I shuddered. He recounted it so scientifically, but I remembered the horror only too well. Gasping for air, my throat swelling shut.
“But what does that have to do with why the Chancellor’s power doesn’t work on me?”
“Histamine-releasing neurons are also found in the brain,” Simin continued. “Neural interaction between the hypothalamus and amygdala are at the heart of what makes glitcher powers possible. If your unique immunological response triggered a similar release of histamines in the hypothalmus due to childhood exposure to glitcher compulsion, you could have built up protection against that particular kind of power.”
I blinked rapidly, trying to follow his complex explanation.
“But instead of making you sick like your allergies do, your mind is protecting you from a real threat.” He finally looked up at me. “It’s not a perfect correlation, but you could think of it like an immunization. An early dosage built up an immunity to the disease. It was only possible through the combination of your unique body chemistry and your chance exposure as a child.”
“It explains why you’re the only person her compulsion doesn’t work on, but why every other glitcher power still affects you,” Adrien said.
I looked between the two boys uncertainly.
“Zoe,” he took my hand. “I know this doesn’t make up for what happened. Nothing can change that. But your brother’s death could be the reason we’re alive. Because of him, you’re the one person with the ability to fight the Chancellor. You save lives. You can save all of us. Because of him.”
I couldn’t breathe. I pulled my hand away from his. “If I had the choice, I’d rather have Daavd back.”
“But you weren’t given a choice,” he said, his voice gentle. “And I’m so, so sorry about that.”
Tears welled up and my whole upper body began to quiver. Xona had said her mom believed that good things can come from the bad, that things always work out for a reason. But it seemed so wrong to be glad that my brother had died as part of some twisted web of fate so that I could fight against the Chancellor. Adrien had obviously meant it as a comforting thought, but I didn’t want to believe the world worked like that. And still, any way I looked at it, Daavd died because of me. A high-pitched buzzing sounded in my ears. I knew the feeling well.
“Oh no,” I said, blinking my tears away and looking at my shaking forearm.
Adrien took my hand in his, then his eyes flashed back up at mine. “Zoe, your emotions are triggering your telek. Can you calm down and get yourself under control?”
I tried to take several deep breaths, but all I could see was my brother’s bloody face. The shaking got worse. I could feel the power building up inside me, begging to get out.
Adrien put his hands on both sides of my face and looked straight into my eyes. “Zoe. You need to Link yourself. Right now.”
I whispered the words to reconnect myself. Color leached from the room. And with it, I felt my tumultuous emotions calm and dissipate too. The sliding door of the Link came down, separating me from my fears and anxieties, and replacing them with numb calm.
Simin stiffened in his chair.
“It’s all right,” Adrien said. “Her powers are under control now.”
“No, it’s not that,” Simin said, grabbing a small device from a shelf under the console and sticking it in his ear. He pointed at one of the monitors.
“What is it?” Adrien asked.
Simin raised a hand to silence him, but, after a few minutes of giving directions over the com, he turned to us.
“It’s the General. She’s coming in. With a lot of wounded soldiers.”
Chapter 11
ADRIEN’S FACE WENT ASHEN at Simin’s words. He headed directly to the Med Center where Jilia was already prepping beds. I followed.
He had told me I should go to my dorm room, but I stayed behind anyway. One look at Adrien’s tense face helped me fight the numbing Link enough for one clear thought of my own to shine through the fog: I didn’t want to leave him when he looked like that. At the same time, I didn’t dare un-Link myself. I couldn’t risk adding to the crisis by losing control of my power.
I pressed myself against the wall as Rez fighters came stumbling in with a loud chorus of shuffling boots, moans, and shouted instructions. Half a dozen wounded fighters were carried in and deposited onto the waiting beds. All of them bled from one place or another. The Link grayed color as much as emotion, but I could make out the dark stains on clothes and the floor, and the gashes on their skin. Adrien helped them all get situated. The cold readouts of the Link informed me of the size and breadth of each wound. One man’s leg looked like it had been blown completely off from the shin down. Another’s chest was half caved in, and Jilia laid her hands on him immediately. After a few moments though, her face fell and she cursed and moved on to another.
Adrien’s face reflected the horror I couldn’t feel.
In the chaos, a woman with sharp cheekbones and a hard mouth strode into the room. She wore the dark gray uniform of the Rez fighters. Her hands were stained with blood, but I couldn’t tell if it was hers. Professor Henry followed on her heels. “Are you sure you’re okay, Rosalina?” She must be the General.
“What happened?” Adrien asked.
The General ignored him and walked over to Jilia. “How are they?”
“I’m almost done triaging,” Jilia murmured, pressing on the abdomen of a woman Rez fighter. The woman winced but didn’t cry out. “We lost Tirpte. Jenald might need a bionic replacement.” Jilia lifted her hands and finally looked at the General. “But I think the others will make it.”
The General breathed out and closed her eyes. “We lost four more in the field. They were ready for us. There were only two cell commanders who knew we were coming.” She rubbed her forehead. “Chancellor Bright must have gotten to them.”
The Professor’s eyes widened. “Then all the cells in the northern quadrant might have been cracked.”
