“Dane remembers something! That’s what all this is, am I right? You and him and the lawyers? I’m not stupid, Knox! He knows, and he told you, and you need time to breathe right after we have…a moment together that I thought meant something. So no, I’m not going anywhere with you!”
The lady from the desk appears next to us, her eyes darting from me to Knox. “Is everything good here?”
No, no it’s not.
“We’re leaving,” Wyatt murmurs to the woman then steers me to the exit. “Sorry if it got a little loud.”
We step outside and Knox follows us, stopping me with a hand on my arm. “Ava, please—”
I whip around. “I’m no one to you. No one.”
Knox scrubs his face. “Please let me talk.”
“More telling me to slow down? I knew something was off with you!”
The silence stretches around us, thick with tension.
“Talk to him,” Wyatt tells me softly. “I’m not leaving.” He wanders off to sit on a bench a few feet away.
I rub my hands over my arms, feeling chilled in the sun as I try to hold myself together. I want to be strong, I want to prepare myself, I want to walk away from him with this anger hot in my chest, but…I have to know. “Tell me why you’re here!”
He grimaces. “When I went home Thursday morning, Dane told me he remembered seeing Liam follow you into the woods.”
My eyes shut as revulsion inches over me, bit by bit, images from the party flashing one by one, that horrible carnival ride. I’m in those woods again and he’s on top of me, holding me down, and I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t scream—
I wrench myself to the present.
“Liam?” I gasp out, shuddering as it clicks. “His voice…I recognized it in the stairwell when he talked to Jolena, and outside the gym that day—” My stomach jerks. “He was angry, and I didn’t…connect the dots, but he hit me.”
Knox’s eyes flare, and I bend over and clutch myself, bile rising.
He tries to hold me, but I push him away. “No!”
I lean against the wall of the police station, and I’m not even aware of how I got there. Knox is next to me and Wyatt has moved as well, his arms around my waist as I cling to him.
“Is he going to be arrested?” I gasp.
Knox closes his eyes. “I don’t know. It’s been hard, Ava. Dane only remembers certain things.”
“What does that mean?” Wyatt snaps, clearly on my side while Knox paces up and down the sidewalk.
He stops in front of me, his face torn. “Liam told Dane that Dane roofied your drink—”
“What?”
“—but he only said that because he’s suspicious that Dane’s remembering. He didn’t, Ava. He didn’t. I know my brother…” He trails off, his hands knotted.
“Spit it out, Knox. This is about me!” I thump my chest, holding myself together with fragile strings.
He gathers himself. “We got inside Liam’s bedroom and found his trophies.”
“Trophies?” Wyatt mutters. “That sonofabitch.”
Knox’s face grows hard. “A bag of…underwear. I saw yours. We’ve been trying to act like nothing is up so he doesn’t destroy them. That’s why I went to the party last night, plus I thought maybe he might get sloppy and do something or say something. Chance and Dane and I…we all went.” He tenses. “I want to hurt him for you, but we’re trying to do this right and get Dane’s story straightened out, see if there’s enough for a search warrant.”
Trophies. I want to vomit.
Wait…
“Chance knows?” I ask.
He nods.
“But you didn’t tell me. Damn you.”
He groans, rubbing his face. “I wanted to talk to my dad before I did anything. I’m not… I didn’t know how to handle it. Dane, he was so fucked up, and I tried to do the right thing, but…”
“Dane comes first,” I say.
“It’s not like that,” he says quietly. “We just thought it would be prudent to wait and tell you what was going on when we were sure we had enough.”
“You’re preparing Dane’s defense in case he needs one.” My hands tremble.
“I have to take care of Dane, Ava. Liam’s family has big money around here. Every step my dad has made is carefully calculated.” He gives me a pained look. “Dad will get you a good lawyer—”
“Stop.” I shake my head, emotions all over the place, rage mixed with helplessness over Liam, anger at Knox, and anger at myself. I trusted him, and he—he pushed me away for his family.
I picture Mama’s taillights fading away in the distance. In the end, I’m the only one looking out for me, and I’ve known this for a long time. Most of the time I can shove all that down and pretend it doesn’t hurt to be left behind by the people who are supposed to love you.
But right now, my chest aches, and I can’t think straight with all this information.
“Dane would never hurt you,” Knox says. “You don’t know him like I do, but I know he’s innocent. I have to prove that, for him, for you, for us—” He stops abruptly and reaches out, taking my arms as Wyatt eases back, giving us space. “Tulip, please don’t be angry with me for not telling you.”
I stare up at him. “Why can’t I be angry? I point-blank asked you what was wrong—”
“I love you,” he says, his gray eyes clinging to mine. “Can’t you see that?”
I suck in a breath.
“I don’t know when, maybe last year, watching you with Chance, then it grew when I hired that P.I. and I got wrapped up in you and how fierce you are, Tulip, so beautiful and so much strength that I don’t…shit, I don’t know how you do it here at this place when I can’t even stand it. I see who you are and it terrifies me and I tried to stay away, but I didn’t, even when I swore I would, and now I’ve hurt you, but you have to take a good long look at me, a fucking long look and see what I’m made of, what makes me tick, and it’s about you.”
His words rip me apart.
He cups my cheeks, and I search his face.
Knox isn’t ready for you, his dad said.
I’m tired, so tired, my body weak as I come down from the adrenaline rush I got when I walked into the station.
And I just…
Need to think.
