by Lynn LaFleur
Teanna grinned. “Which head?”
He returned her grin. “Both.” He rubbed her nipples with his thumbs. “Everything is special with you.”
She kissed him, long and deeply. He’d shared a big part of himself with her. It was time she did the same.
“I have a couple of things to confess to you too.”
He tenderly pushed her hair back from her face. “I’m listening.”
“When I saw that man who sat next to the fireplace at The Tarot Café, I forgot how to breathe. I felt so drawn to him, as if we were supposed to be together.”
She caressed his lips with her fingertips. “Then I saw you outside the store and I felt as drawn to you as I had to the man at the restaurant. I didn’t understand how I could experience something so strongly for two completely different men. Now I know why. It’s because both men were you. My heart knew that, even if my head didn’t.”
He drew her closer and kissed her so sweetly, tears sprang to Teanna’s eyes. He brushed the tears from beneath her lashes with his thumbs and cleared his throat.
“What’s the second thing?”
“No one else knows about this, other than my aunt and uncle. I didn’t even tell Becca and there’s very little I don’t tell her. I have a trust fund from my parents that I’ll inherit when I turn thirty. By the time I can draw on it, it’ll be worth about three million.” She playfully tapped the end of his nose. “So see? I’m a great catch too.”
Grinning, he tightened his arms around her waist. “You certainly are.” The humor faded from his eyes and Teanna once again saw love shining in the blue depths. “But it has nothing to do with your money. You’re kind and generous and loving and so damn beautiful, it almost hurts to look at you.”
His kiss proved his words. The sweet kiss went on and on, until Teanna felt him harden inside her.
“I want you again.”
“I can tell.”
“Hold on. I’m going to carry you to the bedroom.”
Teanna wrapped her legs around his waist and held on tightly as he walked toward the bedroom. Love welled up inside her heart. She and James had been completely honest with each other. They were committed to each other. Nothing could possibly go wrong for them.
She wondered how long she could live in her happy little bubble before it burst.
Chapter Twelve
April 14
James pulled his SUV into his parking spot behind Caldwell’s and turned off the motor. He’d made the deliveries in record time today. He barely had to look at his GPS anymore since he had finally learned all the county roads.
He glanced at the foil-wrapped packages on the passenger seat and chuckled. Mrs. Hancock had given him a loaf of zucchini bread. Mrs. Cunningham had given him a dozen chocolate chip cookies. The fresh-out-of-the-oven apple pie came from Mrs. Hurley. All the elderly widows in the area must believe he needed to gain weight. They were constantly giving him goodies when he delivered their medicine.
Teanna loved Mrs. Cunningham’s cookies, so he’d give those to her. He’d share the bread and pie with Caldwell’s employees.
Maybe the cookies would bring a smile to Teanna’s face…one that also reached her eyes.
It had been ten days since he’d told her his true identity. She’d seemed happy that he’d shared so much of himself with her. Yet he could tell something bothered her. He’d catch her staring off into nothing, a furrow between her eyebrows and a frown on her lips.
He wished she’d tell him what was wrong.
James went in the back door and turned toward the break room. He set down the pie and bread, then headed for Teanna’s office. It surprised him to find her office empty.
Ruth rounded the corner and smiled when she saw him. “Through already?”
“Yeah. I’m getting good with the route.” He hitched his thumb at Teanna’s empty office. “Where’s Teanna?”
Ruth’s smile faded. “She went home about half an hour ago with a headache. She offered to stay, but I told her to go home and lie down.”
A knot of apprehension tightened his stomach. He didn’t like hearing that Teanna didn’t feel well. “I’d like to check on her, unless you or Lloyd have something you need me to do right now.”
“No, things have been slow today.” She gestured toward the package in his hand. “Mrs. Cunningham’s cookies?”
“I’m taking them to Teanna. Maybe they’ll cure her headache.”
“Let me know how she’s doing.”
“I will.”
James hurried out the back door and to his SUV. That knot of apprehension grew larger as he drove toward the Caldwell house. Something was bothering Teanna and it was more than a headache.
He had to know. Now.
*
Teanna stared at the artist’s drawing of the sprawling ranch-style house in the book of house plans. Three thousand square feet, three bedrooms, two baths, master suite with bath, kitchen, dining room, breakfast nook, great room, huge closets…everything she’d ever dreamed of in her own home.
Her aunt and uncle had given her the deed for five of their thirty acres when she turned twenty-one. Teanna could’ve built her own house then, or at age twenty-five instead of agreeing to the add-on of this house. But she wanted to build her home with the man she loved. She wanted it to be as much his home as hers, not something he moved into because she already owned it.
James would love this design. But he’d never see the plan, much less the house.
Tossing the book aside, Teanna picked up her empty mug from the coffee table. Another cup of hot tea would be good. She rose from the couch, wincing when pain shot through her temples. The pain medication she’d taken a few minutes ago hadn’t kicked in yet. She sank back down to the couch, deciding the tea could wait a while longer until the mule inside her head stopped kicking to get out. She leaned her head on the back of the couch and closed her eyes.
