by Pandora Pine
It killed him to see Gemma react this way, like Rem was a total stranger. Dec never would have guessed in a million years that their relationship would end up this far off in the ditch.
"Wow, what have we got here?" Rem shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Declan couldn't help thinking it was to keep from reaching out to touch his niece.
“Kittens,” Gemma said with a bit of snark in her voice. She didn’t take her eyes off the bundles of fur.
Rem crouched down on his haunches next to her. "Do you want to go in and meet them?"
"Doctor Ben's gonna go in with me." Gemma scowled at Rem and crossed her arms over her chest.
Dec watched as Ben shot Remington a helpless look.
"Great idea! Ben just adopted a cat. He's the perfect person to help you make your choice."
Biting his lip to keep from laughing at Rem's show of reverse psychology, he scooted over in the kennel to make room for Gemma and the pediatrician.
"Th-o pretty!" Gemma squealed, sitting next to Dec. She reached over and ran her fingers over the mostly black cat. It was almost a dead ringer for her stuffed cat, but for the heart-shaped white mark on the animal's chest.
Dec met Rem's eyes through the chain link of the kennel. His ex-lover looked totally worn out. He knew things were tough with Gemma, but he'd never guessed things were this bad.
With a baby animal things were only going to get worse. Kittens required a lot of care and he was sure the tiny cat would be heartbroken to leave her littermates.
"Wow! I think the ginger tabby is my favorite." Rem winked at Declan.
Dec rolled his eyes in return. He couldn't help wondering if Doctor Ben, Miracle Worker, had suggested this approach to handling his niece. It was obvious the little black cat was her favorite, but Dec had a strong feeling that if Remington said how much he liked that animal, Gemma would abandon it to spite him.
"Black cats are my favorite too, Gemma. Know why?" Ben asked softly.
"'Cause they're the bestest cats in the world?" Gemma whispered loudly.
Ben shook his head. "Because they're they hardest to find homes for. My Fluffy is a black cat."
Gemma looked outraged. "Why are they hard to adopt?" She plucked the tiny kitten off Dec's jeans and rubbed its silky fur against her cheek.
Ben shrugged. "Weird people think they're bad luck."
"I think Blackie is gonna bring me the best luck ever!" Gemma's tone brooked no argument.
"Maybe you should ask Uncle Remy if you can get that cat." Declan prodded, watching Rem's face for his reaction. It didn't disappoint. Rem shot him a grateful smile.
Gemma shook her head, not looking up from the cat. "He took me away from my Mommy. He’ll take me away from Blackie too."
Dec's eyes popped open and he looked to Ben for help.
Ben set a steady hand on Gemma’s shoulder. "Your Mommy's an angel Gemma. Uncle Remy had to take you home with him."
Dec looked up at Rem to see he was crying. He wanted to go to his dark-haired ex and hold him tight. He couldn't imagine the pain he felt over losing his sister. A pain which must be magnified ten-fold with his niece's rejection of him.
"I don't care. I coulda th-ayed with her. I love her." Gemma’s eyes were wet with tears she was trying to hide against Blackie’s fur.
"You know what angels can do, honey?" Dec asked.
"What?"
"They can watch over you all the time. Your Mommy is always with you. Do you know how I know that?" Dec reached over to run a hand against Gemma's messy dark curls.
Gemma lifted her tear-soaked eyes away from the damp kitten. "How?"
"Look at the white heart in Blackie's fur. I think that heart was a kiss from your Mommy."
"You do?" Gemma's eyes were brimming with unshed tears and hope.
"I do, honey." Declan looked up to see Rem swiping at tears with the sleeve of his jacket with one hand and patting the other hand over his heart.
Gemma looked up at her uncle. "Uncle Remy, can Blackie come home with us?"
Remington nodded, crying too hard to answer.
4
Blackie fit into Remington's house seamlessly. After Tucker had picked out his dog, a Boston Terrier mix he'd instantly named Rex, they'd all headed over to the local pet store to get all of the supplies and toys a puppy and a kitten would need.
