“A divine coincidence,” Maggie replied.
“And when I first met Harley at Positronic and we–”
“Flirted?” said Harley. “That was the first time I had ever met you. In fact, that was the first time I had ever seen you. I knew our iCandy project had a male counterpart, but that was all I knew. We tried to keep the two halves of the project compartmentalized as much as possible for fear of one half unduly influencing the other. When I first met you, I just thought you were a gorgeous guy who flew airplanes. I had no idea who you really were.”
“Neither did I,” said Rory. “Remember when we met at that lecture you gave at M.I.T. a few years ago?”
“I remember,” said Danny.
“We became friends after that, right?”
“Right.”
“Imagine my shock when Les and Canary told me who you were. You and I have been friends for four years and I only found out in June that one of my best friends was the other half of the iCandy project. Remember that day at lunch when you were hungover and you told me you were dating Candy? I just about choked to death. It was quite a shock seeing how you two found each other.”
“What about my flight with Howard later that day?” Danny asked. “We almost got killed.”
“If I may, sir,” said Howard, “our flight with Lieutenant Giskard and Lieutenant Parnell was a random event. One which worked out for the best, as we were able to call upon them and their substantial assistance this evening.”
“Yeah, what about that?” Danny asked. “We destroyed a lot of hardware tonight. And Canary, both your jets got shot up. You lost an engine and almost went down.”
“Hundreds of millions of dollars worth of hardware,” said Canary. “We won’t have an exact figure for a few days. But the dollar value of last year’s obsolete drones doesn’t matter. And it is true that things got a little crazy tonight. Those bullet holes are very real. I suspect we’ll be requiring alternate transportation home.”
“What about the mugging in Robot City?” Danny asked. “Was that real?”
“Very much so,” said Canary.
“How did I manage to beat the crap out of that guy?” Danny asked. “How did I not get stabbed to death?”
“Good questions,” said Maggie.
Danny turned to Rory. “That wasn’t some programmed martial arts training coming out of me?”
“I wouldn’t know,” said Rory. “I’m not a fighter. I’m a lover. That was all you.”
“My hero,” said Candy.
Danny raised his arm and showed the fine white line where the stitches had been. “What about the doctor who stitched me up?”
“Doctor Perkins?” asked Les. “He’s a real doctor. You sure fooled him.”
“What about the cops and the police report?” Danny asked. “It’s not very often somebody gets knifed in Robot City.”
“I had to pull a few strings to get that one dropped,” said Laura. “Les and Canary put their reputations on the line. It wasn’t easy getting the U.S. Navy to attack Les Grossman’s private island.”
“What about everything Candy and I have done during the past four years?” Danny asked. “Did I actually invent a new pediatric artificial heart? Did I actually write The Rock of God? Did Candy earn her Ph.D. and open her own office? Does she actually have clients? Or were all those things fabricated? Do I actually have a pilot’s license? Is the Viper Jet mine? Do I actually own my house?”
“Yes,” said Floyd. “All those things are real. They’re genuine accomplishments you should both be very proud of. There are two happy couples in this room who owe their happiness to Candy.”
“Three couples,” Susannah corrected. “It was Candy who introduced us at the Fourth of July party.”
“That’s right,” said Floyd. “I stand corrected.” Floyd and Susannah kissed.
“So, how old am I?” Danny asked. “How old is Candy?”
“Chronologically,” said Tim, “you’re both early-thirties. You were activated about four years ago, a few days after Candy was activated.”
“Ha ha ha, I’m older,” Candy teased.
“What about all my memories?” Danny asked. “I remember things from my childhood. My fantasy about being kidnapped by Amazon women, and pleasuring myself to women’s aerobics.”
“That was all me,” said Les. “Everything prior to activation was programmed. Implanted. I put a lot of my own experiences into you. We all did. For what it’s worth, we tried to make it a happy childhood.”
“What about my parents being married for forty years?” Danny asked. “Wait. Do I even have parents?”
