by Lara Swann
I turn over in the covers and bury my head in the pillow, firmly deciding that I am never coming out.
I’m not sure I can stand to face anyone again after all that. How on earth did Derek convince me that the whole thing would be a good idea? Why am I even here, in this country I don’t understand with customs I don’t know or like? This was such a stupid—
Another knocking interrupts my mental rant, and my stomach clenches with awkwardness. I’m really not sure I want to see Derek right now. Or talk about anything that happened last night.
It comes again, faintly hollow, and I frown.
Unfortunately, since it is a new day and I have actually slept, I can no longer justify my unwillingness to just deal with shit to myself. It takes me a few moments before I sigh and call out that I’m coming - yet again - but I do it.
You made the mess, I tell myself, you’re going to have to clear it up. Somehow. Or run away and leave the country. That’s probably an option worth considering.
By the time I swing my legs out of bed and put my glasses on, shrugging the dressing gown over my nightgown - I decided not to make that mistake again last night - I’ve realized the knocking isn’t coming from the door at all. Instead, it’s coming from the large set of windows on this side of the room.
I frown again, and finally draw back the curtains - something I haven’t bothered to do since arriving, as all I’ve wanted to do in this room was sleep. And then I gasp.
Derek is standing there. Of course. On a balcony that I haven’t investigated yet.
But that’s not what makes me gasp. I finally notice the large courtyard below, which could probably be better described as a garden. I push the door open and step out - noting the beautiful arrays of flowers and trees, the sprawling paths that I can see from this first floor room, and the faint tinkle of the fountains and water features. There are even a few statues at various points.
“Good morning to you too.” Derek says, amused.
“This is stunning.” I ignore the comment, too caught up in looking around.
He nods, his hair bouncing with the movement and giving him that roguish look again. “I wanted to show you, but it didn’t seem like you would have appreciated it earlier.”
I smile at that, trying to imagine him attempting to convince me to look at anything apart from the bed before now.
“You’re right about that.”
He turns and points at the other balconies surrounding the courtyard.
“All the suites and rooms face onto this garden - and people usually walk directly through here to visit each other, since it’s a lot faster than walking all the way around the castle.”
I notice the steps at the end of the balcony leading down into the garden, and I think I can see a few people walking under the trees.
“Shit.” I pull him back into the room suddenly, as something occurs to me, my face heating. “I can’t just stand out there in my night clothes - especially at this time! God, what would they think.”
He chuckles as I close the door again. Then I remember last night and groan.
“Well, I guess at this point it’s a little late to worry about what they think of me.” I sigh, shaking my head and sitting down. “Is that what you came to talk about?”
As much as I’d like to think Derek is visiting just to see me, I know better. That’s not what this plan was ever about, and we have too much to discuss.
But Derek just shakes his head. “No. And if you don’t want to, we won’t talk about it at all - you’ve done everything you promised, and I think you need more than a little vacation time.”
I frown as he walks over to my door - the real one, this time. I haven’t exactly done everything I’ve promised - and from what he’s said before, there would be other ceremonies, too. Unless I’ve already been dismissed from this Princesca-attenciano thing. Maybe he really is going to suggest I leave on my European vacation now.
Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea…
He comes back a moment later, with a tray full of breakfast foods, and my stomach rumbles immediately at the sight. I’d forgotten how little I’d actually eaten last night - after the dinner I resisted all his suggestions of finding other food in favor of sleep - but my stomach is clearly remembering right now.
“That looks amazing.” I say, already inhaling the pastries and coffee and bread and jellies.
He grins. “I wanted to make sure you got a proper meal.”
He sets it down on the coffee table between us, taking a seat in the armchair opposite, and we help ourselves. The food is enough to distract me for a few minutes, but after I’ve had a little of it, I find myself nibbling anxiously at a piece of bread. It’s delicious bread - still warm, in fact - but it’s not quite enough to take my mind off everything else. Like this, it just seems an unspoken weight in the air between us.
“So…how bad is it?” I finally ask.
He looks up at me, playing with his own food for a moment, then he shrugs.
“I don’t know, not exactly. I haven’t talked to anyone yet this morning.”
“But…it’s not good. Is it?”
He hesitates, but then he finally sighs himself. “No, I don’t think so. Yesterday didn’t go exactly how we wanted.”
I close my eyes, nodding. Somehow it’s easier just to have it all out in the open. And I’m glad he’s actually admitting it too - it was getting hard just to go along with his blissful optimism that everything would be fine.
“I’m sorry—” I start, but he interrupts, shaking his head hard.
“No, don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry about. This is a foreign country to you, and I dropped you in the middle of a difficult situation without any warning or preparation. I fucked up, Hanna - it’s on me.” He looks at me, and I can see the concern in those deep chocolate eyes. “I didn’t tell you anything because I was pissed off about coming home and I just didn’t want to think about it. I knew it would be hard, but I wanted to ignore the whole thing. But that’s not good enough - I should never have let you down like that. I should have taken better care of you, Hanna, and I feel completely shitty about it.”
I blink, surprised. That’s what he feels shitty about? Not the way we screwed up his whole plan, and offended the rest of his family?
