We were both breathless with the effort as we stared at each other. She released her arms and I felt her weight shift, like she was about to get to her feet. I caught her around the waist and held her firm against me. My fingers gripped her sides, electricity shooting from her sweat-covered skin into my fingertips. I slid my hands up, slowly, caressing the gentle curves that led up to the elastic band of her sports bra. My eyes were locked on hers. She gasped when my hands moved over her soft, round breasts. Her nipples instantly hardened. I ran my thumbs over them. She shivered.
She rocked her weight back and her ass bumped into my hardness. Her eyes half-closed as she looked back to me. She opened her mouth to say something, but I put my fingertip to her lips.
“Amanda,” I whispered, “I have to have you.”
She whimpered, and my cock stiffened even more. I wanted to hear her make that sound again. I ran my thumbs along her nipples again, applying more pressure. She closed her eyes and drank it in. She was so gorgeous. Every last inch. Her running shorts were cinched up around her legs as she straddled me. I could feel her hot pussy through the fabric as she ground down on my stomach.
“Fuck,” I groaned.
I wanted her so badly I could rip off her shorts and explore her with my hungry tongue. I seized the moment, flipping her over and pinning her arms above her head.
“We shouldn’t,” she moaned out, breathing against my cheek as I lowered my face to hers.
“I’ll stop, if that’s what you really want,” I whispered.
I lifted my face so I could look into her eyes. They wildly searched mine. I wished I knew why she kept holding back—besides the obvious expectation of professionalism and Kevin’s constant meddling. It was clear she had a reason not to get close to me. I wished she would tell me.
Suddenly, without warning, she surged up, arching her back against the floor, and her lips crashed back to mine. I returned her fierce kiss, and she lowered back to the ground. Her hands slid under my shirt and held me around the waist, pulling me down firmly on top of her.
I deepened into the kiss, slowing down the pace, tasting and exploring, taking my time with her. I slid my tongue between her lips and she circled mine. My body was on fire. I wanted her so badly, but felt the need to take my time and enjoy every inch of her. I slowed myself down, moving from her lips to kiss the soft spot behind her ear. She tilted her hips under me, pulling me in for more contact. I tipped away slightly, hoping to stretch out the moment and make it last. Her legs wrapped around my hips. I expected her to grip me passionately, but instead, she put a hand to the mat for leverage and flipped me to the side.
“Johnny, what are you doing?” she asked, panting breathlessly.
I pulled away and stared down into her wide eyes. “I’m making love to you. Slowly.”
She had an altogether different reaction. She twisted out of my grip and shoved me off her.
“I can’t do this,” she said, getting to her feet. She stalked across the room.
“Amanda, wait,” I started after her and held her by the arm.
She turned to me. Her eyes were misty. She was close to tears. “Please, let me go,” she said.
I nodded, and she slipped from the room.
Shit! She was gone again. I turned and walked to the other end of the room, attacking the anchored punching bag that hung there. I hit it over and over, my bare knuckles pleading with me to stop, but I didn’t slow down until I had spent every last bit of energy. When I was done, I sagged against the wall and caught my breath. I shoved the mats back up against the wall and left, charging up the two flights of stairs. I looked over at Amanda’s room before stepping into mine. Her door was closed—probably locked.
I went into my room and shut the door, my hands and my head aching. None of it could compete with the regret that wrenched my chest for pushing her too far too fast.
Chapter 9 - Amanda
“What is wrong with me?” I scolded myself once I was back in the safety of my room. I paced back and forth in front of the door, unsure how to handle this conflicted feeling that would not go away. I couldn’t begin to unwind the thoughts racing through my mind. I was upset at myself for letting things go too far with Johnny—over and over again. This assignment had me completely unglued. It did not help that the room was still filled with the flowers he had bought me. He must have told the housekeeper to water them, or bought some long-lasting variety. The lavish bouquets looked as stunning as the first time my eyes caught sight of them.
