“Any chance that this tattoo process has gotten less painful since the last time I sat in this chair?”
"Actually, yeah," he said. “I made some modifications over the last few months.”
“That’s a relief.”
“It still hurts, but it happens more quickly.”
“Ah.”
“Also,” he added, “I'll need to get a sample of your DNA and see what we can do about enhancing your powers. Apparently warlocks are different enough from mages that you'll need something specialized."
He pointed at a file folder with one hand while continuing to type with the other. "The records from the enhancement staff said you got the standard mage stuff, but none of your follow-up exams during reintegration showed improvements in power. Did you notice any effects?"
"Not much,” I told him. "I think I heal faster now, but that's about all I noticed. It was mostly good for clearing up razor burns and curing the occasional hangover, at least until I got shot last night."
"You got shot?" he asked. “You aren't acting like someone with a bullet in them."
"I got better?" It was meant as a statement, but it came out as a question.
He tilted his head as if to say "really?"
"No, seriously," I said. "Some warlock thing, I guess."
"Hmm, okay," he said, seeming to lose interest. "I'll have the enhancement team have a look after I'm done with you. I focus on tech stuff, mostly, but I'll see what I can do. The request from Stone gave permission to do pretty much whatever I want, so it should be fun."
I must have looked worried because he laughed. Then his eyes narrowed as he grinned and pointed at me. "Hey, I remember you now. That's rare, since I get tons of you guys through here. You were the guy that passed out before I even started the tattoo."
I could feel my face flush in embarrassment. That wasn't one of my prouder moments.
"I thought you were going to use needles," I told him. "I don't like needles."
He nodded. "Not judging, just saying. Don't worry too much pal. I won't do anything crazy, but I will do my best to juice you up. A little pain now, but it might save you down the road. Consider it an apology for not doing things the right way the first time, if nothing else."
“What do you mean not doing it right the first time?” I asked, feeling worried.
“I gave you the mage crap instead of the warlock stuff,” he said.
“Oh, I see. That wasn’t your fault. Everyone thought I was a mage. This is new.” I grinned in a not-so-happy way. "It seems like lots of people did their best to keep knowledge of the warlocks locked away, so nobody could blame you for giving me mage enhancements instead. Hell, even I thought I was a mage until today."
“Sucks, man,” he said, scratching his cheek. "Still bugs me though. I'm gonna have a lot of fun digging through all the files on you and whatever else people think they can hide from me. I'll call you in if I find something useful. Cool?"
"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks."
Bert walked over and looked at my arm. "Sweet ink, dude."
He looked at Pecker, who was still typing, hands practically blurred with speed. If he kept that up he'd end up with carpal tunnel at some point.
"Hey Doc," Bert said, "do I need to do this too? If it's all the same, I'd rather go first. I don't want to have to plop down in Mark's fear-pee if I can help it."
Pecker laughed. "Hah, smart thinking, but you're off the hook, at least for now."
"Really?"
"Yeah," he said, "I don't know what effect this kind of tech would have on a demon, much less what would happen to it when you merge. I've got a pretty strict 'no murder' policy when it comes to my job, so let's hold off on that."
“You don’t have any demon cops?”
“What?” Pecker said, blinking. “Oh, no…I mean warlock stuff on a demon.”
"Oh, yeah, no problem," Bert said, looking a little disappointed, at least from what I could tell. "My mom doesn't like tattoos, anyway."
He walked back towards the hallway. "So, do you mind if I bail then? This place is boring and your vending machines suck."
"That's not a bad idea," Pecker said. "I'll be done with Vedis in about a half hour. Let's say twenty minutes for the tattoo replacement and another ten to push a software update to his connector. He'll have to hit the enhancement and entrainment departments after this, though and they aren't as great as me."
He waved Bert away. "Go on, hit the town. Lots of single girls out there."
"Yeah," Bert said, "I can't deprive the ladies of all this, you know," He waved his hand over his body. "You know how it is, good looking guy like you."
Pecker stopped typing, the sudden absence of sound loud in its own way. He looked at Bert right in the eyes. "You mean that, don't you?"
Bert nodded.
Pecker smiled, a big one this time that reached his eyes.
"You're alright, kid," he said, typing again. "Go to Club Dream, in the city center. The closest stop is Jarin Place. Lots of eligible ladies there. I'll send Vedis to meet you after he's done."
"Thanks," Bert said, walking out the door. "Catch you guys later."
I tried to yell after him since he was leaving naked and presumably without any money. I opened my mouth, but all that came out was a yelp of pain.
I looked to my arm and saw a blue light had launched from the machine and focused into a tight beam. I bit my lip to keep from embarrassing myself even more as I watched the beam sweep over my tattoo, erasing it.
"Oh yeah," I heard Pecker say, "we started. Probably should have mentioned that."
The tattoo replacement hurt.
A lot.
“Uh…” I started as a thought struck, likely initiated by the joyous pain I was suffering, “you said that this might not work right on a demon, but what about on me?”
