“That is true.” She smiled softly. “We might only be five years apart in age, but in some ways we’ve had a lifetime of different experiences.”
Tiny nodded. “I was very sad for you when your husband died. I mean that sincerely. But I would be lying if I didn’t also mention that, of late, I’ve been a bit jealous of you.”
“Of me?”
“You are poised, slim, and very beautiful.”
“Hardly any of that.”
“You are. Then, when I learned Joel was spending so much time here, I assumed the worst, which is something I’m not proud of.”
“You thought there was something between him and me?”
“Jah. I was jealous.”
“Tiny, I promise that you have nothing to be jealous of. He talks about you all the time, and I still miss my husband.”
“I’m ashamed of my behavior, Jane.” Though she was no doubt stumbling over words and probably not making a lick of sense, Tiny forced herself to continue, “I’m so sorry. I guess this proves I have a lot to learn, ain’t so?”
“Maybe we all do.”
“Does this mean you’ll allow me to at least try to be your friend?”
Jane picked up the fork and speared a section of cake. “Only if you’ll allow me to try, too. I canna make cake anymore, but… I’ll always be happy to serve you coffee.”
Tiny giggled. “That’s enough. More than enough.”
Joel popped his head in. “The banister’s up. I thought I heard laughter in here.”
“You did,” Jane replied. “We’ve been talking about cake and coffee.”
“Ah.” When Jack and Aaron appeared by his side, they all exchanged confused looks.
Jane smiled again. “Perhaps you men would like some cake as well?”
“I’m in,” Jack announced. “It smelled up the whole house, and Tiny wouldn’t let any of us sneak a bite.”
“I’m not going to refuse, either,” Aaron said. “Okay if I get out some plates, Jane?”
“Of course. They’re in the cabinet to the left of the oven.”
Aaron looked over at his shoulder. “Joel, what about you?” After a pause, he asked again. “Ah, Joel?”
“Good luck getting his attention,” Jack muttered.
“I heard ya. Don’t be rude,” Joel said, still not taking his eyes off of Tiny and Jane.
“You still haven’t answered, though. Do you want a plate?”
“Jah Danke. If Tiny made it, I know it’s going to be wonderful-gut.”
“It is,” Jane said.
Joel walked to the table and sat down beside Tiny. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“Danke,” Tiny whispered.
“Do you see what I meant now, Tiny?” Jane asked.
“Oh, yes,” she whispered, staring right back at Joel.
Her brothers started snickering, but when Joel smiled at her, it seemed as if everything else faded away. At last, it felt like everything she’d ever hoped for between her and Joel was happening at last.
She was so glad about that.
thirty-three
• RULE #33 •
Expect the unexpected.
It felt like Christmas, her birthday, and payday all at the same time. Try as she might, Kayla couldn’t think of another way to describe how amazingly wonderful her basket was. Right after Aaron, Tiny, and Jack left, she’d unpacked the goodies and arranged them all on the counter. There was a chicken and broccoli casserole, a package of bacon, six fresh eggs, a loaf of bread, some canned vegetables, and even a tin filled with oatmeal raisin cookies. Every bit of it looked delicious.
After deciding to bake the casserole that evening, she put the eggs and bacon away, then plucked three cookies from the tin. After she set the kettle on to boil, she took a bite. As she’d expected, the treat was as delicious as it looked. She was so grateful to the Coblentzes for the gift… and so very grateful to Aaron for caring so much about her in the first place.
That gratitude made her think of something she hadn’t thought about in far too long: her mother’s daily devotional books. Taking one from the bookshelf, she held it close… hugging the memories to her heart.
Her mamm had loved those books. Daed used to buy her one every year on Mother’s Day. She’d fuss and say she didn’t need a gift to celebrate being a mother… and then would beam.
Every morning before she even woke Kayla up, her mother would take a few minutes to read the daily devotion and pray. Sometimes, when Kayla was nine or ten, she’d ask her mother to tell her the scripture verse that she’d read that morning. Mamm would do so with a pleased smile.
Everything eventually changed, of course. Her mother became tired and was eventually diagnosed with cancer. Daed started working more and therefore began to ask more of Kayla. And Kayla? Well, she’d entered a challenging period of her life. She’d been besieged by mercurial emotions. Happiness would suffuse her, only to be followed by depression and then anger. The last thing she’d thought she had time for was devotionals.
After making tea and gathering her cookies, Kayla sat down at the kitchen table and opened the front cover. She’d never asked her mother how she picked a devotional to read. Maybe she started on page one and worked through the year? Maybe she flipped through the topics until she found one that spoke to her? Deciding the Lord didn’t have a preference, she simply opened the book in the middle and read.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7.
The scripture verse was so perfect, so… needed, she could hardly believe it. She read it again, this time out loud, letting the perfect words caress her ears as much as her eyes. “ ‘Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.’ ”
Only then did she read the devotional author’s words about the verse. The woman described love as both the romantic kind and the perfect love of Jesus. Kayla thought about that for a moment and realized it could also be applied to her father. She loved her daed, so much. But she was also disappointed and frustrated with him. She wasn’t his parent, and she resented being thrust into the role of his caretaker. She loved being his daughter, yes, but did that mean she had to become the responsible one while he lived carelessly?
