by Jade Winters
‘Yeah couldn’t be better.’
They both started to talk at the same time.
‘Sorry, you go first,’ Carissa said with a tight smile.
Teal knew she wouldn’t be able to relax with Carissa beside her in bed that night. She needed to be alone while she tried to figure out her next move. Knowing how intuitive Carissa was about her mood, she would no doubt ask her what was bothering her and Teal, being unable to lie, would have to tell her about Channing. That she could be planning something. Until Teal knew what Channing’s motives were for being there, the last thing she wanted to do was scare Carissa unnecessarily.
‘I was just going to say, I’m going to have an early night by myself tonight,’ Teal said.
Was that disappointment she saw in Carissa’s eyes? she wondered.
‘No worries. I’ve already set up your makeshift bedroom in the living room,’ Carissa said.
‘Oh, okay. Good,’ Teal said. Though she was pleased she didn’t have to explain herself about her decision to sleep alone, she still felt slightly put out that Carissa was one step ahead of her.
‘If there’s anything else—’
‘No. It’s all good.’
‘In that case, I’ve got some things to be getting on with,’ Carissa said. ‘I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.’
Carissa walked in the direction of the stairs and Teal stared after her. What the hell is going on? No kiss or cuddle. Was she cooling to the idea of their arrangement already? Surely not. Carissa had been fine with the way things were the previous night. What could have possibly happened in the space of a few hours? As tempting as it was to go after Carissa and find out what was wrong, Teal remembered their rules: no questions.
Teal pushed aside the discomfort and headed to her own room. She shut the door behind her and took out her pad and pencil to distract herself. She flopped down on her bed and using the emotion building up inside her, Teal started to draw. She drew without thinking or planning. When she was finished, Teal stared down at the completed piece that was supposed to be an abstract drawing. But while the picture had an imperfect facial structure, what it really was, was a drawing of Carissa.
The woman she couldn’t get out of her head, or her heart.
Chapter Nineteen
Carissa didn’t know which one woke her up. The intrusive harsh light from the security bulb situated outside the window, or the hushed voices that weren’t as quiet as they thought they were. Yawning, she slid out of bed and padded towards the window. It was probably people spilling out from the pub. Opening the blind slightly, she glanced through the wooden slats. The front garden was flooded with a pool of light and there was a woman wearing a baseball cap at the end of the path. She was talking animatedly to someone who was hidden behind the bush near the gate. Thinking someone had probably been desperate for a pee in the garden, Carissa was just about to withdraw and go back to bed when the woman’s companion came into view. Teal?
Mouth slightly open, Carissa was intrigued to know who the woman was. Her arms flailing about the place gave Carissa the impression the conversation between her and Teal was a heated one. Teal doesn’t know anyone from these parts. But then Carissa suddenly remembered Teal’s strange behaviour when she returned from the pub. Was that when Teal had met the woman? Tears pricked her eyes. Has she tired of me already?
The woman reached out to touch Teal’s face and Teal automatically batted her hand away. The woman tried again and Teal repeated the same action. Were they having a lover’s tiff?
Suddenly, Teal wagged her finger in front of the woman’s face and to Carissa’s surprise the woman smiled as if she was enjoying baiting Teal. Next thing, Teal pushed past the woman and hurried up the path. She heard the front door close gently, then Teal’s footsteps until they receded behind her bedroom door. Guessing that Teal wasn’t going back outside, Carissa slowly closed the blind and returned to bed. Her mind scrambled, as she tried to figure out what she had just witnessed. For some reason the woman had angered Teal. It was a side that Carissa hadn’t seen before. Not that she thought Teal was an angel who was never pissed off, but there was something extreme in the way in which the woman seemed to rile her.