But I just shrug. “It’s okay. I knew I wasn’t cut out for this anyway.”
“Hey, don’t say that.” He shakes his head again, taking my hand. “You seem like you’d be pretty damn good at it to me - with a slight primer on how the hell this country works, anyway. Seriously, don’t take yesterday to heart.”
I look at him slightly skeptically, but I don’t argue. I know what I am, and I’m perfectly happy with it all - it’s just that Princess was never even close.
“So what now?” I ask instead. “We grovel and see what happens? Or is the whole crazy plan over? I wouldn’t blame them for handing me a one way ticket out of here.”
He makes a face. “Nothing you did was that bad, Hanna. And what happens is that I grovel. You get the vacation time I promised you - with sexy castles and beautiful beaches, and anything else you could think to want. I don’t really know whether the plan still stands or not, if I’m honest. It should do - you’re meant to meet the court twice before they have the first chance to reject you, but…I don’t know what my family is going to say. Either way, they’re not going to go as far as kicking you out.”
I frown. “I still think I should—”
“Don’t worry.” He says with a tight smile. “It was my fault and they’re used to me being a fuck-up. I’ll be fine.”
There it is again - the ‘don’t worry’ and ‘I’ll deal with it’. The same thing he’s been saying the whole time, and though I appreciate that he wants to take responsibility for the situation he created…I don’t want to keep doing this. His grandmother’s words come back to me, and I shake my head.
“I do worry, Derek. And I think I should.” I squeeze his hand, wanting him to look at
me and really hear what I’m saying. “You do what you can about yesterday - I can’t do anything about that now. But if I stay here I am going to learn about your country, your customs, and what on earth it means to be a Princesca-attenciano. A Princess-in-waiting. It’s what I would have done for any other country I was going to visit, and it’s just disrespectful not to show your people the same courtesy. I don’t want to fuck anything else up, not if I can help it.”
His eyes meet mine, and for a moment I feel like I’m falling into them as he actually starts listening to me. He seems to consider it for a moment - that deep, intent gaze boring into mine, as if it’s weighing and measuring. But from him, that connection seems to set my blood on fire, instead of making me uncomfortable and awkward. I want him to see that I can do this.
And after a moment, he nods, giving me a small smile.
“Okay.” He leans forward and his hand comes up to my cheek. With a sudden jolt, I’m suddenly reminded of everything that happened between us last night…or, everything that didn’t quite happen. “I didn’t want to ask anything else of you - not after everything you’ve already done for me here. But…I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that, Hanna.”
I smile too, and suddenly I wish the breakfast tray wasn’t between us and we weren’t quite so far apart, because right now all I can think about is how hot he looks, sitting there. His shirt rolled up at the sleeves to reveal his thick forearms, the slightly ripped jeans that I’m sure aren’t royal dress code, and the way his hair curls over his forehead - too alive and energetic to stay still. That sexy, European charm combined with the mischievous glint in his eyes—
“That can wait until later, though.” He cuts through my thoughts, and I blink as I try to act like I had nothing suggestive on my mind at all. “First, I promised you that tour of the castle. And now that yesterday is done, I’m finally following through.”
I’m not entirely sure I’d say yesterday was done, but even though nothing is actually resolved, this conversation has made me feel a lot better. Like I can leave the room, anyway. So I grin back at him, and stand when he pulls me up.
“Can I ask you all the questions I like, and make you show me every little part?” I ask.
“Sure thing, baby. Just don’t expect me to know all the answers. Or maybe any at all.” He grabs another pastry from the tray and walks back to the balcony. “Get dressed, Princesca. I’ll see you in the garden when you’re ready.”
“Right.” I nod, and drink the rest of my coffee as I turn back to the room, suddenly excited again.
This is why I agreed to come.
And Derek is as good as his word - he takes me around the whole castle, even though after a few hours, I feel like we must have walked miles. He shows me all his favorite spots, occasionally narrating them with amusing childhood stories - usually involving being chased and hiding. I learn the way down to the kitchens and the routes he took when he was a kid for midnight snacks, and the abandoned stables from the time when his father decided they should keep horses, being a royal family and all.
It surprises me that with all his father’s interest in being a traditional royal family, none of it comes from the possibility of attracting tourists. In fact, I learn that Aldora doesn’t have tourists - or want them. As Derek has said before, it’s a very private country. But with such an interesting medieval set up, I don’t know why they wouldn’t want to show that to more people.
I ask dozens of questions about how the walls were put together, and which bits of the castle developed at which times, and who influenced the design and architecture - none of which he can answer, but he seems to enjoy laughing at the questions. According to him, I’m the only one he knows who chose to add modules in art and architecture onto our European History major.
We see the dungeons, the barracks and the guardhouses, which are now used as a base of operations for the palace guard and royal military. Apart from those nearby, attached buildings, we don’t leave the keep or venture into the town contained within the castle walls. Instead, he promises me an actual guide to see that, and says that I can wander around freely. Salda is quite safe, apparently - even for an uncivilized American foreigner. He tries to tell me some of Aldora’s history as we walk along, but he doesn’t exactly have a sense of order to it so it comes out as a random collection of facts. What I hear is very interesting, but I resolve to look it up properly afterward.