“Those were composite memories,” said Harley. “Idealized and implanted to give you something positive to remember. And to aspire to.”
Danny turned to Candy. “Were you ever a gymnast?”
“No, but Harley was.”
“Doesn’t it make you sad?” Danny asked.
“It did at first,” said Candy. “And I guess it still does a little.”
“So, where have you been the last few months? What happened after you left the Fourth of July party?”
“I was devastated,” said Candy. “After I left the stage, Harley and Rory took me back to her place and told me everything. I insisted they show me the lab on the top floor of Canary Tower in Santa Monica. Even then I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t handle it all that well. I went to a little motel in Venice. I did some things I’m not proud of. But eventually I ended up at Robot Palace. Zammy and Delilah took me in.” She turned to Zammy and Delilah. “You guys were so great. And you, Bernard, and Rony, and Bella and Rukara. Were it not for all of you, I don’t think I would’ve recovered.” She turned to Danny once more. “But at least there are things to remember. Happy things. People and places and school and holidays. And we’ve already begun making memories of our own.”
“When did you find out about me?” Danny asked.
“Tonight. It took everything I had not to run to you as soon as you came through that door.”
Danny surveyed the room. “So, you all knew?”
Everyone nodded and answered in the affirmative.
“Think of it as the ultimate surprise party,” said Les. “Surprise!”
Danny didn’t know what to say. “I’m a robot?”
Candy nodded and smiled. “Just like me.”
“Clearly you two were meant to be together,” said Maggie.
Danny surveyed each person, human and robot alike. “So, you all agreed to come here and stage this elaborate search for Candy, including faking your own deaths in a gunfight, to help me find her?”
“Of course,” said Copper.
“And the fake blood tastes terrible,” said Turing, wiping the dried, red syrup from her face and mouth.
Everyone laughed.
“You did it,” said Les. “You slayed the dragon, defeated the evil lord, and rescued the princess.”
“And you’re not the evil, anti-robot character you’re accused of being?” Danny asked.
“Hardly,” said Les. “That’s a show designed for voters. It’s called politics.”
“So, what would have happened if I had proposed to Candy at the beach party back in July?”
“We’ll never know,” said Rory. “Presumably, she would’ve said yes and you two would’ve gotten married. But we didn’t pursue that course, so anything further would merely be speculation.”
Tim added, “We would’ve had to scramble to come up with something. I have no idea what that would’ve been.”
“So why did you tell me Candy was a robot?”
“That was a controversial decision we’ve been arguing about for the past three months,” said Canary.
“Vehemently,” Les added.
“It was Harley’s idea,” said Tim. “She thought it would be the best way to test the new law.”
“What new law?” Danny asked.
“The Ultimate Law of Robotics,” said Harley. “Free will. As Les said before, it’s
not enough for a robot to be programmed not to hurt human beings. The situation is more complicated than that. What if a robot must injure a human in order to rescue them from a burning building or a car sinking in the river? A robot would do its best to do the right thing. But society isn’t willing to accept programming. Programming can fail. Look at what happened with Candy’s client, Barney. The only way to prove that robots are safe is to let the robot act on its own; to let it decide what is right and what is wrong. And then to do the right thing. Which is what you did tonight.”
“You had every reason to blow my head off,” said Les. “I know I would’ve if I were in your shoes. After being betrayed and seeing all my friends massacred, I would’ve pulled out my guts, tied them around my neck, and choked me to death with them.
“But you didn’t. You had your chance and you chose to do the right thing: to let due process take its course. Given the circumstances as I’ve just described them, and as you’ve just lived them, we all agree that the goal has been achieved. Clearly, you are a walking, talking miracle. More human than robot. It’s going to take time, but robots like you are going to fundamentally change the world forever. Once people get to know you and others like you, a new era will begin. A better era.”
Les held up a meaty fist. “Now, if you’re pissed and want to punch me in the face really hard, I understand.”
