My name is Durex

by Umair Sheikh

“And what do you want now?”

  “I… I think… it’s not a good idea to do it on the sofa.”

  “Okay.” Light Muller embrace her up.

  Suddenly being lifted in the air frightened Durex: “What are you doing ah?”

  “Didn’t you say it’s not good on the sofa? Then let’s go to the bed” Once he finished saying this, he carried her into the room and placed her on the bed, then using his entire body to pressed down on her.

  “Wait a minute!”

  “What are you doing now?”

  “I…. I’m not ready yet.”

  “It’s okay, we can prepare together.”

  “Don’t! Wait——”

  Her voice disappeared as his tongues fused with hers.

  What was the online quote again? A man always has a way to shut a woman up.

  No, not this sentence, there’s another sentence!

  That’s right, when a man gift a woman clothing, it’s so he can personally take it off.

  Then obviously, a man gifting a woman lingerie, of course it is to…..

  Perhaps, the couplet should be changed.

  On the seventh day of free accommodation isolation a woman have lost her virginity.

  Hahaha so the President finally have eaten D’s soft silky tofu.

  Chapter 29: No idea where life is heading

  Generally in the romance novels, the day after the hero and heroine do the deed, it’ll definitely be a sunny morning, the female upon waking up will hear the sound of water rushing in the bathroom and just as she’s entertaining herself with all sorts of ideas, the male will walk out the bathroom with a bathrobe on as he stares at the female with tender and soft as water eyes while indulgently asks: “Does it still hurt?”

  Then the female will blush with rosy cheeks and lowered her head as her heart races.

  Upon seeing such scene will make the male unbearable and push the female onto the bed, incidentally he would reveal a thousand years of unchanged evil demonic smile: “You smell so good, I want to taste again….”

  Then their lips will come into contact and the rest is history!

  It’s written within romance novel as this, Durex also think so, so when she opened her eyes the bright sun shone through the windows, she acoustic sound of water running behind the doors, thus she became anxious and fretful.

  Remembering the thrills of last night, her blood rose from the soles of feet rushing to the top of her head, Durex’s skin that was covered under the blanket began to heat up and redden.

  In the past she always thought that the President was an acrimonious, harsh, overbearing and revengeful capitalists. After last night, she didn’t expect to discover that being acrimonious was merely a small case, at best he was only harsh to shrimps, while overbearing was within her calculations, however the President’s worst nature turned out to be—— rogue!

  How could he push her onto the bed without her consent? That wasn’t enough, he even covered her mouth, cutting her off by licking her, once he was done with licking, he started to bite her, and then once he was done biting, he…..

  No no! If she thinks of it any further she’ll suffer a nosebleed.

  In fact, this wasn’t the thing that made Durex the most depressed, the thing that made her most depressed was that after having the patronizing President eat her clean and dry, unexpectedly she didn’t even get to eat one ounce of the President’s tofu, let alone able to see the legend strawberry birthmark of his!

  Oh! What a pity! Oh! What a pity!

  As she’s grieving, there was a voice crying out within her heart: Such tragic things absolutely can not happen again!

  So, Durex decided before the President finish taking a shower she would leave as soon as possible!

  Wrapping herself up in the bed quilt, she quickly out of bed, her eyes searched with the remains of their clothing besides the bed, scattered buttons were seen, her face immediately redden.

  The clothing the President to brought her were such poor quality, it can be convenient taken off!

  Isn’t this rogue? It’s simply perverted!

  (>_<)

  Because the clothing from yesterday could no longer be worn, Durex can only helplessly jump around with the bed quilt tightly wrapped around herself as she tried to find other clothing. At this moment the sound within the bathroom disappeared, the President have finished taking a shower!

  Durex was in a hurry so she couldn’t find her own clothes, without looking she easily pick up white business shirt hanging at the bed head, with the fastest speed she quickly put on, feeling quite embarrassed once she discovered what she was wearing.

  This seems to be…. the President’s clothing.