Rem and Gemma spent a small fortune on kitten food, a bed and enrichment toys for Blackie. Rem couldn't have cared less about the price. He'd even made a sizable donation to the shelter in Roma's name.
Declan noticing the uncannily heart-shaped marking on the cat had literally saved his ass and had given him a chance to win Gemma’s heart.
Hearing that Gemma thought he'd taken her from her Mommy had broken his heart. He hadn't thought it was possible for his heart to shatter into more pieces, but he'd been wrong.
The one positive note was that he’d seen Gemma smiling at her new kitten and had taken Declan’s advice on where to put Blackie’s small cat bed in their kitchen.
Once Gemma was happily interested in helping Tucker pick out his puppy, Knox and Ben had taken turns hugging him. He could see in Declan's eyes that he wanted in on the hugging as well, but Rem was just too vulnerable to let Dec touch him. It wouldn't have taken much for Rem to have invited Dec back to his house for dinner and so much more besides.
Thanks to Peg McKinnon's no-man-left-behind policy, he was going to have to spend the entire afternoon with Declan at Sunday dinner. If suffering built character, Rem was well on his way to new heights in strength.
Peg had been a godsend when Gemma had first come to stay with him. She was actively involved in her grandson's life and was pleased as punch to have another “little love” to take care of in the afternoons after school.
Rem could very easily have taken Gemma home with him when he left for the day around 4:00pm, but he knew what a good time Gemma had watching Judge Judy and learning to bake with Tucker and Peg when she left earlier in the afternoon. It wouldn’t have been right to take away that tiny bit of happiness Gemma had found in her new life.
“Can Blackie come to Th-unday dinner?” Gemma asked from behind him.
Rem startled at the sound of Gemma’s voice. He laughed at his silliness, hoping his niece would join in. No such luck. Gemma stood there frowning at him, as if she were daring him to say no.
“Why don’t we talk about Blackie’s rules? Have a seat at the table.” Rem motioned toward her usual seat.
“No!” Gemma shouted, scaring the kitten. It bounced out of her arms, crying loudly and scrambled away.
“That’s rule number one. We can’t yell around Blackie. She’s just a baby and loud noises scare her. You’re her Mommy and it’s your job to make sure she’s protected.” Rem was scared to death Gemma was going to keep carrying on.
Gemma looked down at the kitten who was sitting a few feet away with a wary look in her blue eyes. “I’m th-orry I th-cared you, Blackie. What’s another rule?” Gemma bent to scoop up the kitten.
Relief barreled through Rem. At least Gemma was obeying rule number one. “I’ll give her water, but it’s your job to feed her, okay?”
Gemma nodded.
“Last rule is that you need to ask me before you take her out of the house. She’s just a baby and we don’t want her to get lost outside, right?”
Gemma nodded, rubbing her face in Blackie’s fur. “Right. Can I bring her to dinner?”
“I think Peg would like that, don’t you?” Peg had called to talk to Gemma last night when he’d sent her a picture of Gemma and the cat playing kissy face. He knew the doting grandmother would love to have the tiny cat over for dinner.
Gemma nodded. A tiny smile played on her lips.
It wasn’t an undying declaration of love, but he’d take it.
**
Remington’s hands were shaking on the wheel as he drove to Declan’s apartment complex on the edge of town. Why the hell had he agreed to pick up his ex instead of giving him di
rections to Peg and Mitch’s house?
He’d lived in Newburyport his whole life and knew exactly where Declan’s apartment building was located. Pulling up in front of the weathered brick building hurt his heart.
Declan living here instead of in the home they’d created together was Rem’s fault. He still had no idea how to broach the subject of what happened that night two years ago with his ex.
It was easy to admit now what a total asshole he’d been in not wanting to listen to Declan’s side of the story. His only excuse was the torture he’d lived through when he found out Vince had cheated on him for the entire four years they’d been together at Bentley University. Running through that in his mind now, it seemed like a pretty sorry excuse for pushing Dec away.
