My name is Durex

by Umair Sheikh

  When Durex’s brain was planning the plot of Journey to the West, Vivian Maxwell suddenly hit her.

  What? DLie Si looked up and saw Vivian Maxwell winking at her, mouthing something.

  What? Green…… what ah! She finally remembered her ultimate mission, and quickly observed the number of frogs in front of her.

  Her eyes landed on Xiao Yin, it also happened that he was looking at her, his glaze made her develop goose bumps. Fortunately, Durex have been trained by the President to have the body of King Kong, these small tricks couldn’t surpass her good eyesight!

  Durex focus her attention and began to assess whether Xiao Yin is considered a frog or not.

  Speaking with a conscience, Xiao Yin really couldn’t be considered a frog, if he is considered one than it’s estimated all the swan will come running to eat this frog meat.

  It’s best if she also assess Second Senior Brother as well.

  Durex’s eyes also moved towards the legendary Second Senior Brother, oh heavens! So it turns out this is not ‘Second Senior Brother from《A Chinese Odyssey》, it’s Second Senior Brother from 《Saiyuki》!

  Wearing a pair of gold-rimmed glasses, coupled with a plaid shirt, Durex didn’t know why but she suddenly thought of a phrase—— A refined rascal.

  Only younger sister Chang’e would like this refined rascal type, his pair of bead peering eyes staring at others, the two of them flirting, sending silent and endearing messages with their bewitching eyes, the only difference is they haven’t rushed to tear off each other’s clothing..

  Speaking to this point, it means she can retire from political life after winning tremendous successes, right?

  Thus Durex stood up and said, “I have something to attend so I’ll be off first.”

  “Well, you be careful on the road then.” Vivian Maxwell waved.

  KAO! This lustful girl unexpectedly didn’t even turn around to take a glance at her, what’s the meaning of this?!

  “Wait a minute,” Xiao Yin called out to her.

  “It just so happens that I also have something as well.” He said, also standing up.

  This was exactly what Second Senior Brother and younger sister Chang’e had in mind: “Walk slowly, we won’t be sending you off.” They spoke in unison, both having a mutual understanding of each other.

  The two of them had no obstacle, whatever they wanted to do, they’ll get it done. Durex miserably carried her handbag, quickly walking ahead, while the person behind her leisurely followed, and he always maintain two or three meters distance.

  Finally, Durex was angry, she stopped her footsteps and turned around.

  “Stop following me, will you?”

  “Who’s following you?” Xiao Yin said as he came closer to her with an innocent expression, “It just so happens I need to take the same path as well, can only you can walk on this road, and others can’t?”

  “You!” Durex was so angry that she could not speak, however suddenly she was enlightened and turned towards the female toilet.

  Hehe! Certainly he can’t walk this way as well!

  Unexpectedly, when Durex came out of the toilet, Xiao Yin unexpectedly was wandering in the front of the female toilet door with his thick skin, he didn’t even blink his eyes. This time, Durex felt really hopeless.

  “What the hell do you want?” She asked.

  “Nothing,” Xiao Yin shrugged.

  “If it’s nothing, then why are you following me?”

  “How do you know I’m following you?” Xiao Yin suddenly leaned over and whispered into her ears, “I know, you’ve been secretly paying attention to me, right?”

  “…….” Student Xiao, isn’t your sense of self feeling slightly overbearing?

  Regarding this guy who came from another planet, there’s a language barrier, Durex had chosen to deal with the situation by remaining silent, she wanted to turn around and walk away when she suddenly heard a familiar voice.

  “Durex?”

  Who? Who was calling her name?

  She looked left and right, when she finally saw the face of her ex boyfriend she hasn’t seen in months—— Alex Shane.

  Durex was a slightly embarrassed, because she obviously felt Xiao Yin’s pent-up smile from behind.

  “What a coincidence.” She greeted Alex Shane with a smile.

  Shane Xu enthusiastically asked: “Lei Si, your complexion doesn’t look very well, are you sick?”

