by Fiona Starr
Lou’s face relaxes in obvious relief. “Oh, thank you, Cass. You’re a godsend.”
I give her a tiny curtsey. “I aim to please.”
I park my truck in the back of the fairgrounds lot. There’s so much activity with all the rodeo and stock show folks setting up, it isn’t worth the hassle trying to park near the doors. Inside, the arena is empty. It looks like they’ve got it all set for barrel racing, which I’ve always enjoyed watching.
I used to come with Hank to the indoor arena before the crowds gathered. He’d make sure his stuff was where it needed to be and roam around saying hi to all his friends. The media usually did interviews on the grounds before the doors were open to the public. It has a magical feel—being inside the huge event center before the big day.
The administrative office for the fairgrounds is located upstairs in the loft area of the huge facility. I cross the arena and climb the stairs, looking around at all the decorations and signage that my crew and I at the town hall were in charge of. I snap a couple of pictures over the area and smile. I love my job.
“Sure looks nice,” Millie says as I stop on the landing and take some more pictures. “You and your team did a good job, as usual. The marketing looks great, and everyone seems to know where they need to be.”
“Thanks, Millie. We have fun doing it.” I hand her the large folder full of event permits. “Lou said you wanted these.”
“Oh, yes I do. Thank you for bringing them by.”
I turn to leave and she stops me. “Cass, I heard about Hank. How’s he doing?”
I try not to look taken aback by her question but she catches me off guard. I try to find an answer that won’t require any kind of explanation or details. I don’t talk much about Hank and me, and as a result, there are still many people who think we’re still in touch.
“I hear he’s doing all right. I haven’t seen him. Good to see you Millie.” I smile and hurry down the steps. I need to be away from any questions about Hank. I don’t want to discuss him, think about him, remember him, or otherwise find him occupying even a single cell in my mind.
My meeting with the mayor is on the far side of the fairgrounds, through the opposite entrance from where I arrived. So instead of crossing the arena, I turn at the bottom of the stairs and head through the long hall to the stables which lead to the fields and the music stage.
When I turn the corner, I find myself standing in the center of the lane staring right at Hank.
He doesn’t see me, but as I watch, I see the media all around him. He’s in a wheelchair, and one of his brothers—Ian, I think—stands behind him. The two of them look so alike it’s hard to separate them from this distance, but since there’s only one of them on his feet, it’s easy this time.
Something’s ‘off’ about the whole scene. I mean, something besides the fact that Hank is in a wheelchair. I watch as he smiles up at his brother, and they both look at the media woman who is conducting an interview. There are several more people with microphones and cameras with lights, all of them gathering footage for some later use. After a moment, Ian points to one of the stalls and they all migrate away to whatever he was discussing. Then the ‘off’ thing hits me: They aren’t here to talk to Hank.
One by one the media people peel off, eager to catch whatever Ian’s talking about, leaving Hank by himself. I watch him and the way he looks away and then around him to see if anyone else is there. I see him try to move the wheelchair, but he’s only got one hand to use and he manages to turn the chair in a circle. He’s clearly frustrated by his inability to use the chair and if I know him, he’s also a little embarrassed.
I can’t help myself. I walk over to him. He’s busy fighting with the wheelchair, inching himself around in a circle. I wait. In a moment he’ll come around again to face me. When he does, his eyes go wide and he looks away, his cheeks burning red.
“Cass! Wow. Hey. I didn’t know you were here.” His voice washes over me like the most familiar blanket in the world. I want to wrap his words around me and let them seep through my skin. His blue eyes sparkle up at me as he smiles.
No. Cassandra Jeanne Wyatt you will not succumb to his charming smile and his beautiful eyes, I chide myself. I won’t let myself falter. I step around to the back of the chair and grab the handles. “I saw you got left behind. Figured you needed a push.” I don’t let anything in my voice sound soft or the least bit friendly. He’s not mine any longer. He left me behind.