Just as he was about to lay on the horn, Declan bounced out of the building with a large shopping bag from Cupcake Heaven in his left hand.
Shit! He’d forgotten the lemony dessert for Gemma. They’d been so busy going over the rules for Blackie and getting her packed up in her carrier, he’d forgotten to go to the bakery.
“Hey, Rem. Hi, Gemmy!” Declan opened the back driver’s door to set the bag behind Rem’s seat. “Oh hello, Miss Blackie.” Dec made kitty noises before climbing into the passenger side of his Ford sedan.
Gemma burst out laughing. “Mi-th Blackie.”
Rem, trying to keep a straight face, silently turned onto Low Street, heading toward Mitch and Peg’s house. With his parents dead and Gemma not knowing her biological father, he loved that Tucker’s grandparents were so happy to have Gemma in their lives. They’d been bugging Bronson and Nash incessantly about giving them another grandchild and now they had one in Gemma.
“How did our Miss Kitty do in her forever home last night?” Dec turned around so he could see Gemma.
“What’s a forever home, Mr. Declan?”
Dec exchanged a happy smile with Remington. “Why don’t you just call me Declan or Dec when we’re out of school, okay? That goes for Blackie too!”
Gemma giggled and nodded.
The sound was music to Rem’s ears. If only he were the one making Gemma laugh like that. Baby steps…
“A forever home is more than just a place to live. It’s also finding a family that will love you.” Declan offered Remington a small smile and turned back to Gemma.
Rem couldn’t help thinking that Gemma and Miss Blackie weren’t that different. Both of them needed a kind, loving home. Only Blackie seemed more interested in settling in and making herself a part of the family. He just wished Gemma would do the same thing. “What’s in the Cupcake Heaven bag?”
“It’s a ladyfinger lemon torte. The head baker told me this is their most popular non-cupcake dessert.”
“I love lemon,” Gemma chimed in from the backseat. “Peg teached me and Tucker how to make lemon cookies.”
Dec turned around to look at Gemma in the backseat again. “I love lemon too. I think you’re gonna love the cake, Gemmy.”
“What’s for dinner? Do you think Peg made pasta, Dec?”
Rem loved how Gemma was engaging with Declan. Maybe aside from talking to him about their derailed relationship, he could also ask about how he could get Gemma to trust him again.
XX
Gemma had been right on the money about having pasta for dinner. Peg was making lasagna and she invited the kids to help her layer the noodles, cheese and sauce.
Declan stayed in the kitchen snapping pictures of the kids helping out. He’d gotten a great shot of Tucker wiping a smudge of tomato sauce off Gemma’s right cheek. He’d have to remember to send it to Rem later.
He figured it was safer for him to stay away from Rem and his friends who were in the living room with Peg’s husband, Mitch, watching the Red Sox beat up on the Yankees. Blackie was sitting like a princess grooming herself on Declan’s lap.
“So what’s the deal with you and Mr. Man?” Peg dropped him a wink and went back to adding marinara to the lasagna.
Declan burst out laughing. He was stunned that Peg would just come out and ask him about Remington. “We were together for three years and broke up when he thought I cheated on him.”
“But you didn’t,” Peg said without hesitation.
Peg’s instant faith in Declan touched his heart. It had been a long time since someone had that kind of blind faith in him. “No, I didn’t, but he wouldn’t listen to me explain until the other day when we had a meeting about little Miss.” Dec inclined his head toward Gemma, who was happily spooning the ricotta mixture onto the noodles Tucker had just added to the lasagna pan.
Even two days later, Rem still hadn’t said one word to him about his confession. It was just another warning flag that it was time to move on from Remington James and find a man worthy of him.
Peg frowned at him. “What was his reaction to finally learning the truth?”
“Radio silence.” Dec looked down at his hands. “I saw him yesterday at the shelter and we only talked about the business at hand.” Dec gave Blackie a quick pat down her newly cleaned back.
