by Ella Frank
As the loose gravel crunched under my shoes, she turned to see me walking toward her. She had her knees bent and pulled into her chest with her arms wrapped around them.
“Addison,” I whispered softly.
She looked like a trapped animal. Trapped inside her mind.
Her hair was a mess, probably from dragging her hands through it, and I could see her fingers tapping on her knee—one, two, three. One, two, three.
I kept my distance and crouched down until we were on the same level. “Addison.”
She raised her head and I had to clasp my hands in my lap so I wouldn’t follow my instinct to reach out and touch.
“Talk to me,” I coaxed gently.
Nothing. I got nothing from her. She’d withdrawn inside herself.
Pulling my legs out from under me, I planted my ass firmly on the ground and placed a foot on either side of her, careful not to touch.
“What’s going on? I thought—”
“What?” her voice was faint when she finally spoke up. Her eyes held me in place and for once, I felt at a loss for words. “What did you think?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I thought I could make you feel better.”
She brought an arm up and wiped her nose on her sleeve.
“Yeah, let’s make sure I’m better. God, now you’re thinking just like them.”
Before I knew what I was doing, I crawled over until I was kneeling by her side.
“No. I’m nothing like them,” I told her emphatically. “I’m here with you, aren’t I?”
How could I have ever thought she was what was wrong in my life? She was the only thing that made any sense, and when she was broken and hurting, so was I.
My dad was right—if I wanted her heart, I had to take it. If I was doing this out of love, it was beyond good and evil.
“Addison.”
She continued staring past my shoulder, so I took her chin in my hand and made her look at me.
“Addison, look at me.” As her eyes focused on mine, I repeated the same words she’d once told me. “Look at all of me.”
Her hand cupped my throbbing cheek, and as her thumb gently swept over the stubble and bruise I knew was forming, fresh tears welled in her eyes. I released her chin and brushed my hand over her hair, pushing it back from her face.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, hmm?”
With a shaky breath, she finally admitted, “I’m broken.”
I shook my head. “No, Addison. Just perfectly imperfect. None of us are perfect.”
Her bottom lip jutted out, and as tears ran down her cheeks, I couldn’t help myself, I leaned forward and put my lips to them. Her cheek was cool and the tears warm as I lifted my mouth. I brushed my nose with hers and whispered what I could no longer deny. “I love you.”
She pressed her forehead to mine and replied so softly I almost missed it, “You shouldn’t.”
Her answer made my heart ache and my head swirl.
I knew she was right, it didn’t make any sense. I shouldn’t love her. It couldn’t end well, and I’d already lost the only other person who meant anything to me. This was just setting myself up for heartbreak. But as I took this broken girl in my arms and she crawled up into my lap, there was no way I could deny she had my heart firmly in her hands.
* * *
Present…
“I thought I might find you here.”
I turn to see Doc stepping into the library where I’m studying.
“Yeah, I needed to find a poet for the English portion of the test.”
“Oh,” Doc says as he pulls out the chair beside me and sits down. “Who did you decide on?”
I slide the book I’m reading over to him.
“Aleksandr Pushkin.”
“He’s Russian.”
“I never would have guessed,” Doc replies dryly. “Which poem? He has so many.”
I wait until he looks up from the page before I tell him, “I chose ‘Farewell.’ It seemed fitting.”
Doc returns his attention to the book and locates the poem. Before he has a chance to say anything, I clearly recite Pushkin’s words. I’m finally at peace with the decision to fight, move on, and perhaps even let go.
“It’s the last time, when I dare
To cradle your image in my mind…”
Doc closes the book as I continue the poem word for word, and when I finish, he says softly, “That’s beautiful, Addy. I’m proud of you. It is time to say farewell to the past. I’m glad you recognize that. Keep up the good work here. The big test is just around the corner.”
* * *
Past…
Crawling on to Grayson’s lap, I touched his hair and felt the pain in my chest intensify. I knew this was good-bye. I had to break it off here.
“I shouldn’t have started this. I didn’t know,” I confessed, and grazed his lips with my fingers. “I didn’t know it would be like this. That you would love…that…you need to walk away now. Forget about me.”
One of his hands smoothed down my back as he replied, “Probably.”
I was relieved that he seemed to understand what I was trying to do—until his lips found the corner of mine and he whispered, “But I’m not going anywhere.”
As a tear slipped between our lips, my tongue came out to taste it and found his mouth. Our lips connected and I lost myself in him.
I tangled my fingers into the shorter strands of his hair and held his head as I pushed my tongue deeper, hungry to find his. His hands moved to my hips, pulling me up against him, and as we disappeared into our own world, we recklessly forgot the one around us.
Until our two worlds collided.
“Grayson?”
As the voice penetrated the silence and I felt Grayson’s body freeze, I knew I hadn’t imagined the voice that was almost as familiar to me as his was.
“Addison? What…what are you doing?” the unbelieving voice asked, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. I scrambled away from Grayson and back to where I’d been sitting against the tire.
