by Amity Cross
Dad clapped a hand on my shoulder and eyed me, trying to get my focus.
“She’s low on her right hand side,” he said. “Remember, light on your feet and go for the-”
“Left then high right.” I rolled my head from side to side. “Got it Dad.”
“And protect yourself. No unnecessary risks.”
I nodded, just itching to get into the cage and sink my fists into the bout. Dad grabbed my hands and checked my gloves before cupping my face in one of his big hands.
“You’ve got this Ren. In and out.”
“Like lightning.”
He laughed, glancing over my shoulder at the chaos behind us. “Give her a chance, huh?”
Bouncing from foot to foot, I said, “We’ll see.”
Training with Dad had brought us together like nothing else, but all my best moves I’d learned from my midnight training sessions with Ash and the deep end initiation of The Underground. There were no trainers there. No contracts, advertising or TV cameras. They were two different worlds.
The other difference was the equipment. One, it was clean and two, we had to wear padded gloves. The kind that left fingers free for grappling, but protected bones from being broken. I’d learned how to use the first two knuckles on my fists to absorb the force of my blows early on. That was Ash’s input, but even I could see it was something that should be listened to. If I hit with my fist straight on, then there was a higher chance of breaking my hand and without the gloves the AUFC made us wear, then the break would be a million times worse.
So yeah, The Underground had toughened more than my spirit.
“Go get ‘em,” Dad said, nudging me towards the cage.
As the announcer introduced us, the crowd roared, making me narrow my eyes. I wasn’t shy about the crowd watching me fight; it was the intensity of it that got underneath my skin. The crowd that hung out at The Underground was a different beast to this.
Shaking it off, I sized up my opponent, giving her a curt nod. They called her Sally ‘Foxy’ Fisher, on account of her being so pretty. She was highly placed and would likely get a spot in the pro league, no matter who won the bout.
I gave her a go, and to her credit she was pretty good, but I felt bad playing with her. A false sense of hope and all. It was mostly for her benefit and the cameras, but they didn’t call me ‘One-Shot’ for nothing. We grappled and had to be separated a few times and she got a few impressive kicks in, but I was getting impatient.
I struck left and she blocked easily enough, but she left her right slightly down, so when I swung right, my fist sailed straight past her guard and smacked into her temple.
Her footing slipped as she tried to keep her hold onto her consciousness, but it was pointless. She crumbled to the mat and the crowd roared as the ref slid onto his knees beside her and began to count it. That was another difference between the bright lights of the AUFC and The Underground. They counted to ten here...and there? I didn’t know if they even knew what number came after one, let alone if they could count all the way to ten.
Someone grabbed my hand and forced it up into the air and just like that, I’d been declared the winner. I caught sight of Dad through the cage and he was beaming, shaking hands with other trainers and all kinds of random people. This was what he wanted all these years. This was his Championship.
Turning around, I watched the crowd and the lights and wondered what that meant for me. What did my future look like now? I didn’t know how many points this win gave me, but from the reaction of the crowd, I must be in.
Fancy that.
Chapter 5
Ren
Eat. Sleep. Train. Repeat.
I’d given up The Underground and without an outlet to distract myself with, I started training again at night. The feeling of hopelessness I’d been carrying around didn’t seem to go away, no matter what I did. I was strong, I was winning most of my fights and I was about to qualify for the big time, but I had nothing else. Josie had fallen into the lifestyle, the Twins lived and breathed it and I hadn’t seen Seth since the last qualifier. If I didn’t have fighting, I had nothing to look forward to.
I was beginning to sound like a broken record.
Beat was in darkness apart the back row of lights on and all was quiet. I was suddenly flung back an entire year to the moment I decided to start training for myself. When had all of that changed? I hardly recognized myself now compared to that lonely girl who wanted to show the world she couldn’t be beaten. Nothing could’ve knocked me down then, but now it wouldn’t take much at all. I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth.
I heard the outside door open and my heart sped up, my entire body tingling. It had overtures of a time that seemed eons ago now and when I turned, I almost expected to see Ash, but to my surprise and disappointment, it was Dean.
“So this is what you did all those nights here by yourself,” he said, punching in the alarm code. “Now it makes sense.”
I cocked my head to the side. “Sense?”
“You’re hardcore,” he replied with a cheeky grin. “A total junkie.”
“I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not.”
Dean crossed the mat and stood in front of me. “Compliment, definitely a compliment.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I left my phone upstairs.”
He didn’t move and for a moment, I wondered if he had an ulterior motive.
“I’m fuckin’ glad you gave that place up,” he said.
I snorted. “I’m easy to convince these days.”
“If I can do something Ren, tell me.”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do.” I sighed, sitting heavily on the bench.
Dean sat beside me and I was glad for his company. Beat at night…well it had a lot of memories that were still fresh.
“Are you okay?” I asked, breaking the awkward silence.
“I should be asking you that.”
“You’ve asked me enough,” I said with a grimace. “It’s time to move on.”
“I don’t think it’s time to move on until your answer is yes.”