Stepping over to the dresser where my small jewelry box sat, I opened the box and picked up the locket he gave me. I used my nail to open the tiny clasp, and gazed down at Dad’s picture. A long sigh escaped my lips, with a wish Johnny had not been this sweet, thoughtful and kind. I couldn’t resist him, with or without the gifts—even when I tried really hard. My job and his safety depended on me staying away from his bed, and that didn’t stop me either. I wanted Johnny, but his eyes wanted more than I was ready to give back to him. He wanted to make love to me? God, if I had stayed down there with him, there would be no going back.
My body was still amped up from the workout, and I was dripping in sweat. I desperately needed a shower. I went into the bathroom and turned on the water, stripping out of my sweat-drenched workout clothes. I stepped into the shower and let the water wash away the sweat, the dirt, and the stress. Shit! It would be so much simpler if he was only interested in sex. He clearly was not, no matter how many times he pulled away to give me space. And then, he went and said what he did when he had me pinned to the floor, with our bodies meshed together, our breathing heavy in the heat of the moment.
I’m making love to you. Slowly. His words echoed back and all I could see was the look in his eyes.
He meant it.
Making love.
I growled into my hands. Love was not an option anymore. Not with anyone, but especially not with Johnny. It was bad enough I couldn’t seem to control my body around him; I could not afford to lose control of my heart too. He had opened up to me emotionally, and I was starting to do the same with him. I could see us being friends. He was sensitive, sweet, caring. Obviously loyal, if he continued to put up with Kevin’s bullshit for the sake of family. He was amazing in bed. Who could forget that? Protective, and fierce when he needed to be. And despite how bad things were, he always found a way to make me smile. He was so easy to be around. I wanted to be there for him, but we kept getting back to this place where the sexual energy was more intimate—too intimate. I could not go there. Johnny was everything I wanted in a friend. It’s the intimacy he clearly craved that got me unglued. I was not looking for that.
By the time I got done in the shower, my stress and worry was still in the back of my mind, but another emotion had taken over. Fear. He was making his way in, and I was dangerously close to letting him in. A wave of anxiety swept over me. Was I afraid of losing him? Or keeping him?
My thoughts shifted back to when he mentioned he did not have anyone who was there for him, other than Kevin and Lady Dame. My heart stung with the memory. I was starting to care for him. That was the problem.
I stepped out of the shower, dried off and went back to find some pajamas to wear. I heard my phone buzz, indicating I had a voice message. I grabbed the phone and climbed into bed to relax while catching up on life outside of Johnny Q Venom’s world.
The first message was from my old security company, wanting to know if I was free to take a week-long set of shifts for some political rally. It was a three day-old message, so I replied to my old manager by text to let him know I was still unavailable. The next one was from Eva. The call must have come in while I was working out. She sounded animated, and wanted me to phone her back right away. I found it strange. Normally she only texted me, and we would figure out a time to talk live. I hung up from the voicemail and checked the texts. Ouch. She had sent me six messages since lunchtime.
I flipped back to my contact list and phoned her right away.
&nb
sp; “Hello?” she answered.
“Eva? It’s Amanda. Sorry I just saw your messages.”
“Amanda! OMG girl, I’ve been trying to get you all day.”
“Is something wrong?”
“No, but you had better start talking.”
“About what?”
“Your ass is all over the celebrity news!”
“Ugh…you saw it, huh?”
“Yes, and so did the three hundred million people in America who watch the news, or read up on celebrity gossip in magazines and online.”
“Christ.”
“Now I know why you couldn’t tell me what you were up to in LA! Your secret is out, bestie. So you can tell me everything. And don’t you dare leave anything out!”
I dreaded getting into it with her. In all likelihood, with the mood I was in, she would have me bawling like a baby if I admitted everything. “This is not a good time, Eva. Can we talk about it in a few days, or when I’m back?”
