by Pandora Pine
A LITTLE LOVE
By
Pandora Pine
A Little Love
Copyright © Pandora Pine 2017
All Rights Reserved
This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, places, events, business establishments or locales is entirely coincidental.
First Digital Edition: July 2017
PROLOGUE
January…
The sound of the machines was incessant. The mechanical machinations of the IV stand rapped out a staccato beat as the oxygen line hissed. The EKG machine beeped more slowly as the minutes ticked past.
Remington James sat at his sister Roma’s bedside holding her hand. Their older brother, Rainier, sat nearby with Roma’s five-year-old daughter, Gemma, cradled in his arms.
“Remy?” Roma whispered.
“I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here.” Remington kissed Roma’s fragile hand. He’d been at the hospital for nearly twenty-four hours straight, needing to be here when his baby sister took her last breath.
“Have so much I need to tell you.” Roma’s thin lips drew up in what Rem thought was a smile. “We need to talk about Gemma.”
“You need your rest, Roma. Just rest. We can talk later.” Not even losing their parents in a car wreck six years ago had been as painful as watching Roma die by slow inches over the last three months.
Roma smiled sadly. “I’m dying, Remy. I don’t have any ‘laters’ left in me.”
He knew his sister was dying, but hearing her talk about her fate so matter-of-factly broke something inside of him. Rem swiped away the hot tears scalding down his face.
Roma James had been a vibrant young woman who was always the life of the party. It had been a devastating blow to what was left of their small family when it turned out the frequent headaches she’d been suffering weren’t caused by seasonal allergies, but instead by an aggressive brain tumor.
“If you don’t want to talk about Gemma, then let’s talk about you. You’ve spent the last few months only going back and forth between school and my hospital room. When I’m gone, promise me you’ll get back out there and rejoin your life. I want you to be happy.”
After the way things ended with his ex, the last thing Rem wanted to do was “get back out there.” He wasn’t about to tell his sister that on her deathbed. “I’ll do my best.”
Squeezing Rem’s hand, Roma sighed at her older brother. “Declan made you happy, Remy.”
“We’re not talking about me now. This is about you.” As angry as he still was at his asshole ex-boyfriend, Rem was self-aware enough to be able to admit Declan O’Toole had been the love of his life.
“You’re wrong. This is about you. I can’t leave knowing you’re too stubborn to reach out to Declan. Promise me, Remy. Promise me you’ll call him. My life is ending, but yours could begin again if you would only be brave enough to reach out and soften your heart. I know he hurt you. Forgive him and start fresh. Life is too short to hold on to even one ounce of bitterness.”
“I promise.” Guilt stabbed through him. He’d agreed to call his cheating bastard ex just to give his dying sister peace in her final moments, but there was no way he was going to follow through on his vow.
“Gemma,” Roma fought to take another breath, “tell my baby girl every day how much I loved her.”
Rem could feel fresh tears pricking the backs of his eyes. “Gemma will always know how much you loved her.”
“She loves Dr. Seuss and apple juice, her woobie and kittens.”
Rem laughed softly, turning to look at Gemma as she slept. The tiny dark-haired girl was hugging her woobie- a ratty blanket, which looked like it had seen better days- and an equally ratty black stuffed cat to her chest as if they were her most prized possessions.
“I trust you to raise her, Remy.” Roma gasped for breath, using what was left of her strength to squeeze her brother’s hand. “I’m giving my greatest treasure to you.”
“We’ve been over this before. I don’t think I’m the right one to raise your daughter.” He still couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Roma wanted him to raise her daughter? Why not Rainier?
“You’ve been over this before.” Roma’s left eyebrow lifted a bit. “You’re wrong, Remy. You’re perfect and she loves you so much.”
They had been close their whole lives. When Roma wanted to marry Dennis Murphy at eighteen years old, Remington was the one who walked her down the aisle. He was the one who was there for his sister six months later when she walked in on her newlywed husband fucking her best friend. Six months after that, he was the one holding her hand in the delivery room when Gemma was born.
“I had Rainer write this into my will when the doctors told me there was nothing else they could do to fight my cancer. I tried to talk to you about this a few months back and you didn’t want to talk about it then either. Please tell me you’ll raise her.”
Rem couldn’t stand to see the pleading look in his sister’s sunken brown eyes. “Of course I’ll raise Gemma. I’ll love her like she’s my own.”
“She is your own now, Remy.” Roma took a shuddering breath, her frail body rattling with the effort. “I’ll only be a prayer away.” Her eyes slipped shut while her grip loosened on Rem’s hand.
Taking a gulping breath, Rem signaled to their brother, who carefully stood up and walked over to the bed.
“She wants me to raise Gemma,” Rem whispered though his tears in a bereft voice.
Rainier set a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “She tried to talk to you about this. We both did, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“It’s just so…permanent.” Rem wondered how the hell he was going to raise a five-year-old girl on his own. Maybe that was the reason Roma had brought up Declan. She knew how much Rem’s ex had adored her daughter.
“I know it is. Neither one of us have wanted to face the truth of Roma’s diagnosis. The only one of us brave enough to that is our little sister.”