I glanced up at him and wondered why his head was screwed on right and Ash’s was screwed on crooked. Dean was a great guy. Great didn’t cut it, but I wasn’t sure of a word that was good enough to describe him. Why he was ever in love with Monica Miller was beyond me.
“Why Monica?” I asked.
He shrugged, not surprised that I’d even asked. “We had this thing once when we were eighteen.”
I raised my eyebrows.
Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know. Linc and I were training here back then. We had been for a few years, taking classes and stuff after school. We got into trouble a lot.”
“I bet you did,” I said. “Trouble comes with you pair.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “We kept getting into fights and it was a way to drum some discipline into our heads. Coach was the one who helped set us on the straight and narrow…and competing against Ash.”
I stiffened at the mention of his name, but I was too curious not to ask. “What was he like back then?”
“You know he’s a few years older than us, so he was already on the circuit and in qualifying. He was so up himself it wasn’t funny.”
I snorted.
“We looked up to him in a way, but he was the star of this place, so it was never any competition. Monica on the other hand…”
“Do I really want to know?” I asked, grimacing.
He shrugged. “You asked.”
“Glutton for punishment.”
“Stop being so hard on yourself.” He nudged me with his shoulder. “She knew I was into her and decided to use it to her advantage. She had a huge crush on Ash and I knew it was all a set up, but I was hard for her so I took whatever I could get. She let me kiss her in the change rooms and touch her up. Ash walked in just as she’d planned, but he never said anything. He rejected her without saying a word.”
“And Monica probably cried into her milk for weeks,” I said bitterly.
“We knew each other a long time, Ren. It was a kid’s crush, but it never went away. Deep down I knew she was doing it to make Ash jealous, but he never saw her like that. I should’ve been hurt, but I wasn’t. I’m not. I guess I’m too fuckin’ dumb to let go.”
Deep down everyone just wanted to be loved. If Dean knew what Monica had done to me and Ash, would he still have feelings for her then? Or would they dissolve the same way acid ate through solid metal? It seemed too cruel to do it to him.
“If you ask me,” Dean went on, “Ash lost out big time when he left you.”
I knew he was only trying to be nice, but his words opened up the black hole in my chest again. Standing, I flexed my fingers, ready to go another couple of rounds with the punching bag.
“It’ll get better Ren. It’s just gunna take time.”
“I know,” I murmured.
“Want me to spot? I can stick around.”
“Sure.”
Dean positioned himself at the back of the bag, steadying it. I knew he was right about a lot of things. He might look like a meathead fighter, but he had more than a few brain cells and when they rubbed together, magic happened. He was a good guy underneath it all.
He said it’d take time to get over my broken heart and I wanted to believe him, but after the thing Ash and I had? That’d marked me deep. More than marked…it’d scarred me.
As I rammed a knee into the bag, I wondered exactly how much time I would need to get over that.
Just when things started to even out, a hurricane blew through the front doors of Beat.
I guess that’s the thing about life…it had no qualms about hitting you for six when you least expected it. Nobody had a smooth ride.
Dad had upped my repetitions on the bags to include a total ninja style roundhouse kick. I was having way too much fun with perfecting it when the windows blew in. Metaphorically, that is.
“I’m looking for Renee Miller,” I heard a female voice echoing from the front door.
Turning with a frown, I laid eyes on a woman. She was pretty, with long dark, almost black hair that fell in waves around her shoulders. She wore this little floral dress with a denim jacket. Demure all the way and I didn’t have a bloody clue who the hell she was.
Josie walked over, said something to the girl and pointed at me. Not liking being pulled out of a set midway, I scowled and walked over as Josie patted me on the shoulder on her way past.
“Ren?” the girl asked.
“Yeah.” I took her outstretched hand and shook, just to be polite.
“I’m Violet Fuller.”
My heart stopped beating and I jerked my hand from hers.
She flinched slightly. “I’m here about Ash.”
“I bet you are,” I said a little too bitterly.
“I’m his little sister,” she explained. “We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
Ash had a fucking sister? I looked her up and down and didn’t quite get the resemblance. She was tiny, and compared to Ash, she was a dwarf.
“I don’t really want to hear it,” I said. “It’s been months and he hasn’t bothered trying to contact me. Why the hell should I listen to you?”
“Because I care for him and so do you.”
“He left me,” I said through gritted teeth as all the feelings I’d been trying to bury came straight to the surface. I don’t love you Ren. I can’t love you. I’m already lost. Get the fuck out and don’t come back.
“He left to protect you from them.”
My hands started to shake as a hot flush of anger crept up my spine. I turned to walk away from her lies, but Violet grabbed my arm, forcing me to look at her.
“Don’t walk away from him,” she said. “Don’t walk away when he needs you the most.”
I shook her hand away. “He needs me? He was meant to come back.” He abandoned me like everyone else.
“He has a very good reason he can’t come and see you himself.” She glanced over her shoulder at the Twins, who were going through their drills like machines. They were too busy to listen to us. “I’ll be truthful with you, Ren. He doesn’t even know I’ve come to see you.”
