The image of them together, standing in such an intimate way, had Tanner growing more accustomed to the idea of her living here. He’d never invited another woman to live with him. Even his fiancée hadn’t lived with him. They’d been young and in the beginning stages of planning when his life had turned to shit.
Tanner didn’t want to say anything, he wanted Melanie to work this out on her own and go at her own pace. Finally, she was opening up to him about her past. He wasn’t sure how far she would delve into it, but he had a feeling he was going to be pissed at what she’d endured.
“My ex was fine with me being overweight,” she went on. “In fact, he was all too eager to make sure I stayed that way. He was jealous, to say the least. Anything to keep another guy from looking at me. Neville liked to exploit the fact I was a smart attorney, but he never called me pretty or seemed proud of me. I was a pawn in his game to further his political career.”
Tanner gritted his teeth and struggled to find the right words. Neville was a grade-A bastard.
“What made you decide to get away?”
“One night I couldn’t sleep, so I was online reading different blogs and I stumbled upon one called Women Empowering Women. As soon as I read a few paragraphs, I knew I wanted to motivate other women, too. But I also knew in my current state, I couldn’t do that.”
“Are you talking about your weight, or the fact that your ex was abusive?”
Melanie tensed and pulled away from his arms. Instantly he regretted his words.
“Mel—”
“No.” She held up her hands. “Don’t apologize for speaking the truth. Honestly, I knew I couldn’t keep going because of all of that. Everything about my life was unhealthy, from my weight to my marriage. I started walking, which led to running. I was damn slow, but I was moving, and for the first time in my life I was doing something for me. Neville didn’t know this until the weight started to gradually come off. Needless to say he was angry.”
Tanner watched Mel as she glanced at the box of pastries and back to him. “That’s when I told him I was leaving,” she went on. “I was done living that life, being in a prison and posing as a happy couple for the sake of his political career.”
“And he just let you go?”
Melanie twisted her hands in front of her for a moment, then smoothed down her shirt and tipped her head up. “No. I blackmailed him and left him no choice.”
Tanner crossed his arms over his chest. “What type of blackmail?”
Melanie circled the island and surveyed the inside of the bakery box. She grabbed a cupcake and peeled away the lining little by little.
“That’s a story for another time, and right now I’m going to dive face-first into this cupcake and give the proverbial middle finger to my ex.”
“You don’t have to—”
She leveled his gaze. “Yes, I do. Care to join me in a celebration?”
This woman was so damn remarkable he didn’t know what to expect next from her. Every part of him wanted to know the blackmail she had on Neville, though he suspected he knew. Most likely she had images of the abuse or recorded account of an act. No politician wanted that type of negativity out there for the voters to see.
“I can’t turn down sugar.” Tanner reached across the island and grabbed the éclair. “It’s a weakness of mine, which is why I’m often in the gym.”
“Oh, please,” she said around a bite, “you are perfectly fine. Men carry weight better than women.”
Tanner set his pastry down and waited until he caught her attention once again. “When I saw your blog, you need to know that the before-and-after pictures you posted regarding your weight were both beautiful. I’m glad your confidence is higher and I’m proud of you for encouraging other women, but you are a stunning woman. No added pounds could change that.”
He needed her to know this, he needed her to see that she was beautiful inside and out, because he was confident nobody in her life had ever told her. And it was well past time she started seeing herself for the remarkable woman she truly was.
Yes, she put up amazing posts about confidence, but he saw how she still fidgeted with her hands or her purse when she was nervous and how she averted her gaze when a topic hit too close to home.
Melanie had a successful online base for inspiring women, but who was inspiring her?
Tanner felt as if each day with Melanie came with a new set of rules and goals. There was so much to take in with her, and he feared the only way to accomplish everything was to get her to see that he was completely serious when it came to wanting a relationship.
Chapter Eleven
If you were able to believe in Santa for nine years, you can believe in yourself for five minutes.
—Mel’s Motivational Blog
Melanie wasn’t sure what to say. She was positive she had a blank look on her face and quite possibly icing on her lips, but she was utterly stunned at the passion in Tanner’s tone. He meant every single word.
When was the last time someone had commanded her attention to tell her such things? When was the last time someone made her see herself in a different light?
Jade and Livie were great at such things, but they were her best friends. Tanner didn’t have to tell her anything, yet he made sure she was looking at him when he laid down his claim with such conviction.
“Wow,” she muttered, putting her cupcake down and brushing her hand across her mouth. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. You have to believe what I’m telling you.”
She wanted to. Hearing him say things that she’d said herself on her blog was strange. She’d always been the one doling out advice and reaching out to women who needed an extra lift in life. Sometimes she threw in humor to keep the daily motivations uplifting, and random times she would even feel a boost from her viewers’ comments. But to have a man she cared for say something so meaningful, straight to her face . . . she had no clue how to react.
