by Unknown
“Please. I’ve never been but I’ve always wanted to. Some kids were talking about it today in the diner and it just made me realize that I haven’t really done any of the stuff I promised myself I would do once I left home.”
“You’ve never been bowling?” He opened the door and allowed her to enter.
“No. My parents wouldn’t let me play sports when I was little-”
“Bowling’s not a sport,” Gabe pointed out.
“Whatever. I just want to try it but I don’t want to go by myself. Please Gabe?” She was practically bouncing. Was he actually considering going bowling at 9 o’ clock on a Monday night with a girl that only two nights ago he’d watched come apart in his arms on his living room couch?
Bowling was something friends did and he remembered what Shane had pointed out – she hadn’t had time to make any friends yet. It was a bad idea but there was no way he could turn her down. She seemed to sense when he’d given in because before he could even say yes, she threw her arms around him and kissed him soundly on the cheek.
With a quick “I’ll go get my purse” she was out the door and within twenty minutes he was watching her awkwardly toss the lightest bowling ball the place had down the lane. For the fourth time in a row it went into the gutter, but she just turned around and smiled at him. They were surrounded by everything from drunks to big groups of teens to competitive players just practicing, but all he saw was her and the big grin she gave him every time she managed to get the ball down the lane.
A warm feeling settled in his stomach – this had been easier then he thought, being friends with her. And everything about her was so natural. She didn’t primp and preen after she threw the ball, as if worried that somehow the act of tossing an eight pound ball down on wood flooring would mess up her makeup or cause her hair to be out of place. She didn’t complain about a possible chipped nail on her perfect manicure, which she didn’t actually have, or worry if she looked silly in the neon green and purple bowling shoes. And her laugh – it was a big, real laugh that came from inside.
After he took his turn, he waited for her to join him and then helped her position herself. He explained how to keep her wrist straight and to keep her eyes on the pins and on her next turn she managed to take out three pins total. She may as well have won the lottery. The rest of the night went that way – they bowled two more games and shared an order of fries.
“That was so much fun. Thanks for coming with me Gabe,” she said as he helped her into the truck two hours later. As he pulled out into traffic, he couldn’t stop glancing over at her. She hadn’t stopped smiling.
“How come your parents never let you play sports?”
At the mention of her parents, her smile waned a little but he was glad when she answered him. “I guess I was kind of like window dressing to them. They had an image they wanted to portray to their followers and I was a part of that.” She leaned her arm against the door of the truck and propped her head on her hand. “There were so many things I wanted to try – dancing, horseback riding, soccer. But I had to be a good little girl and go to bible school and I had to sit in the front row of the church in my little white dress during every sermon. They even brought in someone to teach me the right way to sit and smile when the TV cameras were on me.”
“Didn’t you ever tell them just to go screw themselves?” he asked, angry on her behalf.
She laughed. “No, definitely not. I didn’t want to make God mad because then I’d burn in hell forever. What a messed up thing to tell a little kid, you know?”
“They told you you’d go to hell if you disobeyed them? How old were you?”
“Not sure – it was just always that way. Most kids get threats of being on Santa’s naughty list, I got eternal damnation and the fires of hell.”
Gabe shook his head in disbelief. “Your parents sound like fanatics.”
‘They’re hippocrates.”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you they were really conservative, right?” At his nod she continued. “So no gays, marriage before sex, no adultery, no birth control, women stay home, men rule the roost – that’s their message every Sunday morning. But by dinner time, my mom is passed out drunk on the couch and my dad is off screwing his “assistant,” Andrew.” She laughed bitterly. “But God forbid their little girl be allowed to go to her classmate’s birthday party at the bowling alley – what kind of message would that send?”
Gabe was sorry he’d started this conversation. The fun they’d been having disintegrated.
“How did you manage to not turn out like them?” Gabe wondered aloud.
“As I got older they ignored me more than anything else, or they put me down. I was never smart enough or pretty enough or skinny enough. I had tried for a really long time to be what they said God wanted me to be. I got good grades, I went to the private Baptist college like they wanted, started pursing the degree in Biblical studies like they wanted, stayed away from boys like they wanted. I even lost the weight they wanted by starving myself and forcing myself to puke into a toilet. But it still wasn’t enough.” Gabe could tell she was fighting tears.
“Riley…”
“I’m okay Gabe. Let me finish, okay?”
“Okay.”
She nodded and gave him a shaky smile before turning her eyes back out the window to watch the world fly by.
“I was in my first year at college and I’d lost so much weight so fast that I ended up passing out and hitting my head on the bathroom floor in between classes. When I came to, I was in the ER and I could hear the doctor telling my parents that I had an eating disorder and that I should see a therapist. I was so glad to finally have it be over…I was sure they were going to tell me how sorry they were for the way things had happened. But they never said anything, never even brought up what the doctor had said. They just complained about the inconvenience of having to come see me because it was the night before my dad’s Good Friday sermon which was being televised to millions.”
Gabe clenched the wheel and locked his jaw. He needed her to finish it.
