by Lara Swann
He cocks the gun, and centers it right on Caleb. “And if you move another fucking step, I’m blowing your head off.”
Caleb stops - but not in the same blood-curdling way I freeze up at the words. Casually. As if he was going to anyway, and nothing is at stake here.
What the fuck is he playing at? Coming here beaten halfway to hell, now unarmed…this isn’t going to work.
I swallow, and speak up for the first time since Caleb arrived, focusing on Kevin again. “And if you kill me - how are you any better? I haven’t done a fucking thing, and you’ll be ending my life. You’ll be no fucking different to my father.”
He spins around at my voice, shifting to keep both of us in his sights, and I think for a moment he might hit me to shut me up, but instead he just laughs. Long and chilling.
“Oh, girl - I am no different to him. That’s what growing up on the streets - the life he forced on me - made me. A cold-blooded killer, playing fucked up games. But at least I know it - and this time, he’s the one that’s gonna lose.” His eyes shift towards the door, off both Caleb and I for the first time, and he smiles. “Anytime now.”
Caleb takes that brief moment to dive forward - and I scream, ready for the explosion that will end my life. Kevin whirls around with the sudden movement, his arm going wide as the gun tries to track Caleb and rings out one, twice—
Until Caleb is suddenly right there, in front of him, coming up in a movement faster than I would have believed possible from the way he was staggering earlier.
Kevin cries out, and all I can see is the detonator clutched in his white-knuckled grip as I sit there helpless, waiting for it to go off, praying, pleading…
His thumb slams down on the button and I squeeze my eyes shut, expecting a wave of heat, noise, blackness…something.
Instead, I open them a long moment later, my heart racing hard enough to explode out of my chest, my breathing thin and hysterical.
To see Kevin on the floor, blood gushing from his throat and the gun kicked over towards me. I look at the bomb on my chest again, everything in me tight and tense as I wait for some delayed reaction. For it all to go wrong. For my life to be over.
“…Alana!” I blink to find Caleb kneeling in front of me, his hand on my face.
When did that happen?
Black spots appear in front of my eyes and I struggle hard to breathe, trying to focus.
He’s doing something with the wires - and the rope cutting into my arms and legs - but I can barely see. My eyes are blurry, and my vision narrows to a tunnel as my mind drifts.
Then my head’s being pushed between my knees and I’m finally able to hear his voice again.
Gentle. Caring. Warm and open. Nothing like it was only moments before.
“It’s okay…you’re safe…I’ve got you. Just breathe. Breathe, Alana. Never going to let anything happen to you. You’re safe.” The soft litany washes over me and slowly, my vision starts to come back.
He kisses my head and strokes my hair as the blackness at the edges of my sight starts to disappear.
Another few moments and I realize I’m crying - whimpering in a long, whining sound that I don’t recognize as coming from me. He’s still talking, saying something, but I can’t focus on anything other than the deep, reassuring tone of his voice.
He came. You’re safe. It’s okay. It’s okay, Alana.
I’m not sure whether they’re his words or just in my mind, but when I finally get my breathing under control I lean forwards, wanting to be in his arms again. I practically fall off the chair before he catches me, scooping me up and rubbing my abused limbs. I belatedly realize my wrists are cut, and I can barely feel my hands - but the blood…that can’t all be mine.
“Shh…you’re alright.” He murmurs, his arms wrapping around me and keeping me close. I lean into the warmth and I have no idea how long we stay like that before I finally feel sane enough to look up at him.
And then immediately wince. As bad as I thought his face was when I saw it earlier - it’s worse up close and in person.
I reach up without thinking, running my hand along it and slightly disturbed by by the barest sensation I feel - those ropes really fucked up my hands, but at least something seems to be coming back now.
“Ohh, Caleb…” I sigh, “You’re so…hurt.”
He blinks at me, and then laughs in genuine amusement. “Me? Yeah, nothing to worry about, hun. Barely feel a thing, now you’re safe.”
I frown, my mind finally starting to work again. “My…father did that?”
He hesitates, then just shrugs. “I deserved it. It’s okay, don’t think about it.”
My frown deepens, but I’m distracted by the pool of blood slowly seeping towards us, and my eyes follow it to Kevin lying on the floor, small spurts of blood still pumping from his neck.
“What…happened?” I finally ask. “I…I saw him…him press the…”
I thought I was dead. I should be dead.
Caleb meets my mouth in a soft kiss, made strange by his swollen lips and the slight metal tang of blood.
“I cut the wire when I came up. The detonator couldn’t do anything. It’s okay, you’re safe now.” He repeats again, but I’m still staring over at Kevin, clinging to Caleb.
I can’t quite process what almost happened, but I let myself take several deep breaths, relishing the feeling of safety in Caleb’s arms. I’ll get over this - I will. And right now…all I have to focus on is having him beside me.
“Are you okay, Alana?” It’s a stupid question, but it makes me feel better anyway and I give him another quick kiss as I start to slowly breathe normally again.
I’m with him. Alive. It’s better than I thought possible only moments ago.
So I nod, burying my head against his chest for a moment before giving him a shaky smile. “I look a damn sight better than you.”