Carissa strained her ear when she heard the faint sound of a mobile phone ringing in the room down below. Then there was silence. Then the phone rang again for a few seconds. It rang intermittently for a few minutes until there was only silence. Carissa could only put it down to the woman from outside calling Teal. Deciding sleep was going to be impossible, she switched on the lamp and found one of her design books. It was better to focus her mind on something positive, she reasoned. The only other option was to storm into Teal’s room, ask her what was going on and who the hell that woman was. That she couldn’t do.
All because of a bunch of stupid rules.
***
Despite not getting much sleep the previous night, Carissa awoke at seven o’clock. She felt sluggish as she rolled out of bed. This was one day she wasn’t looking forward to. What with Lara, and then Teal’s late night encounter outside, she wished she could just stay in bed for the day. Not even the prospect of starting on the bedrooms upstairs lightened her mood.
Carissa needed to get to the B&B where Lara was staying and sort things out with her.
Putting on her dressing gown and slippers, Carissa shuffled into the kitchen. The smell of fried bacon and coffee made her stomach queasy. Her mouth felt like sand and she was in urgent need of water. Carissa grunted something unintelligible as she crossed the floor to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. She poured herself a glass and took four large gulps.
‘Morning,’ Teal said but didn’t bother to look up from the newspaper she was reading.
The atmosphere was tinged with tension and Carissa could only put it down to the confrontation between Teal and the mystery woman she had spotted in the early hours of the morning.
‘Everything all right?’ Carissa slipped onto a seat opposite Teal. She hoped the open question would encourage Teal to explain what had gone on. Not only the woman but her elusive attitude.
‘Yep. You?’ Teal asked, pointing her knife enquiringly at Carissa’s glass. It was not her choice of words that startled her, but the tone.
For a brief second Carissaremained silent before saying.‘Just thirsty.’ She set the glass down on the table. ‘Must be all the dust.’
Teal gave a small nod and turned her attention back to her paper.
Carissa sat back in her seat not sure what to say. Their once easy companionship was no more. It seemed an invisible shield had been erected between them. It wasn’t that Teal was being rude per se but she wasn’t exactly being friendly. Teal was keeping her at arm’s length. Like a stranger. An employee.
Carissa waited a few more minutes to see if Teal would speak again and when she didn’t, Carissa quietly returned to her room where she showered and dressed. It was eight o’clock by the time Carissa left the house and made her way to the Bed and Breakfast where Lara was staying.
‘I didn’t think you’d come,’ Lara said as she entered the communal living room where the owner of the B&B had asked Carissa to wait.
They stared at each other for a moment and Carissa thought how strange it was to be in this position. The one where she held the ball in her court. Throughout their entire relationship, it had always been Lara who had held the power, who’s decision always tipped the scales. Inside she rejoiced at this shift of balance. ‘We need to sort things out.’
‘I know. That’s why I came back.’
‘Do you really think we can just pick up from where we … where you just walked out?’
‘That’s your problem, Cass, letting go of things from the past.’
Carissa mulled over her words. Did Lara really think it was that simple? To banish her deeds from the past in one puff. If that was the case, millions of people wouldn’t be sat on therapists’ sofas. They would be out there getting on with their lives instead of being caught in a perpetual
cycle, all because some selfish, self-serving person decided to fuck them over. And then to put their shitty behaviour on them by telling them they must get over the past. If it wasn’t so insulting, it would have been funny.
‘How can you say that? You hurt me. You—’
‘Yes, I get you were hurt. But it’s over with now. It’s not going to happen again.’
‘And you think I believe that?’
‘I give you my word.’
Carissa snorted. How can she bear to look me in the eye and say that? Her word? Like that means anything. ‘You really think that counts for something?’
‘So what do you suggest? If I leave, Cass, there’s no turning back. I’m gone for good.’
‘I understand.’
Lara folded her arms across her chest and gave her a long searching look. ‘Do you?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m going to get ready. Have a think about it. When I come back down, I’ll accept whatever decision you make. Okay?’