The General slammed her palm against a tray of instruments. “She knows our every move before we make it. And she’s being considered next in line to become Chancellor Supreme of Sector 6. If she manages it…” Her jaw tensed. “We can’t let it come to that.”
“Why were you in Central City?” Adrien asked. His voice was hard, almost accusatory.
The General’s eyes sliced over at him and something passed between them I couldn’t read. Her mouth tightened and a vein in her forehead stood out. “That’s none of your concern.” She glanced over at me. “No one should be in here except medical personnel. Leave now.”
Adrien pushed off from the wall and I followed him. He didn’t say anything once we got into the hallway, but he stopped and leaned over, putting his hands on his knees and breathing hard.
In the back of my mind, I felt a tugging thought that I should be doing something. But I didn’t know what.
“You should go to your dorm room,” he said, standing up and raking a hand hard through his hair. His facial features were contorted. The three long tones of Scheduled Subject Downtime sounded over the Link. Numbed by the soothing sounds, I moved my feet forward and shuffled obediently toward my dorm.
I paused and looked back before I turned the corner. Adrien was standing in the same place, his eyes wet as he looked down at the stains on his hands.
* * *
The next morning, Ginni told me to un-Link as per our usual morning routine, and immediately everything that had happened the night before rushed in again. The bloody soldiers. The General’s anger. And Adrien’s face when I left him.
“How are the soldiers who came in last night?” I asked Ginni, trusting that she’d have the latest news.
“One died, but the rest are going to be okay.”
I showered and dressed quickly, braiding my long dark hair while it was still wet. I hurried along to breakfast before Xona and Ginni were ready, hoping Adrien might be there. He’d been so obviously hurting last night, and I’d left him there. Just walked
away. The Link had turned me into an unfeeling monster. I had to see him and try to make it right.
But other than the early-rising Rez fighters, the Caf was empty.
“He eats breakfast with his mom sometimes,” Ginni said as we dumped our trays half an hour later.
But Adrien wasn’t in our morning training session either. I came up to Ginni after class, wringing my hands anxiously. “Can you…?”
“Use my power?” she finished. She nodded and closed her eyes for a second, then opened them again. “He’s in the east bathroom.”
“Thanks.”
I hurried to the east bathroom and pushed the sliding door open gently. I heard the rush of running sink water and opened the door all the way.
Adrien was at the sink, splashing his face over and over. He’d half soaked his tunic, but he kept cupping water in his hands and throwing it onto his face, slapping his cheeks hard every time. He finally stopped, his hands braced on either side of the sink, a line of muscle forming on his cheek where he gritted his teeth. He stared at himself in the mirror.
His face looked pinched with pain. His shoulder blades jutted out next to the taut muscles on his back.
Seeing him like this shocked all the questions right out of me. I felt a hitch in my chest as I watched. I’d never seen him like this before. He was always so ready with a smile for me or a joke for Rand and Juan at the Caf table.
“How long?” he whispered, his voice low and guttural. At first I thought he was talking to me, but then I realized he was questioning his reflection.
“Adrien?” I asked, finally stepping inside.
He looked up and his mouth dropped open in surprise when he saw me in the mirror. He spun around, rubbing his forearm over his dripping face and pasting on a quick smile.
“Hey,” he said, then looked away and cleared his throat.
“What’s going on?” I stepped closer.
“Nothing.” He grabbed a few towels from the dispenser on the wall and started cleaning up the water he’d splashed all over the sink.
I came closer and put my hand on top of his to stop him from scrubbing the sink so hard. “What did you mean when you asked, ‘How long?’”
He flinched, but covered it quickly with a smile.
“I’m so sorry I left you like that last night,” I said. “Are you upset about the soldiers? Or did you have a new vision?”
He closed his eyes and breathed out in frustration. “I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Last time I told you about the future,” his words came out harsh, “it caused you so much stress you had a nightmare and lost control of your power.”
My mouth dropped open. “That wasn’t your fault!”
“Remember that story we read about Oedipus, and how the oracle started it all?” He turned to me, his voice heated. “I feel like it’s the same with me. Whenever I tell people my visions, bad things follow. Those soldiers last night…” The smiling mask had dropped away and every ounce of grief and pain was clear in his eyes. “I told Taylor about a vision I had, and that’s why they were in Central City in the first place. It’s because of me those soldiers died.”
“Adrien—”
“The things I’ve seen…” He shook his head. “I’ve tried so many times to change things, and every time I fail. I thought maybe I just didn’t have enough power to stop them, so I started sharing all my visions with the General. Even one vision I should have never told her.” His shoulders slumped in defeat. “Knowing the future changes a person. It makes you desperate, or reckless.”
He looked at the mirror again, his haunted eyes reflecting back. “Or hopeless. I’ve learned my lesson now. You can’t stop what’s coming for you. What’s the point of even trying?”
“Oh, Adrien,” I murmured, pulling him into my arms, ignoring his soaked tunic and holding him as tightly as I could. I listened to his heartbeat through the damp cloth. “Shhh, it’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s gonna be okay.” I patted his back.
