by Lara Swann
It’s harder than I would have thought to look back at Alana - part of me wondering what I’ll see in her eyes - but I steel myself and do it anyway. Most of the red-haze has vanished now, and I’m slowly calming down.
She looks slightly shocked - whether at what he tried, or at me, I have no idea and I’m not entirely sure I want to find out.
“You okay?” My voice still comes out rough, but at least the question shows I’m not about to unleash violence on her or Lily.
She relaxes slightly as she nods, taking a breath of her own. “Ugh, yeah. I think so.”
Her voice doesn’t waver, and I’m secretly proud. Maybe she can hold her own better than I thought.
“Do you want to go outside?” I ask, more for myself than for her. I want to get away from the noise and the people and the heat.
She nods again and I lead them both to the back door, slightly relieved at the breeze when we finally get out and I can lean against the walls of the house. Alana seems to relax as well, and we’re silent for a moment as Lily puts an arm around her again. I ignore my own urge to do that, and just try to filter everything out.
Mel bursts out a moment later. “Oh my god! I heard…what happened?!”
She looks between us all, but my eyes are half-closed now, and I just ignore them as Lily and Alana fill her in.
I can feel the uncertain glances in my direction, but there are no overly violent or crazy descriptions of me, so I convince myself I haven’t traumatized anyone. Yet. Though I’m starting to wonder whether that will still be true by the time I leave. I’m obviously not cut out for being around normal kids.
When Mel has finished exclaiming about it, the conversation shifts to other topics, but I filter it out and don’t join in. They don’t try and pull me into it, either - maybe because they get that I’m cooling down, or maybe because they’re not entirely sure they want to talk to me anyway. So long as they don’t try and leave, I don’t care.
I’m too distracted by the reminder of what I’m really doing here. My attention is on the shadows in the garden and anyone who tries to come too near - not that there are many of them.
I guess word got out fast. Good.
After a while, when everyone’s nerves have settled, I can tell Mel wants to go back inside, and to my irritation, she suggests it only a few moments later. The last thing I want right now is Alana back in that house.
“So…you think you’re okay to go back inside? Pretty sure no one’s going to bother you now, anyway.” The last with a quick glance at me, but I don’t sense any animosity. Instead I give her a slow grin, making it clear that I think that’s a good thing.
It is a good thing, even if the way I react to these situations might not be.
Alana shrugs a little. “You go ahead. I need a bit more time, but you don’t have to stay with me.”
“No, that’s fine. We can stay.” Lily responds immediately, and I suddenly realize she wants to go too. For some reason I hadn’t pictured the quiet girl enjoying herself here.
“No, really, go. I can stay here with Caleb for a bit.” Alana insists, then gives me an almost sheepish look. “If you’re okay with that.”
They all look at me, and I shrug with a smile. “Sure thing, hun.”
Score and score. I couldn’t have asked for a better decision.
I have no idea how she knew I had no interest in going back inside - or hell, maybe she just thought I’d be more interested in staying with her. She wouldn’t have been wrong.
Mel and Lily share a look. I can’t work out whether I’m more exasperated or amused by those, but Mel gives a cheery smile and a wave and I can’t really fault her. “Okay, sure. Have fun, you two.”
I scowl at that as they disappear. She’s not wrong about what I’d like to be getting up to, and I’ve never resented the encouragement before - but it’s frustrating as hell not being able to act on the implication.
Alana shakes her head, but she seems more amused than anything as she leans back against the wall beside me. I can’t help looking over at her, seeing the way her blond hair whispers around her shoulders, wanting to touch and comfort as I couldn’t earlier.
“I’m sorry.” I say, though I’m not sure what for.
Maybe for my outburst. Maybe for bringing her here in the first place.
She shrugs as she looks up at me, an unexpected fierceness in her expression. “I can take care of myself, you know. I could’ve handled it.”
“I’m sure you could have, hun.” I smile and finally do put an arm around her shoulder, even as something inside me breaks at her words.
If only she knew what might be coming after her.
The strange thing is, I almost believe her when it comes to drunk college guys. Maybe she isn’t as naive or helpless as I thought.
She relaxes into me, and my arm tightens almost instinctively, wanting her close. Like this, I can catch hints of the vanilla-spice fragrance she wears, and it fucking kills me.
For one brief moment, I’m overtaken by a longing for something I don’t even understand.
Then I push it away and force myself to look up into the garden again, watching shadows. I’m here for one purpose. I need to remember it. The sooner I can get her away from this cursed party, the better.
And the sooner I can get the hell away from this cursed job, the quicker I’ll have my life back on track.
“I was kind of glad for the excuse to get out, to be honest. This isn’t really my kind of fun.” She wrinkles her nose as she looks at me, and I grin because it’s cute and sweet and just her.
Of course this isn’t.
“It’s better when you drink.” I advise her.
The nose wrinkle gets more pronounced, then it clears as she blinks at me suddenly. “How come you didn’t, then?”
I maintain the grin, but only just, as my stomach twists. I’m really not made to be an undercover agent, huh? I don’t think everything through far enough, I’m too obvious, and then too paranoid about discovery.
