Mathias shook his head. “I used to think it was possible. Possible that a few of us could get inside, signal our friends, open the gates for the rest of us. Use the strength of those on the inside to topple the corrupt council, retake the city, and—” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I was a fool. You’ve read the letters. They’re smart, they shuffle the men around so often now that we could never guarantee sympathizers would be waiting for us if we went over the wall.”
“But it sounds like there are so many, not just guards but citizens too. It sounds like half the city would be behind you if —”
“It’s a dream, girl. A foolish dream of an old man. I’ll find you something else to do here.” He reached forward and started to gather the letters together, mixing the neat stacks he had painstakingly sorted by date long before she had arrived.
“Wait —” Emmie reached for one of the stacks to stop him, but he kept moving. Pulling the pages from under their rocks to pile them all on top of each other. When he reached towards the other end of the table, she lunged for the last group, grabbing them first.
“What are you doing?” His voice was tired, defeated, and she hated it. As ridiculous as it was, Emmie missed the fire in him, the shouting, the rage to fight on against impossible odds. It had been his rage that had built this village out of a dangerous, bloody forest that was meant to be a death sentence.
Her hands shook as she cradled the stack of letters in her hands that held the note about his son. “You can’t just give up.”
“I gave up long before you got here, now give me those. I’m burning the lot.”
“NO!” she shouted and he growled at her.
“Give them to me.”
“No. I won’t let you give up.” Emmie held the stack of letters in front of her, her fingers tightening on the edges until they crinkled. “This is hope, as long as you’re still working on this there’s hope!”
“The only thing these letters signify is a death sentence, for me and all of the men that were going to follow me so foolishly.” He snapped his fingers and held his hand out again. “Give them here.”
“What are you going to tell Lucian?” Emmie kept the pages out of his reach, worried he would tear the most important of them in half in an effort to take them. “And what about those other men? How many of the men out there are waiting for you to tell them its time?”
“Very few even knew I was attempting this, and what would you have me do – tell them to leave the peace of this village? The village that has had more success than I ever imagined possible? Just for a chance to return to a city that treated them so badly?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “Yes! I would ask you to do that! This village is amazing, it has saved so many lives, and you did that. But this…” Emmie looked down at the letters in her hands. “This is how you finish it. You don’t leave these people out here to struggle on and on. You finish what you started. You take them home.”
“You’re the only one still dreaming about going back, little bird. Everyone else has accepted their new life, you’re just new enough to keep fighting the inevitable.”
“Dammit! Listen to me!” Emmie heard the emotion in her voice, felt the burn of tears at the edges of her eyes, and she swallowed. “Everyone here is surviving. And that is a miracle, and you did that, but they are only surviving, Mathias. They’re not living.”
He grunted, leaning his head in his hands, but she kept going.
“People are making the best of this, because they think it’s their only chance at a life. But you can’t really believe no one thinks about the city, about a real roof over their heads, about the security of the walls, or —” Emmie took a breath, running her thumb across the line that had sparked a fire inside her. “Or about the family and friends they left behind.”
Mathias was silent and still, and she worried she’d pushed too hard. He was volatile at best, and dangerous at his worst, but after a few moments, he lifted his head. “Well, what do you suggest then?”
She was stunned for a moment, both by his calm response and the fact that he had asked for her suggestion. It took a second for her to compose herself, but then a smile crept across her lips as a real idea bloomed. “I think we should look at a map, and ask for the latest update on those guards who are sympathetic. Based on the letters over the last year or so, I think I might be able to figure out a pattern for how they’re all being rotated.”
“What makes you think I have a map?” Mathias arched an eyebrow at her, leaning back in his chair to stare at her with the doubtful, stern expression she had come to expect of the man.
“It’s referenced in a couple of the letters. That is, unless you burned it during a temper tantrum?”
“I don’t throw temper tantrums,” he grumbled, but her smile widened anyway.
“Of course you don’t.”
“Watch that tone, girl, or you’ll spend another afternoon against that tree.” His voice was gruff, but there was a renewed energy about him as he set the letters safely back on the table again. Emmie finally relaxed her grip on the most important of them, and then their eyes met across the table. “Shouldn’t you start figuring out this so-called pattern?”
“Right.” She nodded and reached for the stack to pull it towards her, flipping through them to pull out any from the last six months. When she peeked up at him, his expression was determined, his brows drawn together in concentration and even though she was back to the repetitive task of re-reading the same letters, she had a new purpose.
She had a reason, and that made all the difference.
Chapter Twelve
Emmie’s head was still spinning with her ideas, even though Mathias had veritably kicked her out of his house once the evening meal was ready. There was just too much she needed to keep track of and he had made her leave all of her notes on his table – but it was exciting to have a real task. A mission.
“You’re in a good mood.” Lucian smiled at her as he took the spot next to her on the ground, holding out a wooden plate towards her that was still half full of food.
She glanced at him distractedly before waving a hand. “No thanks, I already ate.”
“Not enough. Now go on, eat.” He pressed the makeshift plate into her hands and she took it, her mouth watering and overriding her whirling thoughts once she caught sight of the choice cuts of meat.