He laughs again and it’s a beautiful sound to hear. Made even better now that we’re past…everything that just happened.
He slowly raises us to a standing position, keeping his arms around me. I hesitantly try putting weight on my legs, and am surprised to find they work moderately well. Better than my hands, at least. Sighing, I lean into him and inhale the warm scent of his body.
I thought I’d never get this again.
He seems to echo my sentiment, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to him tight. He grunts a moment later, and I hear wheezing as he breathes, but he doesn’t let go, even though I’m pretty sure his ribs are a mass of bruises.
Just what did my father do to him?
I try to ignore the question - ignore the guilt. Which is made much easier when he leans down to my ear.
“Fuck it, Alana, I love you. You’re never leaving my sight again.” He shudders, his voice rough. “I thought I’d lost you, baby.”
I lean my forehead against him. “Me too. I hoped, but…god, Caleb, you scared me. How the fuck did you do that?”
“One of the few advantages to everything I’ve done…I can fucking keep you safe.” He’s so vehement about it that I can’t resist teasing.
“I thought you were no good as a bodyguard, hmm?” I murmur, and it feels good when his intent expression shifts into a smile.
“Yeah, well—”
Then he stiffens and swings towards the door, tense and ready again. I step back in shock and sudden fear, following his gaze.
To see my father striding in, a couple of guys behind him.
He looks straight at me and I freeze, somehow completely unprepared to confront him right now.
I feel exhausted and unstable - too many whacked out, powerful emotions dancing through me. I was just about holding it together in Caleb’s arms, but now…I don’t know what to do with how I feel at seeing him here.
Angry. Afraid. Hurt. Resentful. Betrayed.
His eyes slip over to the scene behind us - Kevin sprawled beside the table we’re stood behind - and then to Caleb, standing there next to me.
&nbs
p; I can almost see his expression darken.
“Get the hell away from her.” It’s a muttered threat, and for some reason I see one of the guys with him wince, but that one comment crystallizes my confused emotions.
Caleb’s eyes narrow and he opens his mouth to say something - I have no idea what - but I get in there first, my fists clench as I step forward. My legs nearly collapse under me, and Caleb grabs for me, keeping me upright - but it doesn’t stop my tirade in the slightest.
“Don’t you fucking dare!” It comes out harsh and angry, and my father’s eyes snap to mine, shock written there. “I don’t know who the fuck you really are - but from what I’ve seen, I want nothing to do with it.”
“Alana—” He starts.
“No. You think anything you can say makes up for what you are - what you do? And I just had a…fucking crash course in that.” I gesture wildly to Kevin, knowing I’m out of control, but not caring in the slightest. Everyone is just watching me wide-eyed, so I’m letting it all out. Everything that’s been brewing inside since I found out. His angry order just gave me the excuse not to even try to understand anymore. “I almost died because of some fucked up thing you did years ago. Years ago. You couldn’t find him because you don’t even remember it - just another everyday murder, right? So how many other people are waiting to fuck me up because of your shit? Do you have any idea…have you even considered…how much you’ve risked my life, even if you don’t care about those you’ve actually hurt?”
I’m shaking now, and I feel Caleb’s hand on my back, soothing - but he doesn’t say anything. He lets me rage. And the thought of him just makes it worse.
I glare at my father, but he isn’t even trying to say anything anymore. He’s just standing there, staring at me - stunned.
I reach behind, find Caleb’s other hand and grab it in mine, squeezing hard. “I’m alive right now because of Caleb. And I love him. And…and you come in here…and you…you…”
I can’t even say it. I can’t describe what he did to Caleb or how much it hurts to know my own father is capable of that. And so much more. To the man I love.
“Alana…” This time it’s Caleb, his voice soft in my ear as he shifts uneasily.
I squeeze his hand again and mutter, “No, it’s okay. This is not fucking happening. I won’t let it.”
It’s about the only thing I can think or feel with any clarity right now. And I have to let it out, or I’m going to break down with everything that’s happening.
I raise my voice again, staring at my father. “It’s not fucking happening. I’m leaving with Caleb and…and if you touch him again…I’ll never fucking forgive you. For any of it. I love him. And…and…I’m having his baby. You’re not fucking beating the father of my child.”
I feel the shock ripple through Caleb behind me, his body going completely stiff, and I pray he doesn’t freak out. I have no idea where that came from. It’s been on my mind, but…I wasn’t going to say it.
I squeeze his hand again, hard, and I’m relieved beyond words when he squeezes back.
I turn back to him, feeling myself starting to shake - or maybe I was all along - ignoring the way everyone else is looking at me.
“Take me home?” I ask softly, whatever strength and resolve I have starting to slip away. I can feel sobs building in my chest and just know I’ll crash if I have to face them all a moment longer.
He wraps his arms around me and nods, not looking at my father either. Instead, he picks me up, cradling me in his arms again.
I feel him flinch at the effort in his current condition, and want to tell him not to bother - I can walk - but one look at his face tells me it would be pointless. So I let him, and just lean into the warmth of his body, burying my face against his chest.
