by S. E. Rose
“Lily?” he whispers against my lips as he pulls his face back to look at me. He shakes his head in disbelief. “Have you…are you a…” He trails off without finishing his question.
Embarrassed, I feel the color flush in my check and I nod, biting my lip.
“Well,” he says, taking a deep breath, “that, uh, changes things.”
“What do you mean?” I immediately feel the hurt and embarrassment start to bubble to my surface.
He puts a finger to my lips. “No, no, baby, that’s not what I mean.”
I look at him confused. I don’t understand.
“I want your first time to be special,” he whispers against my lips, “not like this. Not after the day you’ve had.”
I relax against him. His fingers still gently massage me, and I allow myself to get lost in that sensation for a moment.
He cups my face with his other hand and gently, hesitantly brings his face down to mine. We lock eyes for a brief second before his lips claim mine. Then his hand runs down to my breast and I feel his thumb and forefinger gently squeeze my nipple. It’s a new sensation, a different sensation. And then all I feel are the places where’s he touching me. I focus on the way his fingers are moving in and out of me, I want them deeper, but his movements are shallow. Then he brushes his thumb over my clitoris and I feel myself get flushed. I can hear the blood pumping through my body and I squeeze my eyes closed. For a moment I’m overcome with feeling, all my senses seem to vanish except for my sense of touch and it’s hyper-focused on his fingers’ movement over and in me. I think I cry out, but I’m not sure as I’m so focused on my sense of touch. After a few seconds, I still, my body seems to relax in a way I’ve never felt before and I will myself to open my eyes. His blue eyes look back at me.
“How was that?” he murmurs against my lips as his touch mine.
“That was…I…amazing,” I finally stammer out and I see the corners of his mouth turn up just slightly.
“I do believe I have rendered you speechless,” he says against my throat as his lips caress my skin.
“Lance…I…” I trail off not knowing what to say.
“Have I told you how incredibly sexy and gorgeous you are?” he asks as he continues to kiss my throat.
“No,” I whisper.
“You are incredibly sexy and gorgeous,” he says, smiling against my skin. I know for sure I’m blushing, and I wonder if he can tell. “I want to make you come again,” he says in a gravelly voice as his lips find my breast. “Close your eyes and let me worship you.”
I almost come from just that statement. This is like the stuff my mom wrote in her romance books. The books she thought I never read, but that I totally went and checked out at the library as soon as I was in college. I have to say she’s a damn good writer and those books provided me with more sex education than anything she ever said to me. Well, that and Zoe’s rantings about her escapades. Good god, if only my mom knew to ask Zoe about her love life, she could have come up with an entire book series! But right now, I totally feel like I’m in one of my mom’s books, like this whole series of events is a fantastic work of fiction and not my reality.
I feel Lance take a nipple in his mouth and suck on it. It feels oddly painful and pleasurable at the same time. Then he moves down my stomach as he peppers it with kisses. I know where he’s heading, and I feel my blush creep across my flesh again. I’m glad I took care of business down there for the bikini I wore in the Galapagos. I cringe at the thought of what he would think had I not done that. I’m pulled out of my thought as I feel his hands on my thighs. He lovingly pushes them apart. His hands are so large that I’m certain he could wrap them easily around each thigh. Then I feel his hot breath between my legs. I squeeze my eyes shut not sure what to think. I’m partly nervous, partly embarrassed, and partly turned on as hell. Then I feel his mouth on me and I involuntarily let out a moan. He slowly pulls my folds apart with his fingers and runs his tongue up my slit. I shudder under his touch. He finds my clit and sucks on it gently at first and then harder. A single finger makes its way inside me as he sucks and flicks his tongue against me. I push my hips up higher wanting to feel more of him against me. I can feel him smiling, but he says nothing as he continues to worship me with his tongue and his finger. When I’m not sure I can take any more, I feel him slide a second finger inside me and that is my undoing. He replaces his fingers with his tongue as I come again, hard and this time I know I call out his name. His movements slow as I go limp on the bed. He moves up me, kissing my skin as he comes to rest his forehead against mine.