Apparently being the leader of the village had its privileges when it came to mealtime.
“Want to tell me what has you smiling? Is it me? You can tell me if it’s me.” Lucian grinned at her and she wasn’t able to stifle her laugh.
“It’s not you.” Emmie rolled her eyes and took a bite, almost moaning at how much better it tasted than the ragged bits she’d been given.
“I don’t know, I think I can make you pretty happy.” He leaned close, whispering directly into her ear, “Especially when I’m between your thighs.”
A bright blush raced up her chest and Emmie forced herself to swallow the last bite she’d taken so she didn’t choke. “Lucian,” she hissed, but he was grinning proudly.
“What is it, little bird?”
She almost chastised him for the crude comment, but there were too many people nearby. Alice and Quentin were cuddled together a few feet away, and while she’d enjoyed getting to catch up with her friend before Lucian had appeared, she didn’t feel like having this discussion around her.
“Don’t tell me we’ve stopped talking again, I thought we’d made progress.” He leaned forward to catch her eyes and she glanced over at him.
“We’re talking, I just can’t believe you said that.”
“I thought you’d be proud of me for not saying it out loud.” Lucian laughed, and she sighed before finishing off the last bites of meat.
“Of course. I’m so proud that you were able to control your volume while still saying whatever you want.” The sarcasm was obvious, but his smile was genuine just before he leaned forward and kissed her. All the thoughts wh
irling in her head went silent, and what was left was the warm press of his mouth against hers. Lucian slid his hand to the back of her head, and she softened against his lips. It was a kiss that was only gentle on the surface, because the slow tightening of his fist in her hair promised so much more. More than she was willing to admit to herself.
When he finally pulled back, Emmie was blushing harder, a crimson heat flooding her cheeks as she looked up to see several sets of eyes on them before they turned away. “That wasn’t very subtle.”
“Everyone already knows I’m interested in you, little bird, I haven’t been shy about that.” He grinned broadly as he leaned back on his hands.
“No. You haven’t.”
“I told you I’m working on controlling myself, I never said I was going to stop pursuing you.” Lucian shrugged, not giving her the chance to respond. “Come on, tell me about your day. You disappeared last night and I didn’t see you at breakfast this morning. What happened that had you smiling over here?”
“Nothing really… more letters with Mathias. It was just a good day.” Emmie picked at the edge of the wood in her hands. “Well, mostly a good day.”
“What happened?”
“I pissed him off, as usual.”
“What did he do?” His voice lost all of the playfulness from moments before, a tense air taking over him as he sat up.
“Nothing!” She groaned as she tried to decide what to tell him and what to keep to herself. “Mathias and I had a spat, but it was over nothing. Just another normal day with him. We’re fine now.”
“If it was over nothing, then why not tell me?”
Emmie put the makeshift plate on the ground so she could wrap her arms around her knees. She needed to find a half-truth, because she wasn’t going to tell him that Mathias had basically given up hope on his plans until she’d shouted at him. “I just wanted to know how the letters have been exchanged, and as usual he told me to shut up.”
Lucian sighed, keeping his voice low. “Is that all? That’s simple. There’s a hollow log a ways out from the wall, along the perimeter walk that the guards do once or twice a week. We leave letters there and our friends inside pick them up and leave new ones, sometimes they even leave us things from inside the city we can use. Like cookpots and knives, spare fabric. Stuff we can’t make out here.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t stress about Mathias. He just doesn’t trust you yet. It’s the whole name thing.” Reaching over he nudged her shoulder. “Are you sure that’s all? I thought you were in a good mood.”
“I was, I mean I am.” Emmie pushed the loose strands of hair back from her face. “Like I said, Mathias and I talked. I made some suggestions and I think he actually took them. I think we’re going to work on a plan.”
“Now that is surprising.” Lucian laughed. “He barely listens to me!”
A grin spread across her lips. “Maybe he’s just been waiting all this time for someone smart to show up in the village.”
“Smart mouthed little hawk.” His hand moved fast, slipping between her thighs to pinch the sensitive skin through the fabric. It was a sharp pain and she gasped, trying to shove his hand away.
“Ouch! What the hell, Lucian?”
He was undeterred, grabbing her thigh with a tight grip as he leaned close, a dark smile moving over his lips. “Don’t you remember what I said about respect?” His voice lowered even further. “Or do you need me to remind you again?”
A pulse of heat trickled down her spine to pool in her lower belly. She knew it wasn’t a hollow threat, and as much as she wanted to shove him away again – there was an insane part of her that wanted to say yes, to get punished. But that was a stupid idea.
“I’m just fine.” The words hissed through her teeth, and she finally pried his hand off her leg.
“We’ll see.” Lucian’s eyes wandered over the people gathered near the village center. “I know you two don’t see eye to eye all the time, but Mathias is a good man, and I’m not just saying that because he saved me. He was a good leader in the city, and he’s a good leader here. Just give him a chance.”
