When the noise finally settled into a steady drone, Ricky stood. “I have bad news. Jacques Couteau’s dead.”
Kyle jumped to his feet. “What?”
“Someone did a number on him with his own knives. Chopped him up into little bits.”
“My God.” Gail lowered her head. “Who . . . who would—”
“Liz!” Kyle snapped. “It had to be Liz.”
“Cops found the body in the old train depot. Liz is with them. I think she’s the one who told them.”
“No . . .” I whispered. Jacques and Liz, Jack and Lisa. “He wasn’t French,” I said.
They looked at me.
“Well, he wasn’t,” I said. “And neither was Lisa.”
“What’re you talking about?” Ricky asked.
I looked down at the scar on my hand, the neat slice Jack’s fancy throwing knife made when it caught his rib and buckled. He begged for mercy in perfect English. He told me he would go away. He wouldn’t interfere. He swore again and again that he would leave. He would go to California and never look back, never contact Lisa—ever.
But that wasn’t the point. Lisa had to do it on her own. She had to call me. She had to need me. Otherwise she would always be looking past me for Jack. And it was working. She did call. She needed my help. But then . . .
I walked out of the warehouse. It was pouring rain and the wind was blowing hard. I made my way across the dark field to the Fairfax. The trailers were torn, mangled, and crushed against each other.
I turned. Ricky and the small people were standing across the street as two cop cars cruised slowly down Riverview Drive and pulled into the entrance of the Fairfax. In the front seat of the second car I could make out Lisa Moon. She was crying, her face slightly distorted from pain or anger, her hand raised, pointing at me.
PART IV
Family Secrets
IT’S NOT LOCKED BECAUSE IT DON’T LOCK
by Ladee Hubbard
Lake Maggiore
Cedric and Gerard hadn’t seen each other in five years, not since Gerard’s mom got remarried and Gerard went to live with his father in Tallahassee. Then, out of the blue, just as Cedric was coming home from work one evening, the phone rang: it was Gerard calling to say he was back in town and wanted to know if they could get together. Cedric borrowed his sister-in-law’s car and drove out to Gerard’s mom’s house to pick him up. When he got there a tall, heavy-set man was standing in the driveway. He didn’t even recognize the man as Gerard until he started walking toward the car, pulled open the passenger-side door, plopped down next to him, and smiled.
“Look at you,” Cedric said.
“Been a minute, huh?”
“What happened? You’re like a foot taller than the last time I saw you.”
“I grew up, man. That’s all.” Gerard smiled. “Thanks for giving me a ride.”
“No problem. It’s good to see you. Wish it was different circumstances.”
Gerard reached around and fastened his seat belt and Cedric put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. They cruised at parade speed down 28th Avenue, rolling past hacienda-style houses with tile roofs and sprinklers shooting jets of water above well-manicured lawns.
“How’s your aunt doing?” Cedric asked.
“Not good. She’s in there with my mom now.” Gerard nodded back toward the house. “Taking it pretty hard, you know. I think she feels like it’s her fault.”
“Well, you have my condolences. Really. I mean, I knew your cousin had problems. But still.”
They wound alongside Lake Maggiore, views of the lake flashing behind the houses that lined the shore.
“She’s not his real mom, did you know that? My mom had another sister but she died when he was a baby. He stayed with his daddy for a while but his daddy’s crazy. They had a falling out. Aunt Darla’s been keeping him since he was nine. She’s the one who really raised him . . . She almost had a heart attack when she heard what happened to him.”
“Damn. That’s rough.”
“Now she keeps saying how she thought he was getting better. You know, getting his life together. I think she feels bad she didn’t do something, but I don’t know what she could have done. It’s like she thinks she should have seen it coming.”
“Well, I imagine sometimes it’s hard to see.”
Cedric turned onto 27th and the car moved past New Beginnings Community Church.
“Wasn’t that hard,” Gerard said.
“What?”
“To see. Like you said, even you knew he had problems. My cousin always was a lot to deal with. Never made anything easy for himself or anybody else. Always been like that. Ever since we were kids. But he was still my cousin.”
They reached 26th Avenue and Cedric put on his turn signal. He looked at Gerard, trying to find the boy he used to know. Gerard was only seventeen when he left. They’d played football together, been real good friends in high school, but this was the first time they’d actually talked to each other in years.
He switched gears. “Hey, you know what? It’s good you called. Good you’re coming out tonight. Sounds like you need a break. For real though. I know you have a lot going on with your family right now, but you should try to put it out of your mind for a little while.” Cedric smiled. “Tony and Paulie are going to be there. I know they’re really looking forward to seeing you.”
“That’s nice,” Gerard said.
“A lot of people want to see you. Paulie said he would put the word out. Might be we could even get the whole team back together.”
“What about Shaun?” Gerard asked. “He gonna be there?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. Yeah, probably. Honestly, Gerard? Shaun and I . . . we’re not as close as we used to be. Not like before. Don’t really associate much anymore.”
“No? Why’s that?”
