“Call me Mary,” she corrected him again.
“Yes. Mary. I’m so relieved you feel this way. I can’t tell you what this means after everything that’s happened with my family.”
He couldn’t say anything more. The words wouldn’t come when he felt the tears welling up in his eyes.
“It’s okay, Kevin,” she said, rubbing his back to console him when she noticed his tears. “I do watch the news. I know your brother is the one who’s suspected of murdering people around town. Everyone’s talking about how he’s got to be a sick, twisted, heartless killer, but no one is talking about the possibility that he’s just not well. Mentally, you know?”
“I don’t think I ever sat and spoke to Tara about this, but when her father died, I—I was so stuck. All I could do was grieve and I couldn’t let her in. I was depressed, you know that? Clinical depression, the doctor called it. It felt like sinking in quicksand with your hands stuck at your side, so you can’t even reach out to take any help that’s offered. So I know firsthand how mental illness can physically hurt. I imagine Jake is not mentally balanced. And yes, what he’s suspected of doing is horrific. But what’s more horrifying is that we know so little about mental illness, and we do even less as a society. What’s horrifying is he needs help and we can’t set aside his actions—not even temporarily—to help him.”
“But what I need you to know, Kevin, is that no matter what he did, you are not your brother. That I know. And although the timing may not be ideal for your family, I want you to set aside the sadness about Jake and celebrate what you and Tara have. I’m so happy she found you.”
He sat on the couch and lowered his head into his hands as he sobbed, unable to keep his composure anymore.
“Oh, Kevin,” she said, sitting beside him. “I can see how hard this has been on you. You’ve probably had to be strong for your family and for Tara, and I guess for everyone in town.”
He nodded, but couldn’t speak for a few minutes.
“I’ll get you some tea,” she said as she left for the kitchen.
As embarrassed as he was about breaking down in front of Tara’s mom, he felt such a relief. He had feared she wouldn’t be on board because of Jake. There was a stigma around the family of murderers. When Jake became the prime suspect, Kevin couldn’t shake his worry that she would think of him as the brother of a serial killer. But his relief was not just about her approval. He really had been keeping it all in since everything happened with Jake. He hadn’t given himself time to process it. It was like a death in the family. He lost his only brother and felt responsible, even though he couldn’t do a thing to help save him.
“Here you go, Kevin. Drink this. You’ll feel better.”
“Thank you Mrs. Matthews,” he said when he finished the tea. “And thanks for your support.”
“You don’t have to thank me, son.”
“Well it doesn’t show at the moment, but I’m so happy you approve. And that you understand. It means more than you know. I should get going now.”
“No problem. You have a good night. See you on Christmas day. And thanks for the great news!”
“Good night and thank you.”
As he headed back to his car, he felt he had made so much progress. And Tara’s mom was a godsend. Now it was time to head to his parents’ house to pack some clothes, and begin his new journey with Tara.
* * *
Tara noticed the change in Kevin after he returned. He wouldn’t tell her where he went, and she couldn’t even hazard a guess, but he looked so much calmer; so at peace. It was good to see him this way.
When he settled in, he suggested going back to the house first thing in the morning. They hadn’t taken the time to turn open faucets in case the pipes froze.
“Well, why don’t we go back now?” Tara asked. “You can bring a few things now, and a flashlight. Who knows, the lights may be back on.”
“Sure. Good idea.”
She helped him pack a duffel bag and they left for her house again. The lights were back on, but the second they got in, Kevin wanted to leave again.
“What? What’s going on, Kevin?”
“I forgot something important at home. You stay here.”
“I’m getting dizzy from how much you keep coming and going. Are you sure everything’s okay?”
“Yes. It’s perfect. I promise I’ll be right back. Thirty minutes tops, okay?”
“Sure, I guess. Drive safely okay?
“Always!” he shouted as he went out the front door.
* * *
Tara anxiously awaited his return. She wanted him to move in all along. They were ready, and his parents would be just as supportive. She was putting his things away when the doorbell rang. She nearly sprinted downstairs to get to the door.
“We’re going to have to—” It wasn’t Kevin. It was Reggie.
“We’re going to have to what?” he asked. He appeared timid, but a smile curved the corners of his lips.
“I thought you were Kevin,” she said with marked hostility. “What do you think you’re doing here?”
He hadn’t dared to show up since Kevin started sleeping over. And every time they saw him outside, she was careful to avoid him when he waved from the distance. She had to be careful with this one.
He put his hands in his pockets. “Mind if I come in?”
She looked away from him, knowing it wouldn’t be a good idea having him back in the house.
“No, actually. But it’s cold out, so you should just head on home.”
“Just for a second,” he pressed. “I want to apologize.”
She couldn’t trust him, but for an apology, he could stand in the hallway.
“Fine, but you’re not stepping foot past the hallway.”
She stepped back and gave him enough space to enter the foyer. A quiet, awkward moment ensued in which neither one spoke a word.
“I’m sorry, Tara. I’m sorry for being an ass. I’m sorry for being so disrespectful to you. I apologize.”