“You should go on a date with Uncle Rem.” Tucker looked serious. “He’s nice. I bet he’d buy you flowers and take you to ‘Talianos for garlic knots and pizza.”
Peg laughed. “You’re silly. Garlic knots and pizza at Italiano’s is your favorite meal.”
“I love Italiano’s!” Remington said, looking nervous as he walked into the kitchen.
“Told you!” Tucker giggled.
“Mitch needs us to look at something out back.” Rem didn’t take his eyes off the floor.
“Okay.” Declan got up and walked with Rem toward the sliding glass door leading to the back yard.
The last thing he heard before sliding the door shut behind him was Peg’s laugh. He knew they’d just been tag-teamed by the McKinnons.
XX
Remington wiped his sweaty hands on the ass of his jeans. He never had trouble with anxiety in the past, but his heart was hammering in his chest now. All he had to say to Declan were two simple words, but they were the hardest words in the English language to say when you were wrong.
“What does Mitch want us to do back here? I can’t imagine there’s much an elementary school principal and a speech therapist can do in their back yard.
Rem faked a smile for Declan’s sake. “Mitch didn’t send us out to do anything for him. I just said that as an excuse to get you outside.”
“Thank Christ! Hell, I don’t even know what a lawnmower looks like, much less how to use one, remember?”
“That’s why we had to hire the landscaper.” Rem smiled wistfully at the memory. He’d gone out and bought a top of the line mower and neither one of them could figure out how to turn it on.
They’d ended up paying for a landscaper for the summer, which was better than trying to mow the entire lawn by hand with the weed whacker, which they’d both figured out how to use.
After a few seconds of endless, awkward silence, Declan spoke up, “Why did you think I was sleeping with him?” Declan shoved his hands in pockets and gave Rem a hard look. “Come to think of it, why did you think I was screwing every man we ever saw? Jesus Christ, Rem, I only had eyes for you!”
All Rem had wanted to do was come out here and apologize for not hearing Declan out after the incident with the plumber. The last thing he was expecting was for his ex to go on the offensive, even if he had a point. “Look at you. You’re gorgeous.” With his coppery red hair and his green eyes combined with his slim but stacked body, Declan was an absolute ten.
Declan pulled his hands out of his pockets and threw them up in the air. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”
“You’re gorgeous and I’m, well, me…” Rem trailed off. He’d always thought Dec was too good for him. It was only a matter of time before Declan left him for someone better looking or with more money.
“Do you really think I’m that fucking shallow?” An incredulous look took over Declan’s features. “What, you thought you we
re Mr. Right Now and I was still on the hunt for Mr. Right? We were together for three years Rem! We had a house together....we had a life together! I’ve waited for you to pull your head out of your ass for the last two years. Doesn’t that tell you anything about me?”
Declan had a point. Why would he have been trying to get Rem to listen to him unless Dec really, truly loved him? “I’m sorry, Declan. That’s what I came out here to say, that I was sorry I didn’t listen to you two years ago. I’m sorry that you were assaulted and instead of being there for you, I walked away. I’m sorry that I was insecure and thought you were going to leave me for another man. I’m sorry for all of it.” Rem, looking emotionally spent, sagged and took a seat in one of the Adirondack chairs set around the stone fire pit.
Rem heard Dec sigh behind him before he sat down in the chair next to his own.
“It’s been hell living without you. It took almost ten months for me to get used to sleeping alone again. I dogged around for a while thinking that would dull the pain of losing you and all it did was make me hurt more. I miss your smile and the goofy way you snort when you laugh really hard. I miss waking up in your arms and knowing that you have my back. I’ve tried so hard to move on with my life, Rem, and I just haven’t been able to.”
“I don’t know what to say to that, Dec. I’ve spent the last two years being angry at you. I tried not to miss anything about you because I was so busy…”
“Hating me?” Dec’s voice was strained, as if he were trying to hold back his emotions.