“You taste amazing,” he says as he brings his lips down to mine. They are wet from my orgasm and I can taste it on his lips and tongue. I’m too lost in the moment to blush. He pulls me over onto him as he lies back against the headboard. He seems overly large or maybe I seem too small. His hand stretches over the small of my back and I’m fairly certain he covers all of it with just one hand. I can feel his erection against my thigh. He seems enormous, but I don’t have much experience in this department. I went out briefly with one guy in high school, but he was shy and we never made it past first base. The guy in college wasn’t as shy, although I only ever felt him through his jeans. We broke up before it went any further.
Lance and I lie still for a long time.
“Lance?” I ask, wondering if he’s still awake.
“Yes, gorgeous?” he answers. I smile at the way he says “gorgeous.”
I suddenly feel a bit brave. “Can I…I’d like to…” I can’t quite find the words, but my hand trails down his stomach and touches him lightly. I hear him suck in air. He places his hand over mine and brings it up to his lips kissing it.
“Not tonight, Lily. You need to sleep,” he says. I know he wants me to and I wonder why he doesn’t give in to his desire. I nod softly against his chest as he takes my chin in his hand, pulls my face up to look at him. “It’s not that I don’t want to do more with you. I just want to wait, OK?”
I don’t really understand why he wants to wait, but I nod my understanding. He kisses me lightly on my lips and then pulls me tightly against him. His warm hands stroke my skin as I fall into a deep, troubled sleep.
Chapter 8
Lily’s Playlist: “Fix You” by Coldplay
I’m running. I look up and see the pews of the church. I dart to the left and then the right. I hear footsteps behind me and a voice calls my name. It’s familiar, but I don’t know who it is. Whoever it is though isn’t good and I dash into a confession booth and close the door, sinking to the floor. My heart pounds in my chest as I hear the person coming toward me. The door handle slowly turns, and I scream…
“Lily, wake up!” Lance is shaking me as my eyes fly open and I look around. Tears are streaming down my face and I’m covered in sweat.
“Are you OK?” he asks. “I think you were having a nightmare.”
“Yeah,” I manage to croak out as I take in my surroundings. I’m sprawled out on top of Lance. My legs dangle off each side of him and my arms grip his biceps. I’m naked and I suddenly feel a little shy. I sit up and my long hair covers my breasts in giant waves. I look down at him. He reaches up and with his thumb, he wipes the tears from my cheeks before he pulls me back against him. He strokes my hair and I feel my breath return to normal.
“We should get up,” he murmurs against my hair. “It’s nearly five thirty.”
He sits up and brings me with him. I instinctively wrap my legs around his torso and he carries me into the adjoining bathroom. He slides his pajama bottoms off and lets them drop to the floor. I can feel his erection against me, although I haven’t seen it yet. He doesn’t set me down as he turns on the shower and steps inside. Only when the water has cascaded down my face and my hair is damp and curly does he finally release me and allow me to stand in front of him. I take him in slowly, moving my eyes down his body until I see between his legs. The first thought that pops into my mind is that I don’t think he would fit inside me. Th
e second thought that pops into my mind is that I want to run my tongue up his length. Instead of thinking any longer, I reach for the body wash and he takes it from me.
“Allow me,” he says as he puts some on his hand and then he begins to lather my skin. His touch is rough and gentle all at the same time. I shiver under his touch, watching as goose bumps invade my skin.
“Too cold?” he asks. I shake my head. He continues to shampoo and condition my hair and washes me off before starting to clean himself. I bat his hand away and lather him. His muscles ripple under my touch as I explore his body, taking my time. When I reach his penis, I take it hesitantly in my hand. My fingers can barely wrap around it as I lather it with soap. He moans slightly at my touch as I cup his balls in my hand. He pulls me under the water as he lets it wash away the soap.