“Awww, hell no! I’ve waited long enough. And now I’m pissed!” She laughed. “I should not have to find out you’re getting down and dirty with Johnny Q Venom at the same time as the rest of America, for Christ’s sake. I’m your bestie, dammit. And now you have to make it up to me. So spill!”
“Okay, okay. I’ll tell you what I can.”
“Damn straight you’re telling me.”
“Will you stop that?” I giggled. “I’m trying to talk now, and you’re rubbing it in.”
“Okay. I’ll zip it. I’m listening now.”
“All right…” I paused and tried to think of the best place to start. There was so much I could not tell her. “This was supposed to be a security manager gig. I was hired to work for a guy out here for a few weeks. Originally, I was to lead a handpicked security team to protect that person for a project. That did not happen. I can’t talk about why, but what I can tell you is I met Johnny, and I’m his …” I hesitated, because I couldn’t tell her this whole media stunt was contrived. As much as I trusted Eva, I couldn’t risk the FBI’s case by blowing our cover.
“I’m still listening here. You’re what? Tell me!”
“We’re dating,” said, committing myself to the lie. “You’ll see the couple’s interview and photoshoot we did a few days back hit the stands soon, if it’s not already out there.”
“What! I’ve got to put on a google alert for that. You have to tell me more, woman.”
“I wish I could, but I cant. Look, I’ll make you a promise. As soon as I get home after this tour is done, I’ll tell you more. Okay?”
“Geez! Okay fine. So by dating, do you mean seeing each other, or are you jumping each other’s bones?”
“Dating as in dating.”
“I’m not sure I’m buying it, Amanda. That picture of you grinding your crotch on his dick told a slightly different story.”
“Don’t believe everything you see in the news, alright Eva?”
“I saw the video, Amanda. There wasn’t much left to the imagination from that footage. And one more thing. Why are they calling you Rachel Preston?”
“Shit. I really can’t tell you more. Please, don’t talk to anyone about it, okay?
“I won’t. But the people who know you well enough may be curious too. If anyone who followed you during your MMA days sees that picture, they’re going to know. And if your mom sees it…”
“I don’t want to talk about her. I don’t care what she sees.”
“You just hope she doesn’t.”
I let out an exhausted breath, but part of me was relieved to talk about it with someone, even if I could barely say more than what was already out for public consumption. “So what did you call me about Eva? Was it just about the picture?”
“Busted. Yes, that was it. What can I say? I’m a gossip whore.”
I laughed. She really was. “Enough about all this. How are my babies?”
“Your fish are healthy and happy.”
“Good.”
“Something else is wrong, isn’t it?” Eva asked, sounding more serious.
After a brief pause, I answered. “It is.” I couldn’t hide how I was feeling from Eva, even if I tried. “It’s complicated. And you know I can’t talk about it, but I hate when emotions get in the way of something good.”
“Oh. That again,” she said. “Some men want more than sex, and not all men are low-down, dirty sons of bitches.”
I sneered. “Says the girl who tweeted that all men are dogs, and included a photoshopped picture of her ex’s head on a dog’s body after her last doozie of a breakup.”
“That was different. And he deserved it. Anyhow you’re missing the point.”
“Which is?”
“People have emotions, Amanda. And so do you. Get over it. It’s time you move past what happened and start to give men a chance.”
“I give plenty of men a chance,” I objected.
“In your bed, maybe,” she teased. “But not where it matters. And it sounds like this is something you’re dealing with right now. So please, give the guy a chance. Especially if it’s Johnny Q Venom!”
“You’re something else, Eva…” I took a breath. “Even though I couldn’t tell you much, I’m glad we talked. I so needed to hear your voice, hun. It’s really helped.”
“Same here. Now imagine how much more I can do if you told me everything…including the juicy parts!”
“You know I—”
“Yes, I know you can’t tell me more,” she answered before I could finish. “I was just kidding.”