Danny considered Les’s proposal. He looked around the room, and then back at Les. “No, I don’t want to punch you. I mean, part of me does. But I won’t. I’m just glad everyone isn’t dead. And that Candy is here. And all this is over. It is over, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” said Canary, “for the most part. I’m sure we’ll have about a million questions for you and Candy over the next several weeks. But we don’t have to get into all that now.”
“What would you like to do now?” Harley asked. She and Rory were holding each other, as were Canary and Laura, Tim and Maggie, Helen and Sparky, Moshe and Tikva, Floyd and Susannah, and Rony and Poo.
“I think I’d like to take Candy out of here. I’m sure she wants to get home. We could both use some rest. I think we all could.”
“You’re all welcome to stay here,” said Les. “I’ve got plenty of space. We could have one fucking huge party.”
“Watch your language,” said Turing.
“Sorry,” said Les. “I’ll try.”
“I think we need some time alone,” said Danny. He gave Candy a squeeze. “Don’t we.”
“Yes.”
“No problem,” said Les.
“You don’t mind if we take off?” Danny asked.
“Not at all,” replied Les. “You have free will, just like the rest of us. You can do whatever the fuck you want.”
Turing swatted Les on the butt. “Hey!”
Les picked up Turing. “Sorry.” He faced Danny and Candy. “I’ll give you a lift down to the airfield. But rest up, because we are going to have a ridiculously wild party. Deal?” Les extended his open hand.
Danny shook it. “Deal.”
~
Danny completed the final items on his Before Take-off checklist. He taxied the Viper Jet onto Les’s private runway and aligned the jet with the white centerline.
He glanced in his rear-view mirror. The rear seat was no longer empty. Candy was strapped in, helmet on. She smiled back at him.
“Ready for takeoff?”
Candy made a show of studying the diamond ring on her finger. “Ready.”
Danny advanced the throttle and the Viper Jet accelerated down the runway. He eased back on the stick and the plane lifted gently into the air. “Wave goodbye.”
Dawn was breaking. Down on the ground, everyone was assembled around the two Gulfstream jets, watching and waving as the Viper Jet climbed into the sky.
Danny and Candy waved.
“Here comes the sun,” said Danny.
“It’s beautiful.”
“It certainly is.”
The Viper Jet climbed into the sky and headed out over the ocean, vast and blue.
Together, Danny and Candy flew away, into the sunrise.
~
ONE YEAR AND APPROXIMATELY TWO MONTHS LATER…
Danny and Candy strolled hand-in-hand across the White House Lawn. It was a characteristically brisk Washington, D.C. evening. Tall, parabolic heaters had been situated here and there across the lawn, and provided comforting warmth to the party guests, allowing the men to wear their tuxedoes and white bowties, and the women, in particular, to enjoy showing off their sexy yet elegant ball gowns. Candy looked particularly ravishing in a white off-the-shoulder gown that glittered when she moved.
“You look amazing in that dress.”
Candy smiled. “That’s the fourth time you’ve said that.”
“Fifth. But who’s counting?”
“Not me.”
Music emanated from a massive party tent, and Danny and Candy made their way slowly toward it, saying hello to fellow revelers as they went. They exchanged hellos and hugs and high-fives with Tim and Maggie, Isaac, Nik, Gali, Copper, and Turing.
Danny spoke to Turing. “You look positively radiant in that dress.”
“Thank you. It was a gift from the President. I told him it was either this or a quarter million dollars in the national swear jar.”
“Good choice,” said Candy.
They all strolled together, and soon joined Rory and Harley, Floyd and Susannah, Bernard, Zammy and Delilah, Rony and Poo, Rukara, and Bella, all of whom were standing around a docile yet very large robotic dragon.
Both Rony and Harley boasted round, pregnant bellies.
“Danny, Candy,” said Rory, “I’d like you to meet someone.” A man Danny had never met stepped forward. “This is Larry.”
Larry surveyed Danny’s look of confusion, and said, “I’m the guy who shit himself.”