“I wish I didn’t have to take you back there this morning,” he murmurs against my hair.
“Me too,” I whisper against his chest. He pulls me against him and hugs me tightly nearly cutting off my breath.
“Let’s get some breakfast,” he finally says as he releases me and turns off the shower. We dry off and I put on a new pair of shorts and shirt that I bought the day before at Exito. We walk hand in hand back down to the kitchen. I watch as he makes me eggs and toast. I make coffee and we sit and eat in silence.
“Come on,” he finally says as I take my last bite of egg.
The ride back goes by much too quickly. I realize as I sit in the car that I don’t want to leave Lance. His presence calms me and I need that.
After about twenty minutes of silence, he looks over at me. “So did you get all the information you want or are you going to keep looking?” he asks.
I look out the car window, watching the green mountains roll by us. “I don’t know. I feel like there’s more to the story, to her. I’m just not sure where to go next.”
“I could try to find that church Dr. Garcia mentioned,” he says.
“You would?” I ask.
“Of course I would,” he answers, glancing at me. He takes my hand in his and squeezes it.
“OK…,” I say, thinking for a moment. “I guess that’s as good a place as any to start.”
As he pulls up to the orphanage, I can hear kids playing in the front courtyard. He opens the door for me and I get out as he pulls me against him. He kisses me slowly and then pulls back to look into my eyes. “I’ll let you know what I find.”
“Thank you, Lance,” I say. “For everything.”
He grins down at me. “I’m not done with you yet, gorgeous girl,” he murmurs against my lips as he kisses me a second time. I blush as I turn around. I walk to the front gate and before knocking, I turn to him once more.
“You’ll text me,” I state rather than ask. He nods and waves as he gets back in his car and drives down the trail.
For the next two days, my mind reels with everything I’ve found out and I don’t even bother talking to my brother yet. I need to find out more before I tell him. It’s so hard to keep things from him. I chat with him at night and he keeps asking me if I’ve found anything. I try to cover it up by saying I’ve been busy at the orphanage, but that lie won’t cover me for long.
I video chat with Maya and Eva. They entertain me with stories of their escapades. I keep Lance to myself and don’t say anything to them. Then I call Zoe.
“So, you’re into giving out people’s numbers, eh?” I say when she answers.
She giggles. “What, me? No,” she answers sheepishly, trying to contain her grin.
“I love you and you are such a beotch!” I scold her.
“Tell me he isn’t worth it and I’ll apologize,” she says.
“Tell me about you and Cody still talking and then maybe I’ll let it go,” I retort.
She laughs. “Touche! Cody and I are still talking,” she says, giving nothing away.
“Yeah, Zoe, I got that much,” I sigh.
“OK, OK, we are talking a lot. I might try to meet up with him for a few days on his next out-of-town trip,” she admits.
“Is ‘meet up’ code word for ‘worship his body,’” I ask her with a wink.
“Something like that,” she laughs again.
We catch up on a few things and then I tell her goodnight. I do love her, even when she drives me crazy.
Thursday night I lie in bed stewing over many things. The shock of what I found out about my biological mother is now giving way to anger. I need to find out who raped her. She may have died giving birth to us, but whoever impregnated her put the nail in her coffin. I decide that maybe I need to end my orphanage volunteering early and focus on finding more out about my past. I’ll give it two more weeks then I’ll have been here three weeks. That’s long enough to give back to the place that housed me for almost three years. I decide that tomorrow, I’ll ask the directora about the employees who worked here when I was here. I want to interview them, find out more about my time here.