  -_-|||

  After being eaten by that certain person for the entire night, upon waking still dare to wear that person’s clothing, isn’t this clearly asking that certain person: Do you eat me again?

  Durex, why are you so stupid?!

  Mercilessly scolding herself, Durex began to undress, in any case she didn’t want to contributed more to the President arrogancy of being a pervert!

  Unfortunately, it was too late.

  When the button of her shirt was undone half way the bathroom doors suddenly opened, Light Muller appeared in the doorway wearing a bathrobe, his tall figure prevented the sunlight from shinning through the door, his lingering eyes tightly stared at her.

  Durex froze on the spot.

  Seeing her. He didn’t say anything. He just slowly walked in, until he stop in front of her, his tall figure covered her entire body, his burning eyes seemed like it wanted to guzzle her up, the corner of his eyes formed an indistinct smile causing one to unconsciously hold their breath.

  Have a look! It’s exactly the same as written in romance novels, she’s going to get eaten once again! Eating her once might be an accident, however if he was to eat her once more, in this lifetime she wouldn’t be able to escape the President’s clutches!

  Durex Durex, you read too many romance novels, it has all been in vain!

  When Durex was desperately trying to think of a solution, Light Muller suddenly raised his hand, his slender fingers held onto her left hand that failure to continue doing the buttons due to shock.

  One button, two button, three button.

  Hey!

  How come the President didn’t undo her buttons?

  Not only did he not undone them, instead he helped her buttoned the shirt up one button at a time, after a while the entire shirt was done up to the collar, carefully covering up the shallow red marks that remained from last night.

  Facing such development that didn’t go according to the general plot of a romance novel, Durex felt slightly ignorant.

  Could it be because it was dark last night and the President vision wasn’t great, however now that its morning, his vision was bright and suddenly realised he didn’t eat silky white tofu, instead he has eaten a stinky one, so he regret it?

  Once Durex thought of this, she suddenly became very angry.

  Kao! Stinky tofu is still tofu!! In the market, stinky tofu is several times more expensive than white silky tofu! You don’t want to take responsibility? I don’t think so!

  The wind was roaring, the horse is howling, Durex was about to rage and roar!

  Just as she was about to explode, suddenly a voice that sounded more than angrier than her was heard.

  “Why are you here?”

  Durex was surprised, her raging anger was pressed down, once she looked outside she saw a small and exquisite figure, her mouth immediately dropped to an O shape.

  Princess Hao!

  Her apricot round big watery eyes glared at her with anger. Princess Hao was standing in the doorway wearing a pink Chinese cheongsam[1], the rabbit within her hands was almost pinched almost out of shape.

  Behind her, Old Yu stood there with a smile: “Young master, madam, we have come to pick you up.”

  No wonder the Presi
dent help her get dressed, it appears Old Yu have come to get them out of jail. Fair enough he was here to get them, however why did he bring Xiao Zu Zhong as well? Seeing Princess Hao, Durex’s head increased two sizes, she vaguely felt something will happen.

  Sure enough, the rabbit within Princess Hao’s hands was thrown to the ground, she quickly rushed over pointing and shouting at Durex: “How come you’re in my cousin’s room? You….what are you wearing?”

  Durex was frightened, she couldn’t help but to hide behind Light Muller.

  Feeling the woman behind unconsciously showed her dependence in him, Light Muller’s mood was extremely excellent.

  “Princess.” A strong deep voice sounded out stopping Xiao Zu Zhong on her tracks.

  “Cousin….” The little devil instantly changed back into being a little Princess, her big eyes had water droplets lingering, her voice was sweet and tender, completely knowing how to please others and making one cannot but adore her.

  If Durex didn’t have a deep understanding of Xiao Zu Zhong’s nature, she would have thought she was seeing things.

  “Cousin, why is she in your room?” Princess Hao asked in a small voice.

  Light Muller gently smile and replied in a soft tone: “Because she is your sister-in-law”

  Such gentle voice made Durex unstable.