She didn’t think so.
As she read the verse a third time, Kayla realized there was more there than just love. There was belief and hope and endurance. Yes, love was all of those things. When her mother was suffering through the last stages of cancer, they’d all loved and believed in her, hoped for strength and peace… and they’d endured.
If she could get through that with her mother, and survive Levi’s heartbreak, she could get through this period with her father as well.
Feeling more at peace than she had in weeks, Kayla closed her eyes and prayed. She prayed for her father, for herself, and even for Aaron. Most of all, she gave thanks for this moment of clarity.
Minutes later, when the ringing phone called her back to the day, Kayla felt as if she could tackle almost anything now.
Getting to her feet, she hurried to the kitchen and was able to pick it up on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Kayla, it’s me.”
Her father. She almost sagged in relief. “Daed! Daed, I’m so glad to hear from you.”
“Are you all right? What were you doing just now? The phone has been ringing and ringing.”
“I was praying. I got out one of Mamm’s old devotionals and read one.”
“Oh.”
He sounded taken aback, and she was a little glad about that. Maybe he would realize that he also needed to take some time to think about the life he’d been living.
Until then, she decided to get some answers for herself. “Why haven’t you come back?”
He hesitated. “We can talk about that when I get home, Kayla.”
It sounded like he was hiding something. “Why do we have to wait? What’s wrong with right now?”
&
nbsp; “I’m afraid it might take a while and there’s a line of people waiting to use the phone. I only wanted to let you know that I am coming home on the bus tomorrow. I’m going to need some help bringing everything home. Would you be able to hire a driver and meet me?”
She closed her eyes. He hadn’t called to check on her or to make sure she was okay. No, he’d only called to ask for her help. Once again, he seemed oblivious to their bills and the fact that she’d been working nonstop so she could pay them.
It was obvious that the cycle would continue if she didn’t finally stand up for herself. Gathering her strength, she said, “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to hire a driver or meet you at the bus.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t have the money to pay the driver, Daed. Plus, I’m working at the store.”
“Are things really that tight?”
“You know they are.”
He paused, then blurted, “Well, just ask Pat to give you a loan. She’ll do that, I’m sure.”
Kayla was sure Pat would because she’d loaned him money in the past. But Kayla wanted to do everything she could to avoid leaning on her aunt yet again. “I’m not going to do that. Sorry.”
Again, there was a lengthy pause on his end of the phone. “I don’t understand what’s come over you. Nothing you’re saying makes sense.”
“I think you know it does,” she said softly. “We can’t keep going on like this. I need to start living my life and you need to start living yours.”
“Kayla, you don’t understand.”
She knew what he was about to say next. He would start telling her how difficult his life was and how much he missed her mother. Then, he would even hint that it was a good thing that Levi had broken things off because he needed her. “Things have been really hard for me here. I sure hope you will be able to get more hours at the factory.”
“I won’t be able to get any more hours because Mr. Edmonds gave my job to someone else. I could hardly believe it.”
So, her worst fears had come true… and once again, he was blaming other people instead of himself. “I believe he did that since you never came back and the driver came here two days in a row.” It was all she could do not to add that his actions weren’t very loyal at all.
“You couldn’t have called the factory and explained everything?”
This was the last straw. “Explained what, Daed?” Ready to get off the phone, she blurted, “I love you and I want to be there for you, but I don’t think that means I should have to keep the house, cook the meals, and pay most of the bills all by myself while you go to Pinecraft… I need to find my own place to live.”
“You canna leave me.” His voice was heavy with indignation.
But instead of making her feel more sympathy for him, she was disappointed. Didn’t he realize how much she had given up for him? Didn’t he remember she’d lost a mother, too? Didn’t he realize he’d been taking advantage of her for years?
She was just so tired. Of the juggling and the battles and being ignored. “I’ll hope and pray that you have a safe journey home. I’ll see you tomorrow when you get back.”
“I’m disappointed in you.”
Though it was tempting to hold her tongue, she decided what was in her heart also had to be said. “I’m disappointed in you, too, Daed. And I’m sorry, but if Mamm were here, I know she’d tell you the same thing. Goodbye.” She hung up before he had a chance to respond.
In the sudden silence of the kitchen, she could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She felt as if she’d just run a mile, she was so out of breath. After pacing the length of the kitchen for a few moments, she at last got ahold of herself.
At least her father had called and he was now coming back to Ohio soon. That was a good thing. She’d been so worried about him. And she was glad she’d spoken her mind at last. With some surprise, she realized she didn’t regret any of the things she’d told her father. She’d needed to share how she’d felt and she’d needed to be heard.
After turning on the kettle for another cup of tea, she retrieved her mother’s devotional and thought about the verse she’d read three times. It had been the right message at the right time.