I go with a half-truth, because aren’t they meant to be the best kind?
“I felt I had a duty of care.” I make my voice sound officious, and hope she takes the self-mocking response without question.
She gives me a not-quite-sure look, but before she can say anything else, I change the subject. “So what’s your idea of fun, then?”
I figure she must like to do something other than studying and reading and lectures and micro-biology. I hope.
She settles back against me with a small smile, and I try not to make my relief too obvious.
“Ohh, I don’t know…I prefer calmer stuff, and smaller groups than this. Walking and finding beautiful places, or having really great conversations with a few people. Helping out at animal shelters and playing with cute puppies. And food. God, I love food. I’d much rather go out to dinner than a party, any day.” She grins at me, even as my incredulity grows with every comment.
I almost feel like we’re on some whacked out dating show.
She likes long, romantic walks along the beach, dinner dates and sweet baby animals, and generally being a good person. He likes parties, sex and drugs, martial arts and violence - oh, and makes a living killing people.
I force that thought out of my mind and struggle to concentrate on what she’s saying. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about dating.
Like, what the hell, brain? Of all the things that are never going to happen…
Then I catch another guy leering at Alana - too drunk to notice my hostile presence beside her - and I feel myself about to lose my cool again.
She’s still looking at me for a response, probably expecting some cocky remark, but instead I seize on the last thing she said. I don’t want her here any longer.
“Okay.” I give her a grin. “Let’s go to dinner then.”
She blinks at me, and that puckered line appears across her forehead as she frowns. “What?”
I get a strange little thrill from the impulsiv
e decision. “You’d rather go to dinner than be at a party - I said okay then. We’ll do that. C’mon.”
I push away from the wall and she hesitates for a moment, then catches up to me quickly. “Just like that?”
“Yeah, just like that, hun.” That’s the kind of person I’ve always been.
“Okay, okay, wait.” She pulls at my arm, and I turn to face her, still smiling. “We can’t just—I need to tell Mel and Lily.”
“Sure. Let’s find them, then.” I reply, and we head inside together.
I feel a small flash of guilt at completely forgetting about them. I’ve never been to clubs in a group before - at least not a group I couldn’t just ditch.
I keep Alana close to me and my arm around her shoulders, quietly grateful she’s not objecting to that, even though no one comes near us. Navigating the maze of people is as irritating as it was before, but we find them quickly - dancing with a group of guys in the living room. I almost don’t recognize them from the two girls I met in the lunch hall, and I’m momentarily impressed by what a little bit of alcohol can do. It makes me remember why I actually like this scene.
Alana pulls them away from the group and yells close to their faces. “We’re going to get food!”
They both nod and I make to leave, before she continues. “Do you want to come?!”
What the hell?
What kind of girl invites her friends out on a date with her?
I mean, it’s not a date. It can’t be a date. But considering everything…I would’ve thought she might have taken it that way. And I can’t help feeling a little offended that she hasn’t.
Her friends are obviously thinking the exact same thing, because I catch the confused glaze on their faces and then Mel pushes her towards me. “No - we’ll stay here!”
Alana hesitates between us, obviously suddenly confronted with something she isn’t sure about. “But—”
“Just go! Have a good time, babe!” Lily adds, grinning and waving before turning back to the guys they left. Mel takes the hint and does the same, leaving Alana standing there looking at me.
I almost want to laugh, but instead I take her hand and pull her along with me.
When we get outside, I finally shoot her an amused look. “Didn’t want to be alone with me?”
She blushes a fierce shade of red, and I just laugh.
“No! It’s not that. I just…thought they might be hungry.” She finishes lamely.
“Ah, of course.” I don’t believe her for a second, and she knows it.
“So where are we going?” She quickly changes the subject, and considering how many times she’s let me get away with that, I let it go easily. At least she agreed to come out with me alone. I’d half-expected to be shot down immediately.
“You know this town, hun, you’ll have to tell me.”
Chapter Six
Caleb
“This is the first date I’ve been on.” I say lightly, my eyes sparkling with amusement as I look over at Alana opposite me.
We’re sitting in a quiet Italian restaurant away from the main high street, and I have great line of sight out of the front window. Now that we’re out of that god forsaken party house and alone, I feel much more relaxed and I can’t resist teasing her - especially after she deliberately invited her friends to join us.
Maybe my pride wanted to retaliate a little after she evidently didn’t want to come out alone with me, but now that I wasn’t constantly on edge and could let the hitman-protector-bodyguard role slip into the background, I felt like having some fun anyway.
“Really.” Alana doesn’t disappoint, raising an eyebrow in that high-and-mighty way of hers. “You expect me to believe you’ve never been with a woman?”
I laugh easily, giving her my best arrogant smile. “No, that’s not what I said, hun. I’ve just never taken one on a date.”
She snorts, that familiar mixture of exasperation and amusement dancing in her eyes. “This isn’t a date. But, hey, since you’re so inexperienced, maybe I’ll let you practice a little. First lesson - don’t open with how much you’ve slept around.”