I pulled his head down and kissed his forehead, wanting to comfort him any way I could. I kissed down to his ear, then to his cheek, tasting salt on my lips from his tears. I kept moving, slow gentle brushes of my mouth all the way down his face.
“It’s gonna be okay,” I whispered again. He stood still in my arms, not moving as I hovered, inches from his lips. He stared at me, his eyes dark. Then he cupped the back of my head and pulled me into him for one deep, hungry kiss. A sizzle of lightning sparked all through my body.
All the anguish and intensity that had been in his voice a moment ago was now transformed into his touch. I gasped as his tongue trailed down my neck and pulled his head back up roughly with my hands so I could kiss his full lips again.
He twirled me until his body pinned me against the wall. One of my legs hitched up around his hips, pulling him closer. He gripped the fabric of my tunic in his fists and a low growl escaped from the back of his throat. I was all lips and nerve endings and a body pressing against his.
I arched up into him, barely hearing the buzzing in my ears go from a slight hum to a raging vibration.
Until the mirror behind him exploded into a thousand pieces, the shards blowing outward.
Chapter 12
I’D BEEN TRAINING with Adrien’s mom for the last week—and had the bruises to prove it. But I deserved it. It had taken two hours for Jilia to get all the bits of mirror glass out of Adrien’s back. The look Sophia had given me when she came in to see him had cut sharper than the glass splinters embedded in my arm. She had pulled me aside and said she’d arranged for me to train with her every afternoon until I could get my power under control.
It felt like all I did was train now, morning till night. Mornings with Tyryn, then I usually skipped lunch to spend an hour meditating with Jilia, followed by afternoons with Sophia. And still, other than a few rare moments here and there where I’d felt right on the cusp of calling my power voluntarily, I wasn’t any closer to controlling it.
“Your power is linked to your emotions,” Sophia said, lifting the pellet gun at me again. “But obviously meditation isn’t working,” she continued. “So let’s try getting you angry.”
I tried to prepare this time, to gather my telek, but before I could even try to focus on the dim buzzing in my ears, a rubber pellet smacked me in the forehead.
“Why didn’t you deflect that?” Sophia asked, her gray-blond dreadlocks flying behind her as she spun around.
“I’m trying,” I said through gritted teeth.
She raised the pellet gun in response. “General Taylor doesn’t need you to try. She needs you to do. She had this place rebuilt to accommodate you because she needs your power to work. She needs you to be a weapon.”
“I don’t see how shooting me in the face is supposed to help me focus—”
Two pellet rounds smacked into my ribs.
“Hey!” I shouted. “I wasn’t even ready.”
She sneered. “You think in a fight, a Reg will stop so you can have a moment to get ready?” Another bullet flew toward me. I held up my hands to deflect it, but it just smacked into my pinky finger.
“Ow!” I cradled my finger and looked up at the woman, so frustrated I could scream. We’d already been at this for half an hour, and I was sure I was going to have small pellet-sized bruises up and down my body. I bet she couldn’t wait to volunteer for this task. I could almost feel the satisfaction radiating off her. My hands started to shake. I looked down at them in dismay. This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t want to lose control with Adrien’s mom. It would just be that much more ammunition for her hatred of me.
I held up my tremoring arm. “Maybe we should stop for a little bit.”
Sophia ignored me, not lowering her weapon. “I told Adrien that he should stay away from you. That you are dangerous.”
“I’d never hurt him.”
“Oh really?” Her eyebrows raised.
“The mirror was an accide
nt,” I mumbled, looking down.
“What if these were real bullets? When you’re out there running missions, you need to be able to take care of yourself. My son is strong and smart, but he’d jump in front of a laser weapon to try and save you. Are you going to let him get killed because of you?”
“No.” The buzzing got louder in my ears, but I tried to tamp it down. It was coming on too quickly. I knew I was supposed to be trying to access the power, but the truth was, I was terrified of it. Sophia was right. All I did was get people hurt. And our training sessions weren’t helping much.
Whenever I walked into the Caf these days, talk quieted at all the tables. Furtive eyes glanced at me, and then quickly darted away. I could tell they’d all heard about what had happened with the mirror, and Ginni had probably filled everyone else in about my repeated failures at the glitcher training sessions. This morning several of the Rez fighters had stared at me in open hostility, making my cheeks flame in embarrassment and shame. They’d all expected me to be this powerful leader. I was supposed to be a sign of hope, a secret weapon against the Chancellor.
But I was none of those things. My torso started shaking with frustration at my repeated failure.
I tried to calm down and take deep breaths, following Jilia’s instructions. But all I really wanted to do was run out of the room and go Link myself.
The tremors got worse.
“We’ve got to take a break,” I said, trying to keep my voice even.
“Are you angry yet?” she yelled. “You can feel your power, can’t you? Now try to harness it. Control it, don’t let it control you.”
I looked down at my shaking arm in dismay. Yes, I could feel the power. Maybe Sophia’s way, as much as I disliked it, was the path to finally getting control. Now, if I could just direct it the way that I wanted to this time.… I gritted my teeth together and tried to remember the breathing methods from meditation class. Deep breath in, deep breath out. I could do this. No one else had to get hurt because of me.
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