Fire and Fog

by Andrew Grey

“We’ll get going right away. You’ll need to call and get directions from the lawyer.” Dwayne still held him, and Robin didn’t want to let go. This was safe and secure. Nothing could hurt him or touch him when he was in Dwayne’s strong arms. But then an image of his nephew alone flashed into his mind, and he backed away. He had to be strong and take care of whatever came his way, for Charlie’s sake.

  “Let’s get going.” Robin stood up straight and walked to where Donald waited, then shook his hand. “Thank you for doing this.”

  Donald chuckled. “It’s funny, but I swear I’ve done something like this for nearly all my friends. I helped Kip and Josten, then Brock and Vinny. My skills also came in handy when Carter rescued Alex. I guess it’s inevitable that I’d help someone else.” He pulled Robin into a hug. “It’s going to be okay. I can promise you that. We have a couple hours’ drive and I’ll answer any questions I can.” He released him and motioned to the passenger side. “Let’s go pick up Charlie.”

  Robin nodded and went around to the other side, got in, and fastened his seat belt. While Donald started the engine, Robin looked in the back seat, which had a car seat and booster chair.

  “I wasn’t sure how big he was, so I brought both just in case.” Donald pulled out, and Robin squirmed in his seat.

  “Are they really just going to let me have Charlie? Just like that? I mean, you know I was homeless just a few weeks ago and I’m living with Dwayne….”

  “You have a job, and I’ll have you know that Dwayne cleaned out the other room and I helped him get it set up, in a rudimentary way. There’s a bed and a dresser, and we can bring some of Charlie’s things so he feels more at home.” Donald turned onto Hanover Street and headed toward the freeway. “The biggest thing with children is that you love them and show it. Charlie is going to be confused and scared… very scared. Things like beds and dressers are less important than patience, love, and care. My guess is that he’s going to need a lot of it.”

  “I know. I don’t know if I can give it to him. I want to, but I’m twenty-one and… he’s four and… to think of him being alone rips at my heart.” Robin’s thoughts came just as disjointedly as his speech. “I don’t want him ever to feel abandoned or that there isn’t someone who will love him forever.” Robin wiped his eyes.

  “Do you wonder why your sister named you?”

  “Nope. I know why. She and I were all the family we had. She hated my stepfather, and she’d never name my mother as guardian because then Charlie would end up living in the same house as that bastard, and I know she’d never allow that. Though I suspect she named me as guardian and then never expected it would actually be needed.”

  “Of course not.” Donald checked his mirror, and Robin looked to make sure Dwayne was right behind them.

  “I keep wondering how I’m going to raise a kid.”

  Donald nodded. “The first step is to decide if you want to or not. Because your sister named you as guardian does not tie a chain of parenthood around your neck. This is something you have to decide. I’ve dealt with plenty of families who had children left to them, and some are wonderful. Those are generally the ones who view the addition of a child as a blessing. Then there are the ones where the situation is terrible, and mostly those are the families who took in the child or children out of obligation. They resent the kids for interrupting their lives, and they never let it go. It festers and grows until the relationship is poisoned.” Donald looked at him, as serious as anything. “I mean it. You have to decide what you want, because Charlie is better off being adopted by a family who will care for him than he is being raised by a relative who resents him.”

  “But I need to decide right away, and I don’t have a chance to think about it.” Robin turned to look out the window, biting his fingernails with nervous energy.

  “Time isn’t the issue. All you need to do is look inside and you’ll know the answer. It’s that simple. This isn’t about your head, but what’s in your heart.” He patted Robin’s shoulder. “Just look there and you’ll know what to do.”

  Robin closed his eyes and did his best to look past his fear and all the questions he had about the future. He recalled an image of Charlie, last Christmas when he’d made a special trip to visit—blond hair, blue eyes, a slight gap between his two front teeth—smiling at him and pointing to his shirt, telling Uncle Robin that it had a train on it. Robin had smiled to himself as he was pulled into the other room to watch a video with cartoon trains and buses. It had been too long since he’d visited. How could he possibly turn his back on him? Charlie was all he had left of his sister, and he wasn’t about to give him up.