People stop talking to look at us a few times, we get a few bows, and there are a couple of people that Derek greets warmly in Aldoran before we move on - but mostly, I don’t feel any effects from last night. At least, there aren’t endless whispers surrounding us, or people standing and scowling in the corridors. Then again, I also don’t see anyone I remember from last night - I think Derek mentioned that we had the dinner so soon because they had to leave, so maybe they’ve already gone. And I’d guess that the rest of his family is busy with official royal business.
Probably talking about you.
But mostly, I’m able to push that thought aside and enjoy myself. Eventually, after I can’t imagine the castle being big enough that there’s more to see, we head up for quite a while - and come out onto the actual castle battlements. The ramparts between the two towers that are still used - the others, at the opposite end of the castle, apparently being closed for renovation. Though Derek says they’ve been that way for years now, and he hasn’t seen anyone attempt to renovate them.
“Better things to spend money on, anyway.” He said with a shrug as we turned away from them.
But on this side of the castle - opposite to the one we came in through from the train station - the towers and ramparts face in the direction of the sea, and it’s immediately apparent why they’ve been maintained.
It’s fucking spectacular up here.
I also immediately know why Derek saved this until the end of the tour.
I can see the waves crashing onto the beach down below - and the winding path from the castle keep, through the wall, and to that beautiful golden sand. The sun is bright overhead, and the sky is completely clear, making the sea shimmer and sparkle in two sets of colors.
I suddenly know what my plan is for half of this vacation, and I grin across at Derek.
“Does it take long to get down there?”
He shakes his head, eyes sparkling as he watches my reaction. “Five minutes if you know what you’re doing.”
“Damn, why didn’t you show me that path?”
“I thought you wouldn’t want to skip right to the end.” He grins, and I can’t blame him.
I probably would’ve been tempted to go running down there and feel the sand beneath my feet. I would have come back to cool castle history eventually, though. I’m sure I would.
“This place is amazing, Derek. The whole thing. The castle, the sea, everything…”
I can’t even picture what it would be like to live with all this. The stunning natural beauty, with the sense of majesty and history everywhere around me.
“This is my favorite place in the castle.” He says, smiling over at me before turning and leaning out to look over at the sea below us.
There’s no one else around, and it feels seriously cool to stand at the top of a castle wall and lean against the edge. It comes up to mid-chest on me, and there are little slits along the wall that I’m sure were for archers to kneel and shoot from, but there’s nothing else between us and the long, smooth drop below. Maybe not the safest, but I guess Aldora doesn’t have quite the same regulation as we do.
I get a little fizz of adrenaline from that as I join him, folding my arms on the ramparts and leaning out. I can smell the sea in the air as it blows past my face - something that I couldn’t do so easily from when we wandered around the interior garden - and I pull my hair down from its usual bun, shaking it out in the breeze.
Derek catches the gesture, and I see the way his eyes move over me. I’m not in my fuck-me get up from yesterday, but I’ve ditched the skirts and b
louses for shorts that hug my ass and a tank top. Well, I am on vacation.
I sigh happily. I’m starting to see what he meant about expecting someone to jump at his offer just from the chance to spend some time here.
As a Princess.
The reminder comes automatically, but I shrug it off. Maybe the Princess part isn’t exactly for me, but this? Hell, I could get used to this. I smile as I think of what Carly will say. This will only get her more excited for our European trip. Though I wonder whether we’ll be able to find anywhere quite the same.
“I can’t imagine what it was like, growing up with all this.” I say, unable to help the wonder in my voice.
Derek doesn’t reply for a long moment. “Probably not how you’re picturing.”
I hear the catch to his voice and pause, glancing over. His expression isn’t nearly as blissful and relaxed as mine is, and I tilt my head, curious. He’s made a few comments about Aldora and his life here, and I was too distracted to pay much attention over the last few days, but…
“You found it hard?” I ask quietly.
He gives me a sidelong look, then snorts, shaking his head.
“I’m a Prince of Aldora. Second in line to the throne.” He says, with a bitter note to his tone. “I’ve got money and status and power. What the hell right have I got to complain?”
I pause for a moment, just looking over at the endless sea and listening to the sound of it against the shore.
“Being a Prince sounds fucking awful, if you ask me.” I say eventually, and he turns to look at me properly, obviously incredulous. I laugh. “I’ve told you over and over again how I really don’t want to be a Princess, and it surprises you I feel like that?”
His brow furrows, as if he hadn’t thought of it that way, before he turns to face forward again, resting his elbows on the edge like I am. Then he sighs.
“It wasn’t being a Prince that was hard - not really. I mean, all the shit we had to learn was tedious as hell, but what kid doesn’t think that at some point?” He shakes his head. “I just never really fit in here. You’ve seen my brother - and what my parents are like. He was what they wanted. And they wanted me to be a second version, in case anything happened to the first. It was shit - I had to learn everything he did, and go through all the same pressure and stress just in case. All the work, with none of the prestige or reward.”