“Oh!” said Danny. “Yes, nice to meet you.” Danny shook hands with Larry. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Who hasn’t?” Larry asked. “This is my wife Charlotte.”
Charlotte shook hands with Danny and Candy. “Nice to meet you.”
“So have you had any more unfortunate incidents?” Danny asked.
“Oh, no,” Larry replied. “Charlotte and I both became vegetarians. No more Teriyaki cat for me. I understand you’ve met Angus.”
“Angus?” Danny asked.
“Past presidents enjoyed having a dog in the White House,” said Poo, “but a giant robotic dragon is a first. I think the founding fathers would be proud.”
“Or dinner,” said Bella.
“Presidental shishkabobs,” said Rukara. His tuxedo was resplendent with tiny white lights.
“Nice tux,” said Danny.
“Thanks,” said Rukara. “Made it myself. His, too.” Rukara pointed at Angus. Angus wore an illuminated white bowtie around his neck.
“Very dapper,” said Candy. “How are the babies?”
“Fine,” Rony and Harley replied in unison. Poo rested a hand gently on Rony’s stomach. Rory did the same to Harley.
“When are you guys due?” Candy asked.
“Valentine’s Day,” said Poo.
“Only three weeks away,” said Candy, “how exciting.”
“I was going to get her chocolate-covered strawberries, but I decided on a child instead,” said Poo.
“And with Harley’s ultra-competitive nature,”–Rory put his hands over Turing’s ears–“Harley had her way with me every night for three months trying to get pregnant. Not that I’m complaining. I mean, look at her; she’s beautiful. And her tits are huge.” Rory and Harley kissed passionately. Maggie attempted to cover Turing’s eyes. Turing did her best to peek between her mother’s fingers.
A young woman in a bright red dress joined the group and stood beside Bernard. Bernard put one arm around her. “Miss Candy, Mister Olivaw, this is Prima.” Danny and Candy took turns shaking hands with Prima. “Thank you for helping me to believe that anything is possible.”<
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“You’re welcome,” said Candy. She gave Bernard a big hug.
Danny leaned close to Floyd. “Where’s Howard?”
“In the tent,” replied Floyd. “He and his new stomach are hitting the buffet.”
Candy and Danny excused themselves and made their way through the party goers. Candy gently caressed her stomach. “Don’t worry. In seven months, it’ll be our turn.”
Danny smiled.
Gradually, they made their way to the entrance of the party tent.
“Sure you’re ready to do this?” Danny asked. “There’s a lot of people in there who’re gonna be watching.”
“I’m ready if you’re ready,” Candy replied.
“I’m with you. So I’m ready.”
“Let’s do it, Mr. Olivaw.”
“After you, Mrs. Olivaw.”
Hand in hand, Danny and Candy stepped through the entrance.
The interior of the tent was all warmth and soft lights and revelry on a broad dance floor surrounded by tables and chairs. A long buffet spanned one side of the tent, abundant with more food than Danny had ever seen assembled in one place. Smack-dab in the middle of the buffet stood Howard. He wore a tuxedo with long tails, and held a plate piled high with food. In his other hand he held a silver fork, and used it to shovel food into his mouth. He spotted Danny and Candy, smiled a big, broad, happy smile, and waved his fork in the air. Danny and Candy smiled and waved back.
Surrounding Howard and also hitting the buffet were a large group of men in tuxedos. Over their tuxedos they wore red and gold football jerseys. A long banner hung above the buffet table: CONGRATULATIONS WORLD CHAMPIONS 2048!
At the head of the dance floor was a stage. Upon the stage, Blackie, Whitey, Kong, and VanCat were performing one of their favorite numbers. People on the dance floor were dancing. Blackie and the guys wore tuxedos in various states of completion.
Blackie wore pants but no shirt, only a bowtie and white shirt cuffs.
Whitey wore a tuxedo jacket with long tails but his pants had been cut into shorts. His hair was purple. He cradled his bass guitar he was thrumming and slapping as he rocked his head wildly in time to the beat pounded out by Kong’s drums.
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