I realize belatedly that we’re in Baltimore and the only home I know here is my father’s - but I’m sure Caleb will find somewhere.
I don’t look at my father on the way out, but no one stops us.
It’s not until we’re a few minutes down the road that I feel Caleb breathe in heavily, lowering his head to my ear.
“You’re pregnant?” His voice is hoarse, but when I look into his eyes there’s none of the horror I expect - instead, a kind of quiet awe.
I shiver and glance away for a moment, biting my lip.
“Well…umm…” I start, before looking back at him with a shrug and a small smile. “Honestly? I think it’s just a sickness bug, but when the nausea stuck around…I wondered. And, well, I haven’t taken the pill since we left campus. But…probably not. I mean…I don’t think it happens that fast, you know?”
I can’t read the expression on his face - I don’t think it’s bad, but I just continue talking.
“And the moment I thought it - I just knew it would be enough to get my father off our backs. He won’t do anything now. So…we’re safe.” I smile at him, still a little shaky, and I’m surprised to catch a flash of disappointment in his expression before he smiles back, giving a small laugh.
“I think we’re safe anyway, hun. I’ve never seen anyone speak to Sullivan like that. And you’re his daughter - he was never going to hurt you.” The awe is back in his voice, and I feel strangely warm on hearing it.
“I think I’m just a little delirious…” I say, but my mind is elsewhere. On the way he reacted. On the way I felt at the idea - however unlikely.
It’s nothing I ever expected to want or feel, but for some reason, in the aftermath of this crazy fucked up week - it feels right.
“You know,” I start, something slightly hysterical bubbling inside me. “If I’m not actually pregnant…and it’s just a sickness thing…we could always, well, fix that before my father can find out. Just, you know, in case.”
He stops walking, and I freeze for a moment, wondering if I’m actually going crazy.
I peek up at him, hesitant, and then blink at the dazzling smile that spreads across his face.
He leans down to kiss me, long and deep and never-ending.
And I never want this feeling to end.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Caleb
“So you’re really leaving then.”
I spin into a crouch at the voice behind me, body alert and ready before I recognize my father leaning against the doorway.
Taking a deep breath, I let myself slowly relax as I stand again, despite the unease that makes its way through me.
I haven’t seen him for over a month - since Alana and I returned to her mother’s home in Philadelphia. And after the way we left…I’m not sure quite what he’s here to do.
So I just nod, returning to throwing things into boxes. If he wants a fight…well, I could never best him when I was training daily. After the last few months? I haven’t got a chance.
One of the things he always taught me - when you have no chance, stop worrying about it. Learn to let go of control just as easily as you take it in every possible situation.
Even now, I still have his voice echoing in my head. I suspect I always will.
He doesn’t say anything, and after a few moments the silence grows awkward - something that never used to happen between us.
I won’t apologize for anything that happened, and I simply don’t know what he expects of me now.
“How’s Alana?” He finally asks.
I give him a sidelong glance, “Who’re you asking for?”
He sighs, “You, mainly. I know she…matters to you.”
“I love her.” I say tightly.
“Yes, that.” He responds, the conversation clearly uncomfortable for him.
But I think he’s making an effort, and I relent a little. “She’s very well. They both are.”
We went for a scan just last week - and the sight of the baby growing inside her fills me with a kind of joyful terror I never could have imagined. It makes me smile just to think about, and somehow - that eases something between my father and I.
“I’m glad.” He says, and there’s something
in his voice that makes me turn towards him. “Really glad, Caleb.”
There’s a wistfulness in his face I can’t quite understand - until he looks at me with a strange affection. “I think the time Mia was pregnant with you was one of the best of my life - and, I guess, also the worst.”
I stop still at the mention of my mother. He never talks about her.
“I did the best I could for you, you know - and I don’t regret it for a moment. But I’m sorry if it wasn’t the life you would have chosen.” He meets my eyes, and for the first time I get a sense of vulnerability from the man I always thought was god-like in his ability…and everything else.
The admiration and appreciation that I’ve always felt for him surges within me, and I suddenly realize how much I regretted the idea of leaving on a bad note with him.
I understand why Alana feels the way she does about Sullivan…but my father has never lied to me. Only supported and encouraged as much as he can, and made the best of the situation we were in.
I step up to him and finally smile, relieved that he’s not here to criticize or judge me for what I’m doing.
“Thanks, Dad. And…I’ve always been grateful for everything you gave me. You didn’t have to, but you always cared. Thank you.” I say. “I’m glad…you’re okay with my choice.”
He smiles back, clapping me on the shoulder and shaking his head. “No, boy. I never have. I think, if I’d had the chance, I might have chosen the same.”
I look at him and see the truth there - and suddenly his attitude makes sense. The reasons he tried to dissuade me from Alana - and his shock when she confronted Sullivan. Mia took off the moment she learned of his involvement in the mob - and he had to fight tooth and nail to have me at all.
I immediately feel bad for him, and immensely grateful for everything Alana has accepted about me - and where I came from.
He catches my expression and gives a brief, hard laugh. “Nah, it’s okay - don’t worry about me, Caleb. I have a good time here. And Sullivan has almost forgiven me for what you’ve done.”