by S. E. Rose
He caresses my cheek and looks at me. “Lily, what do you mean ‘last time’?” he asks softly.
I shake my head, partly not wanting to remember and partly not wanting him to know. I tremble as the memories seep back into my mind. I feel Lance’s arms tighten around me and I feel oddly comforted and calmed by his presence. I sigh. My therapist always says I shut people out and I need to let them in; I need to let him in.
My lip quivers as I begin. “Last summer, Nick and I went to visit my mom. She was spending the summer in Scotland working on a book. We didn’t realize anything was wrong at the time. We just wanted to visit her. Her boyfriend, Jack, was involved in some bad stuff a long time ago. Turns out he was a special agent of sorts. Anyhow, one day Jack’s niece, Rose, and I were in town shopping. We ran into this man who said he was Jack’s friend and that Jack asked him to come get us early for lunch. I just knew, well, I felt something wasn’t right, but I just told myself it was stupid, and I went with him. He offered us some drinks at this café on our way and then…well…everything got really foggy. The next thing I know, I’m in a secret hospital unit in some off-the-grid counterintelligence safe house. The man wasn’t good, as I had thought when I met him. And he was going to sell Rose and me into the sex trade as a retribution against Jack and my mother.” I hear Lance suck in a breath as I speak and his jaw tenses.
“Jesus, Lily,” he says as he exhales. “How are you so calm speaking about that?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy wondering that. Maybe because I was drugged, so I don’t really remember? I don’t know…,” I admit to Lance and myself.
“So, you have this same feeling about Mohammed?” he asks.
“Yes,” I answer, closing my eyes and snuggling closer against his chest as though doing this might make my feelings disappear.
“OK, we will just stay away from him,” Lance says soothingly as his hand rubs my back.
“I’m worried about Cody,” I whisper.
“He’ll be fine,” Lance says. “They’ve been working together for some time now and it’s fine. Besides, Cody will only be here for a few more weeks. Then he’s in Bogota for a week and then back to the States.”
I frown. “What about you?” I ask, pulling my head away from his chest so I can look at him. “When do you go back to the States?” I ask, but what I’m really asking is when does he go back to his real life, his normal life. I can feel the tears threaten as I fear the answer. I’ve been avoiding this conversation, but now, I need to know.
“I’m not sure,” he says, searching my eyes for something.
“What does that mean?” I prod. He wipes a tear from my cheek and sighs.
“It means, I don’t know. I can work from anywhere,” he says, but doesn’t explain. I like to think of myself as a recovering concrete thinker, but deep down I know I’ll always be a black-and-white, right-or-wrong type of person. His answer is unsettling to me.
“But you can’t stay here indefinitely,” I state.
“I know,” he says.
“What will you do?” I ask.
“I honestly don’t have concrete plans,” he clarifies as though reading my mind. “I had planned on staying with Cody for a month here and then I contemplated stopping by a friend’s house on my way back. I have a friend with a place on a little caye off Belize.” He pauses and looks at me. “What are your plans, Lily?”
I contemplate his question for a moment. My plans had always been a bit fluid. I had anticipated spending at least two more weeks here and then heading to Bogota for a week and then Cartagena for a week or so and then probably home or stopping at my grandmother’s house, but now, well, I am not sure.
“I’m not sure,” I say. “I never had concrete plans for the summer and now, with everything that’s happened…I really don’t know.”
“How much longer do you think you’ll be in Ibague?” he prods.
“At least another week, maybe two,” I explain. “I want to try to find Father James, which means I need to go to Bogota.”
“I’m coming with you,” he asserts.
“You don’t have to—” I begin.
“I know, but I don’t want you going alone,” he interrupts. “It’s not safe.”
I nod my agreement. “You’re right,” I admit begrudgingly.
I see Lance’s jaw tense again and he takes a breath. “Lily, I don’t know what is happening between us, but I know I don’t want to be away from you. I feel like this is too fragile. Like you could just slip away,” he murmurs as he presses his lips to mine.
Hearing his admission, I feel myself relax. “I don’t want to be away from you either,” I confess, feeling a blush creep across my skin as our lips meet again. I feel his muscles relax too.