“Because he’s crazy. Why do you think? You remember Shaun. Hasn’t changed at all. Still acts like we’re in high school. But I’m a grown man now. I got responsibilities, bills to pay. I don’t have time for foolishness anymore. Everybody has to grow up sometime. One day he’ll realize that too.”
The light changed and they turned onto 9th Street. The car drove past a group of five children playing in a gravel-strewn driveway next to an old Ford truck. Across the street from them, a man in a robe stood behind his fence watering the grass in his yard as he smoked a cigarette, his robe fluttering around his shorts like a flag at half-mast.
“Last night she started talking about that robbery,” Gerard said.
“What?”
“My aunt. You remember? Right before we graduated? That time my cousin got mugged? At least that’s what he told my aunt. Someone beat the shit out of him, that’s for sure. He wouldn’t talk to the police and never properly explained what actually happened that night, so she just figured he must have been someplace he shouldn’t have been, doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. In her mind it was some crazy drug addict that did that, somebody high out of his mind. I mean, it had to be someone crazy, right? Doesn’t make any sense beating someone up like that when he and his friend didn’t have but forty dollars between them.”
The car rumbled onto 22nd Avenue where the houses evaporated altogether, along with most of the trees. They were replaced by a gas station, a liquor store, and Atwater’s Soul Food restaurant.
“Now she says she feels like he was never the same after that. She told me that for like a year after he wouldn’t talk to nobody, and never even wanted to go outside after dark. He’d just go to work and then come home, eat dinner with her, and watch TV. Acting like he was scared all the time.” Gerard shook his head. “Which is hard for me to picture. We didn’t keep in touch after I left, but I remember my cousin. And he may have been a lot of things. But not scared.”
The car turned onto 16th Street and they rolled past a man in beige pants and army boots sitting on a bus stop bench. He nodded as the car passed, then lifted a small bottle wrapped in a brown paper
bag.
“She says it wasn’t until a few months ago that he started acting like his old self again. Got his own place, a new job. Started going out with his friends again. And then this happens. Kind of makes you wonder if he didn’t have a reason to be scared.”
“You got to be careful out there, that’s for sure,” Cedric said. “Careful where you go, careful what you do. Make sure you know who you’re talking to. Sometimes you got to watch what you say. Lot of knuckleheads out there, people looking for trouble. I mean in general. I don’t really know what your cousin was into, so I can’t speak on his specific situation.”
“Someone strangled him,” Gerard said. “In an alley, behind a dance hall. That was his specific situation.”
They hit a red light and stopped next to the Blue Nile restaurant. Behind it was a brick building that had lost most of its front wall and stood carved open like an excavation site.
“Look, Gerard. What’s up? You have something you want to say to me? Because I thought I was coming to see an old friend. Why are you bringing up something that happened five years ago? I mean, I’m sorry about your cousin. But I don’t see what the two things have to do with each other.”
A woman in a long red dress clutched a Bible to her chest as she strode past the black and charred remains of some of the buildings set ablaze during the riots. Gerard watched the woman make her way to the bus stop on the corner.
“You were there that night,” Gerard said. “The night he got beat up like that.”
“Yes, I was there. A lot of people were. Who told you? Cheryl?”
“My cousin did, right after it happened. I didn’t understand what he was saying at the time. Didn’t make sense to me, thinking about my friends doing something like that to my cousin. Thought it was like my mom said, that he didn’t want people to know what he’d really been doing that night. I knew he hated Shaun and figured he was just trying to stir up some mess.”
“It was five years ago, Gerard. We were kids. It was stupid and I’m sorry it happened. But, like I said, I don’t really see what it has to do with anything now.”
“How come you never told me?”
“I don’t know. It had already happened. I guess I didn’t really see what good talking about it would do. We were about to graduate and then you were moving to Tallahassee. I felt stupid, just for having let myself get involved in something like that. And honestly? I think a part of me just assumed you knew.”
Cedric shook his head and looked out at the restaurant across the street, where three teenage boys pounded their fists on the window of the kitchen. It slid open and another boy, plastic hairnet festooned to his skull, stuck his head out and passed them a large doggie bag full of leftovers.
“What did your cousin tell you?”
“He said y’all were having some kind of party at Tony’s house. He said he wasn’t doing nothing but walking down the street with a couple of his friends. And you and Shaun just started hassling them. Said it seemed like you just went berserk. Kicked the shit out of him while everybody else just stood around and watched.”
“Yeah? That what he said? Because that’s not exactly true.” Cedric sighed. “Your cousin was provoking us. You know how your cousin was, know he used to provoke people all the time. He and his friends always strutting around in those crazy outfits, laughing all loud and talking shit. And we were all at Tony’s celebrating because the school year was almost over and here he comes, walking down the street. Shaun made some joke about the way his ass swished when he walked, and he came back asking something like why Shaun spent so much time looking at it. People started laughing. Looked to me like your cousin enjoyed the attention because he just kept going. Shaun warned him to stop but he wouldn’t shut the fuck up. And now everybody was laughing at us. We had to do something, it was like he was giving us no choice.”
