by Andrew Grey
“They aren’t going to. I think my mom misses me, but she isn’t going to deal with an openly gay son. Things between us got really ugly, and I was relieved to try to start a new life. Here I met Red and all the other guys on the force and their partners. And then I met you.”
Robin continued holding him. “That’s a lot to deal with. So how can you just take me and Charlie in like this? You have enough that you’re dealing with.”
“I’m not dealing with anything. My parents aren’t going to change, and being out of that oppressive environment has helped me see the big picture. Somewhat, anyway. At least I think I know what’s important. And as far as change, the one thing I have learned is to take things as they come. I can’t change everything or everyone. As much as my mom and dad’s lack of support hurts, I can’t change it. See, sometimes life throws you challenges, like a certain person who decided to do something stupid and almost paid dearly for it.” Dwayne smiled and hugged Robin back.
“But taking in me and Charlie is a huge responsibility. He’s a four-year-old who’s going to be with me for a very long time.”
“It’s also an opportunity. Don’t you see that sometimes life’s changes are also chances? You were an opportunity that I had at happiness, and Charlie is the chance that I have at a family. You both are. So do I know if it’s going to work out? Nope. But I can either try and explore this to see what happens, or I can push it away.” Dwayne slowly stood. “I already made my choice.” He lifted Robin into his arms and carried him toward the bedroom. “If you want to leave, then the door is open. That’s your choice, and I will never take it away from you. But if you want to stay and make this your home, then Charlie has his room and you have your place right here with me. The decision is yours, and I’ll respect whatever you decide.”
Robin giggled as Dwayne gently set him on the bed. “Some choice when you’re manhandling me.”
“I said the decision was yours to make. I didn’t say that I wouldn’t try to influence it.” Dwayne leaned down and kissed him. “For now I think it’s time we both went to bed. We have to keep up with Charlie, and that’s a marathon, not a sprint.”
Robin nodded and climbed under the covers. Dwayne turned out the lights in the living room and then cleaned up and undressed in the bathroom before joining Robin. They were both tired, and Robin was already half-asleep by the time Dwayne rolled onto his side and held Robin to him. Robin and Charlie were opportunities for him, and Dwayne didn’t intend to back away. Chances in life only came so often, and he wasn’t going to squander his.
“DOES THIS look okay?” Robin asked nervously as he pulled on his best clothes. He didn’t have much and had been very concerned that he wasn’t going to look right.
“You look nice, and Gretchen won’t mind how you dress.” Dwayne finished putting on his shirt before leaving the room, grabbing Charlie off the living room floor, and zooming him into his bedroom. “Do you need to potty?”
“No.” Charlie began pulling out toys from his box.
“We have to get dressed to go.” Dwayne let Charlie pick out what he wanted to wear, then helped him step into his pants and got his shirt over his head. Charlie hated wearing shoes, especially the nice ones, so Dwayne let him wear the red tennis shoes he loved and packed the black shoes in the bag to go with them. “Can you sit in the living room for me?”
“I have to go potty,” Charlie said, and hurried to the bathroom. Dwayne helped him sit on his special seat, and Charlie went. Once he was done, Dwayne made sure he got his pants up and washed his hands.
“I have Charlie’s bag all set.” Robin caught Charlie as he raced out of the bathroom. “You can take two toys with you. So pick out what you want to take and then we can go.” Robin was patient with Charlie even with his nerves kicking into high gear. That morning, when Dwayne had woken to find Robin up and pacing the living room at just after five, he’d taken him back to bed and done his best to get Robin’s mind off what was coming. It worked for a while.
“I want horsie and potato.” Charlie grabbed his stuffed horse and a Mr. Potato Head container. He carried one under each arm before trying to stuff them in the bag.
Dwayne grabbed the bag and placed it at the top of the stairs behind the gate that kept Charlie from going up and down them all day long. “Let’s go.” He opened the gate, and Charlie ran over and started down the stairs just like Dwayne knew he would. That kid loved stairs.
