by J. S. Scott
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” he asked gruffly.
I shrugged. “They’re just dreams.”
“They upset you. Anything that scares you I sure as hell want to know about,” he said stubbornly.
I looked into his dark, still slightly haunted eyes and replied, “You have your own demons to fight.”
“I’d rather fight yours,” he said gutturally. “Or we fight them together.”
I realized that Xander had hit the nail on the head with his comment. I didn’t tell him because I wasn’t used to fighting my battles with anybody. I fought them alone. “I’m used to being alone,” I tried to explain.
“You’re not alone anymore, Sam. You’ll never be alone again.”
My heart ached as I saw the earnest expression on his handsome face. We didn’t talk about a future, and I didn’t want to put that kind of stress on him. But when Xander said things like that, I wanted to believe him. “I’ll wake you up next time.”
He put his forehead against mine. “Promise?”
“I promise.” We had to take things one day at a time, and if he wanted to be there for me, I could get used to that, even though it could be dangerous.
“Anything else I should know about?” he asked gruffly.
I want to tear your clothes off and lick every inch of your hard body!
“Nothing that doesn’t have to do with dirty thoughts,” I told him mischievously.
He looked hopeful as he lifted his head. “Now those I like,” he answered in a sultry, deep tone that turned my bones to liquid.
We’d just burned up the sheets that morning, and my muscles were screaming for relief. But that didn’t stop me from wanting Xander all over again. “If I don’t give it a break, I’m going to be limping,” I chortled.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked, suddenly serious as hell.
I let out a sigh. What woman wouldn’t be touched by a guy who never wanted her to even have so much as a damn hangnail? It wasn’t reality, but every once in a while, I could let myself enjoy a temporary fantasy. “No,” I answered as I stroked over his hair. “I’ve just been discovering muscles I didn’t know I had.”
His expression looked relieved. “I could do a massage.”
I nearly moaned at the thought of his big hands roaming all over my body. “I know where that would end.”
“I’d be good.”
I lifted a brow. “I wouldn’t.”
I escaped from his arms and sprinted for the kitchen.
I could hear him running after me.
“Cake. I need cake,” I said breathlessly as I arrived at the kitchen sink.
“I need you,” he growled as his arms wrapped around me from behind.
God, I needed him, too. That was my issue. I wanted to keep everything with Xander happy, playful, and noncommittal. That’s what he could handle right now. The problem was, I couldn’t help but want . . . more.
I turned around in his arms and kissed him tenderly. “You have me. I’m not going anywhere.”
He looked relieved as he bent down to give me a deeper, more sensual embrace.
Then, he let me go with a swat on the ass. “Go make cake if that’s what you want to do.”
“It’s safer,” I said as I tried to wrap my thoughts around baking.
Xander turned the kitchen chair backward and sat down to watch me. “What would you do if you could do anything you wanted?”
I took things out of the fridge as I thought seriously about his question. Strangely, I was pretty damn happy right where I was right now. But I knew he was talking about my dreams. “I’m pretty happy with my life. Getting a book deal was a crazy dream that actually happened for me.”
“What else?” he questioned. “What have you always wanted to do but haven’t?”
I had a long list of those items. “So many things,” I said with a sigh as I started mixing ingredients, carefully looking at the recipe I’d left on the counter. “I’d actually go see Hamilton on Broadway.”
“You lived in New York.”
“There was no way I could buy tickets without selling a kidney. They’re impossible to get without paying an arm and a leg.”
“What else?” he probed.
“I’d go to the biggest amusement parks in the country and ride every roller coaster.”
“Adrenaline junkie? I didn’t see that coming,” he observed.
I ignored his comment. Okay, maybe I was rather serious sometimes, but I had my fantasies. “And I’d travel. I want to see the world. I’ve actually never been off the East Coast.”
“Nothing else?”
“I think that’s enough. What about you?” I asked curiously.
“I’d be right here watching your gorgeous ass while you’re making a cake,” he answered. “Best damn thing I’ve ever seen.”
When I turned around, he shot me an evil grin.
“Pervert,” I accused, and then turned back to my baking. It didn’t bother me that he was watching me. I kind of liked the fact that he seemed to be transfixed by my butt. I’d certainly never thought it was worth watching.
“Guilty,” he agreed. “If you’re around, I’m always going to be looking.”
“Seriously?” I asked. “What were your dreams before everything changed?”
“I was pretty happy. I liked spending time with my family, which was why I was at Mom and Dad’s place. It was their anniversary. I had a great band, and I can’t say I loved the tours and being on the road all the time, but the guys made it fun. There aren’t many places we didn’t see, but it meant constant traveling when we weren’t recording. That part of being a rock star was starting to get old.”
“So what were you thinking about for the future?”
“I thought about starting up my own record label. Finding my own talent. There are a lot of good musicians out there who never get a break.”
“You should do it. You’d be a great mentor,” I encouraged.
“It’s a huge commitment,” he said.
“You could handle it.”
“You have an awful lot of faith in me,” he grumbled.
“Because you have a lot of talent, Xander.”