“I don’t know how to raise a child, Rainier! Taking her out for ice cream is a far cry from taking care of her 24/7.” To be honest, Remington was scared to death of being responsible for his niece. His stomach pitched like he was about to throw up.
“You’re an elementary school principal. Of course you know how to raise a child.” Rainier squeezed Rem’s shoulder.
Rem snorted. “Being in charge of a Montessori school hardly qualifies me to be a father.” He swallowed hard, still having a hard time believing his sister’s final request was that he raise Gemma.
“We’re all gonna be here to help you,” Rainier promised. “You’ve got me and your friends and you know Peg and Mitch McKinnon would be glad to help out with Gemma just like they do with their grandson, Tucker.”
Rem nodded, feeling a bit better. His best friend and kindergarten teacher at Little Wonders, Nash Spencer, had just gotten engaged to a single father of one of the student’s in his class. He’d become an instant father too. Remington knew his circle of friends would be there to help him and Gemma out.
“How are we gonna live without her, Rainier? I can’t remember a moment of my life without Roma being in it.”
Rainier held his niece closer, dropping a kiss on her forehead. “One day at time. It’s all we can do.”
Roma’s hand slackened and fell out of Rem’s while the EKG machine flat-lined.
1
April…
“No! I don’t wanna go see Doctor
Ben!” Gemma Murphy shouted. “I want my Mommy.”
It was a familiar refrain. Whenever Gemma didn’t want to do something, she’d trot out that line.
Rem sighed as his niece continued to scream and pitch a fit. Gemma’s behavior was nothing new. This same thing happened every day, reminding him of the Bill Murray movie, Groundhog Day. Only this was no joke and a happy ending wasn’t guaranteed.
Gemma was combative about everything Remington suggested, just because he’d been the one to suggest it. She’d throw a tantrum over going out for pizza or watching Frozen, things she loved, or had loved before her mother passed away.
“Come on, sweetheart, we have to go see Doctor Ben so he can tell us how healthy you are.” According to Roma’s medical records, Gemma hadn’t had a physical since this time last year.
“I’m not your th-weetheart!” Gemma screamed, her lisp in full effect.
Nothing Remington had tried over the last three months had worked to soothe his grieving niece. He’d been hoping that having Gemma in his life would help his own grieving process. So far it had only made things worse for him. For both of them, actually.
Scooping up a still screaming Gemma, Remington grabbed his briefcase and headed out the front door toward the car. He hated starting their mornings like this, but Rem knew once he got to Ben Wagner’s office, Gemma would calm down. She only seemed to throw these kinds of tantrums at home or in the car with him.
To the rest of the world Gemma appeared to be a sweet little girl dealing with an incredible loss, but at home, she was nothing short of a holy terror.
Meals, homework and bedtime were all nightmares and Rem was at his wits end to figure out a way to wave the white flag and find peace between himself and his niece.
There were occasional glimmers of hope when Gemma would seem as if she’d forgotten to be angry with him, but those moments were few and far between. In truth, those little moments were the one thing keeping hope alive that they were going to make it.
It was a conversation with Bronson McKinnon that precipitated this trip to see Doctor Wagner. He’d mentioned that whenever he was having some kind of behavioral issue with his five-year-old son, Tucker, Ben Wagner was the person he went to for advice. Rem could see the logic in that. As a pediatrician, Ben was familiar with kids and issues that could change their behavior.
The reason he’d picked Ben as Gemma’s doctor was because he’d become a part of their circle of friends over the last six months. Ben had been a key participant in Bronson McKinnon’s custody trial, helping to convince the judge that Bronson should have full custody of his little boy.
Now that Nash was in love and happily engaged to Bronson, he’d been pushing the good doctor at their friend, first grade teacher, Knox Keaton. Both men were friendly toward each other, but Rem hadn’t seen any indication that the men were interested in each other beyond being friends.
He knew the reason Nash had pushed Ben toward Knox was that he was still a tiny bit hung up on his ex, Declan O’Toole. Okay, maybe “tiny” was the wrong word to use.
Two years after their bad breakup, Rem still occasionally missed the cheating, rat-bastard, even though he was in no particular hurry to fulfill his promise to Roma about getting back in touch with the handsome asshat.
Rem turned into the doctor’s office parking lot and easily found an empty spot. Thankfully, Ben was willing to open the office at 7:30am so that Gemma could have her physical and they both could get to school on time.
Taking a deep breath, Rem looked up at the rearview mirror to see Gemma was rubbing the silky end of her blanket against her nose. Her eyes were closed and she looked at peace. Rem shut off the engine, dreading having to disturb Gemma.
When he opened her car door, the little girl’s eyes snapped open and she scowled at him. He stood there waiting for her to unbuckle her own seatbelt. The last time he’d tried to unbuckle Gemma, she’d started screaming that she could do it herself, before telling him, again, that she wanted her mother.
With a fierce look on her face, Gemma pressed the seatbelt button and climbed out of the car with her blanket and stuffed cat. She never went anywhere without either comfort item.