  She had never seen the President pleasantly warm smile before, let alone heard him use such a gentle tone. Just when she thought she has a thorough understanding of his nature, within fraction of a second she felt he was so unfamiliar.

  Her heart suddenly developed an astringent taste.

  “She’s not! You guys obviously was going to have a divorce!” Princess Hao’s momentum was swift and fierce.

  “Who told you we want a divorce?” Light Muller’s tone instantly turned cold.

  Princess Hao pointed to Durex: “It was her!”

  “Not me, I didn’t.” Durex busily waved! She’s finished, if the President knew she made a vicious oath in front of Xiao Zu Zhong stating that if they don’t divorce then their future son will have no ass, she doesn’t know whether he’ll be so angry that he’ll vomit blood.

  “You lie!” Princess Hao shouted, “That day you clearly promised me! You said if you guys don’t divorce….then…” Her mouth was completely covered by Durex’s hands.

  “I was joking, don’t listen to her! Ha ha…. Ha ha ha….” She laughed with much guilt when Xiao Zu Zhong suddenly , mercilessly bite her, “ouch” immediately her hands loosen.

  “Cousin, in front of me she said she would divorce you! I did not lie to you!”

  As Princess Hao said this, she furiously glared at Durex: “You rascal, you even con young children! You don’t deserve to be with my cousin! The big bad wolf, the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf!”

  “…….”

  Durex was speechless.

  “Don’t say anymore.” Light Muller suddenly interrupted Princess Hao’s accusations, his cold tone was extremely terrifying.

  “Cousin.” Princess Hao suddenly tearfully said as if she has been wronged.

  “I…” Durex was about to speak.

  “How can you cry over such small matters?” Light Muller leaned over, using his fingers to pinch the little brat’s face, his tone soften down, “let’s go home with cousin, okay?”

  “That… I actually…” Durex continuously tried to interrupt them.

  “Okay!” The little brat smiled happily, her curved eyes still had tears hanging there.

  Durex: “In fact——”

  “Old Yu, let’s go.” Light Muller gave Old Yu a glance.

  “Yes, young master!”

  Princess Hao pulled Light Muller’s hand, jumping up and down on the way out: “Oh yeah, let’s go home!”

  Durex: “……”

  So, let’s say student Durex who made improper remarks have been completely ignored by the President.

  A romance novel that had s** one after another suddenly turned into a melodramatic soap opera of the cousin taking away the lovers while the female lead swallow the dog blood, one can only say that the stage life is really too broad ah!

  Chapter 30: Beat your little head! Who told you to ignore me!

  An auspicious night, a rich wife sat around the table playing mahjong, even in a small town a husband was scolding his wife calling her a useless Obasan[1], roughly around this time countless of people would be nibbling on melon seeds as they sat in front of the TV. Except for Durex who has been upgraded as the legitimate wife of the President, however she was sitting on the bed with her legs crossed ‘Beating the Petty Person’[2].

  [1] Obasan is a Japanese words meaning aunt or older woman respectively

  [2] ‘Beat the Petty Person’ or ‘Hit The Villain’ is a Chinese Folk Sorcery to curse one’s enemies. One use a shoe or slipper to beat the pulp out of a strip of paper that symbolizes a backstabbing coworker, cheating spouse or gossiping neighbor. Further info

  The props for ‘Beating the Petty Person’ was a bear doll and a pair of slippers was on the bed.

  “Beat your little head! Who told you to ignore me!” Durex hit down once, recall this morning’s incident from the hotel, from that moment on the President ignored her, pretending that he didn’t know who she was like and completely discarding how he treated her last night! Sure enough what Linda said right, rich men are unreliable!

  “Beat your petty hands, who let you embrace your cousin!” Even if the President ignore her, he actually went as far as to carry the wicked Princess Hao, putting on a good cousin show, while his attitude towards her was entirely different. Making the little devil pleased with herself, her tail almost ascended to the sky, staring at Durex as if she’s the third-party in this situation.