“That’s uh… nice of you, thanks.” He reaches over his bad shoulder to touch my hand.
I pull away, slowly so he’s left tapping the air. “Hey, it’s nothing. Just helping out an old friend.”
Chapter Four
HANK
An old friend.
She says it like I’m someone that she used to know. The thought settles in my chest and hangs there like a pointy ball of heat, stabbing me from the inside. I blew it. I guess it’s good that she’s behind me pushing my wheelchair because I can’t look at her, even if I had the courage to.
I know I did her wrong when I left town and never looked back. When I left it was like a twister picked me up and swept me away. I know it’s no excuse, but I got caught up in the fame and all the fanfare. I see it now.
“Where can I bring you?” Cass asks as we roll through the barn stalls and into the paved lot.
I point back behind us. “Ian’s trailer is actually on the other side.”
“All right.” She pulls to a stop and turns us around. “I actually have to head that way too.”
She wheels me through the barn and then through the hallway that leads to the arena. When we turn the corner, she has to adjust so she can push my chair over a rib in the floor where the wood plank gives way to hard-packed dirt. She comes around the front of me, her eyes focused on the chair.
I swallow hard, trying to find a way to break through. “Cass, I…”
She looks up at me like I am a stranger and cuts me off. “Yes?”
“It’s nice to see you,” I say, and my voice drops down to a whisper as I realize she isn’t looking to talk.
“Mmm hmm.” She gets to her feet and steps back behind the chair.
I grab her wrist and pull her back so she’s standing in front of me again. “Talk to me, baby. I know I owe you an apology. Will you hear me out?”
She jams her hands onto her hips and towers over me, her eyes like fire. “Don’t you call me baby, Henry Blaze. I have a hard time believing this is news to you, but… you left. I gave you my heart and you promised me the world. Then you disappeared. You went off traipsing around with your fancy clothing line and your silver buckle brand and all the girls throwing themselves at you wherever you went.”
“Cass, I…let me explain.”
“Explain? Explain what? That you became a big shot and forgot about me? What could you say that would make it ok? How could you possibly explain that?”
I can see her fighting the tears, but she just glares at me, and I realize just how much I’ve hurt her. How much I’ve missed her.
“I know. And I am sorry. I got caught up. I lost my head. But now that I’m back… Being here, watching how fast the shine wore off me… I realize that all that stuff… it wasn’t even real.”
She arches her brows like she’s had a revelation. “Oh, I see. Now that you’re stuck here and all your people have moved on, and the media isn’t clamoring for you, and all the buckle bunnies have forgotten you exist, you think you can just pick back up where you left off? With me?” She shakes her head. “You don’t deserve a moment of my time, Hank.”
“I know it—”
“Then we’re in agreement,” she says.
She shoves my chair forward and wheels me around the hard path that runs along the outside of the arena. When we get outside through the front door of the facility, she makes a bee-line for Ian and Jamie who are standing at the trailer talking to one of the trainers.
“You boys lose something?” she says.
&
nbsp; “Hey Cass, good to see you,” Ian tips his hat. “I was wondering where we left him.”
Cass lets go of the handles on my chair and keeps on walking without missing a step. “Ian, Jamie…” She nods at my brothers. “Good to see you both. Good luck riding this weekend,” she calls over her shoulder without turning back.
I watch her go, unsure what to do. What can I do? The pointy ball in my chest feels like it wants to pierce my heart. I can’t catch my breath.
Jamie taps me on the shoulder and shoves my chair toward his pickup. “All right, you’re coming with me. I’m taking you to your doc appointment.”
I shake my head, trying to focus. “I thought dad was taking me?”
“Change of plans. One of the horses threw a shoe and he’s caught up with the farrier. Dad’s going to meet us there.”
Ian helps me into the truck and folds my chair up into the back. I turn and catch a last glimpse of Cass heading for the music stage and wonder how I ever let her slip away.
