Calm. Breathe. You can do this.
Rogan had found them a counselor, but she just couldn’t bring herself to go. She’d ended up canceling every appointment. She wished Aedan was here.
He’s working. There was a crisis in the London office. He’d be here if he could.
At least that’s what she told herself. She wasn’t sure if she believed it. Oh, he’d offered to stay, but she was hardly going to beg him to stay when he was needed elsewhere.
Still, she hadn’t expected him to be gone this long. Sure, he’d called a few times, but their conversations had been stilted and awkward. She missed him horribly. What if this was his way of telling her he didn’t want her? That he’d changed his mind?
Natalya attempted to smile at Rogan as he placed a few bags of groceries down on the kitchen counter. She fought against the urge to beg Rogan to take them home with him. She couldn’t keep relying on him. They weren’t his responsibility. She was a mother; she had to be responsible, to be strong. That meant she couldn’t rely on others for everything. So on the surface, she tried to appear tough and independent.
But on the inside she was screaming desperately for help.
***
“What are you doing?” Rogan asked, walking into the kitchen.
“Ahh, getting a soda?” Wasn’t it freaking obvious? Aedan popped the tab and took a long drink. He felt like shit; itchy eyes, stomach bubbling with nausea, and a pounding headache. They all told him he needed sleep, something that had become increasingly elusive during the last three weeks.
“It’s three in the morning and you’re going to rot your teeth, but that’s not what I meant.”
“Jeez, Dad, you got anything else you want to tell me off about?” He was not in the mood for a lecture.
Rogan stared at him grimly. “Yeah, I have. Where the hell have you been?”
“Working.” He’d thrown himself into his work in an attempt not to think about Natalya, not to remember how beautiful she was when she smiled, or how sweet she smelled. How much he missed the feel of her in his arms.
“For three weeks?”
“I had some things to catch up on.” Not that he’d managed to get much work done.
“You’re an idiot.” Rogan rubbed his forehead tiredly.
“I’m out of here.” Last thing he needed was to have Rogan preaching at him. Couldn’t he see that Aedan was in a foul, fucking mood?
“Where are you going?”
“Home. Where there’s no one to nag me.” He shouldn’t have come here. He was in a crap mood and looking for a fight.
“Aedan.” Rogan reached out and grabbed his arm as he stepped past him.
Aedan swung around, forcibly pushing Rogan away. “Stop interfering in my damn life.”
Rogan held his hands up and took a step back, his face hard. “Far be it for me to tell the great Aedan Blake what to do. You selfish little prick.”
“What does that mean?” Fuck, his headache was getting worse. Maybe he should finish off the bottle of scotch in his luggage and fall into oblivion.
“It means, you’ve got your head so far up your ass you can’t see what’s actually going on around you. You’re so busy feeling sorry for yourself, that you’re going to end up a wrinkled old man of eighty, who’s trying to get it up so he can fuck his twenty-year-old girlfriend, who’s only with him for his money!”
“Better than being a cold bastard whose dick is so frozen it would probably fall off the first time he stuck it in some warm pussy.”
A tic developed in Rogan’s cheek and Aedan watched it with a sense of impending doom. What was he doing? Rogan was the only family he had left. His best friend. And here he was trying to drive him away.
“I’m trying to help you. God knows why. Why the hell haven’t you been answering your phone?”
“I was in the middle of a crisis.” Except he’d fixed that over a week ago. He’d lingered on in London, making excuses and avoiding phone calls.
“And that was more important than Natalya?”
“Of course not. But I was giving her the space she needed.”
Natalya had never been far from his thoughts. So many times he’d picked up the phone to call her only to talk himself out of it. Talking to her just made the distance between them more obvious. His gut had been screaming at him to return, but he’d ignored it, wanting to give her what she needed. Space.
Even if it was the last thing he wanted.
What if she didn’t want him anymore? Circumstances had changed and her son had to come first. He just wished he knew where that left him.
He’d felt so useless. Unable to help her because Mateo didn’t want him near. The fact that she hadn’t asked him to stay had only worked to convince him that he’d made the right choice.
“How are Natalya and Mateo?”
You’d know if you’d talked to her, idiot.
I was giving her time. I was doing the right thing.
Christ, now he was arguing with himself. He really did need some sleep.
“Not good,” Rogan replied.
“What do you mean? Is she sick? Have you called the doctor?” He turned, prepared to run up to her room. He shouldn’t have stayed away this long.
“She’s not here.”
Panic slammed into him, tearing at his insides as he turned back to Rogan. “What? Where has she gone? Not back to Hondo?”
“No, she’s still in San Antonio. I put her up in one of the apartments I own.”
“You kicked her out?” he asked incredulously.
Rogan gave him a dirty look. “Of course I didn’t fucking kick her out! But she couldn’t stay here forever, could she?”
“I was coming back!” Aedan said with frustration.
“When?” Rogan asked coolly. “How long was she supposed to wait? Did you tell her you were coming back?”
Bloody idiot. He hadn’t done any of those things.
“I was giving her space. It’s what she wanted.”