Carissa relented as she sank into one of the floral armchairs when Lara left the room. Now alone, she grew apprehensive. If, in her heart of hearts, Carissa had really wanted Lara to leave her alone, she had to wonder what she was even doing at her B&B in the first place. Wouldn’t she have just closed the door in Lara’s face as soon as she had seen her? Or was she subconsciously hedging her bets, so that when things came to an end with Teal she would have someone, even if it was Lara, waiting in the wings for her. Even as the thought occurred to her she realised how sad that made her. Hadn’t she learnt anything about herself since Lara had walked out? What was it going to take to make her realise that she had to work on her own insecurities, her own list of issues, before she put herself in such a vulnerable position again.
Carissa had managed to dig herself out of the hole she had found herself in, but that was only because she had met Teal. Jumping from one relationship to the next was not how she wanted to spend the rest of her life.
Yet, despite all of this inner dialogue running around her mind at a dizzying speed, she couldn’t help but think how different things could be now with Lara. After all, Carissa’s personal circumstances had changed. She had a job now. And I met Teal. It was a bittersweet thought. Carissa might have met her but she could never have her—not in the way she wanted. Her mind flashed to their love-making. She tried to drown out the sultry noises Teal made. Tried to stop the sound from spreading to all parts of her body with a warm glow.
Teal was not the answer to her situation with Lara. That decision had to be made independently of anything else. Carissa rubbed her hands over her face, more frustrated than ever. She couldn’t trust her emotions at that time.
Lara was right in one sense, if she made the wrong decision there would be no turning back.
With this in mind, Carissa left the B&B and rushed back to Teal’s house. She was just going to be straight with her. To tell her how she felt. If Teal didn’t feel the same that was fine. At least she had given it a shot. Entering the house, adrenaline pumped through her veins. An argument formulated in her mind for why they should break their rules. Starting with the fact that …. Carissa stopped in her tracks as she pushed open the door to Teal’s makeshift bedroom. Standing there was the woman from the previous night.
Chapter Twenty
Teal’s muscles tensed even harder when the door flew open and Carissa appeared. Her eyes registered an array of emotions. Shock, horror, dismay, sadness and finally disbelief.
As Carissa started to pull the door shut, Teal found her voice. ‘Carissa, wait.’
‘No, it’s okay. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have barged in like that.’
‘It’s fine.’ Teal side-stepped Channing and moved towards Carissa, wondering how the hell she was going to explain Channing’s sudden appearance. She could have kicked herself for not being honest the night before. It would have made things a whole lot easier. Now, it looked like she was being underhanded.
Carissa was already backing away. ‘I was just wondering where Nicole was.’
Channing turned around abruptly and her expression hardened the second her eyes landed on Carissa. Standing there, Teal was at a loss what to do.
‘I won’t be a minute,’ Teal said to Channing as she took hold of Carissa’s elbow and ushered her out the door and down the hallway.
Carissa shrugged Teal’s hand off. ‘You could have given me some kind of warning, Teal. Letting me find out like this is pretty heartless.’
Teal spoke in a hushed voice. ‘Find out what? This is not what it looks like.’
‘I think it’s pretty obvious what it looks like and it’s no problem. I have no issue with it. Remember. We’re free agents. We do as we please.’
‘Carissa—’
‘So have you got the same arrangement with her?’
Teal ran her fingers through her hair. ‘What? No, of course I haven’t. She just turned up out of the blue—’
Carissa’s eyes narrowed. ‘I saw you two last night.’
Shit! If Carissa had seen them why hadn’t she said anything that morning in the kitchen? That would have made things so much easier to explain. ‘Look, we were arguing, she won’t leave me alone. You left the door unlocked and she just walk—’
‘Why are you explaining yourself?’ Tears brimmed in Carissa’s eyes. ‘We fucked. Nothing more, nothing less.’
Teal’s hand flew to her face as if she’d been struck. ‘Are you saying that’s all it was for you?’
Carissa’s words came out strangled. ‘That’s exactly what I’m saying.’