“That’s…” She hesitated, searching for the right word. “That’s unexpected, but appreciated.”
“That’s really all I wanted to tell you.” He turned away to leave, but as he reached for the doorknob, he pulled away. “Actually, there is one more thing I wanted to tell you.”
“Okay.” She stared at him, perplexed. “What is it?”
“You see, there’s this…I mean, you should…I don’t know how to tell you something like this.”
“Just tell me.”
“I haven’t been exactly honest with you. I—”
His words broke off when Tara and Reggie turned and saw Kevin standing there. Kevin’s face was tense with animosity, but he didn’t say anything.
“Kevin, I’m glad you’re back,” she said, stepping over to him and nestling in his arms.
“Yeah, I uh…” He stopped talking to look at Reggie. “I’m surprised to see you here.”
Reggie still appeared conflicted, like he wanted to tell her something but couldn’t get the words out.
“I’m just leaving. We can talk later,” he mumbled. “Good night.”
He left, and she considered how odd it was that his demeanor had changed so quickly.
“Hmm…” she mumbled. “That’s strange.”
“What was he doing here?” Kevin asked, interrupting her thoughts.
She turned from the door. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous again,” she teased, lacing her hands around his neck.
“Not jealous…just curious.”
“He came to apologize,” she replied, but even as the words left her mouth, she wasn’t sure they were true. He was the type of man who got his way. He didn’t come across as someone who would ever apologize for being such a jerk “I don’t want to talk about him anymore. Everything alright now?”
“Everything’s perfect.”
“Any more secret trips tonight?”
He laughed, taking his jacket and boots off before placing his han
ds on her hips and pulling her in closer. “Did you miss me?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Only a little?”
“Okay I was dying to see you back here.”
“That’s better.”
She squealed as he lifted her up into his arms and carried her upstairs to their bedroom.
* * *
Jake knew what would come next. It was like the present lined up with the future, and he was about the change it all. The police would find him. It was a matter of time. He sat in the car and stared ahead of him. Pictures of Tara were in the seat next to him. He glanced over and picked up one of the photographs. Her hair shone in the light.
“I love you, Tara,” he said, his words just above a whisper.
He looked back up at the scenery that was his life. Trees surrounded him on both sides. They were snow covered, like a picturesque postcard. He had always enjoyed the wilderness, but right now all he could think about was his brother, and how Kevin got what he wanted no matter what. Jake always felt left behind.
He got out of the car. He had become numb to the cold air lately, and didn’t need a jacket to keep warm. He paced back and forth. Only two days left until Christmas. He had never felt this way before. It was all slipping away from him. His family; his Tara; his life. He wasn’t going to stand by and let the police take him down. It was time to change the course of fate.
He pulled the matches from his pocket. His hands trembled from the cold and the understanding of what he was about to do.
“I’ve got no other choice,” he said.
There’s always a choice. You’re a coward, you don’t stand up for what you want in life. That’s why Kevin got your woman. You’re a failure and your family doesn’t even care you’re gone.
“That’s not true,” he cried out. Tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. “They love me, but I’ve caused so much pain in their lives.”
Pain? Kevin’s the one who caused the pain. You just did what you needed to do. Don’t let Kevin win…again.
“You’re wrong,” he said, remaining focused even as the voices crowded his thoughts. “I’m not going to let anyone else suffer.”
He picked up the gas can and poured it all over the car, mindful of the way his jittery hands shook.
“I can do this. I can do this. It’s for the best.” he chanted.
You’ll make a mess of things. After all this effort, Kevin will get his way and you won’t be around to enjoy it. Don’t give him the satisfaction.
“Shut up!” he yelled. He dropped the empty gas can to the side and lit the match. He threw it on the front of the car and ran around to the driver’s side, dropping the picture of Tara before climbing in. He was breathless, full of fear. This was it.
Don’t do it, Jake. Show them you’re not afraid to fight for what you want out of life. For the first time in your life…man up and take what you deserve.
He rocked back and forth in the seat as the fire inched closer and closer to him. All he could do was sit and wait for the flames to engulf him and the car. It couldn’t come soon enough.
Chapter 6
Tara and Kevin sat around the Christmas tree. His parents continued to open their presents, but Tara didn’t budge from her spot, which had a vantage point of the front driveway. Kevin placed his hand on her knee and their eyes met.
“What are you thinking about?” he whispered.
“My mom, for starters.”
Tara’s mother had not yet arrived, but it was early. The turkey was still in the oven so she and her new boyfriend still had time to make an appearance.
“I’m also thinking how this year has been a whirlwind of emotions. I can’t believe we’re here, together. Still best friends, but so much more. And I’m thinking about how your parents have been so welcoming to me.”
“We’re really lucky, aren’t we?”
“We are.”
“The only part that’s hard is not having Jake around,” Kevin said. “The old Jake. My little brother, you know? I don’t know how my parents aren’t bawling their eyes out about it all. Yes, he’s a suspected serial killer. But he wasn’t always one. He was my blood. And we all lost him.”
She gently rubbed his knee. There wasn’t much she could say about it. Things were so far gone.