“Was it?” Rogan asked. “Do you really think now was the time to leave her to face everything alone?”
“I thought she and Mateo needed time together. That she needed all of her focus to be on him. When I told her I had to leave on business, she acted relieved.”
“She probably thought you meant for a few days, not three goddamn weeks,” Rogan said with disgust. “Just because her focus was on Mateo, doesn’t mean she didn’t need you. She probably needs you more now than she ever has!”
Shit. Had he actually made things worse for her? How the hell had he fucked up so bad?
“The kid doesn’t like me.”
“Oh, listen to yourself. He’s just been through a hugely traumatic experience. Of course, he doesn’t like you.”
“Exactly! And he doesn’t need to compete with me for his mother’s attention.”
“It’s not a goddamn competition. And he’s never going to like you if he doesn’t get to know you. He needs time to get used to you. Are you seriously going to reject them because Mateo isn’t your son?”
What the hell? “That’s not why I’ve been keeping my distance!”
“No? Does Natalya know that?”
Aedan breathed in deep and forced his anger back so he could think for a moment.
“She thinks I don’t want them?” You left. What was she supposed to think? “Fuck.”
“And finally, something gets through to him. You can’t just stand back and hope that one day she’ll come to you. You’ve got to fight for what you want.”
“And what if she doesn’t want a relationship now that the crisis is over? What if everything between us was just due to the circumstances? I’m not the man I was three years ago.”
“What? You mean the fact that you can be a grumpy asshole? You always tried to be whatever you thought people wanted you to be. It was fucking annoying. Give her a chance to know the real you. Stop letting the past blind you.”
“You’re a fine one to talk,” Aedan muttered, without
any heat. “When was the last time you let anyone close?”
“I don’t care about anyone like you care about Natalya.”
“Yeah? And what about Miller?” He enjoyed getting a bit of his own back. He was getting tired of Rogan being right all the time.
“There is nothing between me and Miller.”
“Then how come I heard that you’re moving her in with you?” Aedan asked.
Rogan scowled. “How’d you hear that?”
He shrugged. “Dylan called me.”
“Oh, so you’ll answer his calls. They wouldn’t let her out of the rehab center unless someone was willing to take responsibility for her.”
“I’m sure Tilly would have done that.”
“Miller wants to stay in the city. Drop this, Aedan.” A chill filled the room.
Even Aedan knew not to push his cousin too far.
“Fine, but just for the record, I think you’re a hypocrite and a sanctimonious, know-it-all bastard.”
“I try my best.”
***
Aedan felt a bit foolish, standing on the doorstep with a teddy bear in one hand and a bunch of flowers in the other. Like a scene from one of his cheesier movies. Only he’d never been this nervous when he was acting.
That was pretend. This was all too real.
“Who is it?” she called out.
“It’s me, Natalya. Aedan.”
There was a long pause and he wondered if she wasn’t going to let him in. He heard the sound of a deadbolt being flicked back and sighed with relief. Then another deadbolt was flicked and another. What the hell?
The door swung open and his smile faded as he studied Natalya closely.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, alarmed. “Are you ill? Is it Mateo? Is he sick?”
She looked like hell. There was no nice way to put it. Her hair was a mess. Her clothes, which hung on her too-thin frame, were stained, and her face pinched and pale.
“Aedan?” Her gaze widened. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to check up on you.” Why the fuck hadn’t Rogan warned him? “May I come in?” He didn’t wait for an invitation but just stepped inside the apartment, which was awash with toys. Building blocks lay strewn across the floor, there was a train set in the corner, and piles of books were spread over the sofa.
Mateo glanced up as Aedan walked in, panic growing on his little face. “Mama!”
“Here, baby.” Natalya slipped past Aedan and gathered Mateo close, ignoring his sticky, paint-covered hands.
Aedan checked the door. Just as he’d suspected, Natalya had already set the deadbolts. He counted them up. Six.
Okay then. Aedan placed the teddy bear and flowers on the only open surface he could find, the kitchen counter. The apartment was open plan with a u-shaped kitchen that ended in a breakfast bar. Large windows let in plenty of light, making the apartment seem larger than it actually was.
Aedan crouched down and smiled at Mateo, who was staring at him with mistrust. “I can see I didn’t need to bring any toys.”
“Rogan and the others went a bit crazy.” Natalya smiled.
Others? He pushed down the surge of jealousy.
“Oh?” He tried for nonchalance. “What others?”
“Cillian and his little boy brought over some of his old toys and clothes for Mateo, didn’t he, baby?” She flicked her hand through the boy’s dark hair, pushing it out of his eyes.
“Tex come and play?”
“Not today. But I think he’s coming over next weekend for a few hours.”
“Playground?” Mateo asked hopefully.
Natalya shook her head and his shoulders slumped.
“Why can’t he go to the playground?” Aedan asked. “Is it too far to walk?” He should have arranged a driver for her. She didn’t need to be taking the bus. There were probably all sorts of crazies that used public transport. And germs. He bet there were a lot of germs. You’d have to be careful of that with a kid, right?