“Good, I’m glad that’s settled,” he says, smiling against my lips as he continues to kiss me.
“I want to take you somewhere tomorrow,” I say to him, my mind going in a totally different direction. They used to say I had ADHD, but my therapist says it could have been RAD, reactive attachment disorder. Regardless, just as my mom used her “brain damage” excuse after the car accident that killed my father, I use the ADHD excuse from time to time. I mean, hell, you got to work with what you have, right?
Lance smiles at me. “Where are you taking me?” he asks, taking a sip of his wine and handing me my glass.
“Somewhere,” I say and give him a look.
He chuckles. “OK, OK…” He accepts defeat and raises his hands. I laugh and kiss his cheek.
“You’ll love it. Bring your camera,” I say to him. I send a text to Alfonso and ask if he can drive us the next day and he replies “no problemo.” I text him back the time to pick us up and ask if he can text the tour guide he mentioned the day he picked me up from the airport and then I set my phone down.
“Hey, Lance? Lily? You guys back here?” Cody calls out from the kitchen as he opens the slider and sees us. “Oh, hey, I just got back and wasn’t sure where you were? You feeling better, Lily?”
“Yes, much, thanks,” I say, feeling a bit sheepish.
“Good,” he says, and I see him glance at our wine glasses. I can tell he thinks we came back early for a booty call, but for now, I’d rather he think that than know the true reason. “Well, I’m going to get some work done and call it a night. What are guys up to tomorrow?”
I hesitate for a millisecond, as part of me wants to be just with Lance, but I can tell Cody is lonely. “I was going to take Lance somewhere special. You want to come with us?”
Cody holds up his hands and laughs. “Uh, not if somewhere special is some romantic day trip you have planned. I don’t want to be the third wheel.”
“No, it’s not. I promise,” I say with a smile. “Come with us! It’ll be fun.”
“Alrighty, what time?” he asks.
“My driver will pick us up at eight thirty,” I answer.
“Great. Have a good night,” he says and starts to slip back inside. I feel a bit guilty as I’m sure Cody wanted to have some brother alone time when he and Lance had set this adventure up originally.
“Cody?” I stop him. “Come sit with us.” I move off Lance’s lap and motion to the chair Lance had been sitting in earlier. “Grab a glass and have a seat.”
Cody reaches over for a glass and comes out to join us.
“So, how’s your time in Ibague been?” he asks me as he pours himself a glass of wine.
“Productive,” I answer. “Really productive. I’ve found out more about my biological family the last few weeks than I ever thought I could. The fact that I’ve been able to meet my grandparents is just…well, it’s really amazing,” I say smiling because it’s true.
“How much longer do you think you’ll be here?” Cody asks with honest curiosity.
“Funny you should mention that, we were just discussing it,” Lance says.
“I’m thinking another week or two. I have Monday through Thursday this week left to volun
teer at the orphanage and then I’d like to stay a few more days. Nick wants to come next weekend to meet our grandparents. After that, I really want to go tie up some loose ends in Bogota. I’d planned on going to Cartagena after I finished there, but I really am not sure now,” I explain.
“Well, you and your brother are more than welcome to crash here,” he says. “It can get lonely traveling by myself. I was happy Lance here agreed to join me this time.”
“I hear you,” I say. “When I thought about being here by myself, it was unsettling. Maybe it’s the whole twin thing. I don’t know.” They nod their heads in agreement. “I’m really happy that you guys ended up being here.”
“I’m sure,” Cody says smirking. Lance gives him a stare that could shoot daggers at him. I laugh. “No, seriously, you’re good for him, Lily. Lance needs to step away from the work for a bit.” Lance rolls his eyes and I laugh again.
We all sit under the stars until late in the night, talking and laughing. I always find it fun to speak with other twins; they get a part of me that other people just can’t understand. And being around them when Nick is so far away makes me miss my brother, but it is also oddly comforting.
I finally start to get sleepy from either the long week or the wine or a combination of the two. I yawn, and Lance suggests that we all “hit the sack.” Cody and I nod and we all trudge up to bed.
