by Jim Butcher
“Maybe. But you know the score. They don’t. Not really. You know enough to be careful and smart.”
“What about the White Council?” Murphy asked. “Shouldn’t they be willing to help you? I mean, you’re one of their own.”
I shrugged. “By and large they don’t like me. I need their help like I need a sword in the neck.”
“Gee. Someone actually resisted your charm and finesse.”
“What can I say. They have no taste.”
Murphy nodded. “So who else are you going to get?”
“You and one more will do for coffin patrol,” I said. “I know a guy who is good with vampires. And I’m going to have a driver standing by when it goes down.”
“How many laws are you planning on breaking?”
“None,” I said. “If I can help it.”
“What if these vampires have human goons?”
“We disable them. I’m only gunning for Black Court. But if you want to pull double duty as conscience officer, that’s fine by me.”
We finished the sequence, backed a step away, and bowed to each other. Murphy walked with me to the edge of the mat, frowning and mulling things over. “I don’t want to sidestep any laws. Vampire hunting is one thing. Going vigilante is another.”
“Done,” I said.
She frowned. “And I’d really, really like it if we did it on Saturday.”
I snorted. “If we go early, maybe you can get laid up in the hospital or something, at least.”
“Ha-ha,” Murphy said.
“Do me a favor and keep an eye on missing persons for a few days. It might help tip us off to their location. I want every bit of information I can get.”
“Gotcha,” Murphy said. “You want to work on some hand-to-hand?”
I picked up my duster. “Can’t. Got to be on the new job in half an hour.”
“Harry, aikido is a demanding discipline. If you don’t practice every day, you’re going to lose what you’ve learned.”
“I know, I know. But it isn’t like I can depend on a routine from day to day.”
“A little knowledge is a dangerous thing,” Murphy said. She held my staff for me while I put on my coat and abruptly frowned as she handed it back.
“What?” I asked her.
Her mouth twisted into the shape it got when she tried to hold back laughter. “Is that a puppy in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”
I looked down. The puppy had woken from his nap and poked its head out of my duster’s pocket, and was panting happily. “Oh. Right.”
Murphy plucked the puppy out of my pocket, turned him belly up, and started rubbing his tummy. “What’s his name?”
“No name. I’m not keeping him.”
“Ah,” Murphy said.
“Want a dog?”
She shook her head. “They take too much attention, and I’m gone at all hours.”
“Tell me about it. Know anyone who does?”
“Not really.”
“Do me a favor. Keep him for a day.”
Murphy blinked. “Why me?”
“Because I have to go on a new job this morning and I haven’t had time to get him settled with someone. Come on, Murph. He’s friendly. He’s quiet. You’ll never know he’s there. Just for the day.”
Murphy glowered at me. “I’m not keeping him.”
“I know, I know.”
“I’m not keeping him.”
“You just said that, Murph.”
“Just so long as you understand that I’m not keeping him.”
“I get it already.”
She nodded. “Just this once, then. I’m doing paperwork at my desk today. But you’d better be there to pick him up by five.”
“You’re an angel, Murph. Thank you.”
She rolled her eyes and settled the pup in the curl of her arm. “Yeah, yeah. What’s the new job?”
I sighed and told her.
Murphy burst out laughing. “You’re a pig, Dresden.”
“I didn’t know,” I protested.
“Oink. Oink, oink.”
I glowered at her. “Don’t you have some paperwork to do?”
“Get there by five, pig.”
“By five.” I sighed. I grumbled to myself as I walked out to my car and left for my first day on the set.
Chapter Seven
Chicago is a business town. Entrepreneurs of every stripe duke it out ferociously in pursuit of the American dream, discarding the carcasses of fallen ventures along the way. The town is full of old business headquarters, most of them held by the long-term commercial giants. When a new business sets its sights on Second City, it’s cheaper for them to settle in one of the newer industrial parks littered around the city’s suburbs. They all look more or less alike—a grid of plain, blocky, readily adaptable buildings two or three stories high with no windows, no landscaping, and gravel parking lots. They look like enormous, ugly concrete bricks, but they’re cheap.
Arturo had acquired a short-term lease on such a building in such an industrial complex twenty minutes west of town. There were three other cars parked in its lot by the time I got there. I had a nylon backpack full of various magical tools I might need to ward off malevolent energies: salt, a bunch of white candles, holy water, a ring of keys, a small silver bell, and chocolate.
Yeah, chocolate. Chocolate fends off all kinds of nasty stuff. And if you get hungry while warding off evil, you have a snack. It’s multipurpose equipment.
One end of my carved wooden blasting rod protruded from the backpack in case I needed to make a fast draw. I was also wearing my shield bracelet, my mother’s pentacle amulet, my force ring, and a new gizmo I’d been working with—a silver belt buckle carved into the shape of a standing bear. Better to have the magical arsenal and not need it, than to not have it and get killed to death.
I got out of the car. I had on a pair of slacks and a polo shirt, since I had no idea of what a production assistant on an adult film set was supposed to wear. The client would have to be happy with business casual. I slung the backpack over one shoulder and locked up the car. A second car pulled up as I did, a shiny green rental number, and parked next to the Blue Beetle.