“You’re a fool, Hank,” I mumble to myself.
Ian slips into the driver’s seat and smiles. “Sounds like you’re finally seeing the light, brother.”
Chapter Five
CASS
Lou sits across from me at the diner, adding sugar to her coffee. “So that’s it? You told him off and walked away?”
I shrug, feeling righteous and indignant and powerful. “What else was I supposed to do? Crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck and tell him how much I missed him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. After what you two had? People wait their whole lives for love like that. You said he apologized, Cass. Doesn’t that count for something?”
Cindy’s words today about all the other girls at the various rodeos rings through my head. I have no idea what Hank did while he was away. All I know is he didn’t contact me, not one time.
“You surprise me, Lou. He walked away and only now that he’s stuck here recovering does he remember how good we had it. I deserve someone who’s going to treat me like a priority all the time, not just when he’s around me.” I nod once and take a sip of my sweet tea, feeling like I am one hell of a strong woman.
Lou’s shoulders drop. “I hope you’ve got him all wrong. I hope he surprises you.”
Deep down inside, I know I want that too. “I don’t know. There’s a small part of me that misses him something fierce, but the rest of me feels like all that’s gone now.”
“Yeah but… it’s Hank we’re talking about—your Hank.”
“He stopped being mine a long time ago.” I realize the truth of those words as they fall from my lips, and just like that I know what I need to do.
I arrive at Hank’s parents’ house and have to stop my truck at the curb, waiting to pull in the driveway. A bunch of news vans and reporters clog the road as they leave. When the last of them is gone, I pull in and go to the door.
Hank’s mom meets me, her purse in her hand.
“Hi, Mrs. Blaze. Is Hank home?” I haven’t been here since before Hank left. Back then, I used to just walk inside like I was part of the family. The distance between Mrs. Blaze and me feels awkward.
“Cass, how nice of you to stop by.” Mrs. Blaze smiles warmly, but there’s something in her voice that gives me pause. She sounds sad as she opens the door for me. “Come on in. Mr. Blaze and I are heading into town. Hank’s out in the barn. You know the way.”
“Thanks.” I walk through the living room, into the large farmhouse kitchen and out through the back door. Hummingbirds crowd a bright red feeder hanging from the eave. The barn sits on the far side of the yard, a thick green lawn all around it. A couple of horses knicker at the fence as I pass.
I step into the barn and spot Hank. His chair is parked on the far side, just outside the big doors. He’s staring off into the distance looking serious and lost in thought. One of the family dogs gets up and pads over to me, tail wagging.
“Hey,” I say as I scratch the dog’s ears.
Hank sits up straighter in his chair. “Hey, Cass.” He looks tired and like he needs a shave.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, sitting on the bench beside him. “Is the pain very bad?”
“Only when I move.” He smiles and then he shakes his head, looking sheepish. “Nah, it’s not that bad. They gave me all kinds of prescriptions but I’ve been managing on the over-the-counter stuff.”
“That’s good,” I say, wishing things were very different. It’s easy to be angry at him when he isn’t sitting right in front of me, I realize. I need to be stronger. I slip my hand in my pocket and fish my finger around until I find his grandmother’s ring. I came here to give it back to him—no sense in me holding onto it, and I can’t get rid of it knowing it’s a family heirloom.
But he seems so defeated and low. Worse than when I saw him yesterday at the arena. It doesn’t seem right to kick him when he’s down. I pull my hand out of my jeans, leaving the ring inside.
“I guess you heard the news,” he says. “You didn’t have to come all this way just to see me, but I sure am glad you did.”
“The news? No. I saw the reporters leaving when I arrived. What’s going on? Are you thinking you’ll be able to get back on the road sooner than expected?” I try to sound like it doesn’t matter at all to me, but inside I feel like screaming at him.