Damned if he knew.
“Oh no, the park is only two blocks over.”
“Can he not walk that far?” Did she need a stroller or something? He’d add that to the list of things she required. Like a cleaning service. Natalya had always been a little untidy, but nothing like this.
“He’s got plenty of energy. He can walk that far.”
Okay, what wasn’t he getting here? He wished he knew more about children. Was there a course or something he could take? He’d have to look into it, maybe get a tutor. He was a fast learner.
“This is an awesome train set, Mateo. I wish I’d had one of these as a kid.” He eyed Mateo, who was watching him with suspicion. Aedan could already feel himself sweating.
Stay relaxed. Stay cool.
He had money, power, and fame. And he was terrified of a two-year-old.
“Why don’t we play with the train, Mateo?” Natalya said, rescuing him.
Watching him with distrust, Mateo grudgingly let Aedan touch his train set. Gradually, Mateo relaxed and surprisingly, Aedan found he was actually enjoying himself. He stole a glimpse at Natalya, who was watching them both with a small smile. As soon as she saw him looking, her face closed down and she turned her gaze away, checking her watch.
“Mateo, it’s time for a nap now.”
Mateo glanced up with a frown, his lower lip coming out.
“No nap!” he announced.
Aedan opened his mouth to agree, but Natalya’s look of warning had him closing it again.
“Yes, nap,” Natalya said firmly. “You’ve been playing for over an hour and it’s already past nap time.”
Mateo’s bottom lip stuck out further and he folded his arms. Obviously stubborn like his mama.
“Hey, go have your nap and when you wake up you can show me your books,” Aedan suggested. “They look pretty cool.”
Mateo stared at Aedan, then his mother. Aedan was certain he was going to refuse. Then the little boy shrugged and took the hand his mother held out to him.
“Okay.”
When Natalya returned ten minutes later, her demeanor had grown cooler. “I wish you hadn’t said that.”
“Said what?” he asked with surprise.
“That you would play with him when he woke up.”
“What? Why?” He needed to figure out this child stuff quickly if he was going to win both of them over. That is, if he could get Natalya to forgive him for being an idiot.
“Because he’ll nap for over an hour, and you won’t be here when he wakes up.”
“I won’t?” He raised his eyebrows.
“No, you won’t,” she said with frustration. “And I can fold my own goddamn laundry!” She snatched a pair of pants he’d been folding.
“Just trying to help. Looks like you’ve gotten a bit behind.”
She stared at him as though he’d slapped her. Shit, this was like traversing a damn minefield without a map.
“I might not be the best housekeeper, but I’ve been kind of busy taking care of Mateo.”
“Baby, that wasn’t a criticism, I just meant…” Christ, way to fuck this up, man. “Natalya, if you needed help you should have asked.”
“How? You haven’t exactly been available.”
He couldn’t argue that. His only excuse was that he thought he was giving her what she needed. In truth, he’d been patting himself on the back for being a martyr.
“I know. I’m sorry. Mateo didn’t seem to like me, and you needed to concentrate on him, so I figured it would be easier if I kept my distance. I really thought I was doing the right thing.”
She messily folded a t-shirt and threw it on the sofa.
He winced, restraining himself from picking it up and refolding it. “I threw myself into my work. I thought I would just get in the way here, that space is what you really needed. I never expected you to leave Rogan’s.”
“I couldn’t stay there forever. Bad enough I have to rely on him to pay for my apartment, but he shouldn’t have us under
his feet.”
He knew how proud she was, how difficult it was for her to accept help from others. It should have been him helping her, supporting her. Not Rogan.
“I thought giving you some space was the best idea. I didn’t want to get in the way, to take away any attention from Mateo. If you needed me then you should have told me. My old insecurities reared their head when you didn’t ask me to stay.”
There, he’d admitted his true feelings. She had to understand now.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You said there was a problem in the London office so of course I wouldn’t ask you to stay. But I didn’t expect you to be gone so long and I certainly didn’t think you’d be so distant. Why wouldn’t you just talk to me instead of reading something out of nothing?”
“You’re right. I made a mistake. Several, actually. I don’t know anything about children and I didn’t want to make things harder for the two of you.”
“Even though I’ve had to concentrate on Mateo, that didn’t mean I didn’t need you. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t have made time for you. Mateo would learn to like you in time. Children are resilient; they can overcome their fears far quicker than adults.”
“Is that what’s going on here, lovely? Is your fear holding you hostage?”
She looked away from him and grabbed some more laundry to fold.
“Look, I’m kind of busy, maybe it’s time you left.”
“Natalya, sit down.”
She glared at him. “You never used to be this bossy.”
“I was. You just never saw that side of me.”
She didn’t answer, but she’d stopped pretending to fold the laundry. “What do you mean?”
“Remember how I talked about wanting to become an actor because I thought people would like and respect me if I was famous?”
She nodded, looking at him now.
“Over the years, I’ve realized that I don’t need to care about what other people think. That I’m happy just being me. Warts and all.”
“That’s good, you shouldn’t hide who you are.”
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