by Mandy Baggot
‘Hello, Robyn,’ he greeted with a warm smile.
‘Hi, Clive,’ she replied.
Twenty-Seven
‘You didn’t call, I was worried,’ Clive said.
With Cole’s robe wrapped over her bikini, Robyn busied herself making a pot of coffee. She’d had five or more beers and she couldn’t be speaking to him drunk. She wanted to say the right things and she wanted to remember saying them.
‘I’ve been busy,’ she answered stiffly.
‘Too busy for a phone conversation? Come on, Robyn, I was worried. I was imagining all sorts of things.’
‘Like what? No planes have come down, no skinny half-British, half-American girls have been murdered that I know of. I can look after myself. What are you doing here?’ she asked, turning to face him.
‘I wanted to see you. How’s your father?’
‘He’s doing okay. He’s having the bypass soon, as long as he steers clear of Dunkin’ Donuts,’ Robyn informed him.
‘Good, I’m glad,’ he replied.
‘So what are you doing here and how did you find me?’
‘I went to the roadhouse. A woman there told me where you were staying. This isn’t your aunt’s house, is it? I mean, this isn’t a ranch house, this must be worth…’
‘A million at least, probably more. What are you doing here?’ Robyn repeated as the coffee pot began to sputter to life.
Clive took a deep breath and held it in until his chest had expanded to full capacity. He looked older and more tired than she remembered. There seemed to be more lines around his eyes, but perhaps they had been there before and she just hadn’t noticed. He looked jaded and weary, but maybe that was just the jetlag.
‘Carolyn’s pregnant,’ he announced, the breath leaving his chest in one quick rush, the words following.
‘Wow,’ Robyn replied.
She didn’t know what else to say. What was protocol for finding out your married lover’s wife was pregnant?
‘Obviously, it was completely unplanned. I mean, you know what it’s like. I have to keep up appearances in that department but…’ Clive started, shifting on the kitchen bar stool Robyn had sat him on.
‘You want to end things with me,’ Robyn guessed.
‘No! No, Robyn—not that. I just… well… things will be difficult for a while. She’ll expect me to be there more, at the start at least, so…’
‘I’m not coming back to England,’ Robyn announced.
She didn’t know where the statement had come from but it was out and passed her lips before she knew it.
‘What do you mean?’ Clive asked, a puzzled look on his face.
‘Dad needs me here. Even after the operation, he’s not going to be able to run the roadhouse or manage the ice hockey team,’ she continued.
She picked up the coffee pot and rapidly filled two mugs.
‘But what about your aunt? Surely she can help. I mean, how long are you planning on staying? We said a month maybe. How long do you need?’ Clive wanted to know.
‘I need forever,’ Robyn responded, passing him a mug and watching his expression.
*
‘Cole, look at me,’ Veronica urged him.
They sat in the living room while the party carried on outside. Cole was still in his trunks and water was dripping onto the cream carpet. He didn’t care. That was the very least of his worries.
‘I can’t,’ he responded, not raising his head.
‘We need to talk about this. Bryn and I are worried about your mom,’ Veronica continued.
‘Did he send you here? He made you fly in that condition?’ Cole asked, lifting his head and gesturing to her pregnant swell.
‘It was my idea to come. I know you, Cole. I know how hurt you are and I know what we did was unforgiveable, but we need to do something to straighten it out for your mom’s sake,’ Veronica told him.
‘You don’t know me,’ Cole stated brutally.
‘I know you care about your mom. And so does Bryn, and she’s not doing so good right now.’
‘I only left a few days ago. She’s fine.’
‘She wouldn’t want you to worry. She knows you need to focus on your new job,’ Veronica said.
‘What do you want me to say, Veronica? What do you expect me to do?’ Cole asked her.
‘She wants the family together for Thanksgiving. She’s already making plans.’
‘I hope you’re kidding me,’ he said, standing up.
‘She would never tell you herself, but that’s what she wants. She wants you, Bryn, me and your Uncle Derek around the table together as a family,’ Veronica continued.
‘Yeah? Well, that’s not happening.’
‘Bryn said you would be like this but I didn’t believe him. I know you have a soft soul, Cole. The way you used to talk about your father, how you cried for him… he wouldn’t want this division in the family. You know that,’ Veronica said
‘That’s enough,’ Cole warned.
‘Don’t shut Bryn out, Cole. You’re brothers.’
‘We were.’
‘You can’t help who you fall in love with.’
‘Believe me, I know that.’
‘Then find it in your heart to forgive him, even if you can’t forgive me. After all, he saved you once,’ Veronica said, tears pricking her eyes.
‘What?’
‘He told me what you did after your dad died. He loves you, Cole, and he wants you to be part of this baby’s life. We both want that,’ Veronica insisted.
‘You need to leave,’ Cole told her.
*
‘You’re doing what? Getting married! You’ve been here less than a week!’ Clive exclaimed, sloshing some of his coffee onto his trousers.
‘Shh! Keep your voice down,’ Robyn begged, waving her arms to try and quieten him.
