by Roddy Doyle
Joey The Lips explained:—I went on the road nine, no ten maybe eleven years ago with a gospel outfit, The Alabama Angels, featuring Sister Julie Bob Mahony. They brought me to God. I repented, I can tell you that for nothing, Brother Rabbitte. I used to be one mother of a sinner. A terrible man. But The Lord’s not a hard man, you know. He doesn’t kick up at the odd drink or a swear word now and again. Even a Sister, if you treat her with proper respect.
Jimmy had nothing to say yet. Joey The Lips carried on.
–The Lord told me to come home. Ed Winchell, a Baptist reverend on Lenox Avenue in Harlem, told me. But The Lord told him to tell me. He said he was watching something on TV about the feuding Brothers in Northern Ireland and The Lord told the Reverend Ed that the Irish Brothers had no soul, that they needed some soul. And pretty fucking quick! Ed told me to go back to Ireland and blow some soul into the Irish Brothers. The Brothers wouldn’t be shooting the asses off each other if they had soul. So said Ed. I’m not a Baptist myself but I’ve a lot of time for the Reverend Ed.
Jimmy still had nothing to say.
–Am I in? Joey The Lips asked.
–Fuck, yes, said Jimmy.—Fuckin’ sure you’re in.—Are yeh on the phone?
–Jesus on the mainline, said Joey The Lips,—tell him what you want. 463221.
Jimmy took it down.
–I’ll be in touch with yeh. Definitely. The lads’ll have to see—to meet yeh.
Joey The Lips threw the leg over his scooter. His helmet was back on.
–All God’s chillun got wings, he said, and he took off out the gate, over the path and down the road.
Jimmy was delighted. He knew now that everything was going to be alright. The Commitments were going to be. They had Joey The Lips Fagan. And that man had enough soul for all of them. He had God too.
* * *
The Commitments used the garage of Joey The Lips’ mother’s house for meeting and rehearsing. The house was a big one on the Howth Road near Killester and the garage was big too.
When they all got there the first time Joey The Lips had it filled with chairs and rugs. They sat back while Joey The Lips counted them for tea-bag purposes.
–Strong tea, Brothers? he asked.
There wasn’t an answer so he threw fifteen bags into the pot.
They were all there, their first time together.
Jimmy Rabbitte; manager.
Outspan Foster; guitar.
Deco Cuffe; vocals.
Derek Scully; bass. (He’d bought one, fourth-hand—he thought it was second—for £60. The amp and cabinet were £40 extra and sounded it. He’d made a deal with his ma. She’d paid for the bass and gear and he had to pay the video rental for the next eighteen months. There were no flies on Derek’s ma.)
James Clifford; piano.
Billy Mooney; drums.
Dean Fay; sax.
And Joey The Lips.
This was the first time they’d seen Joey The Lips, and they weren’t happy. He looked like a da, their da; small, bald, fat, making tea. He was wearing slippers, checked fluffy ones. One thing made him different though. He was wearing a Jesse Jackson campaign T-shirt.
–Is this the entire band here, Brother Jimmy? Joey The Lips asked.
He was handing out mugs.
–This is it, said Jimmy.
–And what have you been listening to?—You said my man, James Brown, didn’t you?
–Yeah, said Jimmy.—We’ll be doin’ Night Train.
–I like what I hear.—And?
–Eddie Floyd. Knock On Wood, yeh know.
–Ummm.
–Percy Sledge, said Jimmy.
–When a Man Loves a Woman?
–Yeah.
–Lovely.
–That’s all so far really, said Jimmy.
–A good start, said Joey the Lips.—I have some Jaffa Cakes here, Brothers. Soul food.
When they heard that they started to tolerate him. When he took out his trumpet and played Moon River for them they loved him. Jimmy had been annoying them, going on and on about this genius, but now they knew. They were The Commitments.
When they’d finished congratulating Joey The Lips (—Fair play to yeh, Mr Fagan.
–Yeah, tha’ was deadly.
–The name’s Joey, Brothers.) Jimmy made an announcement.
–I’ve some backin’ vocalists lined up.
–Who?
–Three young ones,
–Young ones.—Rapid!
