breath oxygen don’t you?"
A thief talked to his partner." I have good and bad news for you"
" Tell me the good ones first."
"The police came to arrest you yesterday morning at 7.30. When you are not here they said they will come tomorrow."
"What the bad ones then ?"
"It's 7.28 now.
A dog married a cat. They got a barking cat baby.
John was late as his usual at his office work. When his boss saw him, he got fed of him and said " Hey John I can't stand it anymore. You are fired"
"No, sir I'm not fired. Nobody shot me."
Do you like watching the world cup?"
"No, I would like to use it to drink instead."
A miser at the gate of paradise after death asked by the guard angel there to pay one dollar as a ticket to pass. The miser refused to pay and went to hell."
Have you ever got a black eye?"
"No, I always got a blue eyes.
A dog will not cry if you beat him with bone."
"I don’t agree with you. I always beat him with meat."
All the glitters is not gold.
"What's the problem with diamond?"
A fool and his money soon parted."
" But I've many rich fools in the world."
Beggars must not be choosers."
"What's the problem with Jonny. He always refuses the coins I give him."
stretch your legs according to your coverlet."
"I cannot do that."
"Why?"
"My coverlet is 1.5 length and I'm 1.9 tall."
diamond cuts diamond."
"You are wrong."
"Why."
" The use special machines in factories to do so."
A dictator addressed before his people who got sleepy. Two men were listening carefully. When he said " yes. As I told you before ,we are a free country..". The two looked to each other and said " I think we are free of everything. The second said " yes we are free of freedom. I will got a nap. When he finished, please wake me up"
Necessity is the mother of invention."
"Who is the father then?"
When the cat is away the mice will play."
" I don’t believe this."
" Why?"
" I have seen Tom and Jerry sometimes play with each other."
A thief wanted to cross the check point illegally. So he waved to some truck carried iron and promised to give the driver some money if he would helped him to pass. The driver put him in the back of the truck and covered him with some black blanket with the iron. When he reached the check point. The officer asked him .
" What are you loading?"
" Iron sir."
" Everything is OK ?"
" Sure. You can check it out."
"When the officer went back and see the black blanket. He asked him.
" What is this ?"
" Iron sir."
"OK I will hit it with my iron bar to know. The thief was listening. When the officer was hitting, the thief said " Tinnnnnnn. Tinnnnnn"
"What is this?"
" It’s the echo of the iron sir"
"What the difference between the water and ice?
Water is liquid and the ice is solid.
"No, the water is potable but the ice is not."
What is the common and difference between Charley Chaplin and Hitler?"
"Both are men. One is president , the other is not.
"No, the common is they have the same mustache style , one is actor, the other is dictator.
A fool slapped his friend's face. His friend said " "Are you kidding or you mean it?"
"No. I mean it."
"That’s fine. I don’t like kidding."
A child in school to his teacher " Miss, I love you and I want to marry you"
"But I don’t like children.
"That’s fine. We will not have children"
A fool went into some shop. When he got out of it, his friends asked him" What happened to you?' He said " I make fun of the shop assistant"
"How?"
"I gave him money but I don’t buy anything."
Jack to his friend "Tell me what are you reading, I will tell you who you are"
"OK"
"What are you reading?
"Who you are?
Please could you donate to build a wall to cemetery?
"Why, I haven’t heard that the dead got escaped!"
Why do you don’t like eating eggplant?
"I don’t like eggs."
"I am not talking about eggs"
"This is the reason makes me hate it."
"How?"
"Each eggplant has an egg in it."
A women was talking to her neighbor " I'm really upset"
"Why?"
"I asked my husband to do shopping and buy beans to cook it for lunch."
"And ?"
"He got an accident and died."
"Really ? I'm sorry to hear that."
"I have no choice. I have to cook eggplants.
A teacher told his pupils to draw a jackass. They told him " get out so as not let us cheat"
Five misers go diving and made a bet. They bet that the first who got out of water have to pay for lunch. After a while, nobody out ,They all died.
After half hour of talking, the husband asked his wife " Isn’t strange from you?"
"What?"
"You used to talk two hours or more.
"Oh yes, but this time they called the wrong number"
Some scientists discovered that the crocodile origin is lizard brought by a miser man.
An inspector went to some madhouse to chick them out. When he got there he called them and draw a door at the wall and said " Hey guys who can open this door?" Many of them rushed to open the door except one man stepped aside laughing at them . The inspector approached him thought he is getting better " Why don’t you go and open the door ?" the man said " I have the key ".
Finally ,I have asked my girlfriend 's hand.
"Oh that’s strange. Does she give it you?"
Three brothers went to the doctor to check them. After checking the doctor said to the first one " You will die if you dink coca cola. To the second he said " you will die when you laugh" .Then he turned to third and said " You will die if you dance". The three brothers went out and got into some near restaurant. The first brother ordered coca cola. When he drank it he died. The second laughed at him and died. The third one was happy to get the whole inherit. So he danced and died.
"Do you think these jokes are funny?"
"Yes I do, so I will get the second part of it."
"Oh really, is there a second part?"
" That what author said"
"All right. So get it a read it to me!
"End of part one"
Author's bio
My name is Hussein. I am from Iraq. First of all I am a teacher of English. I like to teach and write in English. My preferred writings are about fiction, science fiction, suffering, romance, social affairs, poetry and short stories. I would like to produce a true and clear art. I focus on human felling and what he senses. I believe in the power of word that could makes some change or brings a good feeling. What you read and got is more important than the time or money you spend. Life taught me a lot and I learned many lessons. I decided to turn that into stories and novels. I think and I am sure many could benefit from those.
Other books by the author
1-Poems from Baghdad.
2-The story of imam Hussein.
3-The king and the porter of diamond.
You can contact me on:
[email protected]
[email protected]
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Make It Funny 101 Jokes Make You Laugh Page 2