The sound of someone coming in the door made her open her eyes again. James entered the room, carrying something wrapped in foil. Worry filled his eyes and drew his brows together.
“Hi,” he said softly.
“Hi.”
He pushed aside the house plans book without looking at it and sat beside her. “How’s your headache?”
“Pounding.”
“Would some of Mrs. Cunningham’s chocolate chip cookies make you feel better?”
Normally, yes. But her headache, combined with the hollow feeling in her stomach, meant she wouldn’t be able to eat anything. “Not now, thanks.”
He set the package on the coffee table next to her mug. “Will you tell me what’s bothering you?”
So much for my acting skills. Teanna had tried to hide her anxiety from James. Apparently she hadn’t succeeded.
Picking up her mug, she walked to the kitchen. She didn’t have to look to know he followed her. She poured more tea into her mug and stared into the hot liquid while trying to find the right words to say to him.
“Have I done something wrong?” he asked.
Her throat tightened and tears sprang to her eyes. She didn’t want to do this, but she had no choice. “No,” she whispered, her voice hoarse.
He took her arm, turned her toward him and lifted her chin. “Talk to me, Teanna.”
The concern in his eyes caused more tears to fill hers. He caught each one on his thumbs as they fell down her cheeks. “Sweetheart, please talk to me. You can tell me anything. You know that.”
Teanna swallowed several times to try and get the lump in her throat to move. “You can’t do this, James.”
“I can’t do what?”
“You can’t keep living a lie. You can’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. That isn’t right.”
James tilted back his head and blew out a heavy breath. “Teanna—“
“What about your family and friends? It isn’t fair to them to believe you’re dead.”
“My brother knows the truth. I told you how he helped me. I don’t have any other
family.”
“What about the members of your band, and your fans?”
He took several steps away from her and ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t like lying to my band, but it can’t be helped.” He faced her again. “I was dying in that life, Teanna. I had to get away from it. That meant letting the guys closest to me believe P.J. Kendall died.”
“But it doesn’t have to be that way.” She didn’t know what words to use to make him understand. “It isn’t right.”
“Don’t I have the right to live my life the way I want to?”
“Not at the expense of others.” She moved closer to him. “This is fraud, James. Your brother could get in serious trouble for helping you. You’re using a phony identity, phony credit card, bank account—“
“I know that,” he said, scowling.
“What happens when some reporter starts snooping because P.J. Kendall’s death doesn’t add up? And what about Uncle Lloyd and Aunt Ruth? You decided to tell them the truth. That means they’re accessories. Uncle Lloyd might lose his license if it’s discovered he’s employed an imposter, maybe even go to jail. I don’t know what the IRS might do—”
“All right, all right!” Placing his hands on his hips, James looked down at the floor. “Shit,” he muttered. “You’re really good at heaping on the guilt, aren’t you?”
“I love you, James. I’m not trying to hurt you. But you have to realize I’m right.”
“No. No.” He sliced one hand through the air. “I won’t go back to that life. I’m happy here. I love you, my job, the town, your aunt and uncle. Why would I want to give up everything?”
“I’m not asking you to give up anything. I only want you to tell the truth because it’s the right thing to do. And because…” She swallowed when the tears threatened to start falling again. “I can’t live the lie with you.”
His expression shifted from anger to disbelief. “What?”
“I won’t spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder, waiting for the press or police or whomever to show up and expose you or arrest you. If you…” Her voice broke. She took a breath for courage to force out the next words. “If you insist on living as James Parker, you’ll do it without me.”
He stared at her for several moments, then rubbed his forehead. “I never expected you would desert me.”
“I’m not deserting you—“
“Then what the fuck do you call it?” He straightened his shoulders, every line of his body rigid. “It’s your way or no way. That’s what you said.”
“I only want what’s best for you!”
“Giving me an ultimatum isn’t what’s best for me, Teanna. Working with me, being my partner, is what’s best for me.”
Her stomach clenched. She hated hurting him, but she truly believed he’d never live a full life until he settled everything with his old one. “I can’t,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
Pain mixed with anger in his eyes. He stared at her for several long seconds, then turned and went out the back door. A moment later, she heard his SUV start and peel out of the driveway.
*
James swallowed the last half of the bottle of beer in one gulp. He set the empty bottle in the cardboard six-pack container and selected a full bottle. He stared at his cell phone lying on the ground next to him while he unscrewed the cap, willing Teanna to call and ask him to come back. The only sound that broke the silence was the slowly moving river ten feet away.
He took a swig of the new bottle. He had everything a man could want…a wonderful woman, a nice job, great bosses, good friends. He still lived in the cabin at County Woods, but that was only temporary. He’d never doubted that he and Teanna would live together soon.
Would have lived together soon.
Lifting his knees, he propped his forearms on them and let the beer bottle dangle from his fingers. The mosquitoes would be out any minute and ready to feast on him this close to the river. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything right now.
