Silence descended over the room as they both stared at the picture of Jensen and Brantley on my phone until the screen went black again.
“Um . . .” Farah dragged out.
“Still want to claim there’s nothing going on?” Poppy asked.
There was no point in denying it any longer, not after they’d seen the picture, so I did what any mature adult woman would do. I fell to my side, stuffed my face in my bedding and groaned dramatically.
“Oh God. I’m such a freaking mess,” I whined as I rolled to my back and flopped across the mattress like a starfish.
“All right, drama llama. Just calm down.” Poppy took my wrists and pulled me back up, propping me against the pillows. “Just relax and take a breath. And maybe explain why there’s a picture of your ex and your son as your screen saver.”
“Honestly, I don’t know why,” I admitted, looking down at my hands as I tugged at a loose thread on my sheet. “He sent it to me earlier when he picked Brantley up from his Mother’s Day Out class and I just saved it. I don’t know why I did it.”
“Don’t you though?” At Farah’s question, my head lifted, my eyes going to my sweet friend. Farah had been through so much before she’d moved to town, more than any person should ever have to endure, and she’d come out of it stronger than ever. I respected the hell out of her for not only surviving but thriving.
Sometimes I envied her strength. In comparison to what she’d suffered, my little heartbreak wasn’t much of anything, yet I’d let it define me. I’d let it consume every single piece of me until I was so mired down in it I couldn’t pull myself out. She’d moved on and started a new life. I’d hit the pause button on mine and never restarted it.
“You know, there’s nothing wrong with not hating him. There isn’t a single person in your life who would fault you for forgiving him.”
I arched a brow. “I’m not so sure about that.”
She read my meaning and smiled. “I know from experience that big brothers can be serious pains in the ass. But when it comes to things that are important, whether they agree or not in the beginning, once they see you’re happy, they eventually come around.”
Her big brother, Jase, had been just as overprotective of her as Stone was with me, only he went about it differently. After her trauma, he’d all but wrapped her up in bubble wrap and treated her like porcelain. It had taken a while, but he eventually got over it. Now he was happily married to Poppy and so obsessed with his wife he didn’t have time to be a pain in Farah’s ass anymore.
“That’s the problem. I don’t know what would make me happy. I’m working on forgiving him, hell, I think I already have, but I can’t forget how I felt when he left. I don’t think I’d survive it a second time.”
“But what if he doesn’t leave this time?” Poppy asked.
“Everyone leaves,” I said in a small voice.
“I haven’t. Farah hasn’t. Your aunt and uncle haven’t. All the people in this town who love you are still here, babe, and we aren’t going anywhere. You’re so wrapped up in trying to protect yourself that you haven’t opened your eyes to see we’re all here for you. You can play the what-if game all you want, but at the end of the day, you can’t turn your feelings off. If you still care about him, lying to yourself isn’t going to change that. The hurt will still be there, only you won’t have any of the good memories to soothe the sting because you never took a chance. All that does is make it hurt twice as much, honey.”
“It’s not like that between us,” I argued, the lie making my voice weak.
“All right,” Farah said, giving her head a resolute nod. “If you say it’s not like that then we believe you. But just so you know, we don’t think it wouldn’t be bad if it was.”
With my house spotless and my friends gone, I’d had time to sit back and dwell on everything they’d said. I thought so hard about it that even sexy Rip doing ranch work on my television couldn’t distract me.
By the time I heard Jensen’s truck pull into the driveway, I was almost feeling like myself again, and the war that had been waging between my head and my heart had come to a standstill. I knew which way I was leaning, but I couldn’t let myself fully go there, at least not yet. Not until I got answers to some very important questions.
Throwing back the covers, I climbed out of bed and padded down the hall to the living room just in time to see my boy come barreling through the front door. “Hey kiddo. You have a good day?”
