by Beth Burnett
I sigh deeply as I drag myself back to the present. Renee looks at me with a soft smile.
“You’re going to be fine, Andy.”
“I wish I believed in me as much as you do, Renee.”
She puts her hand on the back on my neck and softly kisses my forehead. I pull back a bit, panicked. I’m half tempted to put my arms around her and cry on her shoulder, and I definitely don’t want to let that happen. I’m tough. I’m a strong, butch woman. I don’t need to cry. I do wonder if maybe I’ve been doing everything wrong up to this point. I clear my throat gruffly and look at her.
“Why do you love me?”
“Because you are a quality person.”
She sounds so sure of herself that I almost believe her.
Chapter Six
This date with Davey has me nervous. Technically, it’s not a date. I know that. It’s just that I’m suddenly a little nervous, and it’s pissing me off. I have no reason to be nervous. This is Davey. Yeah, okay, it might be a little awkward because of our almost-relationship, but I didn’t do anything wrong this time. I have no need to apologize. If anything, she needs to apologize to me for getting my hopes up and then smashing them down. Who am I kidding? She doesn’t owe me an apology. She was confused and upset and I knew better. I knew better, but I let it happen anyway. That was my own stupidity. If my role in Davey’s life is as her protector, then I should have protected her from herself.
Whatever. We’ll talk it out tonight and see what happens. We’ve gone through shit before, and we always come out unscathed. It’s just that this is the end of our relationship as we know it. Friendship, love, whatever you want to call it. Davey is going to marry Danny and that means everything changes. I don’t mind change. I embrace change. Just not when it comes to my life with Davey.
I have to admit that I kind of dig a drag show. It’s just good fun. Sometimes it gets a little raunchy and that’s perfectly fine with me, too. I hope I don’t run into any exes. I’m getting tired of that crap.
I have been debating what to wear all day. There will be a lot of lesbians at the bar, so I have to look presentable. I decide on a pair of low-rise jeans and a muscle shirt. I flex my biceps in the mirror and enjoy the glimpse of my abs that comes when I lift my shirt. Throw on a pair of big, black boots and a thick leather belt and I’m set.
Davey shows up wearing jeans and a V-neck top, her standard outfit. Her hair is a little damp, though. She obviously showered after work. I wrap her into my arm and hug her tight. She leans against me for a long time, and we just breathe together.
“Andy,” she says. “I am so sorry for hurting your feelings.”
I lean back a bit and look down at her. “I’ll live.”
“I don’t want you to just live. I want you to thrive.”
I laugh. “I am thriving. Look at me. I’m the definition of thrive.”
“You want to drive?”
“Of course.”
I see her into the passenger side and take the wheel. I glance at her as we drive toward the bar.
“So. How’s Danny?
“He’s good, Andy. He’s just fine. He’d like to see you.”
“I’d probably like to see him, too. Maybe we can go on a double date.”
“A double date? Should we consult your little black book?”
I grin at her. “I’ve been avoiding the little black book lately. For some reason, I seem to be looking for quality connections.”
“Quality. What about Dr. Ward?”
“Ha. I’d have to be more of a switch.”
“Plus you wouldn’t want to upset Leah.”
“What is up with that, anyway?”
Davey laughs, throwing her head back. My happiness grows with her laughter. It is amazing how much she brings out the happy in me. I feel a twinge of jealousy toward Danny for a second.
“Oh, I don’t know, Andy. My mother has never been predictable. Maybe she was just bothered that there was so much gay love going around and she wasn’t part of it.”
“She was always part of it.”
She nods. “It doesn’t matter to me. She can have sex with whoever she wants. I just don’t want the details.”
I sigh, shaking my head. “I can’t say I blame you. That Dr. Ward is pretty scary.”
Davey laughs again. “My mother can handle her. Though, I hope if my mother does take the plunge and decides to be in a relationship with a woman, she chooses someone other than Sheila.”
I concentrate on getting onto the freeway for a minute. “I don’t think your mom is looking for a long-term relationship with anyone.”
“No, probably not.”
“So how about you, Davey? Are you and Danny going to move in together?”
I can feel her looking at me, but I keep my eyes on the road. “We probably will.”
“Ah.”
“It’s just Lynne is still living at my place. And Leah, of course.”
“Of course.”
“And Harry.”
I laugh. Harry is Lynne’s fat and grouchy old orange tabby.
“Come on. You and Harry have finally bonded.”
“Now that he isn’t eating my underwear and jumping into bed with me.”
“Ah, a cat with good taste.”
She jabs me in the ribs. “Harry has grown on me. A bit.”
“Maybe you can have visitation rights.”
“Andy, Danny is not a bad guy.”
“I know. Davey, I know it. I actually like him a lot. I think he cares about you. I’m just worried that things are going to completely change between us.
“All things change eventually.”
“We haven’t in all of these years.”
I pull into the parking lot and maneuver into a space.
Davey looks at me, astounded. “Andy, you have got to be kidding me. We have changed like crazy. We were children when we met!”
“Well, yeah, there is that. But our relationship hasn’t changed.”
