"Well," she said, giving me a weird smile, "I managed to get the attention of a dangerous heroin dealer all by myself, you know."
"Freak happenstance," I said with a eye roll. "We're talking about your life here."
"Right. My life. While we're on that topic, I don't appreciate you making that decision for me. We should have been having this conversation six days ago. You shouldn't have just walked away without asking me what I was feeling."
"And what are you feeling, darlin'?"
"I'm feeling like I don't like you in pieces, Johnnie. I like this whole thing," she said, waving a hand at me. "I get that that comes with some darkness, but that doesn't mean you're dark. You're the brightest thing I've ever seen in my life. And... I've been without that for six days now and, let me tell you, I don't like it. I want my light back."
"Your light, huh?" I asked, curling my pinkie around hers and pulling it up to my lips to kiss it.
"Oh, it's mine alright," she declared with a chin lift.
"I'm yours, huh?"
"Like it or not," she said with a firm little nod.
Fucking cutest thing I'd ever seen.
"Oh, I like it," I said, pulling her closer and kissing down the side of her neck. "In fact, I love it."
Twenty-two
Amelia
Love.
He said love twice.
I didn't even try to ignore the leaping feeling of my heart at his words.
Lo was right about him.
He had the biggest heart of anyone I had ever seen and, given the size of the hearts his friends all seemed to have, that was really saying something. And he didn't try to hide it. He wasn't scared of the potential his heart had for breaking. He just took it and he handed it to me, no muss, no fuss. Easy. Open. That was Johnnie. He was so easy to love.
And I did. I loved him. It didn't matter that it was new. It didn't matter that I didn't know his opinion on avocados. All that mattered was how much better I felt when he was around. All that mattered was I felt it click.
"Baby... I'm pulling some of my best moves and you're a million miles away," Johnnie said and I looked down at him, feeling guilty, but he was smiling up at me. "Haven't tasted this pussy in too long and I'd like you to be paying attention when I do it," he added and I felt my cheeks heat.
"Sorry I..."
"Tell me," he said, his hands squeezing me.
"Tell you what?"
"You know what," he said, one hand releasing me to move up and boop my nose. "You feel it, you say it, babe. No more hiding. I know your dad walked out on you and he made you think that every man you love will walk away, but you can't let fear make you ration out your love. You feel it, you say it, you give it. So give it to me."
"How do you know I feel it?" I hedged, not quite there, not ready to say it.
He ignored my question and a devilish little smile toyed at his lips. "You know, I'm not above using dirty tactics to get what I want."
I felt my brows draw together. "Dirty tactics?" I asked.
Then the smile spread as his hand moved fast and pushed between my thighs, pressing in, cupping but not giving me what I needed. My breath caught, my hand slapping down onto his chest. "No fair," I accused, lowering my eyes at him.
"Never said I would play fair, honey," he said, his thumb moving up to stroke over my clit, making a groan escape my lips. "In fact, the less fair, the better," he said, his hand moving away, but only for a moment and only because he slipped it under my shorts and into my panties. "Like maybe this..." he said, his finger pushing inside me and turning, stroking over the top wall. "That's pretty unfair of me, right?" he asked, but the sound was muffled because his face was in my neck and his tongue was tracing down the column of it.
"Yeah," I agreed, my sex clenching as he continued his exploration of my G-spot.
I felt him smile against my skin then suddenly I was up, legs clamping into his sides to hold on. But not for long, because then I was down. As in, on my back... on the coffee table. I lost Johnnie's finger and I lost the rest of him too as he moved away to grab my pants and panties and tear them down my legs. I say 'tear' because something made a violent ripping sound. His hands moved to my knees which I had clamped shut and pressed them downward until I was spread completely for him.
