She felt the tears burn her eyes, could hardly see him through their thickness. Dear Lord, such a proud man down on bended knee, in front of Jeremy Rose, in front of a man who would never have to bow down to anyone.
She could not refuse so heartfelt a request. Swallowing hard, she nodded. Yes, she rasped.
Pressing his lips to the back of her hand, he said in a low voice, Thank you.
With her free hand, she touched his bent head, threading her fingers through his thick hair. Everything would be all right. She would do everything in her power to see it was so.
Chapter 15
I m marrying Hawkhurst.
Alex met Louisas announcement with little more than a nod. Looking slovenly with his clothes wrinkled and askew, he lounged in a chair, one leg bent, one outstretched. Hed barely acknowledged her when shed walked into the room.
You smell like a brewery, she said.
Pray tell, dear sister. How do you know what a brewery smells like?
I know the odor of alcohol, and I assume a brewery is merely the odor intensified. You are also sorely in need of a bath.
If I had a valet, perhaps I could have a bath. The servants have all abandoned me.
Poor, poor Alex. You keep waiting for life to happen to you. Dont you see? You must take charge, you must make
I did! he yelled coming to his feet, wavering, and dropping back into the chair. I did take charge.
What did you do?
Shaking his head, he looked away.
Dread piercing her heart with confirmation of what she had feared most of all, she took a step nearer. You did more than betray me by bringing Jeremy to the library. You started the rumors.
Hawk told me that you refused to marry him.
Why was it so important to you that I marry Hawkhurst?
He shook his head again. Not that you marry Hawk. That he not marry Jenny.
Anger pierced her soul, sorrow her heart. She loved him, and yet he had betrayed her as she never would have betrayed him. He was the one constant in her life shed always thought she could depend on, but hed selfishly put his own wants above all else. She felt an uncharacteristic need to lash out, and while it made her feel small and petty, she couldnt seem to stop herself from wanting to hurt him as hed hurt her.
Mrs. Rose wants a prestigious title for her daughters. I daresay she would consent to letting them marry the Prince of Darkness if he knocked on her door. She took another step toward him. But she will not let them marry an earl.
She will have no choice if Im all that remains, he rasped, his voice hoarse, and she wondered if all his drinking had burned his throat raw.
Are you so greedy that you will do anything? Ruin my reputation? Break my heart? Conspire to have me marry a man for whom you knew I had naught but loathing?
He laughed harshly. You have a rather strange way of showing your loathing. My God, Louisa, you were lying beneath him
The crack of her palm connecting with his cheek resounded throughout the room. How dare you? How dare you find fault with me when you live the debauched life that you do?
Who do you think taught me the debauchery?
Why, oh why, was he working so terribly hard to hurt her? What had become of the brother who had once been her champion? Rather than rise to the challenge of overcoming their unfortunate circumstance, hed resorted to trickery and betrayal, while Hawkhurst had turned out to be far more honorable than shed ever given him credit for, honorable enough to protect her reputation. How could she have so vastly misjudged both men?
I pity you, Alex.
I pity us both.
As the coach traveled over the rough country road, Hawk watched his wife worrying her gloved finger, the finger on which, little more than an hour before, hed placed a thin band of gold. He wasnt certain hed ever attended a more somber affair. The private ceremony had taken place in a small chapel, the only guests in attendance Jenny, Kate, and Jeremy Rose, and Falconridge.
By all rights, as her husband, he could sit beside her, but he feared if he got too close, she would arrive at his ancestral home looking like a woman who had been thoroughly ravished, because she would be.
Louisa wore a silvery gray travel dress that modestly covered her from her chin to her toes. The last thing Hawk should have been was aroused, because nothing about her attire was the least bit arousingexcept that she was in it.
He found himself envying cloth simply because it rested next to her skin. She was now his wife. It made no sense that he wanted her with a fierceness that was almost frightening.
In order to distract himself, he thought of the lavish wedding hed hoped marriage to Jenny would have allowed him to give Caroline and felt a pang of guilt because his own wife had been given such a simple wedding. Shed not been even properly given away.
I fear you are in danger of rubbing a hole in your glove, he said.
She lifted her gaze to his. Everything happened so quickly. I can scarcely wrap my mind around it all.
Im sorry your brother wasnt in attendance, he said.
She gave her head a quick shake. Im rather glad he was absent, actually. Im quite cross with him. He set out intentionally to ruin me, to ruin us both. His most-trusted friend and his sister. What sort of man does something as unkind as that?
A desperate one.
You say that as though you approve of what he did.
No, I do not approve of his actions; but then neither do I approve of mine. Still, I understand the desperation that caused us both to act stupidly.
He wanted Jenny for himself.
I believe Falconridge did as well. And Stonehaven and Pemburton. I knew Jenny had no wish to marry this Season, and so I attempted to press the matter. Rather bad planning to take your brother into my confidence.
He was quite into his cups the last time I saw him. Im angry at him, and yet I do worry about him.