Two men got out. The driver was a fit-looking man, maybe in his late thirties. He was a little taller than average and had the build of someone who works out in a nonfanatic kind of way. His medium-brown hair was long enough to look a little disheveled. He wore round-rimmed spectacles, a Nike T-shirt, and Levi’s, and his cross-trainers probably cost him upwards of a hundred bucks. He nodded at me and said, “Good morning,” in a tone of genuine cheer.
“Hi,” I responded.
“New guy?” he asked.
“New guy.”
“Cameraman?”
“Stunt double.”
“Cool.” He grinned, pulled a designer-label gym bag out of the back of the rental car, and slung it over his shoulder. He approached, offering his hand. “I’m Jake.”
I traded grips with him. His hands had the calluses of someone who worked with them, and he had a confidence that conveyed strength without attempting to crush my fingers. I liked him. “Harry,” I responded.
The second man who got out of the rental car looked like a weight-lifting commercial. He was tall and built like a statue of Hercules beneath tight leather pants and a sleeveless workout shirt. He had a high-tech tan, coal-black hair, and wasn’t old enough to qualify for decent rates on his auto insurance. His face didn’t match the Olympian body. His features rated on the western slope of the bell curve of physical appeal. Though to be fair he was staring at me with a murderous scowl, which probably biased my opinion.
“Who the hell are you?” he growled.
“I the hell am Harry,” I said.
He pulled out his own gym bag and slammed the car door closed. “You always a wiseass?”
“No. Sometimes I’m asleep.”
He took a pair of hard steps toward me and thrust the heel of one hand at my shoulder in
a belligerent push. Classic macho-jitsu. I could have done a bunch of fairly violent things in response, but I try not to get into fights in a gravel parking lot if I can help it. I took the push without yielding and grunted.
“Wrist is a little limp,” I said. “If you like I can show you an exercise or something, help you out.”
His face twisted with abrupt heat. “Son of a bitch,” the man swore, and dropped his bag so he could ball his huge hands into huge fists.
“Whoa,” Jake said, and stepped between us, facing the big guy. “Hey, come on, Bobby. It’s too early for this crap.”
Bobby got a lot more aggressive once Jake was there to hold him back, snarling and cussing. I’d faced too many literal ogres to be too terribly impressed by a metaphorical one, but I was just as glad that it hadn’t gone any farther. The kid was a hell of a lot stronger than me, and if he knew more than nothing about how to handle himself, he could ruin my whole day.
The kid subsided after a minute, picked up his stuff again, and scowled at me. “I know what you’re thinking, and you can forget it.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “So you’re psychic too?”
“Wiseass stunt double,” he snarled. “It happened once. You aren’t going to make a name for yourself. You might as well just leave now.”
Jake sighed. “Bobby, he’s not a stunt double.”
“But he said—”
“He was joking,” Jake said. “Christ, he’s newer at this than you. Look, just go inside. Get some coffee or springwater or something. You don’t need this on a shooting day.”
The kid glared at me again and jabbed his index finger at me. “I’m warning you, asshole. Stay out of my way if you don’t want to get hurt.”
I tried to keep all the panic and terror he’d inspired off of my face. “Okeydoke.”
The kid snarled, spat on the ground in my direction, and then stormed inside.
“Someone woke up with his testosterone in a knot today,” I said.
Jake watched Bobby go and nodded. “He’s under pressure. Try not to take it personal, man.”
“That’s tough,” I said. “What with the insults and violent posturing and such.”
Jake grimaced. “Nothing to do with you personally, man. He’s worried.”
“About being replaced by a stunt double?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you serious? What the hell does a stunt double do in a porno flick?”
Jake waved a hand vaguely toward his belt. “Extreme close-ups.”
“Uh. What?”
“Historically speaking, it doesn’t happen often. Especially what with Viagra now. But it isn’t unknown for a director to bring in a double for the close of a scene, if the actor is having trouble finishing.”
I blinked. “He thought I was a stunt penis?”
Jake laughed at my reaction. “Man. You are new.”
“You been doing this work long?”
“Awhile,” he said.
“Guess it’s a dream job, eh? Gorgeous women and all.”
He shrugged. “Not as much as you’d think. After a while anyway.”
“Then why do you do it?”
“Habit?” he asked with an easy grin. “Plus lack of options. I thought about doing the family thing once, but it didn’t work out.” He fell silent for a second, his expression touched with faint grief. He shook his head to come out of it and said, “Look, don’t worry about Bobby. He’ll calm down once he figures out his stage name.”
“Stage name?”
“Yeah. I think that’s what has got him all nervous. This is only his second shoot. First one is in the can, but it’ll be a bit before they do final edits and such. He’s got until next week to figure out his performing name.”
“Performing name, huh.”
“Don’t make fun of it,” he said, expression serious. “Names have power, man.”
“Do they. Really.”
Jake nodded. “A good name inspires confidence. It’s important for a young guy.”
“Like Dumbo’s magic feather,” I said.
“Right, exactly.”
“So what name do you go by?” I asked.