“Well I should go now. Thanks, Eva. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
“Anytime. Oh, wait one second! I just thought of something.”
“What’s that?”
“Do you think he might know The Rock?”
I laughed. The woman was incorrigible. “Bye Eva.”
“Bye love.”
Chapter 10 - Amanda
What I really needed after today was a drink. I was not one to drink often, especially during a gig, but tonight, I was willing to check Johnny’s fridge for a beer or wine. I got up to go downstairs. My hand was already on the doorknob when I looked down at my sleepwear. This was not enough clothes with people roaming around the house. Fred and Larry were also staying in the guest bedroom downstairs, and I had no idea if the guys in the recording studio had left. I decided to play it safe and threw a robe over my pajamas.
My timing was uncanny. As I opened the door, Johnny was stepping into his room. He looked back at me when he heard me.
“Hey,” he said with some hesitation, not moving from his doorway.
“Hi.” I didn’t know what to tell him. “I was just heading downstairs to look for a beer or something.”
“There’s lots in the fridge. If you don’t see what you want, check the cellar. It’s the first door to the left of the main stairs.”
“Okay. Thanks.” I stood in the doorway, looking his way. I was hesitant to move, debating whether to apologize. Another apology. Geez. By then, I was tired of telling him I was sorry. I was sick of saying no to him.
“Hey. Can we talk a moment?” I asked.
“Sure.”
I pulled my door open and stepped aside so he could come in.
“Look. I’m sorry about before,” I started, turning to face him. He was still wearing his workout shorts, and he had his soaking wet t-shirt in one hand.
“It’s all right, Amanda. I’m the one who should say sorry to you. I got carried away. Again.”
I shook my head. “No, you told me to tell you if I wanted you to stop. And what did I go and do? I kissed you. I’m the one sending mixed signals here, not you.” He looked at me with those intense, stormy eyes. “I’m not trying to lead you on. I’m…I’m attracted to you. And I would be lying if I said I don’t find you sweet, and an overall amazing human being. That’s something that makes it harder to brush you off, or worse, to sleep with you now and hurt you when I brush you off later. I’m just trying to do the right thin
g.”
He nodded, seeming to process it. “Do you want to tell me why you’re afraid of getting close to me?”
I looked away. I was not ready to go there. “Not really. Some things happened, and some things were said…What matters is I don’t feel ready to try again.”
A blast of scrambled memories flashed through my mind and I closed my eyes, mentally trying to shove it aside. I shuddered, and felt Johnny step closer to me. I looked up at him.
“Hey. Are you okay?” His face was flooded with concern as he wrapped his arms around me. “Listen, I’m not going to try and convince you that I’m different from all the other guys. I’m sure you’ve heard that line.” He paused, his hand gently resting on my neck, stroking my hair. “But I want you to know this. I will never hurt you, Amanda. Never.” He tilted my chin up and looked deeply into my eyes. “Never.”
Something inside me broke open at his words. My eyes filled with tears. I blinked most of them away, but the one teardrop that managed to slide down my face was quickly kissed away by Johnny’s lips.
He pulled back again to look me in the eye. “If you want me to go, I’ll go, and I will do my best to think of you as just a friend. It’ll be really hard, because I’m crazy about you. But if that’s what you want, I’ll respect your wishes.”
I listened closely, letting him say his piece, not ready to admit he might be getting through.
He continued. “But if you tell me to stay, and let me in, I’ll do my best to be everything you need. I can’t promise you perfection, but I can tell you with confidence that I won’t stop feeling the way I do about you.”
My mind raced. My heart wasn’t far behind as his words hit me head-on. Except the thing was, my past was right there, lingering at the edge of both. I wanted him to stay, to hold me, and let me sink into his strength. It was the unsettled, fearful part of me that kept up the last line of defense. It told me that any guy could offer kind, sweet words, but as soon as you let them get close enough, you hand them the power to destroy you. I had been there, and I did not want to go back.
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