She grins back at me and I twirl the pasta around my fork, pretending to be sophisticated.
“And why isn’t this a date?” I make my voice innocent, but I know my expression is anything but.
“I only came with you to escape that party - this can be your apology for taking me in the first place.” She retorts, and I have to stop looking over at her as I feel my cock begin to harden.
I love it when she’s this confident and spirited, even if it is about pushing me away. I’ve only known her for a week - and, hell, I haven’t exactly spent much time with her in that time - but it feels like it’s been a lot longer. I’ve seen how she reacts when she’s excited or outraged, the tinge of pink across her cheeks when she’s embarrassed. The way her eyes twinkle in amusement, then shift and deepen into the beginnings of arousal. Not that she’d ever admit it.
“So, you really didn’t like it, huh?” I ask, wondering why I’m secretly relieved.
A couple of days ago I was cursing her for being so boring, and now I want her to stay away from the college lifestyle I was hoping to join?
“Not much, no, though Mel and Lily seemed to be having a good time.” She takes another bite of chicken and pauses, considering. “You didn’t seem too happy either, actually. What was it - too tame compared to…where are you from, again?”
“Baltimore.” It slips out before I have a chance to think better of it, and then I curse myself. Sure, I grew up there, but that’s way too close to home. Alana isn’t supposed to know anything about me. I’m not even meant to be talking to her.
“Ohh that’s nice, I like it over there - my Dad lives out that way, so I’ve visited a few times.” Alana continues obliviously, and then my sudden confusion overwhelms the momentary alarm.
“You don’t live with your Dad?” I ask stupidly, my mind jumping to Sullivan even as I know that’s the last direction this conversation should go in.
She just shrugs in response. “Nah, my parents split a few years after I was born. But it’s okay, just what I’m used to - I still get to see him, and I know he cares for me even if it didn’t work out between them.”
I didn’t know that.
She smiles almost shyly at me, and I suddenly realize that she probably doesn’t talk about this stuff much. And she shouldn’t be - not with me.
“Oh, okay.” My mind goes blank as I cast around for a way to stop talking about Sullivan. “Um, how’s your chicken?”
Great. Real smooth. Idiot.
“Ah…it’s good.” I swear I can see the brief flash of disappointment, and then she closes off from me again. We continue eating, this time in a slightly awkward silence and I curse myself again.
Obviously, that was the wrong thing to say. I might not do the whole dating thing, but even I know how this is supposed to go. She opens up a little, shares something personal, and I give her something back - some anecdote of my own, or something to show I can relate. Not a meaningless comment about her fucking chicken.
Except this isn’t a date. And I can’t understand why I keep trying to get it right. It’s not like I’ve ever been interested in dating, or relationships, or anything other than a bit of fun - even with women who weren’t completely off limits because of their father.
And no matter how much I want to, I can’t say ‘my Mom ran off when I was little, didn’t want anything to do with us, so it must be nice your parents had a good enough relationship you still get to see both of them’ or even ‘where’ve you been in Baltimore? You should come down more often, there’s this lovely little place…’. Because then she’ll ask about my Mom - or my Dad, and I’ll say too much - or hell, she’ll even start visiting Baltimore more often, and Sullivan will skin me alive, and if we ever actually ran into each other there…it’s hopeless. Impossible.
So instead, I continue the meaningless small talk as if I’m another dumb, hot guy who
can’t hold a conversation. At least I still get to play the role of hot.
“Well, now that tonight’s adventure is over, what’re your plans for the rest of the weekend?” I ask, trying to sound at least a little bit interested in the question. At least it would give me an idea of what I’ll be doing for the next couple of days.
Alana just shrugs, but now that I’ve managed to think of something to say, she’s a little more open again. “Not much. I want to get a head-start on Professor Hart’s seminar questions, so I’ll probably be holed up in either my room or the library for most of it.”
Oh, fuck my life. No one told me I’d be spending so much of this time stuck inside and bored…even at the weekend? C’mon, Alana, give me something!
“What about you?” She doesn’t seem to notice my internal groan, or if she did, she’d expected me to react that way to studying.
Oh shit. I’m meant to have independent plans too. This was a stupid conversation starter.
Like all of them. There’s a reason you’re not meant to be fucking talking.
I have no idea what to say, so I settle for honesty. It’s pretty much all I know how to do anyway.
“I don’t know how you do all that time stuck inside. Why don’t you come for a run with me instead?” I suggest.
More time together, probably with less talking, and I don’t end up going fucking crazy. Best idea I’ve had all day.
Alana smirks at me over her glass of water. “Is that your way of saying I need to lose some weight?”
“What?” I blink. “No, of course not. You’re perfect as you are.”
Perfect? What a fucking stupid thing to say. Even if it’s true. What the hell is she thinking, anyway? Lose weight? I’m never going to understand women.
“Perfect as I am?” She laughs. “Second tip of the day, Caleb…some bullshit cliche won’t save you from implying a girl is fat.”
“Ah, fuck it, that is not what I said.” I’m not sure if I’m more annoyed or confused about how she’s taking this. “You know, going on a date is starting to seem like far too much effort.”