  As the resolve settled in, he lowered his finger from his lips and leaned back in the seat, a calm washing over him. “Let’s bring Charlie home.”

  Donald nodded and smiled at him. “Now we need to make sure you and Charlie have what you need.”

  Robin wasn’t even sure what those things were, but now that he’d made up his mind to raise Charlie as best he could, he’d figure it out, and was looking forward to seeing his nephew. He called the lawyer to explain where they were and to get directions to his office. Then he sat back, his mind making a long list of the things he was going to need to do.

  “Do you know anything about the arrangements your sister made?” Donald asked. “We know she has a will, but did she have life insurance or anything like that?”

  Robin shook his head slowly. “I don’t know. Gretchen was very responsible. Well, she became that way after Charlie was born. Growing up, she was the wild one. She did what she wanted and drove my mom and dad crazy. At least that’s what I thought. But I suppose she was a typical girl, and I was a snotty younger brother who didn’t understand anything.”

  Donald smiled. “You indicated she changed.”

  “Yeah. She got pregnant with Charlie and decided to have the baby and keep him. The father was a boyfriend of hers, and he ran for the hills, or tried to, when she told him she was pregnant. He pays her child support part of the time. His record for that is pretty lousy. A year ago he tried suing for custody and ended up with no visitation rights, still having to pay child support, and the judge awarded Gretchen full custody.”

  “Where is he now? With her dead, he could try again.” Donald glanced toward him, his eyes filled with concern.

  “Gretchen told me he’s in jail for drug charges. He actually called her and wanted to speak to Charlie from prison or something. But I think he’s out of the picture for good.” Robin was grateful for that. The fewer complications, the better for him and for Charlie.

  “Okay. That’s him. Is there anyone else that could fight you for custody? You need to be prepared.”

  “I suppose my mother could try. But Gretchen made it pretty clear to me that she was never to have Charlie as long as she was married to or living with Stan. Gretchen was adamant that Stan never be allowed to raise or influence her child. She hated him with a passion that burned like the fires of hell.” Which Robin fully understood. “When we talked, she’d ask if Mom had left the Demon Bastard of Satan. I hope the lawyer will know more.”

  “He should, and if not, there are ways to find out. If she has insurance policies, we can try to find them or see if she had a safe-deposit box at the bank that she put them in. There are also Social Security benefits that Charlie could qualify for because he lost his mother. I can help you look into all of that. It’s what I do.”

  “Thank you.” Part of the worries had been what he was going to do for money to support Charlie.

  “And since he’s four, I can help you get him into a preschool program. Carlisle has some good ones through the elementary schools. I know most of the principals and administrators, so there are things I can do to help there as well.”

  Robin checked that Dwayne was still behind them and tried not to think about what he’d do if he hadn’t had Dwayne’s support and Donald’s help with this. The thought of being a parent was nearly overwhelming, but doing this completely on his ow
n with no help frightened him. Granted, eventually it would be just him and Charlie. He really didn’t expect Donald would be able to help him for years to come, and while Dwayne had been more than helpful and kind, Robin really figured he was going to have to find a place of his own for himself and Charlie. It was going to hurt when Dwayne had him leave, but he figured it was only a matter of time now. Who could expect anyone to stay around for something like this? Dwayne was an amazing man, and Robin was grateful for all his help, but thinking that Dwayne was going to be ready for something like him and a four-year-old was not realistic.

  “What are you thinking about now?” Donald asked, and Robin turned to check on Dwayne’s car subconsciously. “I see.”

  “What can I expect? Really? Dwayne’s the best guy I’ve ever met, but how can I…. He didn’t sign up for a kid taking care of a kid.” Robin turned back around and groaned.