–Are they foxy ladies, Jimmy? Joey The Lips asked.
They all stared at him.
–Fuckin’ sure they are, said Jimmy.
–Who are they? said Outspan.
–Remember Tracie Quirk?
–She’s fuckin’ married!
–Not her, said Jimmy.—Her sister.
–Wha’ one? Derek asked.
–Imelda.
–Wha’ one’s she? Hang on—Oh Jaysis, HER! Fuckin’ great.
–Which one is it? said Outspan.
–You know her, said Derek.—Yeh fuckin’ do. Small, with lovely tits. Yeh know. Black hair, long. Over her eyes.
–Her!
–She’s fuckin’ gorgeous, said Derek.—Wha’ age is she?
–Eighteen.
–She lives beside you, James.
–So I believe, said James.
–Is she anny good at the oul’ singin’?
–I haven’t a clue, said Jimmy.
–Who’re the others? Deco asked.
–Two of her mates.
–That’s very good management, Brother, said Joey The Lips.—Will they be dressed in black?
–Yeah—I—I think so.
–Good good.
* * *
The time flew in.
Those Commitments still learning their instruments improved. The ones ready were patient. There was no group rehearsing. Jimmy wouldn’t allow it. They all had to be ready first.
Derek’s fingers were raw. He liked to wallop the strings. That was the way, Jimmy said. Derek found out that you could get away with concentrating on one string. You made up for the lack of variety by thumping the string more often and by taking your hand off the neck and putting it back a lot to make it look like you were involved in complicated work. He carried his bass low, Stranglers style, nearly down at his knees. He didn’t have to bend his arms.
Outspan improved too. There’d be no guitar solos, Jimmy said, and that suited Outspan. Jimmy gave him Motown compilations to listen to. Chord changes were scarce. It was just a matter of making yourself loose enough to follow the rhythm.
Outspan was very embarrassed up in his bedroom trying to strum along to the Motown time. But once he stopped looking at himself in the mirror he loosened up. He chugged along with the records, especially The Supremes. Under the energy it was simple.
Then he started using the mirror again. He was thrilled. His plectrum hand danced. Sometimes it was a blur. The hand looked great. The arm hardly budged. The wrist was in charge. He held his guitar high against his chest.
He saved money when he could. He wasn’t working but on Saturday mornings he went from door to door in Barrytown selling the frozen chickens that his cousin always managed to rob from H. Williams on Friday nights. That gave him at least a tenner a week to put away. As well as that, he gave the man next door, Mr Hurley, a hand with his video business. This involved keeping about two hundred tapes under his bed and driving around the estate with Mr Hurley for a few hours a couple of times a week, handing out the tapes while Mr Hurley took in the money. Then, out of the blue, his ma gave him most of the month’s mickey money. He cried.
He had £145 now. That got him a third-hand electric guitar (the make long forgotten) and a bad amp and cabinet. After that they couldn’t get him away from the mirror.
Deco’s mother worried about him. He’d be eating his breakfast and then he’d yell something like Good God Y’Awl or Take It To The Bridge Now. Deco was on a strict soul diet: James Brown, Otis Redding, Smoke
y Robinson and Marvin Gaye. James for the growls, Otis for the moans, Smokey for the whines and Marvin for the whole lot put together, Jimmy said.
Deco sang, shouted, growled, moaned, whined along to the tapes Jimmy had given him. He bollixed his throat every night. It felt like it was being cut from the inside by the time he got to the end of Tracks of My Tears. He liked I Heard It through the Grapevine because the women singing I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE NOT MUCH LONGER WOULD YOU BE MY BABY gave him a short chance to wet the stinging in his throat. Copying Marvin Gaye meant making his throat sore and then rubbing it in.
He kept going though. He was getting better. It was getting easier. He could feel his throat stretching. It was staying wet longer. He was getting air from further down. He put on Otis Redding and sang My Girl with him when he needed a rest. He finished every session with James Brown. Then he’d lie on the bed till the snot stopped running. He couldn’t close his eyes because he’d spin. Deco was taking this thing very seriously.