Robin followed with the rest of their things, and they went out to the car and were on their way. Donald had helped Robin find and install a car seat for Charlie, and he seemed to like it. Dwayne entered the freeway and drove down toward Maryland. They stopped to get Robin a snack along the way and pulled into the funeral home an hour before the memorial service was supposed to begin. Robin had called en route and been assured everything was ready.
People were already arriving as Dwayne followed Robin and Charlie, walking hand in hand, into the funeral home.
Charlie slipped his hand out of Robin’s and raced into the room where the voices came from. A few seconds later, he was back, barreling into Robin. “Mommy’s in there.” He raced away, and Robin dropped the bag he’d been holding to follow him. Dwayne set the things aside and hurried after them.
Charlie was already at the front of the room, looking at the picture of his mother that stood next to the bronze box that housed her ashes. He jumped for joy, screaming, “It’s a party for Mommy!” He ran all around, even under the table, searching for her. Robin knelt down and lifted Charlie to his feet, talking to him softly.
Dwayne knew the moment the message sank in. The screamed “No!” that cut through every other voice damned near cleaved Dwayne’s heart in two, wrenched the air, and left it without oxygen. The pain, raw and complete, agonizing, was enough that every adult in the room turned, almost in unison, to wipe their eyes. Then silence, which lasted a brief second, followed by another scream that left no doubt Charlie’s heart was shattering into a million tiny pieces. Dwayne hurried up the aisle to where Robin still knelt, trying to comfort an inconsolable Charlie.
Dwayne lifted Charlie out of Robin’s arms, holding him tightly to his chest, and gave Robin a chance to stand before turning back down the aisle. They were met by one of the staff, who showed them to a small room where they could be alone.
“It’s all right. You can cry all you want.” Dwayne rubbed Charlie’s back. Robin brought the bags and looked about ready to fall apart himself. “Go and talk to people. It’s all right. You need to see them and talk about Gretchen. I’ll bring him out once he calms down.”
“Are you sure?” Robin asked, pulling a tissue from the box on the table against the wall.
“Of course.” Dwayne continued rocking Charlie, who showed no signs of letting go of his grief, which was fine. He needed the chance to say goodbye and deal with the loss of his mother in his own way. “We’ll be in soon.” Dwayne smiled as best he could, and Robin thanked him and left the room.
Dwayne sat in one of the chairs, swaying Charlie until the tears started to wind down. “It’s okay.”
“I want Mommy,” Charlie kept saying over and over, growing quieter each time.
“I know. But what Uncle Robin said is true. Your mommy is gone, but you’re going to have him to take care of you.” Dwayne hesitated, unsure how much he should promise about himself.
Charlie sniffled and leaned back, his blue eyes still filled with unshed tears. “And you, Unca Dwayne?”
Oh, to hell with it. “Yes, and me.” Dwayne stood and put Charlie on his feet. “Now why don’t we go in and see what all those other people are doing. Okay?”
Charlie nodded. “Cookie?” he asked, and Dwayne rolled his eyes. The kid was cookie crazy. He rummaged in the bag until he found a package of crackers, opened them, and gave Charlie one. They had found out that cookies, crackers—it was all the same to him, as long as they were crunchy. Dwayne picked Charlie back up and carried him while Charlie munched on his treat. They went into th
e other room to find Robin and were immediately mobbed by a bunch of people, all wanting to say hello to Charlie, who put his head on Dwayne’s shoulder and hid.
“He’s shy,” a soft female voice said from the other side of him. Dwayne turned as she talked to Charlie. “Do you know me? I’m your grandma.”
Charlie remained hidden, and Dwayne shrugged.
“Hi, Mom,” Robin said as he approached, and she nodded and smiled but didn’t make a move to embrace him. Robin’s expression registered confusion, and then color raised in his face and his eyes hardened to stone. “What are you doing here, Stan?”
Dwayne’s hackles rose instantly, and he turned as a balding, heavyset, middle-aged man stared daggers at Robin.
“I came with your mother. My wife.”
“Well, you aren’t invited or welcome,” Robin ground out just above a whisper. “You never were for anything.”
Stan scoffed and turned to Robin’s mother and held her arm. “She has every right to be here, and I brought her. Are you going to make a scene?”
“I’m still deciding,” Robin countered.