I am sweating from the unbearable summer heat. It’s oppressive and I wish I was lying in bed with Lance in his air-conditioned villa. But mostly, I just want to feel him against me, to listen to his heartbeat while he caresses my arm or my hair. He soothes me and I need that right now. I toss and turn and just as I am about to fall asleep, I hear a car engine. This time there is no storm. I know I hear a car. It’s highly unlikely a car is going to the few small shacks of houses past the orphanage at 3:00 a.m. I sit up and look out the little window in my room. I don’t see a car go past the orphanage. I swear I see headlights. Then I blink and it’s dark again. I’m losing it. I decide to take drastic measures and I put my earbuds in my ears and press play on my playlist of yoga and meditation music. It’s not long before I finally fall asleep.
The next morning is crazy. It’s the kids’ last day before the summer break and a two-week-long music festival in Ibague begins. Kids are running around excited to be off after today. I eventually get the younger ones out the door for school and down the lane so they can catch the public bus into town. I don’t envy them as the school is not close by and they have to walk a long way to get to the public bus and then from the bus. I notice one ten-year-old boy is missing as the kids run down the street for the bus. Julian is nowhere to be seen. I go back to the list I wrote two days ago. He is definitely on it and no one told me he was being sent to a foster home.
I go into the playroom and ask Patricia if she’s seen him. She says no, but she’s flustered in caring for a three-year-old girl who has scraped her knee. I see Yenny in the hallway as I walk toward the directora’s office. I ask her if she’s seen him. She shrugs and explains that she can’t keep up with the kids who are here, they come and go so frequently now, she explains, not like in the old days. I ask her if she was here when I was a baby and she replies no that she came a few years after that. I ask her if she still speaks to any employees that were here when I was here. She ponders this a moment and says yes, that a woman who was here before Patricia, still keeps in touch with her, Maria Anna. She tells me she’ll give me her number later when she finishes cleaning the front entry. I thank her and knock on the directora’s door.
“Enter,” she says, and I open the door and find her hanging up the phone.
“Good morning, Lily,” she says warmly as I sit down in a chair opposite her desk.
“Buenas senora,” I say. “I was wondering if Julian was relocated yesterday? I swear I saw him after dinner and then this morning he wasn’t there.”
“Oh, Julian, Julian,” she says as she mills through papers on her desk. “Ahhhh, yes. We found him a foster home placement late yesterday. You must have been up tucking the girls in and I forgot to mention this to you.”
“Oh, OK,” I say, internally frowning because I swear I saw him at lights out last night. “I made a list of kids so we can better track them daily. I hope that helps. It’s hanging in the back hallway. There’s just so many coming and going. I needed help keeping track of things. I’ll just mark him off it then. Uh, thanks
.” I stand to leave and then turn back to her. “Directora Martinez? Would it be possible to get in touch with any of the staff that worked here when I was here? I am trying to do more research on my past. I think it would be fun to meet someone who may have cared for me while I was here.”
“Of course, of course, dear,” she says, but her face tells me she won’t do this any more than she will put together a list like I already did. “I’ll try to dig through our files. Mind you that was a very long time ago.”
“I know,” I say in an understanding voice. “I realize you may not have contacts for employees from that long ago, but I do appreciate you looking.”
She nods and I leave her office, closing the door behind me. Yenny is finishing in the hallway as I exit. She motions for me to follow her, so I do. I follow her through the kitchen and straight out to the back patio.
“Aqui,” she says as she hands me a piece of paper with the name Maria Anna on it and a phone number. “Don’t tell the directora, please,” she says in Spanish. “I’m not sure she would approve of me giving that to you.”
“Yenny,” I start in Spanish. “How long has the directora been here?”
“Ocho años,” she says. And then adds, “Things have been different around here since she came. Kids come and go constantly. Not like when I started. Not like when you were here.”
I nod my understanding and thank her. I head in to help the youngest kids with homework before they head to the afternoon classes. My phone buzzes as I walk through the door of the homework room. I look down and see a text from Lance.
Lance: Can you take off on Sunday?
Lily: Por que?
Lance: Por que, I want to see you and I have more information.
Lily: OK