All his rehearsing was done standing up in front of the wardrobe mirror. He was to look at himself singing, Jimmy said. He was to pretend he had a microphone. At first he jumped around but it was too knackering and it frightened his mother. Jimmy showed him a short video of James Brown doing Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag. He couldn’t copy James’ one-footed shuffle on the bedroom carpet so he practised on the lino in the kitchen when everyone had gone to bed.
He saw the way James Brown dropped to his knees. He didn’t hitch his trousers and kneel. He dropped. Deco tried it. He growled SOMETIMES I FEEL SO GOOD I WANNA JUMP BACK AND KISS MYSELF, aimed his knees at the floor and followed them there.
He didn’t get up again for a while. He thought he’d knee-capped himself. Jimmy told him that James Brown’s trousers were often soaked in blood when he came off-stage. Deco was fucked if his would be.
There was nothing you could teach James Clifford about playing the piano. Jimmy had him listening to Little Richard. He got James to thump the keys with his elbows, fists, heels. James was a third-year medical student so he was able to tell Jimmy the exact, right word for whatever part of his body he was hitting the piano with. He was even able to explain the damage he was doing to himself. He drew the line at the forehead. Jimmy couldn’t persuade him to give the piano the odd smack with his forehead. There was too much at stake there. Besides, he wore glasses.
Joey The Lips helped Dean Fay.
–My man, that reed there is a nice lady’s nipple.
For days Dean blushed when he wet the reed and let his lips close on it.
–Make it a particular lady, someone real.
Dean chose a young one from across the road. She was in the same class as his brother, third year, and she was always coming over to borrow his books or scab his homework. It didn’t work though. Dean couldn’t go through with it. She was too real. So the saxophone reed became one of Madonna’s nipples and Dean’s playing began to get somewhere.
Joey The Lips was a terrific teacher, very patient. He had to be. Even Joey The Lips’ mother, who was completely deaf, could sense Dean’s playing from the other side of the house.
After three weeks he could go three notes without stopping and he could hold the short notes. Long ones went all over the place. Joey The Lips played alongside him, like a driving instructor. He only shouted once and that was really a cry of fright and pain caused by Dean backing into him while Joey The Lips still had his trumpet in his mouth.
Billy Mooney blammed away at his drums. His father was dead and his brothers were much younger than him so there was no one in the house to tell him to shut the fuck up.
Jimmy told him not to bother too much with cymbals and to use the butts of the sticks as well as the tips. What he was after was a steady, uncomplicated beat:—a thumping backbeat, Jimmy called it. That suited Billy. He’d have been happy with a bin lid and a hammer. And that was what he used when he played along to Dancing in the Streets. Not a bin lid exactly; a tin tray, with a racehorse on it. The horse was worn off after two days.
The three backing vocalists, The Commitmentettes, listened to The Supremes, Martha and the Vandellas, The Ronettes, The Crystals and the The Shangri-las. The Commitmentettes were Imelda Quirk and her friends Natalie Murphy and Bernie McLoughlin.
–How yis move, yeh know—is more important than how yis sing, Jimmy told them.
–You’re a dirty bastard, you are.
Imelda, Natalie and Bernie could sing though. They’d been in the folk mass choir when they were in school but that, they knew now, hadn’t really been singing. Jimmy said that real music was sex. They called him a dirty bastard but they were starting to agree with him. And there wasn’t much sex in Morning Has Broken or The Lord Is My Shepherd.
Now they were singing along to Stop in the Name of Love and Walking in the Rain and they were enjoying it.
Joined together their voices sounded good, they thought. Jimmy taped them. They were scarlet. They sounded terrible.
–Yis’re usin’ your noses instead of your mouths, said Jimmy.
–Fuck off slaggin’, said Imelda.
–Yis are, I’m tellin’ yeh. An’ yis shouldn’t be usin’ your ordin’y accents either. It’s Walking in the Rain, not Walkin’ In De Rayen.
–Snobby!
They taped themselves and listened. They got better, clearer, sweeter. Natalie could roar and squeal too. They took down the words and sang by themselves without the records. They only did this though when one of them had a free house.
They moved together, looking down, making sure their feet were going the right way. Soon they didn’t have to look down. They wiggled their arses at the dressing table mirror and burst out laughing. But they kept doing it.