“Jack Rockhardt,” Jake replied promptly. He eyed me for a moment, his expression assessing.
“What?” I asked.
“You mean you don’t recognize the name? Or me?”
I shrugged. “I don’t have a TV. Don’t go to those theaters, either.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Really? Are you Amish or something?”
“Yeah, that’s it. I’m Amish.”
He grinned. “Maybe you’d better come inside with me. I’ll introduce you around.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem,” Jake said.
We went on into the building, a place with sterile beige walls and invincible medium-brown carpeting. Jake led me to a door with a computer-printed sign that read, GREEN ROOM, and went inside.
A long conference table ran down the center of a comfortably sized room. Doughnuts, drinks, fruits, bagels, and other foods of every description were laid out on trays down its length. The room smelled like fresh coffee, and I promptly homed in on the coffee machine for a cup.
A plain-faced woman in her mid-forties entered, wearing jeans, a black tee, and a red-and-white flannel shirt. Her hair was tied back under a red bandanna. She seized a paper plate and dumped food on it at random. “Good morning, Guffie.”
“Joan,” Jake responded easily. “Have you met Harry?”
“Not yet.” She glanced over her shoulder at me and nodded. “Wow. You are very tall.”
“I’m actually a midget. The haircut makes me look taller.”
Joan laughed and popped a doughnut hole in her mouth. “You’re the production assistant, eh?”
“Yes.”
She nodded. “So let’s produce.”
“I thought that was Arturo’s bag.”
“He’s the director and executive producer. I’m the actual producer. Makeup, cameras, lighting, sets, you name it. I handle the crew and the details.” She turned to me and offered her hand, shaking off sugary doughnut goodness as she did. “Joan Dallas.”
“Pleasure,” I said. “Harry Dresden.”
Joan nodded. “Come on then. There’s still a lot to do before we can shoot. Guffie, get to the dressing room and clean yourself up.”
Jake nodded. “Are they here yet?”
Her tone of voice became annoyed. “Giselle and Emma are.”
There was a moment of silent, pregnant tension. Jake winced and headed for the door. “Harry, nice to meet you. Joan’s okay, but she’ll work you to death.”
Joan threw an apple at him. Jake caught it when it bounced off his chest, crunched into it with his teeth, and held it in his mouth so that he could wave as he left the room.
“Grab yourself some food, Stilts,” Joan said. “You can help me put cameras together.”
“I was hoping to talk to Arturo before we got going,” I said.
She turned around with two plates loaded with breakfast pastries. She hadn’t bothered getting any fruit. “You’re a funny guy. He’s probably not out of bed yet. Bring that box of cookies. If my blood sugar drops too low I might take your head off.”
She led me down a short hallway to a cavernous room—a shooting studio. A slightly raised stage held an unlit set, which looked like a lavishly appointed bedroom. Arrayed in a line in front of it were several black plastic crates and a freestanding shop light. Joan flicked it on and started opening crates, popping a bit of food into her mouth every third or fourth movement.
“Nice place,” I said.
“Been a bitch,” Joan said between bites. “Last company here was supposed to be some kind of computer production deal, but they had to be lying. They redid all the wiring in here, routed in way heavier than they were supposed to have. Took me a week to get things working, and then I had to turn their old gym into something like a dressing room, but this place still isn’t up to code.”
> “Ye canna change the laws of physics,” I said.
She laughed. “Amen.”
“Engineer then?” I asked.
“By way of necessity,” she answered. “I’ve done sets, lighting, power. Even some plumbing. And,” she said, opening boxes, “cameras. Gather ’round, gofer boy; you can help.”
I settled down while she laid out parts from heavy plastic crates. She assembled them, several professional cameras and tripods, with the surety of long practice. She gave me instructions as she did, and I did my best to help her out.
There was a pleasant, quiet rhythm to the work, something that I hadn’t really felt since the last time I’d been on a farm in Hog Hollow, Missouri. And it was interesting—technology was unfamiliar territory for me.
See, those who wield the primordial forces of creation have a long-running grudge with physics. Electronic equipment in particular tends to behave unpredictably—right up until it shuts down and stops working altogether. Old technologies seemed more stable, which was one reason I drove around town in a Volkswagen Beetle that had been built before the end of the Vietnam War. But newer products—videocameras, televisions, cell phones, computers—would die a horrible fizzling death after any extended time in my presence.
There was a sense of order to what we were doing that appealed to me on some level. Putting parts together, locking them into place, lining up plugs into their corresponding sockets, taping groups of wires together so that they wouldn’t get tangled. I did well enough that Joan sat back and watched me work on the last camera on my own.
“So how is this supposed to work?” I said. “What happens next?”
“The lights.” She sighed. “The damned lights are the most annoying part. We have to set them up so that no one looks too shiny or too wrinkly. Once that’s done, I’ll let the technical manager handle sound, and go ride herd on the actors.”
“Metaphorically, I hope.”
She snorted. “Yes. Some of them are decent enough—like that blockhead Guffie. But if you don’t push them into getting things done, they’ll never be ready for the set on time. Makeup, costume, that sort of thing.”
“Aha. And some of them are late?” I asked.