  You’re the third-party, your entire family is the third-party!

  Durex’s heart wanted to cry out so she ruthlessly beat the slippers on the bear’s belly: “Bear your petty belly, who told you to eat!”

  Just bringing up this topic made her angry. Last night, she also somehow coordinated with the strenuous exercise, unexpectedly the President didn’t even place any food into her bowl, letting Princess Hao eat most of the vegetables, telling her it’s good nutritional supplements. Causing Durex who sat besides them seeing such a scene to lose her appetite, she didn’t even finish eating and angrily ran upstairs.

  To encounter such an abominable man, this really filled her with gas.

  “Beat your petty feet, who told you not to run after me!” After she furiously threw the chopsticks on the table, she dashed upstairs and close the door loudly, the President still failed to run after her, he was still downstairs laughing and joking with Princess Hao as they ate.

  Heaven, earth ah! Even if the President is using that huli jing to make her angry, why did he have to choose a silly little seven or eight year old Lolita as her opponent? One of the most extravagant thing is she hasn’t even weaned off milk bottles yet, unexpectedly this made her suffered a crushing defeat!

  Grieveness, grieveness ah!

  Thereupon, Durex thought of Da Zhou from the gold counter’s: “Even though it’s a small mound, but at least there is a place for you. Compared to your husband having mistresses, lying inside the luxurious tomb is better than having your body left in the wilderness.”

  Now that she was in this state, being left in the wilderness isn’t far off either.

  The more she thought about it the angrier she got, she couldn’t help but use all her lifetime’s energy to beat, beating until her hand almost cramped up, she only stop when she heard a helpless voice: “You still haven’t hit enough?”

  She beating with too much excitement that she didn’t even realise when Light Muller opened the door and came in, standing behind her. She can only say that once one is psychologically distorted, it is easy for them to enter the realm of self enclosed metamorphosis.

  For a moment, Durex was surprised: “You…when did you come in?”


  “When you were beating my petty hands.”

  “……”

  “Why aren’t you continuing?” Light Muller asked while randomly sitting next to her on the bed.

  Durex obviously felt the side of the bed sink down, her mood unconsciously became nervous.

  Despite her nervousness, her belly full of anger did not diminish, the died duck was stubborn and reluctant to admit her mistakes and insisted: “I didn’t tell you to sit down, will you get out!!”

  Light Muller smiled without a word, he only used a faint smile to stared at her, making one feel nervous.

  “Go out to accompany your cousin!! Don’t pestle here, it is improper for men and women to touch each other!” Durex said as she stretched out her hands to push him, forming her hands into a fist.

  “First of all, this house is mine, if I want to sit here I can. Second of all, I have asked Old Fang to send Princess back. And third of all….” Speaking up to this point, Light Muller didn’t say anymore, he only used his shining eyes to stare at Durex, the strength of his hold deepened, clutching her entire hand into his.

  The ambiguity of this action made Durex recalled the sweet colorful stimulate the picture of last night, she hastily tried to pull her hand back, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t pull them back.

  At this time, her brain’s romantic cells began to move again, if the President to use a little bit of strength, she would definitely have stumbled into his arms, at that time if she wanted to break off, it almost prohibitively would be very difficult.

  The President clearly wanted to eat her tofu a second time, however her anger have not diminished today, how can she let the President take advantage of her?

  So she simply diverted the subject: “You said… you have sent Princess Hao home?”

  “That’s right.” Light Muller nodded, he shifted slightly to the side, while randomly crossing his right leg over the left, still holding onto her hands.

  “Why ah? Xiao Zu Zhong. No! Wasn’t the little Princess supposed to stay here for a period of time?”

  “That’s right, but I didn’t agree to that.”

  At this time, Durex was curious enough to sit up, however her hands was still onto tightly by the President so she froze and asked, “Why?” Didn’t the President really adore this cousin of his? Those particularly tender glazes he used while staring at her, one could tell how much he doted her.