‘What do you think you’re doing, Robyn? This is madness! You’ve been gone a few days and suddenly you want to leave everything behind, start living in America and marry some country bumpkin you’ve no doubt picked up at some ice hockey match. It’s ludicrous,’ Clive announced.
‘I don’t expect you to understand, I’d just like you to accept it,’ Robyn answered calmly.
‘Well, I don’t! I don’t accept it!’ His voice boomed as he slammed his cup down on the counter.
‘Clive, I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You helped me out when I was in a really dark place, and I’ll always be grateful, but things have changed,’ Robyn attempted to explain.
‘In a few days?’
‘Yes. I know how that sounds, but yes.’
‘You’re making it sound like you’re cancelling an unwanted car warranty,’ Clive told her.
‘This is your chance to try again with Carolyn. A new baby, a new start for the both of you,’ Robyn said.
‘I’m not so sure about that.’
‘I can’t be what you want me to be,’ Robyn stated, meeting his gaze.
‘And exactly what do you think I want you to be, Robyn?’
‘Clive, we eat expensive Thai takeout in the flat and talk about places we’re never going to go together,’ Robyn said with a sigh.
‘I’m always suggesting restaurants and weekends away, you always say no.’
‘I know I do. Because I don’t want to go,’ Robyn admitted.
‘We’ve been together over eight years,’ Clive reminded her.
‘And I’ve never really been there,’ Robyn said sadly.
*
‘I’m getting married,’ Cole told her.
‘What?’
‘Yeah.’
‘But—’
‘What, did you think I’d never get over you?’
‘No, of course not, but… so soon? I mean you can’t have…’
‘I’ve known her five days,’ Cole admitted.
‘Five days.’
‘Yeah, and I feel like I’ve loved her a lifetime already,’ he said.
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘Then forget the past and forgive Bryn,’ Veronica suggested.
‘It doesn’t quite work like that.’
‘Does your mom know you’re planning on getting married?’
‘Not yet.’
‘Have you really thought this through?’
‘No, I haven’t, and ya know what? That’s why it’s right.’
*
‘I’ll pay you back everything. All the gifts, all the money you gave me. I spent some of it on the roadhouse but when we make a profit I can…’ Robyn began.
‘I don’t want anything back, Robyn,’ Clive replied soberly.
‘I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t come here thinking I wouldn’t go back,’ she assured him.
‘Are you sure? Really sure staying here is what you want? Are you certain it isn’t just being back here evoking fond memories?’ Clive asked.
‘I’m sure,’ Robyn answered with a nod.
Clive nodded in reply and ran his finger around the rim of his coffee cup.
‘I care about you, Robyn.’
The words were loaded with emotion, more than she’d probably given him credit for.
‘I know you do and that used to be enough… but it isn’t any more.’
Twenty-Eight
‘Hey,’ Robyn greeted, entering the den.
Clive had left and Henrik and the rest of the team had taken the party into town. Only Bob, Pam and the twins remained, clearing up the garden.
‘Hey,’ Cole replied.
‘The pregnant ex gone?’
‘Yeah. How about the married guy?’
‘Driving back to the airport as we speak,’ Robyn replied, sitting down next to him.
‘Some party, huh?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Listen, Robyn—’
‘You don’t have to say anything. It’s okay if you still feel something for Veronica. I mean—’
‘I don’t. I don’t feel anything for her.’
Robyn nodded and chewed on her thumbnail, looking at him and waiting for whatever was coming next. There was something, she could tell. He looked anxious and agitated.
‘There’s something I need to tell you,’ he began.
‘You want to call off the wedding,’ Robyn stated.
‘No, nothing like that,’ he said, holding her hands in his.
‘Then tell me, whatever it is, just tell me,’ she begged.
He took a long breath and then let it drift out slowly as if he was composing himself for an important speech.
‘When my dad died, I didn’t decide to choose medicine and try to make a difference, not right away. I lost it, Robyn, I lost it big time. My dad was my rock and we were close, I mean, real close. We did everything together. Bryn, he was older, he spent more time with his friends. But me, I liked spending time with Dad. We went to hockey together, we went to football together, we fished, we played golf. We did everything together, and when I lost him, I didn’t know what to do. My whole world had been taken away and I couldn’t focus. My center had gone, my familiarity, my balance… nothing was there any more,’ Cole began.
She could see the pain of losing his father etched on his face and those dark eyes were moist with tears.
‘Robyn, I was stupid, so freaking stupid. I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t care about anything,’ he said, looking up at her.
‘What is it? You can tell me.’
‘I was in a bad, dark place and I just wanted him back,’ he said, the tears finally escaping.
‘What did you do?’
‘I completely lost my mind. From the moment he passed away, I went on some grief-fuelled rollercoaster ride,’ Cole admitted.
‘You got in trouble?’ Robyn guessed.
‘I drank myself into a stupor every single day. I beat up my best friend, I dropped out of school, I told my mom I hated her and I almost killed somebody when I drove through a stop sign. I spent thirty days in jail.’