“It has. Andy, come on. We have both dated and broken up with people throughout our entire lives.”
“I just never thought you would meet someone that I knew was your soul mate.”
“You don’t believe in soul mates.”
“No, but you do. And you believe that Danny is yours.”
“Andy, you are my soul mate, too. I love both of you, in different ways.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
I lean over to the passenger side and she puts her arms around me. I drop my head onto her shoulder. I know Davey loves me. I know nothing can ever change that. But somehow, I got it into my thick head that Davey and I could make a life together as a married couple and now I can’t get that stupid idea out of my head. We hold each other for a couple of minutes.
“Davey?”
“Hmm?”
“We could have made a good married couple.”
She kisses the top of my head. “Without a doubt.”
She yanks a piece of hair out of my head. “You missed one.”
“You’re so brutal.”
“Sorry,” she says, grinning.
I look up at her. The thing is, I can see myself in domestic bliss with Davey. I can picture us painting the living room, or going on hikes together. I can see us getting a dog. I can even picture us old, hobbling along, supporting each other through menopause and onward. And it kills me that she is going to have all of that with Danny. And it’s even worse because, in reality, they don’t know what the long-term effects of the testosterone and the surgeries will be. Who knows what will happen to him as they age?
Davey interrupts my thoughts. “So who is this Heather that Leah was telling me about?”
I put my hand on the door handle, thinking about how to answer. Coming around to Davey’s side, I open the door and help her out.
“I think she’s just someone with whom I’m going on a date this weekend.”
“Leah said you left together from the benefit.”
“We did.”<
br />
“And?”
“And what?”
“And what happened?”
“Is that a little jealousy in your voice?”
She smacks me on the back of the head. Hard.
“Ouch. Stop brutalizing me.”
“It isn’t jealousy. It’s concern.”
“I see.”
“Well?”
I play it out a little longer. I love tormenting Davey sometimes.
“Well what?”
“Andy, come on.” She’s half-laughing, half-irritated.
“Let’s go in. We’re standing in the parking lot arguing like lesbians.”
She laughs. “Straight people argue in parking lots, too.”
“But lesbians have way more drama.”
“Fine.” We start walking to the door. “So Heather...”
“We had sex after the benefit.”
“Hmm.”
“Hmm what?”
“Hmm nothing. Just hmm.”
“Hmm.”
“And?”
“And nothing. We had a nice time. We went for a jog. We’re going out this weekend.”
“Is she nice?”
“She seems very nice.”
“Is she intelligent?”
“She’s intelligent.”
“Is she pretty?”
“She’s pretty.”
“I see.”
I grin up at her. “Not jealous, right?”
“Not in the least.”
It’s going to be all right. I think at this point, Davey and I are going to be fine. We can get past this. We’ve been friends for far too long to let a little setback ruin our entire friendship. Besides, I’ve been friends with women I want to have sex with before this. Admittedly, most of them want me, too. Still, I don’t see this as an insurmountable problem. I open the door and escort her into the bar. The place is absolutely crazy. There are women everywhere. Davey starts threading through the crowd, looking for a seat.
“Hey!” I hear someone yelling.
I look up. Davey has already turned toward the table. Steve and Erik are sitting at a big table with a bunch of women. They all start shifting around to make room for us. One of the women grabs a couple of chairs from a nearby table and we slide into them. I sling an arm around Davey’s shoulders and look around the table. No one that I have slept with, thank God.
“Well, well,” Steve says, giving me a kiss on the mouth. “It’s my favorite woman!”
“Hey!” Davey glares at him.
“Sorry,” he says. “I mean, it’s my favorite woman who I want to see naked. Repeatedly.”
Erik laughs. “Hi, ladies.”
A cute blonde with glasses grins at us. “I’m Kristina.”
Steve waves toward the table. “Emmy, Lida, Jen, Kelly.”
We smile and nod to all of them. Emmy and Lida seem to be a couple. They’re leaning toward each other in that subtle way that happy couples do. Jen has her arm firmly around Kelly and is sizing me up like I’m a dog who just wandered onto her territory. I’m half expecting her to pee on her girlfriend. Davey catches my eye and we grin at each other.
“You missed the last skit. It was a bunch of butches dressed as The Spice Girls,” Lida says.
Erik glances at her. “If they were dressed as the Spice Girls, how could you tell they were butch?”
The women all laugh. Lida grins at him. “They were clomping around in their heels like dykes in dresses, Erik.”
I look at the stage. The next act is setting up. It’s a bunch of women dressed as the Village People. It’s so cliché, but I love it anyway. I check out the cop. She looks kind of femme. I love a woman in uniform, I have to admit. Kristina smiles at me.
“Andy, see anything you like up there?”
Steve laughs. “Only all of them.”
Erik chimes in. “Andy is a slut.”
“No, she isn’t.” Davey is pissed. “She can’t help it that everyone wants her.”
Jen rolls her eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s a big problem for her.”
Lida smiles. “I’m sure it is. She’s a tall, hot, blonde butch with muscles. I better keep an eye on Emmy.”
Emmy smiles fondly at Lida and takes her hand. Even if I was interested in stealing someone’s girlfriend, which I am not, there wouldn’t be a chance there.