  “You need to stop thinking of yourself as a kid. You’re twenty-one years old. That means that legally you’re an adult, and in a few hours, you’ll have a four-year-old to take care of. Childhood and kid things are over. You’re the adult, the one responsible for everything. And as for Dwayne, my suggestion is that you let him make up his own mind.” Donald smirked. “He’s very good at doing that sort of thing.”

  “But….”

  “When he found out, he cleared a room he uses for storage and as an office so that Charlie would have a space of his own. He called me and asked what I had and how fast he could get furniture. Heck, he even asked if there was time to have the room painted. Dwayne jumped in with both feet to try to help, so don’t second-guess him. Give Dwayne the chance to tell you what he wants before you decide for him.” He paused. “You know that Carter and I have a son. He was rescued. Carter found him locked in an attic, where he’d been staying for a while.”

  Donald wiped his eyes. “It gets me every time I think about it.” He sniffed, took a deep breath, and wiped his eyes again. “I guess you need to know that Carter and I had dated briefly, but it didn’t go anywhere. Mostly because I wasn’t ready, though Carter will say it was because I was a dick. Both are probably true. Anyway, when he found Alex, he called Child Services. I got sent, and Carter pretty much shamed me into taking Alex home because there weren’t any foster placements available, and the kid was hanging on to Carter for dear life. I did, and Carter stayed to help take care of him. I didn’t expect him to, but he wasn’t going to leave Alex alone. He slept on my sofa until, as he puts it, his hotness overcame my reticence. I like to think that Alex played matchmaker for us. We both fell in love with him and each other, and for me it became a case of not wanting to do without either one of them.”

  “Alex was in an attic?” Robin clenched his hands into fists.

  “Yeah. There’s a lot to it, but Alex was victimized and abused in some pretty bad ways. When we first asked him his name, he told us it was Piece of Shit. When we got him to tell us his real name, he turned around and waited to be spanked. We’ve shown him love and devotion ever since, and a lot of those terrible things have faded, but sometimes Alex still gets nightmares. He will not go into the attic of our house for any reason, and I know he has no idea why he’s so scared.”

  “I hope Charlie hasn’t been through anything like that.”

  “I sincerely hope no other child has to go through what he did. But my point is that love and understanding will do a lot for a kid his age.”

  As they approached the Baltimore area, Robin programmed the address into Donald’s GPS, and he followed the instructions to the building in a professional office lot. Donald parked, and Dwayne pulled in next to them. Robin used Dwayne’s phone to let the attorney know they had arrived, and went inside, then up to the second floor and down the hall to the office.

  Charlie was in the lobby at a table, on his knees, drawing and coloring on sheets of paper, which were strewn everywhere. He turned when they entered, saw Robin, and ran to him. Robin lifted him and hugged him tight, knowing in that instant that he’d move heaven and earth to give him the kind of home he deserved.

  “You must be Robin. I’m Lisa Wilson, a close friend of your sister’s.”

  Robin held out his hand to shake hers. “Thank you for taking care of him. I appreciate it so much.”

  “This dear heart is never a problem.” She stroked Charlie’s hair and turned as a man in a suit joined them.

  “Mr. Fisher?” Robin asked, extending his hand. “Robin Cartwright. This is Dwayne Rappaport. He’s an officer in the Carlisle Police Department.”

  Dwayne and Warren shook hands. “I’m Robin’s boyfriend.” The way Dwayne said that sank into Robin’s heart. He hadn’t known how Dwayne really felt about him, but that told him quite a bit. “This is Donald Ickle. He’s a good friend, and he works with Cumberland County Child Services. Neither of us is here officially, just to help Robin any way we can.”

  “Why don’t you come on back with me and we can go over the important details.” Warren held open the door and motioned down a short hallway and into a conference room with a rich mahogany table surrounded by eight chairs.

  “How are you doing?” Robin asked Charlie.

  Squirming in Robin’s arms, Charlie said, “My pictures!”

  “I have them for you,” Lisa said, and handed them to Charlie, who held them tight.

  “I made them for when Mommy comes back,” Charlie said, and Robin looked at the others. They all appeared a little sheepish, and Robin turned to carry Charlie out of the room.