Im certain hell make out just fine, and marriage to me will give you plenty of other things to worry over.
You have been Alexs friend for as long as I can remember, and yet I cant recall ever being a guest at any of your residences or meeting your mother, she said, as though needing to change the subject.
My mother is a bit of recluse. She prefers her privacy.
I shall strive not to be an intrusion
It is your home now. You may do as you wish.
How do you think she will take our marriage?
She has long wanted me to marry. She will be thrilled beyond measure.
She glanced down at her gray-gloved hands. I meant specifically how will she take your marrying me ?
She will be delighted.
She quickly lifted her head, and he could see all the doubts in her blue eyes. Delighted that I bring naught but myself and scandal to this marriage?
He furrowed his brow. What of the eight pounds? Do you not still have it?
She appeared horrified, and he quickly regretted his words. Im sorry. I was attempting to lighten the mood by teasing you. Youve not smiled since I set eyes upon you this afternoon.
I see little to smile about. You needed a wife with money and you have married a woman with all of a hundred and eight pounds.
A hundred
The Roses gave us a wedding present. I suppose I should have told you earlier.
Im quite surprised they would give us anything.
She shrugged. I think it was from Jenny and Kate more than from their parents.
And Jeremy Rose as well? He seemed quite fond of you.
She did smile then, as though some memory delighted her. He was taken aback by the spark of jealousy that struck him.
I think it is just his nature to be kind, she said.
And what is your opinion of my nature? he heard himself ask before he could stop the words.
Dangerous, she said quietly, before glancing out the window at the passing scenery. I think it is your nature to be dangerous. Ive always thought you appeared to be rather predatory.
He wasnt certain whet
her to take insult or pride in her view of him. Insult he supposed. After all, to her, just as hed feared, he had been a danger. He released a harsh chuckle.
Do share the joke, she urged. I could use a bit of laughter.
I was merely thinking of that night in your library when you proclaimed me unsuitable, and I argued against your reasoning. It seems you know me better than I know myself.
Im not certain I knew you as well as I thought. My reason for going to Pemburtons library was to assure you that you neednt take such drastic measures, that I was going to begin advising Jenny to seriously consider your suit.
He stared at her in stunned disbelief. What changed your mind?
He could see the blush warming her cheeks. Well, all thoughts of saying anything at all deserted me when you kissed me
No, he interrupted, needing no reminders of his shameful actions. What changed your opinion of me?
Im not sure. I thinkI think I began to feel like a bit of a prude. Jeremy Rose stays out until all hours. He drinks, he smokes, and on occasion, I have heard him use profanity, but my opinion of him is not any less. I began to think that perhaps I had set too high a standard for you. She peered over at him. And you make me laugh.
Laugh? he asked, chuckling. Hed always prided himself on his ability to stir passion, but shed changed her opinion of him not because of his seductive kisses but because she found him humorous?
She nodded. With your outlandish tales about all the lords. Were any of them true?
No.
I thought not. She looked back out the window as though very satisfied with her deduction.
He contemplated telling her that hed told his outlandish tales, because he enjoyed listening to her laughter, but in the end, like her, he merely stared out the window.
His home was as large as any that Louisa had ever seen, grand and stately, at least three levels, if the rows of windows were any indication. With his assistance, she climbed out of his coach and stared in awe at her surroundings. The gardens were immaculately kept. They circled the drive, they surrounded the house. They made everything seem grander, more beautiful, more alive.
Youve somehow managed to keep your gardener, she said.
Denby is devoted to the grounds. After spending years cultivating them, he refuses to leave them, even though I can no longer provide him with a salary. He finds his pleasure in his work. He says it is enough.
He is a fortunate man, then, she said. Would that we could all find happiness as easily.
Indeed. Come, Ill introduce you to my mother.
She tried not to be nervous, but she couldnt seem to help herself. Meeting his mother was almost as daunting as going through an interview with Mrs. Rose. What is she like, your mother? she asked, as she walked beside him, her hand on his arm, up the wide steps leading to the massive front door.
Quiet and kind. Not one to find fault with others.
She will think poorly of me when she learns the reason we are married.
She doesnt think poorly of anyone. He pushed open the front door. We no longer have a butler.
His voice sounded strained and she realized it couldnt be easy for him to reveal all his financial shortcomings. Before today, theyd been rumor. Now she was experiencing them as reality. She didnt want this day to be difficult on either of them.
Before moving in with the Roses, Id managed sometime without one myself, so I assure you that I find doing without no hardship. She stepped past him and into the grand entry hallway.
Stairs ascended on either side. Portraits lined the walls. Beautiful crystal vases held the most gorgeous flowers.
You have as many flowers inside as out, she said, again in awe of their magnificence.
My mother has always found comfort in them.
Theyre incredibly lovely.
She arranges them herself.
Louisa walked over to a particularly bright and colorful arrangement. She sniffed. What are these? Their scent isnt overpowering like some flowers.
Youll have to ask her.
She spun around and smiled. It will give us something to talk about, I suppose. Its always difficult to carry on a conversation when youve only just met
Hawk! Youre home!
