The smile on Tara’s face took his breath away. He would not be able to get it out of his mind anytime soon. He bit back a groan, fantasizing. One day she would be his. He turned from the window and went back to his rental car. He needed to head back to Washington State to devise his plan. Nothing and no one would get in his way.
Chapter 1
Three weeks later
Kevin stared at the transcript showing he didn’t pass his Advanced Zoology class. When he got the call to come into Dean Fredericks’ office, he instantly knew that couldn’t be good. He took a deep breath and pushed through to the office. His secretary looked up and smiled. “Hello, how may I help you?”
“I...I need to see Dean Fredericks. He’s expecting me. My name is Kevin Crawford.” He stammered out the words, feeling his chest constrict. He hoped he wouldn’t pass out from his anxiety.
“Sure. Have a seat and I’ll let him know you are here.” She picked up the phone as he took a seat. “There is a Mr. Crawford here to see you.” He looked at her as she talked on her phone. She glanced at him and smiled again. He felt like a kid in the principal’s office, getting ready to be punished for some woeful transgression. “I’ll let him know.” She hung up the phone and turned to him. “He’ll be out in just a minute.”
Kevin nodded. He picked up a magazine and pretended to read it. It was no use; he was reading the same line over and over again. When the door to Dean Frederick’s office opened, Kevin looked up. “I’m ready for you,” the Dean said smoothly. He put down the magazine and followed him to the office. Dean Fredericks pointed to a chair and Kevin took a seat, nervously looking around. “Thank you for coming in,” he said. Kevin didn’t feel he had much choice. “I take it you received your transcript.”
Kevin looked down at the transcript and nodded. “I don’t know what happened. I felt I was doing well in that class, but...obviously not.” The F stared back at him. He had always been a good student, so the failing grade was not something he would have ever expected.
“It’s not usually customary to call a student into my office. I’m not here to be your babysitter or your father, but when I’m forced to explain what happens next...I don’t have much choice.”
“I’m sorry, Dean Frederick. Can you explain what you mean by ‘what happens next’?” Kevin asked. He guessed he’d have to retake the course and hold off on getting his master’s degree. It wasn’t ideal, but he would make it work. It was his only option if he wanted to further his degree.
“You were enrolled in our program with a scholarship. The scholarship provided you student housing. I’m sorry to inform you, your costs next year will not be covered. As you didn’t pass, you lost the scholarship.” Kevin had not thought about the funding implication. The realization of what the Dean shared began to sink in. It was almost tragic. He lived in one of the houses on campus and now, the living arrangement was about to end. “You’ll need to allocate your own funds to pay for housing. Or, find cheaper off campus housing.” Dean Frederick paused before continuing. “In terms of the failing course, you can retake it online, if your family is not here in Anchorage. I’ll leave those planning details up to you.”
Kevin groaned. Things were just getting more and more dire. “I understand,” he said. He had worked diligently to be ready for a career that interested him. He couldn’t give up. He stood up and shook the Dean’s hand. “Thank you,” he said. His mind was reeling with questions about what would happen the following year.
Kevin left the building in a daze, walking back to his car on instinct. He didn’t know where he would go after such news. Going back to his lonely place would just be a sad reminder. He drove on auto-pilot until he parked in front of Tara’s apartment. If anyone could make him feel better, it was her.
* * *
Tara loaded up another box of her belongings. Her roommate had already finished up and was out with her boyfriend, so they could say their goodbyes. Tara was glad to have the house to herself. She enjoyed having a little time alone. As she was closing up another box, she heard a knock on her door.
“Coming,” she called, getting up and heading to the door.
She peeked through the peephole to find Kevin standing outside. She quickly opened the door.
“I’m so glad you’re here. You can help me pack.” She laughed as he walked in. “I’m about done, but I have a few more things to go.” She looked back at him and he smiled a little. “You know me...I tend to be a hoarder.” She paused, glancing around the living room. “I’m going to miss this place. It has been nice living here. We graduate in a week…a week!” She shook her head, glancing at him. “Can you believe it?”
He let out an uncomfortable groan. It was the first time she stopped to see he didn’t appear as happy as she was. In fact, his face was pale and she saw worry in his eyes. Their eyes connected for a moment.
“So, what do you need help with?” he asked, brushing past her.
She reached out and touched his arm, stopping him.
“It can wait. What’s wrong?”
He seemed nervous as he shifted from one foot to the other, but then suddenly stopped.
“I won’t be graduating when you do, Tara.” The words came out hurriedly and she almost wondered if she heard them correctly.
She stared at him, positive she had misunderstood what he said.
“Right,” she chuckled. She realized he wasn’t laughing, which was something she had expected him to do, once he confessed he was only teasing. He wouldn’t even look her in her eyes.
“Kevin, look at me.” When he looked up, she saw he wasn’t kidding. He looked ashamed. “What are you talking about?”
He looked away for a moment, like he was gathering his thoughts, but then faced her again.