  “Use my office. It’s right across the hall,” Warren offered, and Robin went inside to do the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life. Somehow he had to find the words to tell Charlie that his mother was dead.

  He stood Charlie in front of him, then crouched to be at eye level. Robin put his hands on Charlie’s shoulders and took a deep breath. “Sweetheart. Your mother is gone. She went to live with the angels in heaven.” Robin had never been religious, but he’d gone to Sunday school as a kid.

  Charlie looked at him with watery eyes. “But when will she come back?”

  “She won’t be back. Going to heaven means you stay there.”

  The tears fell down Charlie’s cheeks. “Then the angels are mean. They should give her back!” He began to cry, and Robin hugged him.

  “You’re going to come to live with me now. And I’m going to take care of you and love you forever.” He lifted Charlie into his arms and let him cry on his shoulder. There was nothing else he could do at this point. Trying to explain further wasn’t going to help, and he was sure they would cover this ground many times before Charlie understood what had happened. “It’s okay. I want to cry too.” He closed his eyes and rocked back and forth as his own tears forced their way forward.

  They stayed that way for what seemed like forever, until Charlie’s sobs quieted. Robin let Charlie settle against him and returned to the conference room. He sat down, leaving Charlie resting on his shoulder, rubbing his back.

  “What do we need to do?”

  “Your sister’s will is explicit on a number of points. First, she awarded you guardianship of Charlie, and Charlie is the sole beneficiary of her estate, with you as trustee on his behalf. She had two life insurance policies. One is through her work for a hundred thousand dollars, and the other was a term life policy she bought when Charlie was born for half a million so he’d be protected. I’ve already started the process of setting up the trust for Charlie so the money from the estate can be deposited for him. And I’ll contact the insurance companies to get the money for you.”

  “What about her things?”

  “Your sister and Charlie….” Warren sat back. “I knew your sister pretty well. She wasn’t just my client.”

  “Were you her boyfriend?”

  “No. Not that I didn’t want to be more for her, but we were only friends. She said she couldn’t let people into their lives that way, not knowing if things would end and Charlie would be hurt.” Warren cleared his throat softly. “Your
sister lived a fairly simple life. She had a car that she took care of and a small apartment where she and Charlie lived. I can take you over there once we’re done here.”

  Robin nodded. “I have so many questions, and I’m sure I’ve missed things.”

  “I’m sure you do. Let me start by saying that I’ve checked her bank accounts. She had about ten thousand dollars in savings that I’ll work with the bank to get transferred into the trust as soon as I can. She had some money in her checking account that I’ll leave there to handle any bills that come in.”

  “What about a funeral?” Robin asked softly. Charlie had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

  “That’s up to you.”

  Robin gaped, overwhelmed.

  “Sweetheart, you don’t have to make any decisions at this moment,” Dwayne told him.

  Shaking his head, Robin said, “Can we have her cremated and then arrange a memorial service once things are settled? She never liked the whole funeral thing. She said ‘the buffet of grief and whispers’ that went on for days after Dad died was way too much. She said she wanted something simple. Was there anything in the will?”

  “Not about that. But I can make that happen once the body is released.” Warren passed over some papers. “She named me as the executor of the estate, so I can handle just about everything you need me to. I put together some information that I thought would be helpful. The rent is paid through the end of the month. I can pay one more, but then we should be out so the landlord can move on as well. I’ve included my phone numbers, as well as the account numbers that will be part of the trust. I opened it at Wells Fargo because there were branches in Pennsylvania as well. I’ll make some money available tomorrow and give you access so you can get whatever Charlie needs.” He passed Robin a sealed envelope with his name on it in his sister’s handwriting, as well as a set of keys that he assumed were for Gretchen’s apartment and car. “I can handle the title transfer once the insurance company figures out what they want to do.”

  “Thank you.” At least some of the extreme worries that Robin had been plagued with seemed to be fading. Gretchen had been even more organized and prepared than he could have imagined.