  Sick your head! If you dare to call me Lei Si again, I will make you sick instead! Even though she was cursing him in her heart, however she continued to plaster a smile while confronting him: “No, it’s nothing, I didn’t sleep well yesterday.”

  “So it’s like this, that’s right, this is your……” Alex Shane finally noticed Xiao Yin who was behind her.

  “I don’t know him,” Durex quickly replied.

  “Darling, I know I was wrong, don’t be angry with me.” Xiao Yin suppressed a smile as he step forward and stretch his hands out to pull Durex onto his arms.

  Durex glared at him, she wanted to trample him, however she was interrupted by Alex Shane: “Lei Si, turns out you already have a boyfriend ah? What a pity, it seems that I won’t have a second chance then……” He regrettably shook his head.

  What? Durex was angry, although she doesn’t have any sentiment towards Alex Shane any more, however when they were dating she did pour a lot effort into the relationship, she didn’t expect to be given the hot and cold treatment, then mercilessly dumped after three months. Now, this son of a bitch actually put on an attitude as if she’s wronged him? She wanted to pull his hair out ah!

  Durex was so angry, she simply take advantage of being in Xiao Yin’s embrace and used a very disgusted tone to reply him: “Mr. Shane must be joking, someone like you with such great criteria, which beauty wouldn’t want to pursuit you ah! Oh that’s right, do you have an appropriate candidate now? If you, its best if you quickly hold a wedding banquet, how does this girl look like ah? How old is she ah? Her name must sound really nice ey?”

  Alex Shane’s face turned pale as he said: “I…… I have an emergency, I’ll…… leave first.”

  “Don’t go Mr. Shane! You haven’t told me the date of your wedding yet!”

  As she asked, Alex Shane have quickly disappeared in her line of sight.

  “Hump!” To take this revenge it felt really good! Durex suddenly found out she had the potential to be really black belly. Just as she felt proud of herself she suddenly found the atmosphere felt strange, when she turned around she found Xiao Yin was holding his stomach while laughing uncontrollably, his shoulders were shaking like a mother hen hatching eggs.

  “Du…… Durex……. Hahahaha! That’s too funny!”

  “Laugh! What are you laughing about?” Being laughed at made her hate Alex Shane!

  “You……. Are you sure this is your real name? Why aren’t you called Ansell [1]? Hahaha”

  [1] Ansell another condom brand.

  Durex grit her teeth in anger: “Laugh, laugh all you want! Laugh until you die!” After she finished cursing, she turned around to leave.

  “D, don’t leave!” Xiao Yin hurriedly caught up from behind, he stretched out his hands and placed it over her shoulders.

  You’re a condom, your entire family are condoms!

  Durex suddenly wanted to cry, the kind that filled the face with streaks of tears.

  At this time, her cell phone suddenly rang, she took it out and saw the President’s name on the screen.

  Durex remembered that day when they bumped into Xiao Yin on the plane, recalling the President’s iceberg expression she suddenly tense up because if he knew she was currently with Xiao Yin, would he……

  She hurriedly twisted Xiao Yin’s arm, he yelped in pain and let go of her: “I’m only joking, you don’t need to be so ruthless!”

  “You dare to utter a sound, I will kill you!” Durex viciously threaten Xiao Yin with this se
ntence before answering the President’s call.

  “Why did you answer my call so late?” Light Muller asked.

  Durex guiltily replied: “……There were too many people in the mall, I couldn’t hear it.”

  “Have you handed in the resignation letter yet?”

  “En, I have…… handed it in.”

  “Where are you now?”

  “I’m…… in the mall!”

  “By yourself?”

  “Yes, on my own.”

  The phone was silent for a moment: “Would you like me to pick you up?”

  Durex was already sweating all over: “That’s alright, you do what you need to do…… hahaha……”

  “D, your voice sounds very guilty.”

  Durex’s heart beat rapidly.

  “Hubby, I received your phone call so I’m too happy! Hubby, I miss you so much. Hubby~~~”

  Upon hearing the way Durex called him hubby, Light Muller slightly choked: “If you have nothing else, you should return home earlier.” Don’t run around scaring others.