“I want to believe you.” Melanie made her way around the island, coming to stand directly in front of Tanner. “I guess I never realized I lacked in that area. I mean, I’m putting myself out there every day, and I believe what I’m telling my viewers is the best advice for them.”
“Do you feel that way about yourself?” he asked, reaching to take her hand in his.
Melanie weighed her words carefully. “I know that I’m a better person than I was two years ago. I know that each day I get stronger and I want to be better tomorrow than I am today. That’s how I move forward.”
Tanner lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm. The heat from his touch, the bristle of his stubble against her skin had her trembling. Anticipation, need, arousal, all spiraled through her. She shouldn’t want him. She shouldn’t trust herself to fall back into a relationship, but he said all the right things, did all the right things.
How could she deny the way he made her feel? Each time she was near him, each time he looked at her, there were sensations she couldn’t explain . . . mainly because she’d never felt them before. That in and of itself terrified her. As if expecting his baby weren’t enough of a scare.
“Don’t,” she murmured.
He kissed her palm again. “Don’t what?”
“All of this. The surprise, the kisses, the looks.”
“What looks are you referring to?” he asked, still holding on to her hand within a breath of his lips.
“The one where you look like . . .”
A ghost of a smile danced around his mouth. “Like what? Like I want you? I do. Every minute I’m with you I want you, Mel.”
“We had one night,” she hurried to say because her heart was beating too fast, her emotions were threatening to overtake her. “It was great, but we can’t do this, Tanner.”
“Give me one good reason.”
“Because. Well, we can’t.”
Damn it. Her reasons sounded weak and clueless. But she wasn’t clueless. She was hopele
ss when it came to this man. For two years she’d built up a resolve and shored up her defenses, yet Tanner had pushed and pushed against each one. He forced her to open her eyes and see things she wasn’t ready to see . . . like a relationship.
A slight tug of her hand and Melanie tumbled against Tanner’s chest. She looked into his eyes, those dark, heavy-lidded eyes that held her captive.
“Why don’t you keep trying to think of excuses,” he stated. “And I’ll work on every reason why this is a good idea.”
Before she could question his intentions, he snaked an arm around her waist and covered her mouth with his. The sweet taste of his pastry mixed with hers, and there was no dessert that compared to being kissed by Tanner Roark. She was utterly helpless. But not in the way she’d once been. No, this was the type of helplessness that was positively glorious and made her want to rip his clothes off and go for an encore of their first experience.
Melanie threaded her fingers through his hair and opened for him. When both of his arms banded against the small of her back, he pulled her tighter against him, causing her body to arch. He tipped her back and completely took over the kiss and the amazing assault on her senses.
Being held by such a strong man, being cherished by him, was still so new and something she wanted to cling to and relish for as long as possible.
Tanner nipped at her bottom lip before easing back slightly. “If you need me to stop, say so now.”
The Melanie that lived in fear of being controlled emotionally and physically told her to put an end to this, but the new Melanie, the one who ached for this man, had no words.
Leaning forward to close the gap, she slid her lips across his. Tanner obviously took that as the green light he’d been waiting for, because he lifted her up and started carrying her from the room. She wrapped her legs around his waist and marveled at his strength as he moved through the hallway and headed toward the stairs.
“You can’t carry me up there.”
Both his hands gripped her backside as he whispered in her ear, “Challenge accepted.”
Melanie wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes. Arousal pumped through her fiercer than she’d ever known. By the time they reached the top landing, Tanner still had a tight hold on her and wasn’t even breathing hard. There was something to be said about a man who was strong, sexy, and determined.
Tanner moved on down the narrow hallway and turned into a room. She’d never been up here before and hadn’t ever planned on it, actually.
Yet here she was in Tanner’s bedroom, and the anticipation coiled tight within her.
He released her and she slid down his body until she stood firmly on her feet. The only light was the glow from the full moon coming in the window through the open curtains. He reached down to the nightstand and clicked on the lamp.
“I was fine in the dark,” she said, hoping her nerves weren’t showing too much.
Tanner raked his eyes over her, giving her a visual sampling that had her heating up even more. “I want to see you. The last time didn’t nearly satisfy my craving.”
Oh, those clever words he said. She’d never known guys actually spoke this way. To be honest, she’d never known she could feel this way, that she’d actually crave sex and not think of it as a chore or a duty. She’d only been with one other man and—
“Hey.” He reached up, framing her face in his hands. “Look at me. It’s just us in this room. Got it?”
Melanie nodded, pushing aside thoughts that threatened to steal their moment. “Just us.”
Without looking away, Tanner reached for the hem of her tee and lifted it up and over her head. Her first thought was that she hadn’t even put on her pretty bra and panties. The plain pale pink cotton probably wasn’t doing much for Tanner. This was a far cry from the brazen woman he’d taken home from the bar several weeks ago.
“You’re frowning.” He reached for the button on her jeans. “I must be doing something wrong.”
“Can we turn the light off?” she asked.
