couldn’t believe I was already losing you before I had a chance—but uh, I was wondering, would you like to be my girlfriend?”
So that was it? That was how guys asked girls? I’d always wondered, and part of me expected it to be flashier, but a huge part of me was glad it wasn’t. I definitely didn’t love being the center of attention during heartfelt moments. I’d always preferred them to be one-on-one with the person you were with. But I was totally stalling. My eyes searched his as I bit my lip and thought of what Bryant had said. I needed to find me. I need to go with someone who was my type. Maxton was so my type.
He was actually cuter than my type, but I wasn’t going to hold that against him. I took a deep breath and it caught halfway in my throat, causing me to release a breathy gasp. Bryant and I shared something I was never going to find with anyone else. Especially with our stories being so similar, and he had this way of knowing what I needed and reading into my soul. It was startling. And curious. And wonderful. And terrifying. And powerful. All at the same time.
Maxton was comfortable and easy and fun and sometimes shocking too. But he was steady and loved me, and that was some pretty heady stuff right there. I most definitely knew Maxton would think about me and see me and take care of me. He was pretty much the safest first boyfriend a girl could have. Bryant was right. It was time I found out what it was like to truly live. And that meant learning who I was, and giving Maxton a chance to prove himself.
“You don’t have to answer right now,” Maxton blurted out, clearly embarrassed by my silence.
“No. It’s okay.” I smiled. “I was thinking it over—you know me. I’m not the kind of person to leap before I think.”
“No, no, you’re not.” He gave a hopeful grin.
I pushed out all thoughts of jumping into things with Bryant and then simply said, “I would love to be your girlfriend.” Then I chuckled and added, “For real now.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN:
“So, how did the talk with Maxton go?” Bryant’s deep voice rumbled through my phone later that night. His voice sent these crazy chills from my ear, down my neck, and tickled the back of my shoulder blade.
I took a shaky breath and answered, “Good.”
“Good? That’s it? Just good?”
I grinned at his teasing and plopped down on my bed. “Well, what would you like me to say?”
“I don’t know, but you gotta actually talk to me.” His voice changed a little. “So, do you have a bona fide
boyfriend, or not?”
Bona fide? Good grief. I rolled my eyes at his geekiness. “Yes. I have a boyfriend.”
“Good for you! Bravo! I knew you could do it!” He sounded a little too excited.
“Well, it’s your fault. I hope you remember that when you miss me like crazy the next month or so.”
“Month?” I could hear him fake-gasp. “Who said anything about a whole month? I couldn’t live that long without you.”
“Ha. Ha.” I put my arm behind my head and bit my lip to wipe the stupid smile off my face. “So, you were right.”
“Wait—what?” I heard something rubbing on the phone. “Hang on. Not sure I heard that correctly.”
“Whatever. You heard me.”
“Yes, but I want to make sure it’s recorded for posterity’s sake. This is important. Girls rarely admit when a guy is right, so I need to make this legit. Could you please repeat that?”
I ignored his teasing and got straight to the heart of the matter. “He really does deserve a chance. I didn’t know it, but the guy’s been turning down good meals to sit with me in the cafeteria all this time because he knows Clarise won’t give me any money to go out to eat.”
“She doesn’t?” He sounded genuinely shocked. “At all? But I see Jayda and Kaitlyn out to eat all the time.”
“Well, that’s part of their allowance money. If they keep their grades up, they get like forty dollars a week each to eat off campus.”
“What have you been doing with your allowance money?”
It’s funny how quickly you can go from being all warm and happy and smiley to nearly dropping the phone when your heart turns to lead. I didn’t answer.
Bryant growled. “Indy, come on. I’m your new best friend, remember? Now tell me what it’s like there.”
“Why do you want to know? What I do with my money is my business. Besides, I don’t have to tell you all my secrets.”
“Yes. Yes, you do.”
“Why?”
His voice got quiet and deep again. “Because honestly, I don’t think you get an allowance. At all.”