*
He looked over to Robyn, waiting for her reaction, wondering what the admission was going to do to her. It had to do something. She thought he was strong, she thought he was this ambitious, dedicated person who was going to cure the world of its ills, but the truth was, he was as weak as the next person. She looked like she was thinking so hard, he could almost see the wheels in motion. He needed to be honest with her and he needed to be honest with himself. She had to know who he really was and who he was wasn’t all good.
*
‘I once took a monkey wrench to a customer when he pinched my ass,’ Robyn stated, her voice wobbling slightly.
‘Robyn, I was a mess! I was this disgusting individual who didn’t care about anybody or anything. I was filled up with rage against the whole damn world as if it was everyone else’s fault that my dad had died. I hated everyone and I hated myself. I was on some road to self-destruction and… that’s what happened next,’ Cole carried on.
‘What?’ Robyn asked, squeezing his hands.
‘Bryn found me unconscious. I’d taken God knows how many pills and drank a bottle of vodka. He got me to the emergency room. If he hadn’t found me…’
‘What happened then?’ Robyn asked with a swallow.
‘I came to in hospital, feeling rougher than you can imagine. By the side of my bed was my dad’s ice hockey shirt. Mom had brought it in and she’d put it by my pillow. It still smelt of him, you know, and that smell, it just filled me up. I didn’t want to die. Dad had given me all these fantastic times, and I realized those memories should have been shaping my future. I wanted to make him proud and I needed to be a better person,’ Cole explained.
Robyn threw her arms around him and held him close, pulling him tight to her.
‘I left Chicago because I could feel those destructive feelings coming back after what Bryn and Veronica did. It didn’t have anything to do with Dad, it had to do with me. I’m not good enough, Robyn, but I really want to be,’ Cole told her fiercely.
‘What d’you mean, you’re not good enough?’ she asked.
‘People leave me because I’m nothing. I thought the work I do would make a difference, but I can’t find the answers. What if I never find them? What then? Who am I without that? Where’s my focus?’
‘Now you listen to me. I don’t know anything about your work but I know about you. You, Cole Ryan, are far from nothing. For a start, you’re my fiancé! And that makes you pretty damn special in my world.’
‘I don’t want to let you down.’
‘The only way you’re gonna let me down is if you don’t kiss me right now,’ Robyn ordered him.
Cole looked at her, his big eyes full of tears and regret.
‘Why aren’t you doing it?’ Robyn asked him.
Cole tenderly took her face in his hands and brought her lips to his, parting them slowly and delivering a warm, soft touch to her mouth.
‘You must never do anything like that ever again. If you’ve got a problem, you tell me about it. Do you hear me?’ she asked.
‘Loud and clear.’
‘I’m hiding all the Advil and the alcohol unless you promise me,’ she said, pulling back so she could look into his eyes.
‘I promise you.’
‘Swear it. Swear it on your Chicago Wolves limited edition hooded sweater,’ Robyn said, squeezing his hands.
‘I swear it on my limited edition Chicago Wolves hooded sweater and the matching track pants,’ Cole answered, his tone serious.
Robyn gazed at him, studying his expression, before finally nodding. She laid a kiss on his injured knuckles and let go of his hand.
‘I want you to meet my mom,’ he stated.
‘Oh.’
‘I want you to. It’s important to me.’
> ‘Yeah, but she might test me on vacuuming techniques and I don’t even know where it’s kept,’ Robyn replied, wiping at her eyes.
‘Knowing that I’m moving on—even though I’m not ready to bury the hatchet with Bryn and Veronica—it might make her worry less about things. She worries a lot about things since Dad died,’ Cole said.
‘Will I have to wear a dress and fancy shoes and bake brownies?’ Robyn asked him.
‘Of course.’
‘Are we going to tell her we’re getting married?’
‘Are you okay with that?’
‘I’m not sure. I mean, it isn’t like we’ve set a date or anything.’
‘Do you want to set a date?’
‘Do you?’
‘I asked first.’
‘October second, I’ve always liked the number two,’ Robyn replied.
‘That’s in two weeks.’
‘Then you have a lot of planning to do. I want a cake, three tiers, all chocolate. And I want to get married here, by the lake, on the sand, and I want to arrive in Bob’s boat. I want Special Guest to perform at the reception and I want that slow Eric Clapton song playing in the background when we sign the license. And I want everyone barefoot. And we don’t tell anyone until the day before,’ Robyn reeled out.
‘I’m happy with all that,’ Cole told her.
‘Well, obviously you need to think about what you want too. I mean, Special Guest are quite versatile; we don’t have to have Eric Clapton. Just as long as you don’t get them playing Bruce Springsteen, never been a fan,’ Robyn said.
‘How about REO Speedwagon?’
‘Are you serious?’
Twenty-Nine
‘Nancy! What are these?’ Robyn asked, holding up a very ancient-looking plastic packet that had started to turn brown. It was Monday.
‘Dunno, honey, rubbers?’ Nancy responded with a hearty cackle, nudging Milo and getting him to look.
‘Should have known I wouldn’t get a proper answer. They resemble balloons, but they look about twenty years old,’ Robyn remarked, stretching one out and trying to blow into it with little success.
‘I found them out back, thought we could use them to decorate for opening night,’ Nancy said.