“It was the best!” he shouted, running over and slamming into me, his little arms squeezing my hips in the tightest hug. Man, but my boy gave good hugs. “I got to hang out with Dad at his work. Laeth said he’d show me how to hack into computers when I get older, and Gage said he’d teach me how to do a chokehold when I turn six!”
I shot a panicked look at Jensen, only breathing a sigh of relief when he gave his head a tiny shake telling me he wouldn’t let his buddies teach my kid to be a felon. “Well, that’s . . . um . . . cool?”
“Super cool!”
“I’m glad you had fun, baby. Go drop your stuff in your room so we can eat, yeah?”
He was down the hallway before I finished my sentence, and when I turned to Jensen, I had a brow arched in question. “Computer hacking and chokeholds? Really?”
He moved deeper into the house. “Don’t worry. I won’t let any of that happen. But just in case it ever does, you should know they’d also teach him to cover his tracks so he’d never get caught.”
“Oh, well then it’s totally fine!”
He let out a laugh and held up the large paper bag he’d been carrying. “I got you manicotti from Mangiamo. And cannoli for dessert. That’s still your favorite, right?”
Oh man! The hits just kept on coming. Even if I’d spent the entire day steeling myself against my heart and body’s reaction to him, it wouldn’t have done a damn bit of good. My defenses were worthless against his thoughtful gestures.
“Uh, y-yeah. It’s still my favorite.” Although, I hadn’t eaten there in a really long time because I was broke as hell most days.
“Good. Then I’ll plate it while you get drinks.” He started by me on the way to the kitchen, but stopped to bend his neck and and press a kiss to my temple before whispering, “You look a lot better, honey. Glad you rested up.”
I stood frozen in place with my eyes squeezed shut for several seconds as the smell of his cologne filled my nostrils, making me lightheaded. It had been a barely-there touch of his lips, a small kiss that didn’t hold any heat whatsoever, but the skin at my temple felt like it was on fire, and that burn made a quick path through the rest of my body before centering right between my thighs. It took a monumental effort, but I somehow managed to shake myself from my stupor and get us all drinks while Jensen dished up a meal that smelled incredible.
He stayed longer than I had expected, hanging around until it was time for Brantley to go to bed. When my boy had asked if Jensen would read him a bedtime story instead of me, it had stung like hell. But as I stood outside the bedroom door so I could peek in on them, I hadn’t been able to contain my smile as Brantley stopped him every five seconds to tell him he wasn’t doing the voices right.
The sight of the two of them—my son a miniature carbon copy of his dad—curled up in Brantley’s tiny twin bed was cuteness overload, and the sting was quickly soothed by a warmth I hadn’t felt in a really long time.
As he did every night, Brantley passed out during the second re-reading of his favorite book, his puffy pink lips parted in sleep and his whole body limp as a noodle. I watched, holding my breath as Jensen carefully extricated himself from our son’s tangled limbs and slipped off the bed. He bent deep, brushing Brantley’s hair back and placing a kiss on his forehead, whispering, “Love you, buddy.”
Pulling myself out of the tender moment, I quickly spun around and raced down the hall as quietly as possible so he wouldn’t know I’d been eavesdropping on the whole thing.
Throwing myself onto the
couch, I snatched up the discarded book I’d thrown onto the coffee table and opened it, pretending to read as Jensen entered the room. “Oh, hey. He asleep?”
“Out like a light.” One side of his mouth hooked up in that cocky smirk he used to wear all the damn time. “But you already knew that, didn’t you?”
“I—no—huh?”
“You really would make a shitty spy,” he said with a low, raspy chuckle that made my blood sizzle.
“Busted,” I said on a sigh.
“Yeah, just a bit of advice for the future. Solid objects cast shadows, especially when they’re hovering in a well-lit area. And if you want to pretend you weren’t lurking, you might wanna make sure the book you’re using as a prop to cover your tracks isn’t upside down.”
I snapped my book closed and tossed it back onto the coffee table, rising to my feet as I grumbled, “All right, smartass. You’ve made your point. I have no future in espionage or as a poker player.”