“I flunked Advanced Zoology.”
Her smile fell as she processed the words. “But how?”
“I don’t know what happened,” he answered. “I studied. But somehow, I flunked the exam, which brought my final grade down. I have to take it again for a chance to get into the master’s program. So I won’t be graduating with you and there is nothing I can do to change that.”
She felt a gnawing sensation in the pit of her stomach. The dream was always to continue their education together. They both had the same aspirations and so it only made sense they would follow them as a team. She didn’t know how she could do it alone. She walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Kevin.” She needed to console him, because he would be by her side if the situation were reversed. “You won’t have to do this alone.”
He turned his head to look at her. She noticed his brown eyes had darkened. They had a hint of gold in them that would brighten or darken depending on his mood. She stepped back, noticing the intensity of his stare.
“How do you figure?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “You’ll be in Montana, pursuing everything you’ve worked hard for. And you should.”
A thousand thoughts were running through her mind, none of them in any way cohesive. She finally looked up at him.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, noticing the immediate shock on his face. “We have been a team and when one team member is down, the other one helps him through. Montana can wait.”
“I can’t let you do it, Tara. This team member is not about to ask his best friend to stay behind.”
“You’re not asking. I’m telling you. I want to do this.” She shook her head and swallowed the lump in her throat. She was on board with her decision, but was a little disappointed. She couldn’t deny it.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay, when you’ve worked so hard.”
“Will you stop saying I have worked hard? We’ve both worked hard and I’m going to help you ace this course next time.” She smiled. “That’s what friends are for.” She moved past him, hoping he couldn’t see the conflict probably playing out on her face. “Now, help me pack up. We still can’t stay h
ere, so we might as well go back to Washington State. I’m sure our parents will love to see us.” The words were laced with mild sarcasm. Both had grown up with parents who had given them free rein when they were growing up.
She felt him brushing up against her and she looked up into his eyes.
“I’m going to ask you one more time,” Kevin continued. “Are you positive this is what you want to do? I won’t be upset if you choose to go to Montana. I swear.”
“Kevin, I couldn’t imagine going to Montana without you. It’s just the way it is. I promise you I want to do this. I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.” She turned back to her boxes and continued to pack. She felt at peace. She had made the right choice. She was positive he’d do the same for her. More than anything, she wanted to keep their friendship intact and if this was what she needed to do, then she was going to do it.
* * *
“Tara Matthews!” Kevin cheered as Tara’s name was called. He caught a glimpse of her as she walked across the stage to accept her degree. Admittedly, there was a palpable pang of regret he felt inside. He wasn’t up there with her, but the pain disappeared as she turned her tassel.
He still couldn’t believe she was making the sacrifice for him. He would have never expected it, and he still didn’t know how he felt about it. He tried to focus on the rest of the graduation, but his mind wandered back to the day they made the decision to go to the University of Alaska.
“I chose the school I’m going to attend,” she announced proudly. He stood there, knowing he had been waiting for this day. He would have gone anywhere she had decided. “University of Alaska.”
He nearly choked on the pizza he was eating. “Alaska?” he asked, snickering. “Could you have gotten any colder?” He was being serious, but a part of him was excited about the new adventure. He had never been to Alaska before.
She shrugged. “It has the best program for Wildlife Preservation.”
He cringed. “I know, but Alaska…” He shivered. “I get cold just thinking about it.”
She rolled her eyes. “What does it matter to you? It’s not like you’re going. I’m the one going.”
He couldn’t believe she didn’t know he had every intention of following her. Even if they both swore they would never be anything more than friends, he still wanted to be near her. She was the one person that understood him and he didn’t want to give that up. “You’re not planning on going alone, are you?” he asked with a slight hesitation.
“Well, I thought it’s the way things usually worked. When you go away to college, it tends to mean you’re going away from everything that’s familiar, to expand your horizons and get out of your comfort zone.” She paused. “Doesn’t it?”
He laughed. “Usually, but we don’t have a usual relationship. I have every intention of tagging along. Unless, you would rather I didn’t. You might think it could hinder your chances of meeting someone, if they think there’s something going on between us.”
She playfully pushed him and started laughing. “Like I have ever worried about that before.” She stood there, with a smile crossing her lips. Her blue eyes were shining and her long, wavy brown hair was pulled into an over the shoulder ponytail. “I can’t even imagine what it would be like without you there.” She threw her arms around him and he held her close. He could feel her breath against his skin. The smell of jasmine in the perfume she was wearing was refreshing. “I would love for us to go together.”
He was plucked back to the graduation ceremony just as the audience was standing to their feet to applaud the entire graduating class. He stood up and joined in. He was so proud of her. As they filed out of the auditorium, he looked around for her. She found him first and greeted him with a smile and warm hug. “You did it,” he said, trying to push away all the negativity he was feeling about himself.
She pulled back, still holding on to her smile. “Now, it’s your turn next. Are you ready to go home?”