  Durex sweetly replied: “Okay~~~”

  With that she hung up the call.

  Hearing the beeping sound coming from the phone, Durex let out a sigh of relief: Oh my god! That was too dangerous!

  Chapter 55: The President’s….dad?

  “D, it’s really unexpected of you to lie to your husband because of me, I’m really moved……” Xiao Yin suddenly rushed up towards her.

  Durex’s face was suddenly covered with black lines: “Refrain from advancing, we’re not that familiar with each other.” If wasn’t because she feared the President will eat vinegar, she wouldn’t have compiled to lie. But then again, the President getting jealous because of her…… she was filled with happiness.

  o(≧v≦)o~

  “Darling, saying that really hurts my self-esteem,” Xiao Yin said with a hurtful expression as he clutched his chest.

  Seeing him so, Durex unconsciously remembered the sworn fellow Xia Kun, who spoke without restrain: “Your self-esteem is wrapped in the skin of your invulnerability, even an atomic bomb can never hurt it.”

  “D, your tongue is really poisonous, how does your husband tolerate you?”

  Poisonous tongue? Durex was stunned, seemingly in front of the President she’s always been using a poisonous tongue as well. Sure enough, when going into battle, one has to observe their opponent, encountering such a powerful boss such as Lord President, she can only strike within seconds.

  As she was thinking, Xiao Yin suddenly came over, groping around her waist.

  Durex’s entire body turned cold, she reached out to pull away from him, however her strength couldn’t compare to his, after pulling for half the day he still remained motionless. Really couldn’t tell by looking at his squeaky clean appearance that his strength was that strong! It seems she could only use a unique skill then!

  She raised her foot and aimed at Xiao Yin’s foot, attempting to step down on them.

  “What are you doing?”A voice bolted from the blue, shocking Durex and caused her to fall. Fortunately, Xiao Yin who was besides her, helped her in a timely manner. Or else a tragedy would have occurred, she was wearing a skirt you know!

  But then a problem occurred, even though she didn’t fall face flat, she however fell into Xiao Yin’s arms. In the eyes of others, this was only a standard gesture ah! Coupled by Xiao Yin’s satisfied expression, it was simply—— an offence against decency!

  Sure enough, the man on the side made a deliberate cough.

  Durex hurriedly pulled away from Xiao Yin, wanting to see who is this man who gave her such a fright that she almost fell down, standing in front of them was an unfamiliar uncle wearing a suit. The uncle appeared to be in his 50’s, with a sombre appearance.

  Just when she wanted to ask, she heard Xiao Yin reluctantly called out, “Dad.”

  Dad? Durex was suddenly stunned, this uncle is Xiao Yin’s dad? No, that’s not right! Xiao Yin’s dad is also the President’s dad, right? Then…… wouldn’t he be her father-in-law!?!

  Thinking to this point, Durex was petrified.

  “Don’t call me dad, I don’t have such a son as you!” Xiao Li Shi scolded. “You’re twenty years old, yet all day long you just idle around, ignoring your proper occupation duties, spend your day picking up babes, I don’t know how I gave birth to such a son like you!”

  Xiao Li Shi’s round of scolding quickly pulled Durex’s petrified soul back to her body, it seems their father and son relationship isn’t very good. When she looked at Xiao Yin again, he had a calm and steady expression, without the slightest hint of rebutting.

  “I’m busy as it is, I request you not to caused trouble for me if there’s nothing! I’m a father that doesn’t require you become outstanding, as long as you’re one tenth of your brother, I will feel very at ease!”

  “Don’t compare me to that person!” Xiao Yin suddenly snapped.

  “How dare you talk back to me?” Xiao Li Shi was clearly exasperated. “So what if I compare you with Light Muller? You can’t compare to your older brother, both of you are my sons, yet Light Muller have more future prospects than you! Besides your moral integrity of using my money to idle away your time in pleasure-seeking, what else do you know?”

  “Yes! Yes! Nothing of me can compare to your Ah Jun!”

  “What’s with your attitude? Every time I bring up your older brother, you’ll headbutt with me! Are you really my son?”

  “I’m not, okay?”