“You’ll be fine,” Pecker replied confidently. Then, he furrowed his brow. “I think.” His assured look returned. “Yeah, you’ll be fine. Think of it like HPV for warlocks. It’s built for you. Demons, though? No. They’re the ones that need the protection.”
“You’re sure?”
“As far as you know.”
By the time it was over, I was almost looking forward to having Pecker hack into my brain and update my connector, if only because the brain doesn't have any pain receptors.
"Okay, bring on the connector update," I said.
"Huh?" Pecker looked up from the computer. "Oh, I did that while I was tattooing you. Patching it can be done remotely, so I thought I'd get it over with."
Part of me wanted to be pissed off, but I was mostly just glad it was over. The mechanical arm retracted back into the workbench and I shook my hand, trying to get some bloodflow running back into it. The pins and needles feeling had replaced the pain, which was at least a step up.
Don't get me wrong, it still hurt, but it already felt more like a severe sunburn. Way better than the combination of being shocked and carved at the same time.
I looked down to see a new configuration of lines, gears and circuitboard looking stuff running down my wrist, covering most of my forearm.
"So how does this work?"
"What am I, Wikipedia?" Pecker sighed, then stood up from his chair and grabbed my wrist with one hand, pointing to spots on the tattoo with his other hand. "Push these spots to pull up the menu. There's a tutorial at the bottom. For now, don't touch anything…at least while I'm in the same room."
He stepped back to his desk.
"Actually, make that the same building. Something about your body chemistry reacted differently to the tattoos.” He was scanning his screen and typing stuff now and then. “It passed inspection, but I had to make some adjustments on the spot. There might be some unexpected power surges or slight differences in how your tattoo works, compared to the standard specs."
"So this thing’s dangerous?"
I held my arm away from me, not that it would help.
He shrugged his shoulders. "Probably. Mo
st things we deal with in the supernatural world are dangerous, in some way. You know that.“
"That's not nearly as comforting as you think it is."
"Yeah, well, I'm not exactly the nurturing type.” He sat down and turned back to look at me. “To sum it up, I hooked you up with the retriever database. That gives you a teleport feature that lets you port to the Netherworld hub and then to anywhere not blocked by runes or magic, and a null zone projector. I also patched your connector to work as a translator. That's still in beta, but it should work most of the time."
I nodded while looking over the new ink. “Is that it?"
Pecker grinned.
"Nope."
He reached under his desk and I heard a switch flip. The lights went out. They were replaced by dark purple haze.
I looked down at my arm and saw it was glowing in a few spots that I hadn't seen before.
"I also threw in a few surprises,” Pecker announced.
The spots were different colored patterns that pulsed slightly. Cool, but kind of creepy too.
"Uh, what's that?"
"That's the nifty part," Pecker answered, his white teeth shining. His clothes were also glowing in a few spots. I prayed those were mustard stains and not the other substance I'd heard reacts in black lighting. "I added subroutines that require extra power. I really wouldn't suggest activating them unless you've got Bert to pull energy from. I mean, if you like not burning from the inside out." His grin widened into a full-on smirk. "Read the instructions. I think you'll dig it.” He then pointed at me seriously. “They just so happen to be visible in the ultraviolet spectrum, so keep them covered unless you want vampires and mages to see them."
“Right,” I said, wishing that my arm was no longer attached to me.
“Come on,” Pecker laughed, flipping the lights back on, “I'll drop you off with the Shantums in the genetics lab.”
Chapter 13
Pecker’s idea of “dropping me off” consisted of him pushing a few buttons on his keyboard and a portal opening up.
"Go play," he said, turning back to his desk and digging a finger in his ear. "By the way,” he added, not looking back, “neither of their names are Penis either, in case you were wondering."
For once I kept my mouth shut and walked through the portal.
It opened into a room that practically screamed "mad scientist." There were beakers, tables with heavy straps, giant tubes, and all kinds of machines that went “ping." As my senses took it all in I noticed it all seemed a little self-contained. No windows or doors, just the portal device.
Finally, I realized where I was. This was a dimensional box, a little piece of space held together by magic. I hadn’t recognized it because I’d never seen one in person.
They were rare because they were so difficult to create, which meant this was dangerous, or the inhabitants were. There was a man and a woman staring at me, and they both fit the mad scientist motif perfectly.
They both appeared to be in their mid-thirties, about six feet tall, and thin, but otherwise looked to be almost opposites of each other.
The woman was light skinned with red, slightly mad eyes, which were mostly hidden by long and unnaturally white hair. There was a single lock of black in the front that I found interesting. Her name tag said ‘Mary Shantum.’
The man, by contrast, was darker skinned and had short, coal-black hair with one lock of white. Again, interesting. His eyes were sky blue, and calm. His name tag said ‘Samuel Shantum.’
"Greetings, young warlock,” Samuel said, reaching forward to take my hand. "It is going to be so much fun to play…” He coughed. “Uh…I mean work with you.”
He then pumped my hand once, business-like, and released it.
The woman barreled in and wrapped me in a bear hug that was very strong for her size.
"Don't mind him, Mister Vedis," she said, "He's just doing his best to live up to the stodgy old wizard image.” She then whispered in my ear. "He tries to sneak his hat in every night."