"Fucking love this view, angel," he said, his hands stroking up the soft insides of my thighs as he looked at me. "Know what I like more though?" he asked, his eyes coming to mine, looking heavy lidded in his desire. I shook my head, my words caught in my throat. "No? Maybe I should show you then, huh?" he asked and waited until he got a nod before he slowly lowered down to his knees before me, kissing up one thigh, over the triangle of my sex, then down the other before he finally gave me his mouth.
And then he ate me like he was starving, like it was all he had thought about over the past six days. His tongue lavished, his piercing made exquisite little appearances, his finger teased the promise of release, but never allowed it.
"Johnnie please," I cried, hands digging into his hair.
His head raised, giving me a smile as his chin rested on my lower belly. "Tell me." My legs wrapped around him, pulling him to me, his forearms crashing to the table beside my head. My hips bucked upward, seeking him. Finding his hardness, I stroked myself against it, drawing pained moans from both of us. "You play dirty too," he smiled down at me as he raised up on one arm and dug around in his back pocket, bringing out his wallet and tossing it to the side when he found a condom. He made quick work of his pants, protected us, then positioned himself between my legs. His body shifted and I felt him press between my slick folds, my hips rising to meet him.
His eyes were on my face, taking in every nuance.
"Johnnie..."
His eyes blazed and I thought he was going to end the torment. But then he knifed up suddenly, taking me with him, falling back onto the couch with me on top of him. "You're gonna fuck me, angel," he told me, his voice a growl. His hand moved between us, thumb stroking over my clit as he guided himself toward the entrance to my body. Once there, he stilled, his other hand moving to the middle of my lower back and holding there; waiting for me to make a move.
I rubbed against him, pressing down slightly, feeling a little uncertain, but needing the fullness like I needed my next breath. I pushed my hips down, taking him deep on a loud whimper. Johnnie's hand moved away to settle at my hip as his breath hissed out. "Fucking perfect," he growled, his hand leaving my back and sitting at my other hip. It seemed normal at first until I realized they weren't just resting there, they were holding me still.
"Johnnie," I groaned, trying to wiggle away, trying to cause any kind of movement that would ease the ache inside that was bordering on painful. "I need to move," I cried, grabbing his wrists and trying to move them away.
His head tilted a little. "I'm gonna let you move, sugar. I can't wait to watch you ride me."
"Then why..."
"Tell me," he demanded, lips twitching up.
He had me.
He knew he had me.
"I want to hear it when I'm buried deep inside you, baby."
God.
God.
I had to give it to him.
"I love you," I admitted, my voice a strange croak because the words felt clumsy on my unpracticed tongue.
"There it is," he smiled, his eyes looking bright. His fingers dug into my hipbones for a second before one raised to grab the back of my neck and pull me forward until our lips found each other. He kissed me deep, slow, passionate, full of the wonder of the first realization of mutual love, full of something more profound than just bodies connected, full of the knowledge that our souls were too. He pulled away a long time later and my heavy lids fluttered open. "Move, baby," he coaxed, his hips thrusting up into mine once, making a half-gasp, half-groan burst from my lips.
And, well, I didn't need any more encouragement than that. One of my hands went to his shoulder, curling into it
in a way that must have been painful but he didn't complain as I slowly found a rhythm. My other hand hung limply by my side until his reached out and took it, intertwining our fingers and squeezing tight. His other hand was at the side of my neck, pressing in a little too hard, but I was too wrapped up to care.
"That's it, honey," he encouraged as my movements got faster, more frantic, and hard. "Are you gonna come for me?" he asked and I felt myself tighten around him.
"Y... yes," I gasped, feeling it get closer.
"Fucking beautiful," he said, shaking his head at me slightly and I felt the orgasm threaten then break through me, making my entire body feel like it went out of control at once. My thighs shook violently as I fell forward into his chest, burying my face into his neck where I cried out his name over and over. His body surged up into mine, drawing out my orgasm until there was nothing left, then burying deep and finding his own.
His arms went around me, holding me tight to his body. His lips were at my ear, making me shiver when, still buried deep inside me, I got to hear it too. "I love you, angel."