“After that I was done. I got my own place and switched schools to study to become a vet tech. When my parents refused to pay the tuition, I took out student loans. I went to therapy so I could get my head on straight about food and my body. In the end, I pretty much didn’t give my parents any choice in the matter. I guess we had a silent agreement to just kind of ignore each other. I met Paul about two years ago – he was actually pretty nice to me, said all the things I wanted to hear. He actually convinced me to make up with my parents.”
Gabe glanced over at her when she fell silent. She was drawing on the condensation that had appeared on the glass. He doubted she was even aware of what she was doing.
“I’d never been with a man up to that point, so I liked the attention he gave me. It took me a really long time to realize that he was tearing me down the way my parents had done all my life – he was just really good at being subtle about it. I wasn’t really ready the first time we…” her voice dropped off.
“The first time you had sex?”
She nodded, her eyes focused on the finger she was swiping in figure eights on the window. “I told him it hurt but he said that was normal. It hurt every time after that too but he said it was my fault because I couldn’t relax – I was too uptight. He wouldn’t wear a condom either so I went behind his back and got on the pill. He was pissed when he found out. If I’d been smarter, I would have figured out that he was only using me to get in good with my parents so they’d support him politically.
I guessed he was cheating on me so I went and got tested to make sure he hadn’t given me anything and then I packed my up things. I hated having to quit my job, but I needed to get away. I went to his place to pick up some of my stuff while he was supposed to be at work but it turned out that he and his secretary had decided to have a quickie there while on their lunch break. Long story short, I told him we were through, he hit me and said I�
�d be sorry if I left him and that was it – I left the next day.”
She fell silent and Gabe took in his first real deep breath since she started talking. He wanted to drag her to his side and promise her that no one would ever hurt her like that again. But friends didn’t do that, right? But he couldn’t not touch her so he reached across the bench with his right hand and grabbed her left hand in his and squeezed hard. She didn’t look at him but she squeezed his hand back.
“Riley,” he said quietly, his voice serious. She turned slowly to look at him as if dreading what he was going to say. “You really suck at bowling.”
***
Riley waited for Gabe to come around and help her out of the truck. She probably could’ve managed it herself, but he told her in that no nonsense voice of his to stay put. She figured she should pick her battles wisely with Gabe and if it meant having his hands on her for just a few moments more, she’d happily wave the white flag. Besides, she needed the extra few seconds to pull herself together. Once he’d gotten her started talking about her past, she hadn’t been able to shut herself up.
It was like she was testing him; throwing as much as she could at him all at once to see if he would still want to be around her. She’d gotten so used to people disappointing her that she realized she was in a constant state of anticipation as she waited for Gabe to do the same. But he hadn’t – he’d let her off the hook with a swipe at her bowling skills. She was losing more and more of her heart to him every second she was with him and they would never be more than friends. She needed to be grateful for having at least that, but she was selfish and she wanted more.
Gabe opened the door and helped her out. He released her hand once she was out of the truck and she instantly missed its warmth and strength. They walked side by side up to the walkway to the apartment building.
“Are you working tomorrow?” he asked.
“No, I’m off. One of the other waitresses asked to switch days with me. I was thinking about going to the store to buy some paint. The walls in my apartment are pretty disgusting.”
They were just reaching the top stair as Gabe said “Well, let me know if you need any-” He stopped so abruptly, she instantly stuck her arm out to grab him thinking he was going to fall backwards down the stairs. She looked up and saw what he did. A scraggly women, in her mid-fifties maybe, with greasy, shoulder-length brown hair stood leaning against the wall next to Gabe’s door, her skinny arms cradling her gaunt body. Her skin was pale and drawn tight over her sunken features and Riley could see the bones of her collarbone sticking out against the worn fabric of her dirty, green sweatshirt. Gabe still hadn’t moved and Riley instinctively knew who the woman was.
“Hi Gabriel,” the woman said, her scratchy voice high and thin.
“Mom.” Gabe finally took a few steps forward towards her, Riley understandably all but forgotten. She watched as he took in his mother’s appearance from head to toe and Riley saw the pain flash through his gaze. God, how she wished she could take that from him. Gabe slowly and carefully enfolded his mother in his arms – she was so small and skinny she almost disappeared in his embrace. When they pulled apart, Gabe’s mom looked pointedly at her.
“Oh, um, Mom this is Riley. Riley, this is my mom, Abby Maddox.”
“Hi Ms. Maddox, it’s good to meet you,” Riley said as she gently shook the woman’s hand. It was cold and frail.
“Come on inside Mom,” Gabe said as he opened the door. He cast Riley an apologetic look. She nodded in understanding and watched him disappear into the apartment.
***
Riley tried to keep her attention on the paint samples she’d taped to the walls earlier that day, but all she could focus on was listening for any sound coming from Gabe’s apartment. She’d caught herself with her ear close to her own door several times in an effort to hear what was going on. There was the occasional raised voice, Gabe’s likely, but nothing else. It was nearing midnight and she needed to get to bed if her plan was to spend tomorrow painting. But as she reached for the light switch, she heard a woman’s voice shouting. Gabe’s mom.