* * *
Jimmy got them all together regularly, about twice a week, and made them report. There, always in Joey The Lips’ mother’s garage, he’d give them a talk. They all enjoyed Jimmy’s lectures. So did Jimmy.
They weren’t really lectures; more workshops.
–Soul is a double-edged sword, lads, he told them once.
Joey The Lips nodded.
–One edge is escapism.
–What’s tha’?
–Fun.—Gettin’ away from it all. Lettin’ yourself go.—Know wha’ I mean?
–Gerrup!
Jimmy continued:—An’ what’s the best type of escapism, Imelda?
–I know wha’ you’re goin’ to say.
–I’d’ve said that a bracing walk along the sea front was a very acceptable form of escapism, said James Clifford.
They laughed.
–Followed by? Jimmy asked.
–Depends which way you were havin’ your bracing walk.
–Why?
–Well, if you were goin’ in the Dollymount direction you could go all the way and have a ride in the dunes.—That’s wha’ you’re on abou’, isn’t it?—As usual.
–That’s righ’, said Jimmy.—Soul is a good time.
–There’s no thin’ good abou’ gettin’ sand on your knob, said Outspan.
They laughed.
–The rhythm o’ soul is the rhythm o’ ridin’, said Jimmy.—The rhythm o’ ridin’ is the rhythm o’ soul.
–You’re a dirty-minded bastard, said Natalie.
–There’s more to life than gettin’ your hole, Jimmy, said Derek.
–Here here.
–Listen. There’s nothin’ dirty abou’ it, Nat’lie, said Jimmy.—As a matter o’fact it’s very clean an’ healthy.
–What’s healthy abou’ gettin’ sand on your knob?
–You just like talkin’ dirty, said Natalie.
–Nat’lie—Nat’lie—Nat’lie, said Jimmy.—It depresses me to hear a modern young one talkin’ like tha’.
–Dirty talk is dirty talk, said Natalie.
–Here here, said Billy Mooney.—Thank God.
–Soul is sex, Jimmy summarized.
–Well done, Jimmy, said Deco.
–Imelda, said Jimmy.—You’r
e a woman o’ the world.
–Don’t answer him, ’melda, said Bernie.
Jimmy went on.—You’ve had sexual intercert, haven’t yeh?
–Goodjaysis! Rabbitte!
–O’ course she has, a good-lookin’ girl like tha’.
–Don’t answer him.
But Imelda wanted to answer.
–Well, yeah—I have, yeah.—So wha’?
There were cheers and blushes.
–Was it one o’ them multiple ones, ’melda? Outspan asked.—I seen a yoke abou’ them on Channel 4. They sounded deadly.
Derek looked at Imelda.
–Are yeh serious?
He was disappointed in Imelda.
Deco tapped Imelda’s shoulder.
–We could make beautiful music, Honey.
–I’d bite your bollix off yeh if yeh went near me, yeh spotty fuck, yeh.
There were cheers.
Imelda ducked her shoulder away from Deco’s fingers.
–I might enjoy tha’, said Deco.
–I’d make ear-rings ou’ o’ them, said Imelda.
–You’re as bad as they are, ’melda, said Bernie.
–Ah, fuck off, Bernie, will yeh.
–I thought we said slaggin’ complexions was barred, said Jimmy.—Apologise.
–There’s no need.
–There is.
–Sorry.
–That’s okay.
–Spotty.
–Ah here!
Deco grabbed Imelda’s shoulders. Bernie was up quick and grabbed his ears.
–Get your hands off o’ her, YOU.
–As a glasses wearer, said James,—I’d advise you to carry ou’ Bernie’s instructions. Yeh might need glasses yourself some day and a workin’ set of ears will come in handy.
–That’s a doctor gave yeh tha’ advice, remember.
Deco took the advice. Bernie gave him his ears back. Imelda blew him a kiss and gave him the fingers.
–Annyway, Imelda, said Jimmy.—Did yeh enjoy it?
–It was alrigh’, said Imelda.
More cheers and blushes.
–This lady is the queen of soul, said Joey The Lips.
–Wha’ ’re you the queen of? Imelda said back.
–Then you agree with us, Jimmy asked Imelda.