This wasn’t going to end well, and as I looked at the slump of his shoulders, I knew he was aware of that too. But he’d known all along, hadn’t he? I’d been naive to think it could have ended any other way.
Getting to his feet, Grayson turned and stepped in front of me. He was protecting me from the woman standing between the two cars we had been hiding behind. Once they were face to face he opened his mouth and spoke.
“Helene.”
Chapter Thirty
Present…
“Let’s go back to the photo you have on your wall of Cupid and Psyche.”
“Okay,” I agree.
“Venus plays an important role in that tale, wouldn’t you say?”
“I suppose so, yes.” Curious where Doc’s going with this, I nod.
“She’s the reason Psyche is originally sent away and the reason she meets Cupid. Not to mention, the very person who ultimately brings them together in the end.”
“Yes, but only because she tried to have Psyche killed.”
Doc thinks about this a moment and then says, “But because of Venus, she is swept away by Cupid, who in the end, saves Psyche.”
Why is Doc trying to make it sound like Venus had done these two a favor? It was fate, not Venus, that had brought them back together. I consider him carefully, trying to understand his logic.
“Okay, so?” I ask, truly stumped.
“So do you want to tell me why you hate Helene so much?”
My face scrunches up as I question, “Helene? What’s she got to do with this?”
“Well, isn’t she who you imagine when you think of Venus in this story? That photo is how you see yourself, am I right? As Psyche?”
“So what if it is?” I ask, feeling surly as hell. Helene had taken everything away from me. First Daniel and then him.
“So it makes sense that she’s Venus in this story, and she set out to ruin you. Isn’t that how you s
ee it?”
I guess he was right, but as I remember what happened that day and the days that followed, I shake my head.
“She didn’t set out to do it. She just did.”
* * *
Past…
“Grayson? What are you doing?”
Miss Shrieve’s voice cut through the quiet parking lot like a gunshot, and her aim was as accurate as a sharpshooter.
“Look—” Grayson started.
“No. What the hell do you think you’re doing with her?”
She gestured at me with her eyes wide as I got to my feet. It was as though the entire world was closing in. I felt the air being sucked out from around us until all that remained were tense questions.
“Are you out of your mind?”
“Helene—” Grayson tried again, but he was quickly cut off as my furious coach stepped forward and pointed at him.
“You were kissing her!” she shouted, appalled.
I wrapped my arms around my waist and stepped up beside him to say something, anything, when Miss Shrieve turned to me.
“And you! Aren’t you in enough trouble? This…this is just unacceptable!”
Spinning on her foot to storm away, I was surprised when Grayson reached out and took her wrist, pulling her back around to face us. The shock was evident on her face as she looked down to where he was holding her.
“Let. Me. Go,” she demanded.
“Not until you let me explain,” Grayson pushed, adamant that she listen.
Believing it was best if I stayed quiet, I shrank back and waited to see what would happen.
“Explain what? You were kissing a student!”
Shaking his head, he told her, “You don’t understand.”
“You’re damn right I don’t! Was that your way of comforting her?” She let out a scornful laugh and tried to yank her arm away. “Let me go, Grayson.”
“No. Not until you listen to me. Please?”
“Why? Give me one good reason why I should?”
“Because it’s my fault,” I finally spoke up.
She cut her eyes to me, pinning me where I stood, before disagreeing. “No, Addison. He should know better.” She tugged on her arm again. “Now let go of me.”
Shaking my head in denial, I stressed to her, “But it was me, I was the one who—”
“Addison, he is your teacher. You are his student. I don’t care what you think you did. He should have said no, end of story.”
“No!” I cried out. She was making him sound like a monster. “That’s not the end of the story!”
Grayson spoke up. “Addison, please.”
“What?” I demanded, starting to feel my panic rise.
“She’s right,” he told me quietly, and it was as if someone had reached in and tore out my heart.
“Of course I am!” Miss Shrieve hissed, as if she felt she had to talk quietly or get in trouble for conspiracy.
“Not about everything,” he clarified. “But she is right that you are my student, and I should have waited. I should have waited for you.”
“Are you listening to yourself?” my coach asked in a way that implied he was insane. “Is this because of your father, Grayson? Were you…I don’t know, looking for comfort?”
Both of us remained silent as she grappled for a plausible excuse.
“Oh, I see. This has been going on longer than that.” She paused for a minute and then sucked in a quick breath. “Did you…” She trailed off and then tried again. “Addison...your lip...”
A murderous look crossed Grayson’s face. “God no, Helene! I’m not a fucking monster.”
Taken aback by Grayson’s outburst, it took me a minute to react, but it was time Miss Shrieve knew the whole truth. Since she thought she knew everything, at least I could exonerate him of this.
“My father hit me. That wasn’t the first time. It was just the first time he did it where you could see.”
For a moment, she seemed to soften and in slipped the one emotion I never handled well—pity. “Oh, Addison, why didn’t you tell someone?”