Riley couldn’t make out the words, but the shrill tone was followed by shattering glass and then a door slam. She heard footsteps hurry down the stairs and then Gabe’s voice as he pulled open the door and called out after his mother. It sounded like he went down the stairs after her, but within a minute he was back by himself. The door slammed shut and Riley stood there straining to hear something, anything else.
Ten minutes passed, then twenty but still nothing. He was probably in bed she assured herself. She switched off her light and went to her bedroom but stopped once she was in there. There was no way she could sleep if she didn’t make sure he was okay. If she woke him then so be it – he could be pissed at her tomorrow.
She left her apartment and went to his door. She could hear muffled sounds inside but she wasn’t sure what it was since he didn’t have a TV in the living room. She knocked softly. Nothing. Another knock, harder this time. The muffled sound continued but no Gabe. She should go back to her apartment, but instead of turning around, she had her hand on the knob and was turning it, testing it. It gave and the door opened.
“Gabe?” she said quietly as she entered.
“Not now Riley,” Gabe said coldly from the dining room where he was viciously punching the heavy weight bag. It swung back and forth dramatically and she remembered how hard it had been for her to move it. A quick glance around the room showed some broken glass on the floor near the doorframe leading to the back of the apartment. It looked like there was some liquid on the floor too and Riley guessed his mother had thrown a glass of something at Gabe – probably water. She turned her gaze back to Gabe.
He still wore his jeans but his shirt was gone and sweat dripped down his back. His hair was damp and sticking to his forehead, testament to how many times and how hard he had been hitting that bag in just twenty short minutes. She shivered when he glanced at her, his eyes glittering with anger. Even knowing it wasn’t directed at her, she felt a momentary bite of fear. But then she remembered the combined agony and relief she’d seen in his eyes when he’d seen his mom standing at his door. That was the man she had come to check on and that was the man she would stay for.
Chapter 8
Gabe’s muscles were on fire from the beating he was giving the bag but he didn’t stop or even slow. He just needed a few more hits and then the pain would ease and he’d be able to breathe again. He ignored Riley because if he continued to acknowledge her, she would stay and he didn’t want that because then she would become his outlet. No, he wouldn’t hurt her, not physically anyway, but he’d use her like he did all those other women and it would destroy her because he could tell she cared about him. He should just tell her everything about who he was and what he’d done and then she’d walk away. But he didn’t want her to look at him in disgust. He paused long enough to wipe the sweat from his eyes, and then resumed his punching.
When he’d seen his mother, everything had come back in a rush and he’d felt overwhelming guilt when he saw her condition. He’d realized that for the past few days he hadn’t given her much thought at all because he’d been consumed with thoughts of Riley. His mom had looked frailer than ever, but when he’d told her he wouldn’t lend her money, she’d turned into a crazy woman and chugged her glass of water at him. He’d been expecting it so it had been easy to dodge.
When he offered to take her back to rehab, she started ranting and raving about how the people at rehab didn’t understand her, that he didn’t understand her. It was a scene they had played over and over so many times he’d lost count. Everything was always someone else’s fault besides her own. In a few days she’d be back again, acting like it was the first time and it would start all over again. If he could just figure out how to stop getting his hopes up that the scene might end up playing out different, then maybe it wouldn’t always hurt this much.
Damn, he could smell that distinct peach scent even from
across the room. He’d yet to figure out if it was some fragrance she used or her shampoo or if it was just her. It didn’t matter – she wouldn’t be around long enough for him to find out.
“Riley, you need to go.”
She stood mutely, her beautiful eyes heavy with concern. He slugged the bag a few more times and then grabbed it to stop it when it returned to him. “Damn it Riley, just get out. I don’t want you here!”
He watched her flinch at his tone but she still didn’t move. He felt his desire kicking up as his dominant side began to take over and demanded he make her bend to his will. Forcing the darkness back, he used his teeth to rip off one boxing glove and then pulled the other one off and dropped them to the floor. His moves were deliberate and calculating, meant to cause more fear than if he’d flung them across the room.
Keeping his eyes locked with hers, he stalked slowly towards her and felt the dark part of him surge when she moved back a few steps. As he closed the distance she hit the door with her back but she made no effort to leave or to stop his approach.
“I told you to go,” he snarled as he caged her in with his arms, her head thudding back against the door as he brought his face within inches of hers.
“No.”
His inner beast wanted out so it could break her down and make her submit, to surrender completely. It wanted her begging him to give her only what he could. No! She wasn’t like the others and he wasn’t like the warped people that had torn her down just so they could try to mold her into someone she wasn’t. They should have protected her and loved her for the unique person she was – they should have treasured her and nurtured her kind, giving nature. They should have stepped all over themselves in order to tease a smile from her or hear the light in her laughter. He wouldn’t be like them – he wouldn’t force his depravities on her just so he could find some relief.
He pushed back from her both physically and mentally and started walking away from her.