He looks up at me and his face is so sad. “It’s over. The surgeon told us last night. He said that they maybe could get me back if it was just my shoulder, but with the knee like it is… that’s the end of it. I’m done riding.”
“Oh, Hank. I am so sorry,” I say, and I mean it. As angry as I am with him, I know how much riding means to him. I reach over and touch his hand.
He nods absently and wraps his fingers around mine. “I never really gave much thought to what I would do after riding. I mean, I thought I would have a longer run at it. That I’d have some time to make a plan, you know?”
“It must be quite a shock.” I slip my hand away from his and sit back.
He turns to me. “If you hadn’t heard the news, why did you stop by?” He looks hopeful and it crushes me, but I can’t continue like this. I need to put all of this to rest.
“I came by to give you this.” I reach into my pocket and pull out the pearl ring he gave me fourteen months, two weeks and two days ago. I place it on the arm of his chair. “I can’t keep it, Hank. And honestly, I don’t think you want me to have it anymore.”
He stares at it for a moment, and when he looks up at me, he’s got tears in his eyes. “Cass, please.” He’s so pitiful that I want to cry too.
I get to my feet. “I’m sorry to do this today. I didn’t intend to pile this on top of everything else, but I just can’t go on like this. It was easier when you were on the road and I didn’t have to see you all the time, but now that you’re back, it’s just… I have to face the facts. Be practical. It’s been a year, Hank.”
He picks up the ring and shakes his head. “It’s been fourteen months, two weeks, and two days. And I know, because I’ve been counting.”
I stare at him and drop back onto the bench, genuinely surprised. “How can you say that to me?”
He tries to shrug but winces instead. “It’s true, Cass. I know I treated you wrong. I have nothing to say except I am so very sorry. Truly. I let all the attention get to my head. I can’t say I am sorry enough times to take that back. I understand how you feel. I don’t deserve another chance, and that’s on me.”
My anger comes back as the memories unfurl. “I waited for you. I was fool enough to believe your promise and I waited for you. And while I was waiting, I watched you on the news and online. You think I didn’t see all those girls hanging all over you at every event? How do you think that made me feel? Fourteen months, Hank. You think I’m stupid?”
His face grows serious and he reaches for me with his good hand. “Wait. Cass. Hold it right there. Those girls, they are just part of the whole show. I swear on my life that I never on
ce laid a hand on any girl except for the pictures.”
“Right,” I say, crossing my arms.
“It’s true. Did you know they have that in my sponsor contracts? That I need to hang out for interviews and mingle and take pictures with all the girls? You can ask Cody. You know how he is with the ladies. He’s got one at every stop. He makes fun of me for not taking any of the girls to my room, not once in all this time. He calls me ‘Lefty’ on account of he caught me once…” he trails off as soon as he realizes what he’s saying.
“Really?” My mouth falls open and I gape at him as his face turns all shades of red. “Wait… that’s why he calls you ‘Lefty’?”
Hank inspects his one boot like it’s the most interesting thing in the barn. “Yeah,” he whispers and closes his eyes. “I never cheated, Cass. I never have. I never would.” When he looks up at me, I know he’s telling the truth.
I am so surprised I just sit there and stare at him.
Chapter Six
HANK
Cass stares at me like I’ve grown a set of horns. Then she blinks and shakes her head. “I am still mad at you,” she says.
I nod. “Rightfully so.”
“You never called. Never came home. Not once, Hank. Why?”
“I know. I tried to call that first week…wait…don’t, I know it’s lame.” I stop her from arguing about how stupid trying to call sounds. “We were driving up from Alamosa and the phone signal was bad. After like five tries, my manager starts in on me saying things like I have to look forward, not back, and I have to stop living with my head in a small town because ‘small town is small time’ and all that. And I don’t know. All the other guys on the team were kind of feeling the same way and Cody doesn’t have a girl at home, and I kind of fell into it. And… I am going to stop talking because I can see that I am not helping myself with this explanation of things.”