‘Please don’t—’
‘Keepsie.’ Carissa’s face was pale and rigid.
‘What?’ Teal gave an amused laugh. ‘You can’t be serious—’
Carissa held up her hand to silence her. ‘We had an agreement, remember?’
How could she forget. It was her stupid idea in the first place. Teal stared at Carissa, waiting for her to say she was only kidding but nothing more came from her lips. ‘We should at least talk about it.’
‘There’s nothing to say. Whatever you’ve got going on,’ she jerked her head towards the room where Channing was, ‘is your business. I just want to finish up with this place and get back to my own life.’
‘Fair enough,’ Teal said, sagging against the wall. She was at a loss what to do. How to get through to Carissa when she’d moved so far away emotionally.
‘I’ll be out of here as soon as—’
‘Carissa,’ Teal’s voice was shaky. ‘You’ve got this—’
‘I think it’s best we just stick to things that concern this house.’ Carissa folded her arms across her chest. ‘You still haven’t said if you’ve seen Nicole today?’
‘No, I haven’t,’ Teal said, the fight gone from her body. She didn’t care about the house, Nicole or anyone else for that matter. Her world had just come crashing down for the second time in six months and she just wanted a black hole to swallow her up. Maybe if she would have followed her own rules she wouldn’t be in this mess.
‘She said she was coming first thing this morning,’ Carissa said.
Until that moment, it hadn’t even occurred to Teal that Nicole hadn’t shown up yet and neither had any of her crew. She had been otherwise engaged. Mainly with trying to get Channing to seek medical help. Less than an hour ago she had come downstairs to find Channing in her bedroom with a razor blade. She had threatened to kill herself unless Teal reconsidered their ‘relationship’. Teal was under no illusion Channing would carry out the threat just to spite her. She was just in the middle of trying to talk sense into her when Carissa had walked in.
‘Don’t worry. You carry on with whatever you’ve got to do. I’ll give her a call,’ Teal said.
The doorbell rang and Teal felt relieved something would be going to plan today.
‘That’ll be her,’ Teal said, resuming a normal tone. If that was the way that Carissa wanted to play it, who was she to tell her any different. ‘I need to have a quick w
ord with her.’
They both walked toward the door with Teal slightly ahead. She pulled back the handle and came face-to-face with a woman she didn’t know. Teal cocked her head slightly, as she tried to place the woman’s face. She had seen her before, but where? Then it hit her—yesterday at the pub. It was the dark-haired woman Channing had all but accused her of wanting to sleep with. Was she here to see Channing? Before she uttered a word, the woman looked past her and spoke directly to Carissa.
‘I thought you were going to wait for me?’
Teal turned to look at Carissa then back to the woman, and said in confusion. ‘Do you two know each other?’
‘I’m sure you must have heard of me.’ The woman all but purred. ‘I’m Lara.’
Lara! So that’s why she ended it. It was nothing to do with Channing being here. That was just a convenient excuse. Teal couldn’t believe Carissa could pull something like this. Had Carissa been playing them both all this time? She didn’t think so. Carissa just didn’t seem the sort. But what was she to think when her ex’s sudden appearance coincided with Carissa essentially calling a day on their relationship.
Lara was still staring at her waiting for a response. Automatically Teal held out her hand. ‘Sorry, it was just that I was expecting my builder. And yes, Carissa has told me all about you.’
Teal hoped her tone didn’t reveal that it was all negative.
‘Good,’ Lara said with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. ‘Because I haven’t heard anything about you.’
‘I’m sure that’s because there’s nothing to tell.’
‘Well now I’m here, I’ll be the judge of that.’
Jesus. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse.
Seeing the determined expression on Lara’s face, Teal moved aside to let Lara pass by before she barged her way in.
Chapter Twenty-One
‘What the hell are you doing here?’ Carissa whispered through clenched teeth as Lara made a big show of pulling her in for a hug.