Rem held his hand out for Gemma to hold, but she frowned up at him and refused to take it. Sighing, he started walking toward the office building. There were so many things he needed to talk to Doctor Ben about today.
**
“Good morning, Gemma!” Doctor Wagner was all smiles when the little girl walked into the office. “Rem, it’s good to see you again.” Ben was wearing a scrub top patterned with cats.
“It’s good to see you too, Ben.” Rem had never been happier to see a doctor in his entire life. He reached out to shake the doctor’s hand, grateful for the human contact.
“Why don’t we come on back to exam room one?” Ben opened the door leading to the exam rooms and pointed to a bright yellow door with a red “1” painted on it.
“Do you know why you’re here today?” Ben asked as he lifted Gemma up onto the exam table.
Rem breathed a sigh of relief. There was no way in hell Gemma would have let him lift her up like Ben had done.
“To make sure I don’t have cancer like my Mommy.” Her dark eyes twinkled with brewing tears.
Rem felt his heart break all over again. Is that really what Gemma thought? That she was going to get cancer like her mother?
Ben flashed a sympathetic look at Rem and grabbed a rolling stool. He sat down in front of Gemma bringing them eye-to-eye with each other. “That’s a really smart answer. You’re absolutely right!”
Rem felt his mouth drop open. This was just a routine physical not a cancer screen. What the hell kind of game was Ben playing here?
“I’m gonna check out your eyes and ears and listen to your heart and test your reflexes. Okay?”
Gemma nodded, clutching her cat and blanket closer to her chest.
Ben got up from his seat to gather his instruments and nodded at Rem, slapping him on the shoulder before he got to work.
The doctor was true to his word, using his stethoscope to listen to Gemma’s heart. He even gave the instrument to the little girl so she could hear her own heart beating. Rem tried to relax as Ben conducted the exam. He even managed a smile when Gemma giggled at having her reflexes tested. It was the first time he’d heard her laugh since her mother passed.
“You did a terrific job, honey. Why don’t you go play with the toys in the waiting room while I talk to your uncle?”
“Do I have cancer, Doctor Ben?” Gemma’s dark eyes were serious.
“No, honey. You’re perfectly healthy.” Ben smiled at the little girl and helped her down off the exam table.
“Okay, you’re gonna have to explain this to me. We were here for a physical, not to check her for signs of cancer.”
“We both knew that, Rem, but Gemma didn’t. The only doctors she’s seen in the last few months or so have been doctors treating Roma’s cancer, right?”
Rem nodded.
“Not only is she afraid of having cancer like her mother, but she’s also afraid of doctors. In her mind, they only bring bad news. What I wanted to do today was build back some of her lost trust.”
In that moment, Rem could have hugged Ben for doing that for Gemma. It had never occurred to him to try to reassure his niece. “She didn’t want to come see you today and threw a pretty bad tantrum. I had to carry her, screaming, out of the house.”
“That’s happening a lot, huh?”
“Yeah, everything’s a fight. We don’t have very many peaceful moments together. I don’t want this kind of life for her, Ben. I want to be able to tell her and show her how much I love her and she won’t let me.” What Rem didn’t say was that he needed that kind of love and support from Gemma in return.
“I think Gemma’s lashing out at you is her way of dealing with her entire life being out of her control. She had this life with her mother and then all of a sudden that life is gone and now she’s living w
ith you in a new place and nothing is familiar. Does that make sense?”
Rem thought about it for a minute. What would his life be like if all of a sudden he lost his job and his house and had to move in with Rainier? It would be hard for him to handle as a fully functioning adult, never mind as a five-year-old. “Yeah, it makes perfect sense.”
“What I suggest is giving her a little bit of control, maybe some responsibility combined with a chore like making her bed. That way there she has something to focus her love and attention on, not to mention giving her a happy reason to come home.”
It hurt Rem to think coming home to him didn’t make Gemma happy, but this wasn’t about him. It was about finding a way to help Gemma heal. “You mean like a pet?” He remembered Roma telling him that Gemma loved kittens. Maybe going to the pound to rescue a kitten would be just the thing to turn Gemma around.
“In my opinion, an animal would be perfect for your situation. You said she’s yelling and throwing a lot of tantrums. You’ll tell her that she can’t yell and carry on in front of the pet and she’ll stop, not because you’re asking her to, but for the animal.”
Rem snorted. “Ah, a little reverse psychology. Boots needs you to do your homework or Mittens looks sleepy, maybe it’s time for bed, right?”
“Exactly!” Ben set a hand on Rem’s shoulder. “She just needs one thing to go her way. It might just be that simple to jumpstart your life together.”
“I’d do anything to see that little girl smile.”
“Your little girl, Rem. Gemma is your little girl now. It might help things more than you know if you stop thinking of her as the niece you took in because her mother died and start thinking of her as your daughter.”
He wanted to do that more than anything, but didn’t think Gemma was ready to accept him as a parent. “I’ll do it. It’ll be a fresh start for both of us.”
“What are you doing about her lisp? I noticed it a few times during the exam.”
“I hadn’t really thought a lot about it. I just figured it would work itself out in time.”