I turned to Grayson, who stood beside me looking utterly shell-shocked, and then I glanced back at her.
“I did.”
* * *
This was not going well. Fuck.
I could feel both pairs of eyes on me, and all I could think was—this is it, it’s all over.
“You told him? A man who’s been taking advantage of you?”
“No. It’s not like that,” Addison tried to defend, but it was no use.
Helene was only seeing this one way, and it was the way I should have seen it—black-and-white. For her, there was no immoral shade of grey.
“Yes, it is, Addison.” Looking back to me, she informed me in a voice full of disgust, “You have to understand, I’m going to report this.”
I rubbed my forehead, stressed, and then swallowed. Yes, I understood but fuck…
“One day.”
“What?” she snapped, and I didn’t dare look away as I begged for the first time in my life.
“Give me one day. I’ll turn myself in tomorrow.”
Her eyes darted to Addison, but I didn’t dare.
“Why?”
Trying to think of a good excuse, I clung to my dead father once again, and lied—that which is done out of love is always beyond good and evil. I understand.
Would he understand this? Were my thoughts good or evil? I didn’t know anymore.
“I need to finish clearing up some financial matters with my father’s estate. Sign some paperwork, get it squared away before whatever happens, happens.”
Relenting, she told me, “One day. That’s it. If I don’t see you here by 3 p.m. tomorrow, I’ll report you myself. And stay away from her, you hear me?” She took a step away and said, “Addison, come with me.”
I felt Addison’s hand brush my arm and I nodded. Yes…go with Helene. She’ll protect you from me.
Or was she protecting me from Addison? I didn’t know anymore.
I was starting to think that as wrong as we were for one another, we were also the only two people that were perfectly suited for the other.
“Don’t do this, not to protect me. You did nothing wrong,” she told me, her blue eyes full of tears.
That was the problem. I’d done everything wrong. As she moved farther away from me, I had nothing I could say to comfort her because no matter what she wanted, the wheels were in motion. Nothing could stop the inevitable from happening.
There was no escaping it—my crimes had finally caught up to my passion.
* * *
Present…
“She wouldn’t listen to me.”
The silence is smothering as tears blur my eyes, just like they did that day.
“Who, Helene?”
“Yes,” I whisper, remembering how I felt when she took me away from Grayson that afternoon. Helpless, heartbroken, and at the same time—furious.
“What would you have told her if you could?” Doc’s question pulls me from my memories.
“That it was my fault. That he didn’t want what happened.”
Doc shakes his head from side to side in disagreement. “But that’s a lie.” Again, the silence stretches between us. “Isn’t it Addy?”
I swallow and blink back my tears. “He didn’t even know he wanted it until I…”
“What, made him see you?” Doc suggests.
“Yes.”
“I’m pretty sure he’d tell you differently.”
“And how would you know?” I snap, my sadness beginning to overwhelm me and alter my mood to one of anger.
“I don’t. Not for certain. But why would a man—a sensible, seemingly good man—do what he did, unless he wanted to?”
“Stop talking in circles!” I yell, jumping up from my seat and balling my fists.
Sizing me up, Doc asks with infuriating calm. “Is that what I’m doing?”
“Yes!”
“No, Addy, I’m trying to ma
ke you see that it wasn’t your fault.”
“What?” I ask, this time laughing humorlessly.
“You once told me that you didn’t want to be pitied because of what everyone else thinks, but I’ve never been overly concerned with what everyone else thinks. Maybe…you should be pitied for what you think.”
I close my eyes, trying to block him out, but he continues.
“You think you’re alone because of what you did. No. Uh-uh. You’re alone because of what you didn’t do.”
Opening my eyes, I wait for whatever he is going to say.
“You didn’t walk away.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Past…
Tick, tick, tock.
One day. The more I thought about his words, the more disturbed I became.
One day and then what?
After Miss Shrieve walked me back to her office, she asked me a ton of questions, none of which I answered. Instead, I sat there thinking about Grayson.
Numb—I felt numb.
“When did this start, Addison?”
“How did he approach you?”
“What he did was wrong. He should never have gotten involved with you. Did he ever hurt you?”
“I need to call your parents.”
The last comment had my head snapping up and my eyes meeting hers.
“No, not yet,” I begged.
“Addy, I can’t—”
“You told him you’d give him a day,” I reminded her.
“Yes…him.”
“If you call my parents, they will go—”
“Crazy? As they should, Addison. I still can’t believe it.”
Lowering my gaze to avoid her judgment, I started to fidget with my nails.
Tick, tick, tock.
Her clock was loud in my mind as I sat there trying to think, trying to work out what he’d meant by asking for more time.
One day. One more day to do what?
“Addison? You can never see him again. Do you know what is going to happen to him tomorrow?”
Gritting my teeth, I could feel the tears coming back and I wanted to yell at her, Shut up! Shut up and let me think!