He tipped his head down slightly until she was forced to look him directly in the eyes. “Just us, remember? No worry of looks or doubts, and sure as hell no memories of your ex. Just Tanner and Melanie.”
“In theory that sounds great.”
He shoved her jeans down and dropped to his knees in front of her. “I’m about to show you it’s not just a theory. It’s a fact.”
Melanie held on to his shoulders as he removed her shoes, socks, and jeans. She stood before him so exposed. This was nothing like the last time. Their first time had been flirty, frantic, and they were still half dressed, fumbling in the darkness of his foyer.
Now they were so emotionally involved, with a baby no less, lights on, and apparently getting down to the bare essentials.
Nerves curled low in her belly and Melanie had to force herself to remain calm.
“I didn’t see this before.” His finger traced over the small circular tattoo on her hip bone. The Roman numerals represented freedom. “What’s this mean?”
Melanie watched as his fingertip continued to slide over the ink. “That’s the day I decided to live for myself and leave my abusive marriage. That date symbolizes a new beginning.”
His eyes came up, locking onto hers. “I’ve said it before, but you’re so damn remarkable.”
She felt that way when he said such things. Melanie felt like she couldn’t possibly fail at anything when Tanner pushed his way through that wall of doubt she kept in place. How did he do that? How did someone she’d known for such a short time already get her and know all the right words to say?
Not only just saying the right words, but she knew deep in her soul that he meant every single one.
“You’re still feeling okay, right?” he asked, his brows drawn in. “With the baby?”
Melanie nodded. “We’re fine. No need to worry.”
The worry lines between his brows didn’t diminish. Melanie smoothed her thumb over the narrow area and offered him a smile. “I won’t keep anything from you, Tanner. This is our child. Now are you going to undress or just stay down there on your knees?”
Perhaps that was the wrong thing to say—or the right one, considering the way his eyes darkened and he pressed his lips to the inside of her knee. He trailed up toward the apex of her thighs and she found herself clutching his shoulders once again.
Just when he came so close to the area where she ached for him most, he turned his attention to her other leg and started the process over again. Her hips shifted and the groan escaped before she could stop herself. Tanner was driving her positively mad with want and need.
“Relax,” he murmured as he stared up at her. “We’ve got all night.”
“Is that a threat or a promise?”
“Both.”
He nipped at her belly just above the band of her panties. She hated that he could see the stretch marks, but she wasn’t ashamed of who she’d been. Those were her reminders of the woman she never wanted to be again. The woman who let others walk all over her, the woman who didn’t care for herself the way she should.
His hands covered her stomach as he placed another kiss on her. “I know this wasn’t planned, but I’m not even going to pretend I’m sorry. I can’t wait to meet our baby.”
Melanie’s heart tumbled. They were most definitely not in the right place to have a child together. They knew little about each other, but she wasn’t sorry, either. If she was honest with herself, she’d much rather have Tanner as the father of her child than any other man she’d ever known.
Each day she felt she uncovered another layer of what made up this remarkable man. Which meant each day she fell a little more for him and there wasn’t much she could do to prevent the inevitable.
When Tanner came to his feet, Melanie reached for him, but he stepped aside. “I’ve got this.”
In record time he’d stripped and stood before her completely bare, without a shame in the world. Sure, if she looked like him
she’d parade around with the lights on, too. Damn that man didn’t have an ounce of fat anywhere . . . and she’d looked. Twice.
“Keep lookin’ at me like that and you’ll never leave this room.”
Melanie felt her cheeks heat up as she smiled. “Well, you did put it all on display, so don’t act like you’re shy.”
In a lightning fast move, he reached behind her and flicked her bra. She didn’t want to think about how he’d perfected that move. Melanie straightened her arms and let the pink cotton glide silently to the floor.
His eyes darted down to her panties and back up as a wry grin spread across his face. Melanie slid her underwear off, kicking them to the side. Feeling more confident than she ever would’ve imagined, she propped her hands on her hips and tilted her head.
“Now what, hot shot?”
“Now you better hang on, because things are about to get interesting.”
Tanner closed the minuscule space between them, bringing their bodies flush as he gripped her face and covered her mouth with his. Melanie curled her fingers around his wrists and sank into the kiss, her body melting against his.
He spun her around, never breaking contact, and her knees hit the side of the bed. Slowly, with more care than she’d ever been shown, he eased her down, keeping his weight off her. His hands rested on either side of her head and she eased her legs apart to accommodate his hips.
“I’ve never wanted this.” She didn’t know why those words tumbled out because she’d meant to keep them locked away.
Tanner stared down at her. “With me?”
“With anyone,” she admitted. “Before we were together, I never knew sex could be . . . satisfying.”
The muscle clenched in his jaw and a flash of rage came and went in his dark eyes. Melanie shivered, not that she was afraid of him, not by any means. But Tanner was a protector and she knew her admission had him thinking how he could make everything right. For her.
He kissed the tip of her nose. “I’m glad I could be the one to show you how sex should be.”
Be with Me Page 15