Cedric looked out the window. “It was stupid. And I’m sorry about it, if that makes you feel better. I was sorry as soon as I woke up the next morning, soon as I realized what I had done. Over what? Some weirdo calling me a name? Saying something about me everybody already knew wasn’t true? And here I am, about to graduate. Got my whole life ahead of me and I’m gonna risk blowing it like that?”
He shook his head. “I’ll tell you the truth, Gerard. It’s part of why I don’t hang out with Shaun anymore. Because I learned from it. Realized I couldn’t just be flying off the handle like that. Realized I had to know how to keep my cool, that I needed to be around people who kept cool too. Because if you think about it, the one who might have really gotten fucked up over it is me. My future. My chances in life. I mean I’m serious. I could have wound up in jail. Just for beating up some little freak.”
Gerard stared out the window. A clean-looking kid in a white Camaro pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. He watched the boy walk around and open the door for a pretty girl in a yellow tank top sulking in the passenger seat.
Cedric put the car back in drive. “I’m sorry it happened. But that was five years ago and, if nothing else, I learned from it. And, I don’t know, when your cousin didn’t press charges, I thought maybe he had learned from it too. Because it wasn’t just me and Shaun acting foolish that night. Your cousin was not some innocent party. He provoked us. Was asking for it. And maybe you don’t want to hear this right now but . . . truth? If you’d had been there that night, you would have been right there with me and Shaun. Because I know you. I mean, I remember how you were in high school. Know how mad you would have been if someone ever disrespected you like that. Just like I know that deep down you realize: a lot of the trouble your cousin had back then? He brought it on himself.”
Gerard stayed quiet. The car continued down 16th Street where two elderly women in matching green dresses, gold lamé shoes, and leaf-shaped hats walked down the concrete steps of a small house, the thin breeze puffing their skirts into bell shapes, hems raised just enough so Gerard could see that their dark stockings were only knee-highs.
Gerard nodded. “My cousin always was hard. And like you said, he did have problems. You know how he came to live with my Aunt Darla? His daddy caught him trying on his mama’s lipstick when he was nine. Come home from work and there’s my cousin standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom with bright-red lipstick smeared all across his mouth. His daddy beat the shit out of him and kicked him out of the house. My cousin and I were real close back then, if you can believe it. Used to do everything together. I didn’t even realize there was anything strange about him at the time. Because he didn’t seem strange to me.
“When I asked him why he’d done that, he said he’d found it in the drawer and just wanted to know what her kisses felt like. Isn’t that funny? I realize now he was probably lying about that, but you know what? At the time? I believed him. Somehow it made sense to me. I understood it and I didn’t see why it was such a big deal. But then my aunt told some people at her church about it and somehow it got around at school. People started teasing him, calling him names, and laughing at him. And because we were always together, people started calling me names too. Got so bad I stopped wanting to do anything with him.
“Finally, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Got tired of defending him, got tired of having to hear it. Told him I was embarrassed to be in public with him because he acted so weird all the time, when really he acted the same when we were alone at my house, and the stuff he used to do never really bothered me then. Truth is, I was scared. Scared of the way people made fun of him, scared people would start confusing him for me. And mostly I was scared because when he told me about kissing that mirror, I hadn’t realized it was a big deal. Started wondering if maybe there was something wrong with me too, just for feeling like I understood it, for the fact that it didn’t bother me the way it seemed to bother everybody else. It was like I got suspicious of my own understanding, the fact that, deep down, I never thought he was all that strange. I mean, not in a way that really mattered. And now when looking back on us in high school, I fe
el like I spent most of my time trying more than anything not to understand things. Didn’t want to feel nothing because I was so worried what I felt might be wrong. I think that’s really why I was so mad all the time. When people tried to explain to me why I needed to calm down, why I shouldn’t be so upset or something wasn’t a big deal, I would just look at them, suspicious. It’s almost like I thought feeling something for other people was some kind of trick, because I believed there was something wrong with me and I didn’t want other people to know.”
In the rearview mirror, Cedric could still see the two old women passing slowly beneath a streetlight’s glow.
“My cousin used to say he figured I stunted my own growth that way. One time he told me that, as much shit as he got from people just for walking down the street, the one he really felt sorry for was me, because at least he was being who he was. Said he thought it was pathetic how hard I tried to fit in with people like you and Shaun, that there was a beautiful person somewhere inside me but I had smothered it by being a coward. Used to say stuff like that to me all the time, and of course I didn’t like it. Was provoking, just like you said. But now, when I look back at myself in high school, I figure he might have been telling the truth. That’s how I know you’re right. If someone had ever tried to disrespect me the way he did to you that night, I would have been right there with you. Except for one thing.” Gerard reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a gun. “He was my cousin.”
“What are you doing?”
“That was my cousin. What the hell were you thinking disrespecting my family like that?”
“Wait a minute, Gerard—”
“You didn’t have anything to do with what happened at that dance hall, did you? Someone jumped him that night—how do I know it wasn’t you?”
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