He looked around the auditorium of their campus, knowing he would be back. “I’m ready.” He looped his arm through hers and they headed out of the building. They were packed and ready to go back to Washington State. With her support, he would be able to make both their dreams a reality.
Chapter 2
Tara said goodbye to Kevin and walked into her parents’ home. They had flown back home to Washington State and shipped most of their things beforehand. Kevin had helped her take some of her bags from the airport taxi to the garage, and brought the rest of her bags to the porch. She waved from the porch stair as he left in the taxi.
She was alone to face her mother, which was how she wanted it. Things had been strained between them since her father’s death last year. Tara’s mother had become more withdrawn since her dad had passed away and Tara suspected she might be suffering from depression.
What Tara didn’t understand was why her mom had become so cold and distant– she missed her dad terribly. Losing him had been brutal, and all the more difficult adjustment as he died when she was away at college. She and her father had been close and she missed their weekly phone calls. She missed knowing he was there to call any time she needed him. Her mother’s attitude toward her changed almost overnight– it was almost as though she blamed Tara for his death– and that came as an additional shock. She sometimes felt as though she’d lost both her parents when her dad died.
Tara looked around the foyer as she walked inside. It brought back old, fond memories. She remembered her dad rushing up from his favorite chair when she had come home for the summer two years ago.
“Hello?” she called out.
After several minutes, she heard footsteps, and her mother entered from the living room. “Hi Tara, I didn’t know you were going to be here.” Her mom kissed her on the cheek.
“Yeah, after graduation I figured I would stay at home until I go back.”
“Go back?” she asked, tilting her head in confusion. “Once you graduate, don’t you go forward?”
Tara rolled her eyes, but looked away from her mother’s expectant gaze. She had been practicing this conversation ever since she made the decision to take the year off with Kevin. She wondered why her mom would even care, when she didn’t even bother coming to her graduation.
“I decided to take a year off before going to Montana.” Her mom stared at her, not saying a word, so she continued, “I have a lot I want to do and I feel a year would do me some good.”
She didn’t feel she could tell the truth, but she had to admit, the excuse she gave sounded lame.
“Oh…” her mother said slowly. “So, are you staying home until you discover yourself?” she asked, a deep sarcasm etched in her voice.
“I’ll try not to stay any longer than I have to, Mom,” Tara replied. “I-I have some boxes to grab from outside,” she mumbled, turning on her heel to leave the house. She stood on the porch, fighting every urge to run to her car and drive away. She grabbed the boxes from the porch and brought them into the house. Her mother had already disappeared back to the living room. She sighed, heading up the stairs and going to her old room. She was glad she only had her mother to handle. Kevin had his parents and his brother. She hoped he was doing better than she was.
* * *
Kevin tried the doorknob, only to find the door was locked. He had searched to find his old house key but had no luck. He had to knock. He knocked once and then twice, before trying a third time. Finally, on the third attempt, he heard footsteps. His father answered the door.
His dad’s face revealed a mixture of emotions. It was a relief when he put out his hand for Kevin to shake it.
“Hello, son. This is a surprise.”
Kevin entered the house.
“What are you doing here?” his dad asked.
“Can’t a guy come home without a lot of questions?” he asked, hoping it didn’t come across as rude. He let out a breath and tried to put a smile on his lips. “I have had a couple of crazy weeks,” he replied, using it as an excuse. He loo
ked around. “Where’s Mom and Jake?”
“Your mother went to the grocery store and Jake...well who knows where he is.”
Kevin frowned at the last comment, but he wasn’t surprised. The family all believed his eighteen-year-old brother had Schizophrenia and from some of the stories, it was possible. There was some embarrassment about discussing his condition, and it seemed like his parents preferred to act like Jake was fine. To Kevin, Jake was his brother, so he hoped for the best and was committed to being there for him whenever he could.
“Do you mind if I stay here in my old room?” Kevin asked, looking around the room and reliving some of his memories of running down the hall for all manner of reasons.
“For how long?” his dad asked.
Kevin shrugged. “Until I can find another alternative.” He wanted to argue that it shouldn’t matter if he was there or not. After all, he was sure his parents could go about their everyday activities even if he was there. It never bothered them before.
His dad raised his eyebrow. “Do you need to tell me something?”
Kevin shook his head slowly.
“Aren’t you going to Montana this fall?” He asked.
Kevin knew eventually it would all come out anyway. “I won’t be going to Montana,” he replied. “Not for at least another year.”
He grimaced at the thought of telling the whole truth, so he just blurted it out.
“Look, Dad. I flunked a class and have to retake it next semester.”
There was a long pause. “Say something, dad,” Kevin said.
“I’m speechless. Was it because you spent a lot of time partying?” his dad finally asked him.
Kevin’s jaw dropped. “What? No...I studied, but apparently it wasn’t enough. I don’t know what happened, but this summer I’m going to spend studying and when I retake the course...I’ll work harder.” He wanted it to be true, but there were no guarantees.
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