“Please, Robin,” his mother asked, and he graciously backed away, turning his back on both of them. “Can I hold him?” she asked, but Robin shook his head.
“Not right now. He’s upset.”
Charlie whined and reached for Robin, who took him and held him tightly. He’d finished the cracker and was nearly worn-out from his grief.
“Come on, Martha. Let’s go find a seat.” Stan steered her away, and Robin took Charlie to where some friends of Gretchen’s had gathered, including Lisa. When Charlie saw her, he squirmed to get down and raced over to her. At least he wasn’t crying. She picked him up and swung him around. Charlie laughed, a pure sound that cut through everything else in the room.
“I’m going to get something to drink,” Dwayne told Robin. He left the room and returned to the crying room, where he’d seen some bottled water.
“It will be fine, Martha. No court is going to give a kid like Robin custody. Not when there’s a grandparent who’s more than capable of taking care of him. I’ll call my lawyer in the morning and we’ll sue for custody,” Stan was saying from the far side of the room.
Dwayne shook his head and grabbed a bottle of water as he wandered over to where they were speaking. “I don’t think you want to do that.”
Stan narrowed his eyes. “Is he going to stop me?”
“Doesn’t have to. Gretchen did that already.” Dwayne twisted off the top of the water bottle and took a drink, not giving away any of his feelings.
“Gretchen granted him custody in her will,” Martha said. “Robin told me that.”
Dwayne turned to Stan. “Yes, she did. But more than that, she stipulated that under no circumstances was Charlie ever to be left in your care for any length of time whatsoever. She also specified that Martha was never to have custody of Charlie in any way as long as she was married to or living with you. That means Charlie is never to visit you at your home and will never stay with you overnight. She was very specific that you were to have no contact at all with Charlie, and she did it by name. Sorry, Stan, you can try anything you like, but that will not be possible for you to overcome.” Dwayne took a step closer, pulled out his wallet, and showed him his badge. “Don’t push it, or we’ll really dig into your past, and who knows what we’ll find.” He leaned closer as Martha reached for a tissue. “Definitely something more than your questionable banking transactions.” Stan flinched and looked at Martha. “I take it she doesn’t know.” Dwayne smiled and turned away, loving the pale color in his cheeks. He returned to Robin and Charlie, and they took their places when the service was about to begin.
“Is Stan still here?”
“Yes.” Dwayne leaned closer. “I don’t know where he is, but I don’t think you’ll be having too many problems with him in the immediate future.”
Robin settled Charlie on his lap as the officiant stood up front and opened the service.
Robin had specified that the service be happy rather than solemn and sad. He wanted to celebrate Gretchen’s life, which Dwayne had thought an amazing idea. So the first piece of music wasn’t a hymn, but his sister’s favorite song, “What a Wonderful World.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the house after that. A few of Gretchen’s close friends had asked to say a few words, and they told how Gretchen had touched their lives. Robin didn’t want to speak, and that was okay. Charlie sat on his lap, and Dwayne held his hand through the entire service. In closing, the officiant asked them to join hands and said a short prayer. Charlie stood between their chairs and held both their hands as they said a final goodbye.
After the service, Charlie insisted they take home the picture of his mother, and Robin waited while the funeral home sealed the urn and packed it up for him. He had arranged a dinner at a small local restaurant, and after they packed everything in the car, the three of them headed over.
“Do you think Mom and Stan will come?”
“I doubt it,” Dwayne said. “I think I scared Stan. I let it slip that I was aware of that information, and apparently your mother isn’t. So I suspect he doesn’t want to spend any more time around me than he can manage in case I spill the beans. Not that I haven’t already turned him in to the FBI as a person of interest. They can look into his financial transactions if they like.” He smiled across at Robin. “I see what you mean about him. I think I’d hate him on sight even if I’d never met you.”
“He’s as weaselly as he looks,” Robin said.
“Yeah, he is, and seeing him get even paler was a side benefit.”
“You should have gotten me so I could have seen it too,” Robin fake whined, and even Charlie got into the act from his seat. Then they all laughed as Dwayne parked.