James looked down at the ground between his feet. That wasn’t true. He cared about a lot of things…especially Teanna.
He’d formed the band because he loved to sing. He’d never expected its popularity to skyrocket so quickly. The fame, the money, the women…he’d enjoyed all of it for the first year. Then, because the band was so popular, Rusty booked more concerts, more recording dates, more photo sessions. James knew one song that the fans didn’t like could send the band spiraling downward as quickly as it had risen. So he held onto the fame, the money, the women, and added drugs and booze into the mix. He’d lived most of the last eight years in a haze, either getting high or coming down from a high.
His doctor had told him he was healthy. That wouldn’t be true if he’d kept on the same course. He couldn’t go back to that way of life.
Or perhaps he should call it the way of death.
He missed the band members. He missed his brother. He didn’t miss the crazy concert and recording schedules, but he missed singing to the fans. Every night he picked up his guitar and sang, softly so no one would hear him. He’d written nine songs since he’d lived in Lanville…nine songs that no one would hear. Except Teanna. He could sing them for her.
Correction—he could have sung them for her if she hadn’t pushed him away.
He understood why she wanted him to tell the world that P.J. Kendall was alive. He wished she understood why he couldn’t.
The sound of his cell phone ringing sent James’ heart into his throat. He dropped the beer bottle and grabbed the phone. His heart fell down to his feet when he saw Rusty’s name instead of Teanna’s.
“Hey, bro. What’s up?”
“Just checking in. You haven’t called in a few days. Everything okay?”
“Sure. Everything’s great.”
“You don’t sound like everything’s great.”
James watched the beer flow out of the bottle and seep into the ground. “Just feeling a little low today. Believe it or not, I miss you.”
“Miss you too, little brother.”
Rubbing his forehead, James blinked back tears. So many emotions had hit him today, he had a hard time processing all of them.
“I’m thinking about visiting you,” Rusty said.
His brother’s statement left James speechless for a moment. “What?”
“I want to see the little town where you live. And meet the woman you’ve raved about.”
He’d love for Rusty to meet Teanna, except there was no reason for that now. “Save the airfare, Rusty. Teanna and I broke up today.”
“No way. You said you were crazy about her.”
“I still am.”
“What happened?” Rusty asked, his voice softer.
“She wants me to tell the world that P.J. Kendall is still alive. I told her I couldn’t. She said she couldn’t live a lie. End of story.”
Rusty was silent for so long, James thought they’d been disconnected. “You still there?”
“Yeah.”
“No comment about what she said?”
“You won’t like my comment, so I’m keeping quiet.”
“Say it. I want to know what you’re thinking.”
“You already know what I’m thinking, P.J. Teanna is right.”
“Shit, Rusty. I don’t need that from you too.”
“I’ve never hidden the fact that I think what you did was wrong. You should’ve gone public and said you were retiring.”
“That wouldn’t have worked—“
“How do you know? You didn’t try it.”
“I did what I thought I had to do.”
Rusty sighed. “Yeah, I know you did.”
James decided it was a good time to change the subject. “How are the guys? Do you see them very often?”
“I saw all of them last week. They approached me about being their manager. They want to start recording again.”
Finally, something good today. “That’s great
. Will’s a fantastic singer. They can be very successful with you managing them.”
“I don’t know if I can do it, P.J. I told you it would be hard for me to be around them and not blurt out the truth about you. If I’m around them all the time, I don’t know how long I can keep your secret. I promise you I’ll try, but it’ll be hard.”
“So you told them no?”
“I told them I’d think about it.”
James reached down to pick up the empty bottle, but froze at Rusty’s next words.
“They want to call the band Kendall, to honor you.”
Tears flooded James’ eyes so quickly, he couldn’t blink them away before they ran down his cheeks. He swiped at them with the heel of his hand. “That-that’s nice.”
“P.J.—“
“Look, I gotta go,” he said after clearing his throat. “I’m outside and the mosquitoes are eating me alive. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
He disconnected the call before Rusty could say anything else and tossed the cell phone to the ground. He crossed his arms on top of his knees, rested his forehead on them and let the tears fall.
Chapter Thirteen
April 21
James stood outside the pharmacy, unwilling to interrupt Lloyd’s telephone conversation. He dreaded the next few minutes, but he didn’t know what else to do. He and Teanna had barely spoken in a week. He’d lost the enjoyment he received from visiting with the elderly women on his route. The songs he’d written since he and Teanna broke up were complete crap.
His happy life in Lanville had collapsed a week ago with Teanna’s ultimatum.
As soon as Lloyd hung up the phone, James stepped into the pharmacy. “May I talk to you, Lloyd?”
“Sure.”
Lloyd led the way to the empty break room. “Want coffee?” he asked, stopping at the coffee maker.
“No, thanks.”
Lloyd poured coffee for himself and joined James at the table. “I have the feeling I won’t like what you’re going to say.”
James leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table. “I’m giving notice. I have to leave.”