“Who knows? Maybe I will,” he pondered. “Fuck knows I have the money.”
I had no idea what it was like to be able to do anything I wanted. My world had always revolved around making a living. But I was pretty sure Xander would succeed at about anything he wanted to do. Despite the way I teased him, he wasn’t a spoiled rich guy. Everything he’d ever done he’d thrown himself into without turning back. He was stubborn enough to make it work. “Anything else?”
“I just want my family to be happy. And I think they’re managing that just fine on their own,” he answered.
“They are,” I agreed, thinking about how much his brothers loved their wives. “Are you going to New York when Tessa gets her implants activated?”
“Yep. We’re going. I already made the reservation at the same penthouse.”
“I don’t have to go,” I told him, uncertain of exactly where I fit into his life now that I wasn’t his employee anymore. Friend? Girlfriend? Really, titles had never mattered much to me. But was it appropriate for me to be with him everywhere he went? Despite what he proclaimed, Xander really didn’t need me anymore to keep him stable. He was getting mentally stronger every day.
“I want you to go. And I’m sure everybody else does, too. We’re together now, Sam. You aren’t working for me anymore. Don’t you want to?” Xander sounded slightly hurt.
“I want to,” I assured him. “I just don’t want to intrude. But yes, I’d like to go.”
“Good,” he said, sounding more upbeat.
We were silent as I kept rereading the recipe to make sure I was doing everything correctly. It wasn’t an awkward quiet time. Just like when we were reading or watching TV, I knew he was there, and the feeling was normal, natural.
As I put the cake in the oven, I chided myself over making Xander so nec
essary to my existence. It was risky, especially being with a man who was a recovered addict and alcoholic, but my heart wasn’t listening to reason.
With him, it never had.
I loved Xander with every fiber of my being. However, I had to learn not to expect more than he could give.
That was turning out to be more difficult than I had ever imagined.
I’d already decided that taking a risk on Xander was worth the possible heartache. Except the more time spent with him, the more dangerous it became. I already knew I’d be completely shattered if and when I needed to leave Amesport.
I couldn’t really hope for love on Xander’s part. He had too many issues to resolve, and he was still trying to get over his past. I had to enjoy my time with him without any expectations. Unfortunately, doing that was getting harder and harder for me.
At the end of summer, Xander and I would have to make a decision, one that could ultimately destroy me.
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay with him if he offered anything less than his heart. I wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of pain.
The summer isn’t over.
I pushed my misgivings aside. One thing I’d never been able to do well was just to live in the moment, but I was determined to try harder to focus only on what was happening from one experience to the next.
The time would come soon enough when I had to make a decision or crumple under the weight of a love that I wasn’t sure Xander would ever be able to return.
Until that moment arrived, I was going to try to absorb every bit of happiness I could get.
CHAPTER 28
LIAM
“I have to leave again next week, Brooke. I’m sorry that I have to put you in charge. I’m not usually gone very often.”
Brooke looked up at me with those baby-blues, and my dick got instantly hard. With her dark locks confined in a ponytail, and her face devoid of almost any makeup, she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Or was she actually still pretty much a girl? Hell, I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that she was driving me bat-shit crazy.
“It’s fine, Liam. You need to be with your sister. Everything will be okay here,” she answered with empathy.
Damn. She was sweet. That was one of the reasons I was so hot for her all the time. She worked so hard, and was way too nice for a jaded bastard like me.
“Thanks,” I said abruptly, turning back to my job of deshelling lobster while Brooke set everything else up for opening.
“Is it okay if I take a few days off when you get back?” she questioned mildly. “I have some personal things I need to deal with.”
“Your boyfriend?” I asked with gritted teeth.
Jesus Christ! No matter how much I told myself that Brooke wasn’t a woman I could fuck, I still wanted her. The thought of any other guy touching her made me half-crazy.
“Boyfriend?” she asked, sounding confused.
“Yeah. The guy I saw you kissing on the boardwalk not long ago. Is he local?”
Brooke was silent for a moment before she answered. “Oh, him.”
It wasn’t a very enthusiastic way to refer to a man she was involved with, but the fact that she sounded less than happy with her guy made me feel better. “Yeah. So what’s the deal?”
“I-I guess you could say we’re seeing each other.”
“Are you fucking him?” I asked before I could stop myself.
“No,” she answered, sounding appalled. “Not that it’s really any of your business if I am. But I’m not.”
I didn’t want her to ever get that far. But I had no idea how any guy could keep his hands to himself when Brooke was by his side. “You’re right. It isn’t my business. But you’re young, and I know you came to Amesport alone.”
“So you feel like you’re my daddy?” she asked in an irritated tone. “You’re only nine years older than I am, and I don’t need a father.”
“You look like you haven’t even graduated from high school,” I rumbled.
“I’m twenty-six,” she answered defiantly. “You’re hardly old enough to be my daddy.”
I’d never really asked her how old she was. It had been safer just to keep thinking she was a teenager. “You’re still here alone.”
“So what?”
“Well, why are you here? If you came here from California, what brought you here? You obviously still have a love interest from the West Coast.”