The mood had lightened considerably, and as they entered the restaurant, much of the serious pallor that had lingered over the day lifted. They found a table, and some of Gretchen’s friends joined them. Even though Dwayne had never met her, they shared stories and talked about how they’d met Gretchen. The server took their orders, and as they ate, it became clear that Robin’s sister was someone he probably would have really liked. She was no slouch and told it like it was. From what her friends said, she had a wicked sense of humor and was loyal and caring, and was a knowledgeable grease monkey.
As the dinner wound down, Charlie climbed into his lap and leaned against his chest. Within minutes, he was asleep, and Dwayne’s heart opened a little bit more for the family he’d been given the opportunity to be part of.
“We should think about heading home soon,” he said quietly, and Robin agreed. He made the rounds, saying goodbye to everyone, and then they made their way to the door and out into the evening.
“I feel so much better. It was nice knowing Gretchen was cared for and a part of so many people’s lives.” Robin settled back in his seat, and Dwayne double-checked Charlie was properly buckled in before pulling out and heading toward home. “It’s sad to know that I won’t ever see her again…. She was my sister, and now I’m even more alone.”
“No, you’re not.” Dwayne took Robin’s hand. “You have us.”
Robin sighed. “I know, but will you think me stupid if I say it isn’t the same? My family is so messed up, and it’s easy to blame Stan for all of it, but I know that isn’t completely true. My mother developed a relationship that I can see is abusive. Stan controls everything in that house. And blaming him for all of it isn’t fair because my mom allowed it.” Robin turned to check on Charlie and smiled. “He’s asleep,” Robin added in a whisper.
“Good. We’ll stop and get him some nuggets if he wakes up. If not, he can sleep, the poor thing. I know he’s going to be up tonight.”
“Yes,” Robin agreed. “I thought he was going to come to pieces when he saw that picture.” He turned to stare out the window, not that there was much to see at this point. “I don’t know what to do about Mom. I still love her, and she could be so much happier without that
ass in her life. But I can’t….”
Dwayne sighed. “The hardest things we have to deal with are to accept that there are things we can’t do anything about. This might sound crazy, but I think Stan really cares for your mother. Yes, he’s an overbearing… SOB, there’s no doubt about that, but….”
Robin turned to face him.
“Not that I agree with him. But when he was saying that they’d sue for custody of Charlie, it’s the way he was saying it, as though he was trying to comfort your mother. But then again, he’s probably a good actor.”
“He did kick me out of the house when I told Mom I was gay. I don’t think that makes him a particularly endearing person.”
“I didn’t think he was. But I wanted to pass on my impression. Granted, it could have been just a way for him to connive and try to get what he thinks he wants.”
Robin groaned softly. “Stan thinks he knows what’s best for everyone, but unfortunately that means what’s best for Stan. He doesn’t want to raise Charlie. He’s only pissed because Gretchen didn’t give custody to Mom and because he thinks a gay man, or gay men, can’t raise a child. Our perverted ways will rub off on him or something equally as stupid. Well, it doesn’t matter. He can try all he wants, but I’ll fight to uphold Gretchen’s will and her wishes. I won’t keep Charlie away from my mom. I like the idea of him having a grandmother, and my mom can be so much fun. She just hasn’t been these last few years.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I think I’ll invite my mom to lunch regularly so she can see Charlie, as long as I make it clear that she isn’t to bring Stan under any circumstances.” Robin nervously rubbed at the knees of his pants. “I wish I knew why she stays with him. I suppose love is deaf, blind, stupid, and involves a complete inability to smell.” Robin cackled at his own joke.
Dwayne smiled, then turned serious again. “I don’t know about that. But talk to her about it. Ask her what’s really going on. She might open up if she knows you support her. And I’m not just talking about complaining about Stan, but talk to her. See if she’ll share what she’s really feeling. She was willing to come to see you and Charlie behind his back, so she isn’t completely under his control. I’m willing to bet she’s caught between a rock and a hard place and doesn’t see a way out. So give her one and see if she takes it.” Dwayne figured he’d said more than enough on the subject. He’d known people who were abused, and it usually took them hitting rock bottom before they got out.