“Then why would I listen to you when he doesn’t even want to explain?”
“Please,” she said, her eyes full of something I couldn’t quite place. Desperation? “Five minutes.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. “Five minutes. That’s all.”
I led Violet up the stairs and ushered her into the office. I closed the door behind me, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Talk,” I snapped.
She flinched slightly, but didn’t back down. “Ash said he told you he went to prison, but he never told you why. It’s the why that’s the important part.”
“He said he was protecting someone. He said-” I glanced away. He said he didn’t love me.
Violet sighed, her face beginning to show signs of stress. “He was protecting me.”
I blinked hard. “You?”
“It’s difficult to talk about, even now,” she said. “Can I trust you? I mean, Ash…he pretty much declared that he loved you when-” She bit her lip.
My heart split open again at the mention of the word love. He’d never told me. I didn’t believe. He told me he didn’t. “I’m jilted Violet, but I’m not like them.”
She nodded, smiling thinly. “He said you were strong.”
I narrowed my eyes.
Violet leaned against the messy desk, curling her fingers around the edge. “The same man who tried to attack you, he…he didn’t try with me. Ash wasn’t there to protect me from him.”
“What did he do?” I whispered, my heart twisting. I knew what Hammer had in store for me, but Ash had been there to stop it.
“They beat and raped me Ren,” she blurted. “They filmed it and sent the video to Ash. He just…he snapped.”
I knew where this story was leading and it wasn’t to sunshine and rainbows. It went straight to prison for four years. “Oh my god.”
“He-” She seemed to choke on her words.
Suddenly, I understood all the scarring on Hammer’s face. That was Ash’s handiwork. “He almost killed Hammer, didn’t he?”
Violet nodded. “Ash was kicked out of the pro UFC Championship because of it. He snapped, Ren. He almost killed the guy trying to avenge my honor. They gave him six years for aggravated assault, but he got let out after four.”
I wasn’t sure I understood what I was hearing. “He was days out of prison when he came back here?”
“A few weeks. It was what he wanted. He was wasting away at home.”
God, I didn’t know what to do. Did Dad know where Ash had been this whole time? I doubted it, or else he would’ve done more to keep us apart. I knew Ash didn’t kill Hammer, but where was he now? Why hadn’t he come back to explain himself?
“Where is he now?” I asked. “Why can’t he come?”
“He’s under house arrest,” Violet replied. “I don’t know what happened that night, he won’t talk about it, but we bribed the judge at his hearing and this was as light as he could get off. It was either this or go back to jail.”
“You went to court, but you don’t know what happened?” I scoffed.
“It never went to trial. It was a closed session, so none of it is on public record. Even I don’t know.” From the look on her face, it seemed to cut her up that Ash had been secretive with her too. Well, welcome to the parade.
“I don’t know what you want me to do about it,” I said sullenly. Really, what could I do? It wasn’t as easy as black and white. I couldn’t just choose...
“Ren, he’s closed himself off. He’s just…gone.”
I glanced up at Violet, the sister I never knew existed and the look on her face was nothing short of desperate. She loved Ash unconditionally, that much was clear. She loved him enough to face the woman whose heart he broke.
Reign of Terror. Spitfire.
“It’s like he’s given up on trying to live.” She clutched my hands. “Please, you have to come see him. I don’t know what else to do.”
I snatched my hands away. “He broke my fucking heart,” I cried. “I can’t…”
“Please Ren,” she said again. “Please don’t abandon him.”
As the word abandon passed through her lips, I jerked backward, turning my back to her. Fuck her. Fuck him. He was the one who abandoned me. He let his pride and anger drive a wedge between us.
“I think you should leave,” I said thinly, my hands beginning to shake.
“Please,” Violet pleaded. “If you change your mind…” She slipped a piece of paper into my hand like she knew I’d send her packing and I wondered how much Ash had told her about me. The sister he loved enough to almost kill a man…the sister he didn’t care to tell me about.
I crumbled the paper in my fist as she scurried from the office. I’d spent a good six months trying to forget Ash Fuller and in the space of ten minutes, the wound he’d left behind had been torn open and split even further.
I gave Violet a good fifteen minutes to vacate the premises before I ventured downstairs.
“Was that Violet?” Lincoln asked as I pulled my gloves back on.
I frowned, the reality of what the entire world besides me seemed to know tearing me open even further. “You know her?”
“Yeah, she hung around a lot a few years ago. When Ash-” He clamped his mouth shut. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be fucking sorry,” I snapped.
He ran a hand over his face, fidgeting from foot to foot. “He never told you he had a sister, did he?”
“He didn’t tell me a lot of things,” I muttered.
I thought I knew Ash Fuller. I thought I knew what made him tick.
Turned out, I didn’t know a fucking thing.
Chapter 6
Ash
“Violet!”
I walked from room to room, searching for my elusive sister who was never this elusive. I got that she wanted her peace and quiet, but she’d never gone missing before.