He gave me that big, genuine smile that made butterflies take flight in my belly. “How are you feeling?”
“At the risk of jinxing myself and experiencing a setback, I think I can say I’m officially out of the woods.”
“Good. I’m glad.” He hooked his thumb over his shoulder toward the door. “I guess I should be going.”
I was hit with a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Oh, uh . . . yeah. I’ll just, um, walk you out.”
We walked at a slow, sedate pace to his truck outside, dragging the short trip out a whole lot longer than necessary. The truth was, I didn’t want him to go. Smart or not, I wanted him to stay. I just couldn’t bring myself to say those words.
Instead, I stopped a few feet from the driver side door and crossed my arms, holding myself steady as I said, “Thank you, Jensen, for everything you’ve done the past couple days.” I lowered my head and stared at the ground, suddenly nervous as I confessed, “I’m not sure what I would’ve done if you hadn’t been here.”
I felt that featherlight touch of his fingers beneath my chin before he applied pressure, turning my face back up to his. “Nothing to thank me for, baby. I told you, I want to do my part. I won’t make excuses for the shit I fucked up in the past, all I can do is promise that it’ll be different from here on out.”
I felt those words in my chest and belly. That hope I’d tamped down for so long sprang up all of a sudden.
“Jens, I think . . . maybe we should find some time to sit down and talk? Get everything out in the open.” I waited anxiously for his response, because I knew it would make or break our situation.
His eyes went cloudy, hesitance keeping him silent for several beats before he finally asked, “You on the schedule to work Wednesday night?”
“No. I’m off that day.”
“Think you could find someone to watch Brantley for a couple hours Wednesday night?”
The relief rushed through me so hard and fast it was a wonder I’d been able to stay standing. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I can figure something out.”
“How about dinner at my place? I’ll order something in, that way we can have some privacy so we can talk. That work for you?”
My smile was so big it made my cheeks pinch as I nodded my head. “Yeah. That works.”
“All right then. Wednesday. Now go on back inside before you get sick again.”
“Okay, Jensen.” I nearly called him bunny but caught myself before the endearment fell past my lips.
He leaned in, brushing a sweet kiss against the corner of my mouth before climbing into his truck and starting it up. I moved back to my front porch and stood in the opened doorway, watching as he backed out, thinking that I’d really missed that truck over the years. We’d has some seriously good times in it. Then I went inside, shut everything down, and checked on Brantley one last time before climbing back into bed.
And when I fell asleep a short while later, I did it feeling lighter than I had in a very long time.
Chapter Nineteen
Shane
Nineteen years old
I barely heard the sound of the front door opening and closing over the blood rushing through my ears.
“Sunshine, I’m home.” The thud of Jensen’s boots sounded through our tiny apartment as he made his way toward the bedroom. Our place wasn’t anything fancy. Compared to Jensen had grown up, it was pretty much a pit. The one bedroom/one and a half bath apartment was only a little over six hundred square feet in an older building on the outskirts of town, but we loved it. It was our home, at least for now, and we were happy here.
After Jensen showed up on our doorstep beat to hell and nearly unconscious, my aunt and uncle had insisted he stay with us for as long as he needed.
He’d crashed in the little apartment my uncle had built above the detached garage while he went to trade school to become a mechanic. He got his certification a few months after his nineteenth birthday and got on as an apprentice over at Banks Body and Auto Repair not long after. Once he had a steady paycheck coming in, he’d saved up and put a down payment on this place. I’d followed after as soon as I graduated. It wasn’t always easy, we were still young and trying to find our place in the world while scrimping and saving to pay bills, but we made it work.
My aunt and uncle sat me down shortly before graduation and explained to me the stress that came with moving away from home and living with someone else, but my heart was already in it. My mind was made up. Knowing I was smart and had a good head on my shoulders, they’d let it go, giving me their blessing. I worked part-time as a waitress and went to school part-time at the local college, working my way toward my degree. It wasn’t the course I’d originally jotted out for what my future would look like, but that was okay, because I had Jensen. We were happy, and that was all that mattered.