Chapter 16
Lily’s Playlist: “Next to Me” by Civil Twilight
The next morning Alfonso drives us across the city to a place I haven’t been in a long time. I’m curious to see what Lance and Cody think.
“Where are we?” Lance asks as we get out of the car. In front of us is an older colonial-looking building and there’s a smaller building just to our right. Classical music from a piano fills the morning air.
I point to a sign. “This is the music conservatory and this,” I say, pointing beyond it, “is the San Jorge Botanical Gardens.” I knock on the door to the botanical gardens’ office and a young man opens it.
“Buenos dias,” he says. We introduce ourselves and it turns out he studied for a summer at the University of North Carolina. We launch into English and a discussion of the schools we went to back home. Our guide, Pablo, is a nice young man, who, like me, just graduated from university and is trying to figure out the next step. He shows us through the gardens and we all snap hundreds of photos of beautiful flowers. Then we hike up the mountain. As we walk through the woods we are literally surrounded by thousands of butterflies. Fur Elise is being played on a piano with a violin accompaniment as I stand and let butterflies land on me. Lance captures the moment on his camera while I laugh and try to stand still. Eventually, we make it up to an overlook where the entire city of Ibague comes into view. It is breathtaking and we all lean against the railings of the small overlook building and snap panorama photos of this beautiful place. I hand my camera to our guide who snaps a few photos of the three of us. Lance and Cody keep me sandwiched between them and declare a group hug. I laugh.
“Seriously, thanks for bringing us here! It’s breathtaking!” Lance says and Cody nods in agreement. I lean back against the railing and listen to the jungle while I look out at the beautiful view. I feel Lance come up behind me and I lean back against his chest as we both stare out at the old church in the city center.
“Thank you,” he whispers in my ear and kisses me on the cheek.
“You’re welcome,” I say, smiling up at him.
Our walk back is pleasant, and Alfonso is waiting for us. We decide to grab pizza at a little place I know in the city center. I invite Alfonso in with us and we all enjoy pizza and a beer before Alfonso brings us back to Cody’s place. We decide that we should break in the grill and make cheeseburgers and hot dogs for dinner. Lance and I head to Exito and pick up the provisions while Cody cleans out the grill. We spend the afternoon prepping salads and fruit and marinating meat. We all split two bottles of wine and then finally sit down to enjoy the fruits of our labor as the sun is lowering in the evening sky.
I watch Cody and Lance interact and it makes me miss Nick. I FaceTime Nick at one point and he chats with us before heading out on a date. I inform him that I need all the details tomorrow. He laughs. He confirms that he’ll arrive next Friday afternoon and Lance lets him know that we’ll pick him up at the airport. It’s a relaxing evening and we again all crawl up to bed exhausted.
I wake the next morning with the sun and decide to lie in bed a while longer. My throat feels better, and I feel warm and content in the bed. Lance’s arms are wrapped around me and I snuggle against him.
“Good morning, gorgeous,” he murmurs against my hair.
“Morning,” I say quietly.
“If I forget to say something later, I just wanted to thank you for letting Cody tag along with us yesterday. I think he’s been a bit lonely since I’ve been spending so much time with you,” Lance says as he pulls me closer.
“Sure, it was fun,” I admit, suddenly feeling a little guilty for hogging Lance.
I feel his lips on my ear and I realize how much I want him to make love to me. I slowly turn in his arms, so we are face-to-face.
“I…” I start to speak but Lance cuts me off with a kiss. The kiss starts out light and then grows more passionate. I’m not sure how long we lie there exploring each other’s mouths with our tongues, our hands roaming over one another’s bodies. Eventually, we end up removing our clothes and Lance takes his time kissing me from head to foot, pausing for a while in between. I return the favor, but as I pause to lick his length again he pulls me up so I’m sitting in his lap with one leg over each side of him. I can feel his erection against my stomach and I want him inside me so badly. As he kisses me, I reach for him and slowly guide him into me. He lets me take control for a while until I begin to cry out and then he captures my cries in his mouth and flips us over. He thrusts deeply again and again inside of me until I feel myself on the edge.