Epilogue
Amelia - Two weeks
"Darlin' they don't care if all the cups are on the right sides of the plates," Johnnie said, giving me a amused smile as he leaned against the kitchen counter, Millie rubbing against his legs as he watched me run around like a chicken with its head chopped off.
"I care!" I said, rearranging the two glasses that were out of place. "I want everything to be perfect. They..."
"Have been here a thousand times before," he started, suddenly standing behind me, his arm going around my belly and pulling me back against his front. "And not once did they bitch about the glasses. And none of those times did they have homemade biscuits, cornbread, sweet tea, chicken fried steak, green beans, and apple pie to distract them from the position of the glasses."
"I want everything to be right. This is our first official dinner party as a couple," I insisted, though he was right. Aside from maybe Summer, I doubted any of them were even aware that such a thing as a 'right side' existed for glasses.
"Baby, Summer gave a dinner party once a couple years back... fucking disaster. I mean I heard the best part of that night ended up being Hailstorm and the compound being blown to shit. So... you're not up against much."
"That is hardly a vote of confidence, Johnnie," I said, shaking my head.
"I'm sayin'," he said into my neck. "They all love you. The apartment looks great. Your food could make a man cry and drop to a knee and propose marriage. So stop freaking out." He gave me a squeeze and a kiss to the spot just under my ear and moved away when the buzzer sounded. "That'll be Janie and Wolf," he declared without asking who was downstairs.
"How do you know?"
"Janie is a freak about being on time. Summer is too but wrangling that screaming baby into a car seat takes time. Lo and Cash are probably too busy fucking in the car to come up and... Breaker and Alex have to haul it in here from that cabin of theirs and they'll probably waste ten minutes arguing over who gets to drive, so..."
Just as he finished speaking the door burst open and there was Janie, in her usual dark skinny jeans and a dark tank, her long hair flowing. Wolf was behind her, a hulking presence overtaking the entire doorway. "Cash and Lo need to seriously think about taking the van when they want to have car sex," she declared, walking into the kitchen and pouring herself some tea like it was the most natural thing in the world.
My eyes drifted to Johnnie whose lips were quirking and, unable to help it, I threw my head back and laughed.
The door opened a few minutes later and Paine walked in, stopping dead two feet in as he smelled the air. "Is that apple pie?" he asked, looking at Johnnie, who nodded. "Sorry, Shoot but... fuck..." he said, moving over toward me and taking my hand. "Babygirl, forget this chump and marry me."
Again, my eyes found Johnnie's, his face smiling. And it was right then, in that exact moment, that I knew I had never been happier in my life.
That was until five minutes later when the door burst open to reveal Cash with a satisfied grin on his face and Lo trying to flatten out her sex-hair.
And then another five minutes after that when Reign and Summer came through, a crying baby nestled in a pumpkin seat, Summer apologizing profusely about being late.
And then two minutes after that when Alex and Breaker burst through the door, arguing over why it was always Breaker who had to drive everywhere, Alex genuinely heated, Breaker getting in jabs mainly because he liked poking at her anger.
I moved over toward Johnnie as everyone said their hellos, wrapping my arms around his center and burying my face in his neck, my eyes suddenly filling with tears. "Angel," he murmured against my hair, his arms going tight around me.
"Thank you," I said against his skin.
"For what, darlin'?"
"For this," I said, pulling back and looking around. "For you and them and everything. I've never had anything like this before. And I've never, ever had it and not been terrified that it'd be taken away from me."
"Hey, see!" Summer's voice rose above the others and I turned slightly in Johnnie's arms to see her talking to her husband, a glass in her hand. "I told you there was a right side for the glasses to be on!"
I turned my face back into Johnnie's neck and our bodies both shook as we laughed.
--
Shooter - Three months
"You gonna marry her?" Dade asked, looking off at the sprawling endlessness of his ranch, a beer tipped up toward his mouth.
