Just imagining him untying a boot and placing her foot in his lap like he used to made her blush. “Surely not.”
“I used to do it all the time.”
He had. When she was very small, her big brother Tim had been the one to fuss over the little thorns and prickers that would catch against her skin. He’d patiently pull them out and then rub her mother’s lotion on her calves. He’d been her hero for doing that, especially since Aaron and Jack would have rather wrestled a swarm of bees than coddle their sister like that.
One day, a couple of weeks after Tim had left, Joel had found her sitting on a bench in between their houses, attempting to pull the briars from her bare skin. She’d been crying, too. He’d known she’d been crying more about Tim being gone than about the thorns. Without a word, he’d sat next to her, placed one of her feet on his thigh, and carefully tended her wounds.
She’d known then that no other boy was ever going to treat her better than Joel Lapp.
“Before we get to spring and summer, there are a couple of things we’re going to need to get through first.”
“Such as?”
“Groundhog Day.”
“We canna forget that day, for sure,” she joked.
“And Valentine’s Day.” He glanced down at her. “Surely you won’t want to skip that day?”
They’d never celebrated that day. Beyond making some heart-shaped cookies with her mamm, Tiny had never celebrated Valentine’s Day at all. “I’m not sure what we would do.”
“We should plan to do something. I’ll think on it.”
And, there it was again. A burst of hope, followed on its tails by a burst of wariness. She wanted to be his Valentine… but there was a part of her that felt like it was coming out of the blue. “Joel, I’m not sure I understand.”
“Not much to understand, I don’t think.”
He reached for her hand and linked his fingers through hers.
She liked feeling so connected to him. Liked feeling the calluses that had formed on his palms from years of hard work. Liked feeling how strong even his hand was. It was a fanciful image, but she liked feeling that hands like his could help her get through anything.
“Tiny? Did you hear me?”
“I did.” Looking down at their connected hands, she murmured, “Sorry, I was just thinking of something else.”
He looked down at their hands, too. “It’s okay.”
“To answer your questions, yes, I do believe it’s time we celebrated Valentine’s Day. Maybe even with a heart-shaped cake.” She smiled up at him, liking the new assuredness she was feeling. After all, he wouldn’t have been talking about celebrating such a romantic day if his intentions weren’t true. She decided to bring it up. “You know, Joel, until recently, I’ve been pretty concerned about our… friendship.”
“Why is that?”
“You know why. We’ve gone from being friends to hardly ever talking to each other to you playing hot and cold to, now, holding hands and talking about Valentine’s Day.”
“All of that wasn’t my fault. You know your brothers warned me to stay away from you.”
“That was some time ago.”
“Maybe I had to grow up.”
“I guess that makes sense… Though, sometimes it has seemed like you’ve been busier than usual.” Ack. She knew she sounded a bit shrewish, but her mother’s comments had stayed near her heart. And, there were a couple of things that Aaron had said that made her wonder if Joel was as ready to settle down as he acted like he was.
“Tiny, I don’t know what to say. I’m here now. I’m trying to make plans with you. What else do you want me to say?”
“Nothing.”
“I haven’t been hiding anything from you.”
“Joel, don’t be angry with me.”
“I’m not angry. I just don’t want you thinking things that aren’t true.”
His whole posture told a different story. “I’m only saying I’ve missed you and wondered if maybe you’ve had your eye on someone else.”
“I have not.” His words were clipped.
“All right. I’m sorry I brought it up.” But even to her ears, both his rebuttal and her comments sounded weak. She decided to keep quiet and stop pushing so much. Her hand was nestled in his, and it was a lovely thing. “Perhaps we should start heading back. It’s getting late,” she added.
“The wind is picking up, too. You’re going to get chilled.”
After they finished their journey around the pond for the second time, Joel led her toward the street. They could have simply crossed the small expanse between their two yards, but this gave them a bit more privacy. Tiny took refuge in that. Even when their conversations weren’t the best, they still liked being around each other. Maybe that was what love was. Two people who wanted to be together more than they wanted to be apart. She felt her spirits lift. Yes, this was what love really was like. It wasn’t all perfect words and grand gestures like in fairy tales. No, real love was filled with flaws and mistakes and regrets, all mixed up with tenderness and loyalty and affection.
“I’m glad we decided to walk this way back to my house,” she said at last. “Sometimes, when we say goodbye and rush across the grass, it feels like our time together ends too soon.”
“Tiny, I wanted to give us a bit more time together because there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” Was he finally going to declare himself?
He squeezed her hand. “Jah. You see, you haven’t been imagining things. I have been zeer—very busy of late. But I’ve had a good reason for it.”
This didn’t sound good. “What have you been doing?”
“Please, try and listen to me first before you get upset.”
“What have you been doing that would make me upset?”
“Let me tell you why I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing first.”
What does that even mean? Testily, she said, “Joel, I’d rather you didn’t talk in riddles with me.”
“I’m not talking in riddles, Tiny. But if you would just listen first, I’d appreciate it.”