  “Impudent!” Xiao Li Shi was so angry that he couldn’t catch his breath. “If you continue to go on like this, what’s the difference between you and those street punks? You, you’re simply a scumbag, even worse than a dog!”

  “How can you say such things about your son?” Durex finally couldn’t listen further, which dad would compare their sons to a dog?

  “Who are you?” Xiao Li Shi finally took notice of the woman beside his son.

  “Me…… you don’t need to know who I am! It’s wrong for you to speak of your son this way!”

  “Hmph!” Xiao Li Shi sneered, “how I teach my son is my business, also it doesn’t take you an outsider to teach me. But you’re also a girl, affectionately hugging a man in a public place, I really don’t know how your parents educate you.”

  Xiao Li Shi’s spearhead suddenly pointed towards Durex, it actually cooled down her anger instead: “This point you can be rest assured, my parents educated me very well, at least I know what is respect, I wouldn’t compare my loved ones to dogs!”

  “What a sharp-tongue girl you are!” Xiao Li Shi returned his focus back on Xiao Yin and sneered, “I finally know what is ‘one who stays near vermilion gets stained red, and one who stays near ink gets stained black’, you often associate with uneducated person like her, no wonder you learn how to talk back!”

  You’re the one who’s uneducated, you and your entire family are uneducated! Durex really want to scold this sentence out, however she gave it a thought, seemingly this uncle entire family also includes the President and herself so she quickly swallowed the words in her mouth.

  “Yes! I’m uneducated, I had no father to teach me, and no mother to raise me!”

  PA——

  Xiao Yin’s face was left with a number of red marks, while Xiao Li Shi stood there with his shoulder trembling due to anger.

  From quarrelling to receiving Xiao Li Shi’s slap, it had attracted many onlookers. At this time the crowd have begun to whisper to one another.

  It was the first time Durex encountered this kind of thing, she suddenly felt overwhelmed and at lost. Because of her impulsiveness, it was probably impossible to mediate the conflicts she had with Xiao Li Shi. Can she really just sit and watch her own father-in-law and his brother-in-law quarrel and not do anything? Seemingly their relationship appears extremely complex……

  Durex was in a dilemma, facing such predicament, finally she decided: Out of
thirty-six stratagems, the best is to retreat at once!

  Then, taking advantage that Xiao Yin haven’t reacted, she took a hold of his hand and escaped through the crowd.

  This time, she had a surge of adrenaline, her strength greatly increased, unexpectedly she dragged the strong Xiao Yin and swiftly ran out of the shopping centre, directly running onto a public bus.

  After paying for their tickets, they found a place to sit down, suddenly her legs felt numb and her forehead was sweating.

  That was too scary! She didn’t expect to the President’s dad to be unreasonable and conservative, ruthlessly scold others and even more ruthless when hitting others! Just judging by the sound of that slap, it can absolutely make one dizzy! Oh, that’s right, Xiao Yin!

  She remembered that she was dragging that man, she quickly looked up and enquired Xiao Yin about his injuries: “Are you okay?”

  Xiao Yin replied with a poker-face: “It’s nothing.”

  Still so stubborn to admit it, yet half of his face was swollen! Durex decided to be a good person until the end, she look out the water bottle and towel from her handbag, wanting help him apply it.

  “I don’t need you to pity me!” Xiao Yin suddenly threw off her hands.

  KAO! Because of him, she even offended her father-in-law, he is so not grateful towards her, even dare to shout at her? Sister, I today definitely pity you, alright!

  Without any other explanation, Durex took the towel and cleaned the corner of his mouth.

  “Ah!” Xiao Yin yelped in pain, furiously glared at her, “what are you doing? I told you not to touch me!”

  “Do you think I like touching you? I pity you so I’m suffering justice myself, okay?” Fortunately, there were a few people on the bus, or else others will think she’s bullying a respectable man!

  “I said, I don’t need your pity!”

  “I will pity, I will pity, I will pity you!”

  “You!” Pitiful student Xiao Yin was so mad that he wanted to vomit blood, turning his head to the side he refused to speak.