I heard a not so subtle clearing of the throat from Samuel.
"Please release the boy, dear," he admonished. "If you break another toy I'm not going to let you have any more."
"As if you would dare," she said, releasing me. "Mother said I should have married another witch, you know, but I couldn't do without my darling Sammy, now could I?"
I blinked and looked back and forth between them.
“You two are married?"
"Oh my, yes," Samuel answered. "Though we should be more discreet at the office, I know. All the ‘darling’ and ‘dear’ talk is quite inappropriate."
"Oh, stuff that," Mary said, spitting on the floor. "Anyone lacking enough joy in their lives to make an issue over something so silly can go skydiving naked into a cactus field."
Samuel nodded his head once. "Indeed." He looked over at me, as if remembering I was there. "Apologies, we don't often get visitors. You are here for genetic enhancement, yes?"
"That's what Pecker told me, yeah,” I replied, studying the area while searching through my memories. “I don't remember seeing the two of you the first time though. Is it because of the whole warlock thing?"
Mary grabbed my arm and pulled me further into the room, near a row of tubes that kind of resembled a Japanese airport hotel room.
She pointed to the nearest tube. "Strip to your undies and crawl in, sweetie."
“So I’m guessing you’re not going to answer?” I groaned.
She pointed again. “Strip and get in.”
I looked at the tube again.
Oh, yeah, the enhancement incubators.
I remembered now.
I'd used one the first time I’d had my genetics tinkered with. The incubators sealed me in and kept me still and relaxed as the enhancement was carried out.
It also made me really, really high, to the point where I didn't remember almost anything that happened while I was being genetically altered.
"The enhancement process is automated for established supernatural classifications,” Mary explained, “but you're our first warlock. We've done our best in the time we've had to tailor it to fit your needs. This was based on our research and the data Pecker just sent over, but it's a best guess scenario.
I stripped down to my underwear as she talked, wishing I hadn't picked that day to break out my ‘Spongebob Square-pants’ boxer shorts.
"We've also never had anyone enhanced more than once," Mary said, ignoring my near nakedness. "It’s a great challenge, which should at least provide us with interesting data.” She smiled. “No matter what happens, we’re assured to learn something, even if it's just 'warlocks explode when you enhance them.’”
“I’m sorry if that doesn't have me jumping out of my pants with enthusiasm.” I sighed, pulling myself into the incubator. I didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter.
"Please don't worry," Samuel said. “Our particular combination of wizardry and witchcraft, coupled with Mister Pecker’s engineering genius, has proven to be highly effective…so far.”
“True,” Mary chimed in. “Besides, your worrying could affect the data."
“Well, we wouldn’t want that,” I deadpanned.
I had more to ask, but the sound of hissing signaled the relaxing gas was in the process of filling the incubator.
Two breaths later and I was way too high to ask anything at all.
I have no idea how much time passed before I started regaining my wits, but I assumed it was hours.
There was a monotone voice repeating several phrases as my brain tried to push through the fog.
I will not use my demon to conquer the world.
I will not attempt to spread my seed to propagate the warlock race.
People are friends, not food.
I heard another hiss as the tube opened up. Mary was there to help me out.
"Good news," she said with a huge smile, "you didn't explode!"
"I figured that much out," I replied, not feelin
g nearly as giddy as she was. "How did it go? Did I just hear the end of the entrainment?”
Mary nodded, then motioned for me to get dressed.
"We decided to give you a break and deliver the entrainment brain-washing…” She looked up at me. “I mean, personality adjustments while you were getting enhanced.”
Then, she sat and watched me as I dressed. Her interest appeared clinical, but something suggested she was holding back a laugh.
“The process was a huge success,” she announced with more enthusiasm than my still-ringing brain found pleasant. “We can’t wait to see how your powers increase as a result. Your body seemed to soak up everything immediately, almost like a Spongebob…” She bit her lip. “I mean a sponge."
She stopped trying to hold back the laugh.
Damn it.
Chapter 14
Finally, I was done. The Shantums sent me out of their dimensional box and back to Pecker, who quickly shuffled me out of his office, but not before asking me to pass his email along to Bert.
[email protected], if you were wondering.
Now that all my checks and upgrades were finally taken care of, I had a few hours to kill.
Bangkok was about twelve hours ahead of the Netherworld, which operated on USA Central time for reasons nobody seemed to understand. Due to the time difference, it wouldn't be night there for a few hours, which was when I was due to meet with the chief of the Bangkok PPD.
Not wanting to chance what would happen if we were apart for too long, I decided to meet Bert at the club. Sleep was an option after that, but I actually felt pretty rested and full of energy. The upgrades must have already started working.
Speaking of upgrades, their most notable side effect had definitely kicked in.
To put it bluntly, I was so horny I could carve diamonds without a chisel.
Picture going through puberty three times at once and you might scratch the surface of it.
Honestly, this kind of made me feel bad about judging my fellow officers after seeing them go nuts after their augmentations.
Bangkok Warlock: A Mark Vedis Supernatural Thriller Book 1 (Southeast Asia Paranormal Police Department) Page 7