There were fights, a good number of them considering my boyfriend was a hothead, but they never lasted long. As soon as they were over, we were back to being us. He’d been working hard over the past couple years to control his anger, and now that he was out from beneath his bastard of a father’s thumb, he was making good strides. There was still the occasional fight, but he had more control, and he always pulled himself back before it went too far.
Sure, we could have afforded more . . . a whole hell of a lot more seeing as Jensen’s grandfather created a trust fund that became available to him on his twenty-first birthday, but Jensen refused to touch it, saying that his grandfather had been just as bad as his dad, and he wouldn’t have anything to do with those people’s money.
Now knowing what I knew about his parents, I didn’t blame him one damn bit, and I never made mention of the money again. For all I cared, he could have pulled out every single dollar, piled it high, and lit it on fire, and I would have been standing right there beside him with a can of gasoline in my hands.
“Baby? You here?”
I sat frozen in place of the edge of the bathtub, staring in shock at the two little pink lines on the plastic stick in my hands.
Everything had been going so well. We had plans. Big plans that we were both excited about, and this had definitely not been a part of them.
The bathroom door opened a second later and Jensen filled the doorway. “Shane? You okay?” He moved fast, stepping in front of me and squatting down as we were at eye level. “What’s goin’ on? Are you sick?”
I kept my head down as I gave it a shake, unable to find the words.
He pressed beneath my chin, tipping my head back so I could see his deep gray eyes were filled with concern. “Talk to me, baby. What’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out here.”
A sob caught in my throat as I lifted the white stick with its bright pink cap I was holding. “I-I’m p-pregnant.”
He looked from the pregnancy test to me and back again. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes.”
“With a baby?”
“No, Jensen, with a cyborg. Yes with a baby!” I shouted sarcastically through a deluge of tears.
“But . . . how?”
“Oh my God!” I started to cry harder. “I don’t have it in me to give you a biology lesson on the fundamentals of how a baby is made right now, okay? I’m too busy freaking the fuck out!”
He stared at the pregnancy test like he was waiting for the stick to grow legs and scurry off into a dark corner. “You’re having a baby,” he said in a quiet, mesmerized voice, then repeated louder, “You’re having my baby.” A second later he was on his feet, his hands hooking me under my arms and pulling me off the edge of the tub. Before I knew what was happening, I was off the ground and he was spinning me in a wild circle in the middle of our tiny bathroom. “You’re having my baby!”
I placed my hands on his shoulders for balance when he stopped spinning. “Wait . . . you’re happy about this?”
“Are you kidding? Sunshine, I’m fucking thrilled.” He put me on my feet and took my cheeks in both his hands. “No better gift you could give me in my life than the kid we made together. Only thing better than having you is having two of you. This is the best news I’ve ever gotten.”
“But . . .” I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and bit down. “We had all these plans for the future. And we’re still so young—”
“We’ll adjust our plans, Shane. So it’s not gonna go in the exact order we thought, so what? Life has a way of throwing curveballs sometimes. And I don’t give a shit if anyone thinks we’re too young. I’ve known from the moment I laid eyes on you that you were it for me. I thought the best thing that ever happened to me was the day my parents packed me up and shipped my ass to a boarding school across the country. At least then I wouldn’t have to see their faces. But I was wrong. Best thing that ever happened to me came after I got myself kicked out for fighting at the beginning of the year, ’cause I came home and found this girl, all light and beauty and goodness, standing in the middle of my bedroom.”
He reached down and laid a palm flat against my belly. “Now I have something that comes in at a close second. You’re my family, Shane, you and this baby we made together. Never loved a single person in my life until you. Never. You’re all I’ll ever need, and now I get that times two.”
Bittersweet (Redemption Book 3) Page 16