She knew he wasn’t asking too much. But still, everything about their conversation practically screamed of subterfuge. Why was he hiding things? And, worse, why was she allowing him to? It hardly seemed fair.
“I’m listening.” She glanced his way before gazing out into the distance. Her house was visible now. And though at first she’d hoped their night could last forever, now all she wanted to do was go home and think about their future, and whether there would even be one for the two of them.
“You see, a few months ago… I received a call from Jane Shultz.”
Tiny didn’t even try to hide her dismay. She had no idea why he was bringing up that woman. Everyone knew Jane married her husband for money and didn’t even go to church anymore. She flaunted her money, too, by having her groceries delivered so she wouldn’t have to mix with the rest of the community. Though Tiny knew it was wrong to gossip, there were some things one simply couldn’t deny. “I’m surprised she called you.” And even more surprised that he’d answered.
“Well, she had good reason.”
“Oh?” Though she was keeping her promise to listen, she couldn’t ignore the hot jealousy that ran through her. What could that woman possibly want with Joel? She better not have decided to sink her claws into him.
“Jah. You see… Jane and I got to talking, and I realized she has been in a difficult spot since her husband passed on to Heaven.”
It looked like her worst fears were coming true. Jane was trying to steal Joel. And he… well, it looked like he was practically giving her a line to steal him with. Her temper was rising, which probably wasn’t a very good thing, but she didn’t care. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well, you see, I learned she needed a man around from time to time.”
“ ‘She needed a man?’ ”
He nodded. “Since I had some time, and I felt so
rry for her, I decided to help her out.”
“You’ve been going over to her farm?”
“Only chores around the house and such, Tiny. That’s all.”
Tiny’s house was close enough that she could see the kerosene lanterns shining through the windows, and she wished more than anything that she was inside with peppermint tea and a good book rather than out in the icy cold listening to her world fall apart.
“How often have you been going over there?”
“Not often. Only twice a week.”
He’d been spending hours alone with Jane at her house. In secret. For weeks now. All the self-righteous anger she’d been feeling free-fell into agony. “Joel, why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“I didn’t know how.” He looked a little sheepish. “I mean, some people might look at all our time together and start jumping to conclusions. To be honest, I was worried you wouldn’t understand.”
He had been right about that. She didn’t. “I don’t understand a lot of things about this arrangement of yours.”
“Tiny, I’m trying to explain it to you. All you have to do is listen.”
“I’m listening, but I’m not understanding.” She held up a hand. “And don’t you start talking like I’m not capable of understanding things, either. The problem lies with you, not me.”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. There is no problem. I mean, it’s not like you and Luke Yoder.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“It means that I might have been helping Jane on her farm, but you’ve been encouraging Luke, even though you knew I wouldn’t like it.”
“Luke has nothing to do with you.”
“That’s where you are wrong.”
Just as they reached her front yard, Aaron stormed out of the house. He had on boots, dark pants, and a shirt but no coat. “Joel Lapp! We need to talk right this minute.”
Looking resigned, he murmured, “Tiny, perhaps you should go inside.”
“I don’t think so.”
“This isn’t going to be pleasant.”
“Oh, I know.”
“Fine.” Raising his voice, Joel said, “Perhaps you should explain yourself, Coblentz.”
“I will when Tiny goes away.”
She placed her hands on her hips. “Tiny isn’t going anywhere, Aaron.”
“Fine. I wanted to save you the embarrassment, but I’ll go ahead anyway. I saw you leaving Jane Shultz’s house a week ago.”
“I know you saw me. The two of us walked back here together. We talked the whole time.”
“We didn’t talk all that much. You didn’t seem to feel the need to share that you were courting her.”
“ ‘Courting’?” Tiny whispered.
“I’m not courting Jane.” Leaning toward Tiny, Joel said, “Tiny, you need to trust me. I told you. I’ve been helping her around the house.”
Aaron shook his head. “You might have been doing some chores, but other folks have caught sight of the two of you sitting together. One person even heard the two of you laughing on her back porch.”
“I didn’t know laughing was a crime.”
“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what people heard. You weren’t just over there to do work.”
“There is nothing wrong with talking and laughing while doing work. There was no harm done. Jane is a lonely woman.”
“She ain’t eighty years old to your twenty, Joel. Men and women don’t spend time together like that without something else going on.” When Tiny paused to take a breath, she spied something in Joel’s eyes.
And it crushed her.
She was embarrassed to be so disillusioned and to be discussing it all in front of Aaron. “I’ve been waiting for you for a long time, Joel. I’ve tried to be patient. I’ve tried to be understanding. But I’m starting to realize that I’ve just been stupid.”
“Stop it, Tiny. Stop talking as if everything is over.”
“I think I’m finally talking as if I’m living in the real world. See, all this time, in my weakest moments in the middle of the night, I would imagine that you’d found someone else. Now, in the light of day, I’ve realized all my worst fears weren’t made up at all. They were simply the truth,” she whispered.
“I’ve been helping her,” he retorted. “I’ve been doing some chores around her house for money, Tiny. That’s all.”