“You’re so close, baby,” he coos in my ear. “I can feel you.”
“Yes…I’m…” I can’t get out the words as the sensations overtake me and I clench around him. “Come again for me, Lily,” Lance says as he looks down into my eyes, pulling my legs up so he can pound deeper inside of me. He whispers this again in my ear and it is my undoing. I feel him erupt inside of me as my muscles spasm around him.
He collapses on me, but keeps his weight supported on his forearms as he kisses me, his hardness still buried deep inside of me. I wrap my legs around him, keeping him there and I feel his smile against my cheek.
“I really have created a monster, haven’t I?” he laughs.
“Perhaps,” I say, grinning up at him.
“I’ve missed this,” Lance says softly. “I can’t get enough of you, Lily. I could stay here forever,” he clarifies as he wiggles his erection inside of me, driving home the point. I squirm against him wanting to feel the friction. After a few minutes, I feel him harden again and he starts to move more forcefully this time. Eventually, he flips me over and takes me from behind until I groan out his name as he pours his seed into me.
We collapse on the bed and I feel the warm liquid running out of me. I see Lance glance down before he stands and picks me up in his arms. I can feel our mixed juices running over his semi-hard erection as he carries me with my legs wrapped around his waist. He turns on the shower and lets the warm water rain down on us. I snuggle against him, feeling safe in his arms. He makes love to me one last time in the shower and then we wash and dress.
I make us coffee and we sit out back talking about the weather until Cody joins us. Around noon time, Lance suggests we get ready to go to my grandparents. I make a salad to bring them and then we head over to their home.
Chapter 17
Lily’s Playlist: “Sometimes You Can’t Make it on Your Own” by U2
My grandmother opens the door and pulls me into a warm embrace. She smells like exotic fruits and coffee, and I inhale the newly formed memory as she holds me
against her for a moment.
“Bienvenido!” she says, welcoming us into her home as she takes Lance into an embrace. I walk past her and am greeted by my grandfather who also gives me a warm hug. He smells more like pipe smoke and coffee, and I make sure to store that away into my memory bank as well. He clasps my head in his hands and kisses my forehead.
“Welcome, please come in,” he says, and we follow him past the washroom and into a small center courtyard with a plastic table and four chairs. It is neatly set with old blue plates. I set the salad on the table. We take a seat and my grandmother begins to bring out so many dishes that there’s hardly any space left on the little table.
“Por favor, Abuela.” I try to stand to help her, but she hushes me, and I sit back down feeling a bit like a little kid that was bad at the dinner table. Lance tries to hide his grin.
“She like to cook,” my grandfather says with a smile as he pours us each some water.
My grandmother appears, and she insists that we start serving ourselves. I take a bite of a tamale and it is the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted.
“Muy rico,” I tell her.
“I tell you. She is good cook,” my grandfather insists with a laugh.
“Yes, very,” I agree.
“You tell us now about you and Nicholas,” he says, and he takes a bite of a potato concoction that I will have to get the recipe for later. I launch into our life story.
“Well, Nick and I were adopted when we were about three years old. We were at an orphanage in Las Naranjas for a few years after we were born. My parents met us when they came to visit to bring things for a friend who wanted to donate items. They were here on vacation. Anyhow, Nick and I grew up outside of Washington D.C. We had a pretty normal childhood, other than our dad was killed in a car accident when we were about fourteen years old. Mom was in the accident too and it took a number of months for her to recover, but she’s fine now.” I pause and decide to leave out more recent events before I continue in Spanish, so my grandmother can understand. “We both played soccer. I practiced ballet. Nick played baseball. I took violin lessons and Nick took piano lessons. We both did karate when we were little. I was obsessed with horses and Nick loved Legos. I’d say we are pretty good in school. We both graduated in the top twenty in our high school class. Nick and I went to the University of Maryland where he studied engineering and I studied literature and horticulture. Nick just started working at a firm where he interned in college and I have a job that starts this fall working for a local nursery. And I guess, that’s about it or at least the highlights.”