"Yep," I nodded, watching the horses move around in their pastures.
We had breezed into town for a surprise visit that afternoon, Amelia nervously worrying her hands together as if she was somehow convinced everyone would look at her differently, like they somehow knew she got wrapped up in a heroin ring and watched the kingpin get gunned down. She almost seemed a little put-off when she realized everyone treated her with the same dismissive pleasantries they always had. She had me drop her off at the church on my way to Dade's so she could sit in on one of the meetings she used to lead up, connecting with her old clients.
"You're such a lucky fuck, man," he said, smiling over at me. "Prime piece like that? After what one can only assume was an unfair amount of decent tail before her..."
He was right. I was a lucky fuck. I couldn't think of one thing in my life I had done to deserve something like what I had with Amelia. But I also didn't waste much time thinking about that either. I had her; I had what we had; I wasn't going to over think it.
"It's good to see you back," Dade said when I was silent.
"You know planes fly both ways, man. I know Amy would be beside herself for a house guest. You'd probably get a turn-down service."
"You trying to torture me, man?" he asked, giving me a smile. "Showing me what I coulda had if your ass didn't steal her heart."
"You had no chance and you know it," I laughed and he did too.
"Never did with you around. So hurry up and get a ring on your finger. I want to know you're out of the game for good," he joked.
But two weeks later, I put a ring on her finger. One with a diamond you could see from space.
Ten months after that, I put another ring with that one, the kind that wasn't a promise, but was a vow.
But it wasn't then that I was out of the game for good. That happened the first minute I laid eyes on her.
--
Amelia - Thirteen months
"Breathe," Summer said, smiling.
"Take a shot," Janie suggested.
"Don't think offering the drug counselor booze is the right move, Janie," Alex chided, fiddling with the bodice of her black dress.
"Hey it worked on my wedding day," Lo said, smiling wistfully. "Three shots before I walked out there. Cash might have been a little blurry, but I made it to him."
She was right, she did make it to him. And Cash barely waited for the preacher to tell him he could, before he laid
a big, wet one one his new wife, picking her up while doing so and carrying her out of there amidst the whoops and catcalls. They didn't make it to their suite either. They had sex in the storage closet ten feet from the event room where all the guests were still seated.
I was there.
It was brilliant.
That being said, being the one who was supposed to be doing the walking down the aisle and being kissed in front of most of the bad-asses in the area, it didn't sound all that brilliant.
"Look," Summer said, taking my hands in hers, her own engagement and wedding rings catching my eye. "I know it's weird that everyone is looking at you and knowing you're going to be having all kinds of sex after you seal the deal... but when you get out there and you see Johnnie watching you, trust me, everything else will fall away."
"Right. So we're done with all this clucking, right?" Janie said, popping up and pulling the hem of her skirt down. Janie was a lot of things, a dressy girl was not one of them.
"Just wait till it's your turn, Jstorm," Lo said, tugging at her hair playfully.
"Fuck that. We can get one of you ordained and you'll marry us at Hailstorm with no muss or fuss. And definitely no tight dresses," she whined, pulling at the clingy material of her very simple bridesmaid dress.
I stood up, running a hand down my hair to smooth it, feeling marginally better. Leave it to the girls-club to distract me from my anxiety.
"Alright. That's our music," Summer said and all of them made a grab for their plain white bouquets and fell into line.
I took a deep breath as I walked down the hall.
"You ready?" Paine asked as he came up beside me, offering me his arm. He was giving me away. Since my father was MIA for twenty some-odd years and Ben was gone, there was no one to walk me down the aisle. Standing up with Johnnie would be Breaker, Dade, Cash, and Wolf. Paine should have been up there too, but he insisted that there was no way he was letting me walk down the aisle alone like I didn't have any family. He was my family now, he had insisted. And, well, that was that. I had bawled like a baby into his chest until he pushed me off onto Johnnie when he told me that.
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