Feeling more optimistic than she had in years, Kayla pulled out a sheet of paper and a pencil and decided to make a list. But not of things she needed to do. This one was about things she wanted to do. Her dreams, her goals, her wishes.
Picking up the pencil, she considered all her choices. But in the end, it wasn’t hard to choose what she wanted to write down at all.
1. Start making decisions that are good for me.
That made sense.
The second? Well, it took her by surprise, but she was just as excited by it.
2. Give Aaron a chance. Give love a chance. They are worth it.
thirty-four
• RULE #34 •
It’s always a good idea to have a few puzzles and games for toddlers so parents can take a few moments to choose the perfect book.
Since Tiny and Joel had seemed smitten with each other and Jack had said he was going to help Jane straighten up a few things before going home, Aaron walked to the closest library branch and asked the clerk to help him sign up for the GED. To his relief, the woman didn’t mind helping him in the least. Less than fifteen minutes later, it was done.
Feeling pleased with his success, Aaron returned to Kayla’s house. Though he knew his mamm might be upset he didn’t bring Tiny along to play chaperone, he didn’t think Kayla would mind one bit. He sure didn’t. He wanted to let her know as soon as possible that he’d not only changed his mind about the test but had also already signed up for it.
But even more important than that test was Kayla herself.
He was now more determined than ever to show Kayla just how much she meant to him. Yes, work was important, and that promotion was, too. But now he realized that nothing was going to mean much if he and Kayla weren’t okay. He needed her in his life.
Aaron knocked on her door, hoping and praying she would be open to another impromptu visit from him.
When she did appear, she had on a different dress than she’d been wearing earlier that day. Now her dress was light gray. It should have drained the color from her cheeks but instead made her look even more beautiful.
At least, he thought so.
Realizing they’d been staring at each other for several seconds, he tipped his hat. “Hiya, Kayla.”
“Aaron. You’re back.”
“I guess I couldn’t stay away,” he teased.
Her pretty blue eyes were full of confusion. “But… we just saw each other a couple of hours ago.”
Even though Aaron knew he was being a mite overbearing, he gently moved around her and walked inside. After carefully closing the door behind him, he turned to face her. “You’re right. We did see each other. And we did talk—and not just this morning. But I don’t think I said enough.”
“Oh?” She folded her hands in front of her waist. “I thought we discussed a lot of things.”
“We did. But I realize now that even though I told you about my dreams and goals and regrets, we never actually talked about what really mattered.”
“And that is what?”
“You.” He exhaled. “Me. Us.”
A smile played on her lips before she firmly regained her composure. “ ‘Us’?”
Reaching out, he took her hand and linked his fingers through hers. “Kayla, I’m not smart like you. As much as I try, I’m never going to have all those fancy words in my head to convey my thoughts like you do.”
“You’re giving me too much credit, Aaron.”
“Nee, listen. What I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter. See, I don’t want to be like you. I want to be with you.”
Her hand went slack in his own. “Pardon me?”
Ah, if only he could grab hold of one of those romance books she liked so much and borrow some of the hero’s lines. Maybe then he’d be abl
e to convey what was in his heart in a pretty way, a way that was worthy of how he felt for her.
But because that wasn’t possible, Aaron forged on ahead. “Kayla, I love you. I love you and I want to be by your side every day.” Hearing those clumsy words, he shook his head. “Let me try this again. Kayla, I want to be by your side all the time. For now and forever.”
“Forever,” she murmured.
Why had she repeated that? Had he been too high-handed? Did Kayla think she didn’t have any options?
He started talking faster, hoping that something, anything, he said would be enough for her to give him a chance. Or at least not throw him out.
“Listen, you don’t have to feel the same way. It’s okay if you feel that I’m rushing you too fast or that I need to prove myself to you or that you’re simply not ready for an engagement or marriage. All I ask is that you don’t say no.”
“ ‘Don’t say no’?” The muscles in her throat worked as she swallowed. Then, in a strained voice, she asked, “Aaron, are you asking me to marry you?”
“Kind of.” When her eyebrows rose, he inwardly cringed. He really should have practiced what he was going to say.
“Aaron?”
It was obviously now or never. “Kayla, yes, I’m asking you to marry me—I mean, what I’m doing is asking you to give me a chance to prove myself to you, to give me some time to become the person you want to have in your life, to be married to you… ah, one day. Will you do that?”
Kayla stared at him a long moment before walking into the living room and sitting down. Then, she pressed her hands on her cheeks and took a deep breath.
He’d done this all wrong. But honestly, he didn’t have much more to offer her than he already had. He didn’t have much else besides his heart, his promises, and a respect for her time.
Worried she was crying, he walked to her side, his heart firmly lodged in his throat. Feeling annoyed with himself, Aaron sat down beside her. Though he yearned to wrap his arms around her and apologize for making her so upset, he knew he had to give her the time she needed.
A Perfect Amish Romance Page 21