Louisa watched as a young lady in a simple blue dress and bare feet rushed across the foyer and skidded to a stop in front of Hawkhurst. With a deeply furrowed brow, she reached up and touched his face. The swelling was gone, and the bruises had faded to yellow. What in the world happened?
I wasnt watching where I was going, and I collided with a door. Rather clumsy of me.
Does it hurt?
Not any longer.
We didnt know you were coming home so soon. You could at least send word so we could prepare.
Ive brought a surprise. He extended his hand toward Louisa and arched a brow. Dazed, trying to determine exactly who this young woman was, she moved toward him, felt his hand close firmly over hers.
Allow me to introduce my beloved sister, Caroline.
Louisa was quite pleased with herself for not jerking her head around to stare at him. Its a pleasure, Lady Car
Not Lady, just Caroline, he said quietly.
Louisa cleared her throat, forced herself to smile. Caroline.
Caroline, Id like you to meet my duchess.
Carolines dark eyes widened. Oh, then you must be Jenny Rose. Hawk told me all about you. He said you were the most beautiful
No, Hawkhurst interrupted. She is the daughter to the Earl of Ravensley. Lady Louisa, before she became my duchess.
Oh, Caroline said, looking sheepish, pressing her fingers to her mouth. Im so sorry
Its all right, Moppet, Hawkhurst said, immense concern woven through his voice. I handled the introduction poorly.
That, Louisa thought, was an understatement if shed ever heard one.
You are married, though, if she is your duchess, Caroline said.
Yes, we were wed this afternoon, a few hours ago.
Oh, wont Mother be surprised?
I daresay she will be. Where is she?
Denby wanted to share with her a new variety of flower hed discovered at the far end of the property. They should be back any moment.
When she returns, tell her Im in the library and wish to speak with her. Meanwhile, I shall leave you two to get acquainted.
Louisa stared in bewilderment, as he headed across the foyer and disappeared down a hallway.
Im frightfully sorry for mistaking who you were and saying what I did, Caroline said.
Louisa looked at her and smiled, swallowing her own pride and hurt because hed been fascinated enough by Jenny to mention her to his sister. Please, you have no need to apologize. Jenny Rose is indeed beautiful, and Ive no doubt your brother did speak of her often.
Only the once actually. After the first ball. She lifted her shoulders. Im so glad you married him. Hes been frightfully lonely for so long.
He told you that?
Oh, no. He never speaks of himself, but I can tell. It is the way he gazes off at nothing, and it makes me wonder what it is that occupies his thoughts. Have you a brother?
Yes, as a matter of fact. He and Hawkhurst are friends. Or had been friends. It was difficult to think of them as no longer being in that regard.
Fancy that. Would you like me to take you on a tour of the manor?
Louisa reached out and squeezed Carolines hand. Perhaps later. Right now I desperately want to visit your brother in the library.
Is it because you love him so that you cant stand to be away from him for any length of time?
Something like that, Louisa said, with a bright smile that threatened to unhinge her jaw.
Hawk was fascinated watching the varied degrees of anger wash over Louisas face like an ever-changing kaleidoscope.
Hed barely finished his first glass of brandy before shed stormed into the library, a woman with a definite mission and a determination to take him to task. He was unaccustomed to being questioned, but she seemed to d
o it at every turn.
It didnt occur to you I should be informed you had a sister?
She made no attempt to hide the fact that she was seething. At least he hoped shed made no attempt. He didnt fancy contemplating that he might ever see her angrier than she was at that precise moment.
I dont see how you can claim to be uninformed. I introduced you shortly after she appeared.
Slapping her hands on his desk, she leaned menacingly toward him. A bit of advance warning would have been welcomed, so I didnt gawk.
You didnt gawk. You handled the introduction admirably. It was Caroline who needed the advance warning. I apologize for her assumption
She waved her hand in front of his face, nearly hitting his nose in the process. You cant apologize for anothers action. You can only apologize for you own.
Still, her words
You are attempting to distract me from the purpose of my rant. I should have been warned.
Would the knowledge have influenced your decision to marry me?
No.
Then I fail to see what difference telling you before might have made.
Does Alex know you have a sister?
No.
But he has visited your estates.
When company has come to call, weve always ushered Caroline off to another property. No one of any consequence knows about her.
Why not?
Why not what?
Why havent you told anyone about her?
I didnt see the need.
Are you ashamed of her?
His gut tightened painfully, his chest ached. No, he ground out.
Then why all the secrecy?
Her voice contained true compassion and bafflement. How could he explain the unexplainable?
Weve always tried to protect her, he said.
This would all go much easier if you would simply state what needs to be stated.
Taken aback, he stared at her. I have no idea what youre talking about.
Your sister. Youre obviously hiding something.
I dont know what it is you want, he snapped, then reined in his own temper. Hed considered sending word to his mother to cart Caroline off to another estate, but hed decided he couldnt keep her existence a secret from his wife forever.
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