“In secret?” She was naïve, but she’d had more than enough of his confusing excuses. With a sigh, she turned away from the boy she’d sworn to herself she’d love so many years ago. “You’re right, Aaron. I should go inside. I don’t think I can look at him anymore.”
“Tiny, don’t walk away from me.” His voice sounded pained.
Almost as pained as she felt. But somehow, instead of making her feel hopeful, his plea just made her feel worse. Keeping her back to him, she said, “It seems fairly obvious that one of us has already walked away, Joel. Worse, you walked away some time ago, and I didn’t even realize it.”
Squaring her shoulders, she started walking. The yard was silent as she made her way inside, making the click of the door sound even louder than usual.
Her mother, wearing her favorite sheepskin slippers, padded toward her. “Tiny, I thought I heard raised voices in the front yard. What is going on out there?”
The question was simply too much. “I… it’s nothing to worry about, Mamm.” Feeling like she’d just let her mother down, she muttered, “I’m going to my room for a spell. Please leave me be.”
It was a blessing that her mother never followed.
twelve
• RULE #12 •
Keep in mind that you are human and you will make mistakes. Often.
After watching his sister walk into the house like she’d lost her whole future, Aaron fumed. He’d liked Joel. Nee, every member of his family had liked the man, and all of them—especially himself—had been excited for him court Tiny at long last.
If he was honest, he’d often thought about how good it was going to be to have a brother-in-law like Joel. Joel was hardworking, steady, and had never been shy about his interest in Tiny. His sister needed a man like that. She needed someone to dote on her, all of them believed in that.
As good as Joel had been for Tiny, he’d also been good for all of them. He had a wicked good sense of humor, and Jack and Aaron had often discussed how excited they’d be to have Joel as a brother.
Yes, they’d all thought he would be a good addition to their family.
Well, until Aaron had realized he was sneaking around and his sister was paying the price.
Turning to Joel, Aaron let loose every bit of frustration and anger that had been stewing inside him for days. “I thought I knew you, but I obviously don’t. Why didn’t you ever tell her what you were doing?”
Joel folded his arms over his chest. “What, exactly, have I been doing?”
“Nee. You do not get to start playing games with me in my front yard. Especially not when my sister’s happiness has been crushed.”
“Oh, I haven’t crushed anything. You’re the one who ruined our fine evening.”
“She didn’t look that happy when you two arrived.”
He raised one eyebrow. “And you know this how?”
“I was watching for you from the window, of course.”
Joel gaped at him, then backed up a step. “We’re way too old to be monitored like that.”
“It’s good I was keeping my eye on you.”
“You know, I don’t have to stand here and take this. I’m just going to go.”
The front door opened, and Jack came out, looking just as livid as Aaron was feeling.
“Joel!”
Joel folded his arms over his chest. “Now what?”
“Tiny is inside her room crying, and mei mamm said she’s upset with you. What did you do to her?”
“I didn’t do a thing. It’s your brother and his hotheaded temper that you should be concerned about.”
“Don’t you dare blame this on me,” Aaron retorted. “He’s been carrying on with that Jane Shultz.”
“I haven’t been carrying on with anyone. It isn’t like that.”
Jack marched forward, close enough that his chest was practically touching Joel’s. “Tell me Aaron is lying.”
Joel lifted his chin. “Fine. Aaron is lying.”
Aaron didn’t even attempt to keep his voice down. “Jack, I saw them together. I’m not the only one, either. Other people have seen them.”
“Like who?” Joel asked.
Since he wasn’t denying it, Aaron was only getting madder, but Joel cut him off before he could speak again. “Aaron, I already told you, I’ve been doing chores for her to earn an extra salary. And, just in case your minds are in the gutter, those chores include yard work, carpentry, fixing drawers that stick and faucets that leak, painting walls, and, when there’s nothing else to do… cleaning out her grossly overflowing attic!”
Jack blinked. “Truly?”
“Jah. I promise, I wouldn’t lie to you about that. There were dead mice in that attic.”
Something in the way he was talking—and the way he was looking—finally sank in. “You are telling the truth,” Aaron said.
“Jah. I am telling the truth. I am not having an affair with Jane.” He wrinkled his nose. “What do you take me for?”
“Why are you doing all those chores? You have a good job,” Jack asked.
“You know what? I was going to talk to you both about it, but now I’m not.” He turned to Aaron. “I’ve known you for most of my life. I thought we were good friends. Best friends.”
“We are.”
“Then you should have trusted me. You should know without a doubt that my intentions toward your sister are true. You should have stood up for me. I’m leaving and going to try to figure out what to do next.”
After taking another two steps, he faced them again. “But I’ll tell you this. So help me, if you poison Tiny about me any further than you already have, I’m going to make sure you rue that day.”
Aaron stood motionless as Joel walked away. But as he faded from view, part of his anger faded as well. And in its place was a burgeoning sense of confusion that made him wonder if everything he thought was true wasn’t quite so true after all.
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