“He was a leader in the city?” Emmie wasn’t sure she’d heard him right, but Lucian’s muttered curse confirmed it for her. “What do you mean? What kind of leader?”
“Hush.”
“Lucian, tell —”
He grabbed her arm tightly. “Stop. We’re not discussing this.”
“Bullshit!” Emmie raised her voice and people turned towards her, but she didn’t care. “Answer me!” she shouted, and Lucian stood and hauled her to her feet with a growl.
“Don’t push me on this,” he hissed, his grip tightening on her arm as they locked eyes. This was Lucian, the village leader, the hunter. Every inch of him told her how serious he was, but she wasn’t going to just back down.
“I know things about Mathias, too, Lucian,” she whispered. “I’ve spent almost every day with him and those letters aren’t just about the village. If you think I’m going to drop this, you’re wrong.”
“Dammit… We’re not doing this out here.” He turned and started back towards his house, and she let him drag her with him because she wanted to know what he had meant. As his door came into view, she tried to pull her arm from his painful grip, but it didn’t work.
“Would you stop hauling me around like a fucking child?”
“I would if you’d stop behaving like one,” Lucian snapped, and this time when she yanked her arm back, he let it go.
“All I did was ask you a question!”
“And you threw a fit because I refused to answer you.” He shoved his hand into his hair, gripping it tight. “Are you always like this because you’re so used to getting your way?”
Emmie bristled, her hands clenching tight at her sides. “You don’t know me, Lucian. I may have had more than you, more than anyone else here, but my life wasn’t easy. As horrible as my father was in public, what do you think it was like living with him?”
Two men walked past them and Lucian growled, grabbing her arm again as he pulled her inside after him. He shoved the door closed, and she rounded on him to scream at him, but he started talking first. “Would you think before you open your mouth? They could have heard you!”
“Fuck off.”
“There’s the eloquence Mathias keeps telling me to listen for.”
Emmie let out a frustrated scream. She wanted to hit him, to throw something. “I swear, you keep telling me that Mathias doesn’t trust me, but it seems like he trusts me a whole lot more than you do. You talk about wanting to change, wanting to try, but you won’t even answer a simple question!”
“Some things aren’t mine to tell! Did you ever think about that?” He turned and banged his hand into the wood frame of the door before rounding on her again. “And I already told you I can’t break any more rules for you. If you have another outburst in front of everyone like that, I will have to punish you, in front of them. Is that what you want?”
“No!”
“Then how about you try, because I’m doing my best, and I’m keeping your secrets just like I’m keeping Mathias’.”
“You’re a bastard.” Emmie glared at him, well aware of the threat he’d made to reveal her name.
Lucian stepped close to her, his voice low and dark. “That’s what you really think of me?”
“Yes.”
“Then maybe you should leave.” Lucian’s body was tense with restrained anger, and she knew it, but she couldn’t stop herself from pushing him.
“Maybe I should,” she spoke quietly. “Maybe I should go find one of the free men and see if they treat me any better.”
He grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around, slamming her back against the wall of his house, the whole structure shaking with the force. He hissed close to her face, “You want to go fuck someone else?”
“Maybe I do!”
Lucian growled, his grip painfully tight on her skin. “You think they’d treat you any
differently? You think they’d take your smart mouthed comments in stride?”
“I bet there’s at least one of them that would like my smart mouth, it just may take me trying out a few before I find them.” She leaned her head forward, meeting his gaze at close range. “Maybe I’ll need to try a lot of them.”
There was a dark, lurking rage behind his eyes, but his voice was deadly quiet. “You have no idea how gentle I’ve been with you.”
“You call this gentle?” She jerked at his harsh grip.
“Anyone else that disrespected me like that in the middle of the fucking village would have been punished immediately. Man or woman. Free or not.”
“Then why don’t you do it?”
“Is that what you want, little bird?” Lucian released his grip on her shoulders and twisted his fist in the hair at the base of her neck, yanking her forward. “You want me to punish you?”
“Ow! Lucian, stop —”
“You want me to treat you like everyone else? I can do that.” He turned her, pulling her back against his hard chest as his free hand moved to the button on her pants, undoing it too quickly for her to react. She scrambled to rebutton it, but he grabbed one of her wrists and twisted it painfully. “Unless you want me to add to what you’ve already earned today, you’ll keep your hands at your sides, or I’ll tie them out of the way for you.”
“Lucian —”
“Now!” The roar of his command made her shiver and she forced herself to hold her hands at her sides as he slid his hands inside the waist of her pants and shoved them down her legs.
Why had she pushed him?
Why couldn’t she keep her damn temper in check?
When his fingers pulled at the edge of her underwear, she whimpered, “I didn’t want —”
“You didn’t want me to punish you? A little too late for that now, don’t you think?” Lucian jerked her head back harder and she hissed air between her teeth. With a quick shove, her panties joined her pants around her calves. “I think this is exactly what you need to remember your role here.”
He stepped back, pulling her with him as he sat down on the edge of his bedding. Suddenly, she found herself over his lap, his hand still tight in her hair, holding her in place as she tried to get up. “Wait, wait!”
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