“I’m thankful you’re here, Tara,” he said.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She leaned over him and kissed his shoulder for support. He looked like he needed more, but his parents were in the kitchen, humming Christmas carols and preparing for the big dinner. Still, she couldn’t deny she wanted to be closer to him too. He lifted her chin and planted a soft kiss on her lips. They were lost in the kiss when the doorbell rang. She smiled when he bit back a groan, but stood up to answer the door.
“That must be them!”
When she opened the door, it was her mom. She was alone.
“Merry Christmas, Mom! Where’s Mr. Castleman?” she said, giving her a warm hug when she came inside.
“Hun, you know he wants you to call him Michael. Hi Kevin! Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Mrs. Matthews. Thanks for coming,” he answered, accepting her hug and taking the things she held in her arm so she could remove her coat.
“Michael’s with his parents at the senior’s home across town. He sends his regrets. He’s an only child so he wanted to be with them. But he would have loved to be here.”
“That’s alright,” he answered. “My parents will be glad to see you.”
“Oh it smells amazing in here. Baking is so good for the soul of a house. By the way, one of those gift boxes has Tara’s favorite cookies inside. I baked extras for everyone so feel free to dig in.”
“Thanks so much, Mom,” Tara said. “I loved those cookies so much growing up. You’ll have to show me how to make them one day.
“Anytime, honey.”
“Let’s get you to the kitchen to say hi to Kev’s parents.”
* * *
“Thank you, Tara. This is beautiful.”
Kevin looked up to see his mom holding the scarf Tara bought her.
“I’m glad you like it,” Tara answered.
Kevin couldn’t get over how her face was beaming. She seemed over the moon that her mom showed up and they could all be together. He watched as his mother put the scarf on, draping it gracefully around her shoulders, and he appreciated her gesture. She looked at them and a smile crossed her lips.
“Go on, you two…open up your gifts.”
“Wait,” Tara spoke up, pulling a small wrapped box from under the tree. “I want to give this to you first, Mom.”
Tara leaned forward as her mom opened her present and saw it was silver earrings.
“Why, honey, they’re gorgeous!” she said, admiring them in the box.
“I’m glad you like it, Mom. And remember that necklace I bought you a few years ago? They’re a matching set.”
“Well that’s super. Thanks Tara. I got something for you, too. It’s for both of you. I wanted to get you something you could both enjoy.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Tara grabbed the envelope from her mother. She opened it up and a gift certificate for Marmalade’s fell out.
“I thought you could use a night out, and it would be great for celebrating,” she winked at Kevin, “or just having a night out sometime. I know how much you both love that restaurant.”
“Wow, that’s amazing of you, Mrs. Matthews,” Kevin said, winking back when Tara wasn’t looking. “Thank you so much. Wait, I got you something too.”
He pulled a larger box from the pile and handed it to her.
“Kevin, you know, I told you to call me Mary. Let’s do away with the Mrs. Matthews, okay?”
“Of course. Mary.”
Mary opened up the box, and her eyes lit up at the sight of the sweater.
“I wish it was more,” he said. “I just wasn’t sure what you’d like, and I had already seen Tara’s gift so I didn’t want to get you mo
re jewelry.”
“This is lovely, Kevin. Thanks.” She raised it high and showed it to Tara and Janine, who both looked impressed.
Tara relaxed as Kevin opened the presents everyone bought him. He turned back to his other gifts, already opened. He had received a couple of shirts, a pair of pants, and a football ornament from his parents. Tara had given him a book about wildlife conservation in the northwest United States, a ring he’d admired at the mall, and another knitted hat for his collection.
“These are all great!” he said.
“I hadn’t made you one recently,” she replied with a laugh.
“Thank you, babe.” He kissed her and then realized his parents and Mary took notice. It didn’t last long, but it was still sweet.
“There’s a whole section in the book about the procedures we’ll learn and apply when we start our Master’s program.”
“I’ll have to look them over. Thanks Tara.”
She went back to opening up her presents, and her eyes widened when she saw his gift.
“I hope you like it,” he said.
“I love it.” The gold heart necklace was wrapped in both their birthstones, with a diamond in the center. “Can you help me put it on?”
She turned around and he clasped the necklace around her neck. “Thank you, Kevin!” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. This time it went on long enough that his mother cleared her throat to break it up.
Kevin laughed, pulling from her. “Open up the rest.” He had also gotten her a sweater he’d seen her looking at in the mall. He had also gone back and bought her more lingerie, but he was saving it for later. She would be too embarrassed in front of their parents.
“I have two more gifts to open. I’d better get to it,” Tara said, ecstatically.
She opened up the gift in an envelope with both their names. It was from his parents, and inside was a pamphlet. He looked over her shoulder and read what she had opened.
“What is it?” he asked.
“It’s a horse farm in Montana,” Kevin’s father answered. He held his camcorder as everyone opened gifts. “I thought Tara would enjoy going to visit. They have a bed and breakfast right on the property, and you can ride all day if you want to.” Tara looked at him. “You do like horses, right?”
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