“He has a demanding career. He isn’t able to move here,” she answered.
“So he puts his money before you?” What an asshole.
“That’s not true,” Brooke protested. “It’s just not possible for us to be together all the time.”
“Why didn’t you just stay there and marry him?” What guy wouldn’t want to claim Brooke?
“He never asked.”
“Dumbass,” I said irritably.
She worked silently for a moment, filling condiment containers, before she finally answered, “I do my job. I work hard. Isn’t that enough?”
Okay. Fuck. Yeah. It should be more than enough. She was right. As an employer, I couldn’t complain about Brooke at all. She did anything I asked of her, and more. She acted as waitress, cook, prepper, and cashier all in the same day if needed. What in the hell was I thinking? This woman was nothing more than an employee to me, and I shouldn’t be treating her any differently.
Unfortunately, I desperately wanted to fuck her. Always had. Probably always would.
“I’m sorry,” I said a few minutes later. “You do work hard, and I’ve put you in bad situations by going away because I want to be with my sister. I hired you as a waitress, but you’ve done way more than your job description entails.”
“It’s okay,” she answered. “I get that you’re under pressure. I don’t mind helping.”
It was actually my dick that was feeling the squeeze. Personally, my life was running pretty smooth. I’d been under a hell of a lot more stress than I was right now. At the moment, she was my problem, the one woman who was about to make me lose my sanity. “That’s no excuse for criticizing your personal life. You do a great job for me, Brooke,” I told her gruffly, embarrassed that I’d actually gone in a personal direction with an employee.
Brooke shrugged. “I kind of thought we were friends and that I wasn’t just an employee.”
Friends? Oh, hell, no! I could never just be a friend to her. Not when I wanted to pin her up against the nearest solid object and fuck her until she couldn’t remember her name. “I can’t be your friend, Brooke,” I answered in a husky, honest voice.
“Why?” she questioned in a hurt tone.
Damn! I hated that injured inflection in her voice. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her. But I’d been dancing around my attraction for her way too long.
“Because when I look at you, all I want is to get you naked,” I confessed hoarsely. “I don’t have one single brotherly or fatherly feeling for you. I don’t want to be friends. I can’t be friends when I feel this way.”
My chest was heaving with emotion by the time I was finished, and I turned my back on her.
Jesus! I needed to get a grip. Brooke was young. Yeah, she wasn’t exactly a kid, but I had a feeling she’d been somewhat sheltered from the more difficult parts of life. It wasn’t just years that separated the two of us, it was our temperaments. Brooke seemed to look for the good in everybody, and I tended to be wary of almost every person who crossed my path.
I’d been burned, hardened.
Brooke was soft and sweet.
Maybe that was the attraction. But I was way too cynical for a woman like her.
“You’re really attracted to me?” she said, her voice right next to me.
The feel of her soft touch on my forearm made me turn to look at her. “I really am,” I answered roughly. “Do you get it now? I want to fuck you, Brooke. Men who want to nail you don’t make good male friends. You have a boyfriend. Do you really want a buddy who thinks about nothing except getti
ng you into bed?”
Her astonished stare was getting to me. I felt like she could see right through me, and it wasn’t a comfortable sensation.
She was silent as she searched my face. “I don’t think that’s all you think about,” she said gently.
I wasn’t about to tell her she was right, that I felt a whole lot more than just a physical attraction. Whatever I felt for Brooke was raw and so damn real that I craved a whole lot more than just her body.
“I want you. That’s it,” I denied, staring back at her as she trained her eyes on my face.
“I’m not a fragile flower, Liam. I can handle the fact that you’re attracted to me.”
“Can you?” I rasped, shrugging my arm out of her light hold.
She nodded. “I might be younger than you are, but it’s not like I’ve been totally oblivious to the sexual chemistry between us. Do you think I haven’t had fantasies about what it would be like to get you naked and take every ounce of pleasure you can give me? I have. I do. I’ve gotten myself off when I’m alone at night thinking about it.”
Every muscle in my body tensed as I stared at the sultry expression on Brooke’s face, a look I’d never seen before.
Holy Christ! I didn’t need to know about her sexual fantasies, but damned if I wasn’t fucking intrigued now. I wanted a starring role in every damn one of them. I was floored by what she was saying, and it took me a moment to really comprehend that my attraction to her was mutual.
It put me in a really hard place. Literally.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” I accused as I put my hands on her shoulders.
“I know exactly what I want,” she insisted.
“What about your boyfriend? What about him? Why aren’t you fantasizing about him?”
She broke eye contact with me and moved away. “It’s complicated. It’s not what you think, Liam. Nothing is the way it seems,” she answered in a remorseful tone.
“You aren’t going to dump him?” I asked irritably.
She shook her head. “I can’t.”
I was angry, pissed off that even though she said she wanted me, she was going to hold on to a man who didn’t even want to commit to her. I had no doubt that there was some kind of game going on here, but I didn’t want to fucking play. “Then keep your goddamn fantasies to yourself. Think about your boyfriend at night and leave me the hell alone.”