“So how long have you two been together?” Kristina asks, looking at Davey.
“We’re not a couple,” Davey answers.
I give Davey’s shoulder a squeeze and remove my arm from the back of her chair. “This is my straight best friend.”
Kristina grins. “My apologies. Are you dating anyone?”
I shake my head. “You?”
“Not really.”
I turn to look at the stage again, following the dancing. There is a hot woman in a bikini wandering around with raffle tickets. I wave her over.
“What are the prizes?”
“There is a ton, all of which have been donated. We have an overnight stay for two at the Hilton. We have passes to the next show. We have gift cards. We have an IPod. Free massages. You name it, we probably have it.”
Steve leans over me. “I’ll take ten tickets, gorgeous.”
The J-Lo look alike leans toward him, letting her cleavage spill over the bikini top.
“You’re wasting your time,” Davey says.
“Not really,” Erik counters. “We love boobs.”
We all buy some tickets. I watch Kristina as she’s buying the tickets. She’s kind of cute in a nerdy way. Big glasses, short hair. She’s not wearing any makeup. She’s got tailored pants and a button front shirt, but something about the way she wears it is pretty, not butch. I entertain myself by thinking about taking her home and unbuttoning each of those buttons one by one with my mouth.
Davey pokes me. “Settle down, tiger.”
“What?” My face is the picture of innocence.
Steve leans toward me. “Andy, will you dance with me after the show?”
“Of course.”
He swoons. “Oh, my heart.”
Erik laughs. “I should never have given him a freebie list.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
Jen snorts and rolls her eyes. I’ve never understood the dykes who find it necessary to have a problem with every other butch in the world. I have no interest in her girlfriend and no interest in playing in any pissing matches. I ignore her and turn to Lida and Emmy. “How long have you two been together?”
Emmy smiles. “Twelve years.”
“Twelve years! Wow.” I’m impressed.
Lida grins, looking boyish and happy. “She’s the love of my life.”
“Good for you,” Davey says, warmly.
Jen leans forward. “Kelly and I have been together for six months, but we knew we were soul mates from the moment we met.”
Lida nods. “That’s great!” She sounds completely sincere. I think I like her a lot. She has a warm face and an easy manner. I wonder if she plays racquetball.
I look at Kelly. “And what do you do for a living?”
Jen answers for her. “She’s a waitress.”
Apparently Kelly doesn’t speak. “Really, where?”
Jen leans back and glares at me. “Yeah, I bet you want to know.”
Davey and I exchange glances again. I decide to ignore her. The music is getting too loud to hear each other anyway. Lida and Emmy have leaned back in their chairs, casually watching the show and occasionally looking at each other to share an amusing moment.
Steve and Erik are entranced with the show, clapping along, hooting at the women. I glance over at Kristina again. She’s looking at me.
“See something you like over here?” I grin.
She nods. “Something I really like.”
I smile at her again and turn back to the show. I’m guessing I could take her home if I put some effort in it. Steve and Erik would happily drive Davey home. She�
�s cute and she has a great smile. I think about Heather and our date on Friday. Shit. Heather and I aren’t anything to each other yet. Still, she’s cute and smart. She’s great in bed. And she has those freckles. I don’t know. I don’t owe her anything. But something tells me she might be the kind of woman who wants a monogamous relationship. Am I ready for that? Hell no. Still, maybe I’ll wait and see what happens until after our next date.
Jen and Kelly seem to be arguing about something. I lean closer, surprised to hear Kelly talk. “She wasn’t looking at me. Just leave it alone.”
“She was totally checking you out.”
I poke Davey, she’s closer to them. She turns to look at me and shrugs.
Jen is angrily motioning toward a woman at the next table. The woman is glaring back at her. “That bitch keeps checking out my girlfriend.”
“Who cares?” Lida says. “She’s here with you. Let them look.”
“She doesn’t get to look!” Jen slams her fist down on the table.
Oh fuck me. I just don’t get this kind of possessive crap. Jen has a chip on her shoulder and obviously feels she has something to prove. She stands up and glares at the chick at the next table. That woman stands up, too. I take Davey’s hand. We should move out of the way.
“Are they going to fight?” Kristina is moving her chair closer to me. Lida and Emmy look up, but don’t move.
Emmy smiles. “If Jen gets her ass kicked, I’m not going to cry.”
Kelly looks at me imploringly. “Do something, please?”
Jen and the woman have stepped together and are posturing around each other like angry peacocks. For fuck’s sake! I slam my chair back and stalk over to them.
“Look, this is not going to happen.”
Jen barely glances at me. “Fuck off!”
Seriously—now I’m getting mad. I step halfway between them and look at the other woman. “This doesn’t have to happen. Why don’t you two stop acting like territorial dogs and go sit down? The rest of us are trying to enjoy the show.”
They both ignore me. Jen pushes me out of the way and gets into the other woman’s face. Kelly has stood up by now and is tugging on Jen’s arm. “Come on, honey. She didn’t mean anything.”
“Yeah, I did, sweetheart. I think you could do better than this little bitch here.”