He swallows thickly. “Tulip—”
“Go back inside, please,” I manage to push out. “Dane needs you.” I know my mind is scattered, but one thing I’m sure of is that his family is his first commitment, not me, and I don’t blame him. He and I have obstacles in front of us. His walls, mine, Dane’s connection to what happened.
But…
I love you.
I lock down those words he said to me, shutting them inside that chest and wrapping a heavy chain around it.
“Don’t leave. Not like this,” he whispers, as if reading my thoughts. “Don’t walk away. Things will work out. Don’t, please. You belong with me, you do—”
I sigh. “Please, just…leave me be.”
I pull back and walk away from him.
23
I’m sitting at the stone picnic tables outside the dorm that afternoon when a sleek gray Porsche parks in the lot and a guy gets out. I watch as he scans the entrance and heads toward the door, then he slides his gaze over to me and stops. He sticks his hands in his jeans, walks over, and sits down next to me.
This is the closest we’ve been since I came back and Chance still smells the same, a hint of leather and male spice. It brings back memories.
We don’t speak for a few minutes, each of us not looking at the other, just watching some guys tossing a Frisbee on the commons.
A long sigh comes from him. “I fucked up my apology in History of Film when I said you hurt me. I really suck.”
“You do,” I say, still not looking at him. I flick my eyes back at the parking lot. “Your dad gave your car back?” I shrug as he starts, not expecting me to know. “Piper told me he grounded you from it.” I whistle. �
��That’s a long time to not have that sweet ride.”
In my peripheral, I see his nod. “He’s been pissed with me for months. I deserved it.” He pauses, his fingers rubbing at a crevice on the stone table. “Knox said he saw you today at the police station. He said he told you I know everything now.”
I sigh, not wanting to go there. “I got your flowers.”
He huffs. “Did you toss them?”
“Not yet.”
He smiles. “You should. I was at the market for my mom, and as soon as I saw them, I thought of you. We had some good times, didn’t we?”
I think about those sweet notes in my locker, the hugs and kisses after games. “Yes.”
“I still love you, you know. Can’t get you out of my head.”
“You will.”
“Maybe.” Then, “Why did you come back, Ava? Knox said it was for Tyler, and I hate that I never met him. Shit, I did so many things wrong.”
Why did I come back to this fucking place…why did I come back?
I look up and move my gaze over the campus, lingering on the main building with its ivy-covered turrets in the distance. I hate this place, hate it so much it makes me queasy every morning when I walk through those doors, when I see the faces of those people who didn’t believe me, who called me snitch and slut and—
Clarity tiptoes in, softly and quietly, and my bent spine straightens. I’ve been telling myself I was sacrificing myself for Tyler, to get him into a good school, and while part of that is very, very true, I just as well could have gone to Morganville and taken my chances. Even though their services aren’t as good, it would have been better than his inner-city school. No, the truth is, I haven’t wanted to look too hard at that gnawing, ugly, other reason I’ve pushed myself to walk into this place for the past few weeks.
I exhale. “I came back for vengeance, to show all of you that nothing in this goddamn world will ever hold me back from finding out who hurt me. I’m Ava Tulip Harris and no one hurts me, but this place, this place, I had to come back and show you all that I’m worth more than what someone did to me in the woods.” I close my eyes. “And now I know who he is.”
“They’ll get him, or Knox and I will,” he murmurs, taking my hand and lacing our fingers together. “What will you do now?”
I look at him then, studying that handsome face, his piercing blue eyes. “I hate everything about this place. It makes me sick to walk in those doors everyday—even with Knox next to me.” It’s not an answer, but he nods.
“Do you hate me? Even Knox?”
My throat pricks with emotion. Never Knox.
I wish, I wish he’d told me, but I get it, even as leftover anger still bubbles.
He breaks our eye contact and looks off into the distance. “I’m here if you need anything. I know you don’t want that—”
“I forgive you, Chance.” I squeeze his hand.
His eyes glisten as they come back to me. “Shit. Thank you.”
Turning, I lean in closer. “Go and be sweet and especially kind to the next girl you love.” I huff out a laugh. “Even if it’s Brooklyn.”
“Ava, fuck, I don’t even know what to say…” He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight, and we just do that for a long time.
* * *
On Monday, I walk into Camden and look around at the portraits hanging around us, all those graduates, and sigh.
Knox, Dane, and Chance lean against the wall near the entrance.
It feels so much like that first day, only this time, there’s no dread in me. I’ve packed up everything that’s happened over the past year. Pretty soon, I won’t have to shove down thoughts and memories about this place.
Knox meets me, jogging over. His eyes search mine, shadows under his. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Liam was arrested this morning. I texted you.” He looks down then back up at me. “You didn’t reply.”
I nod, not responding to that.
The police called me on Sunday afternoon and asked me to come. They asked the same questions, and I told them about recognizing Liam’s voice outside the gym, but I couldn’t tell if it even mattered since I didn’t see him.
I look away from Knox’s stare.
“Everyone knows,” he says.
“Good.”
He takes my hand and threads our fingers together. His thumb brushes over my hand softly. “We’ve got this, okay?”
Chance walks up from behind Knox and stands shoulder to shoulder with him.
I nod a hello and look past them, seeing Dane. He won’t meet my eyes, but then he straightens and moves toward me, his gait jerky.
Knox sees him and tenses, a surprised look on his face. “Dane—”
He stops next to his brother, slides his hands into his pockets, and exhales. “Ava.”
I study his haggard features, the slouch in his shoulders. “Dane,” I say solemnly.
The air crackles around us, Knox breathing hard, his hand gripping mine.
“I’d never do anything to you. Ever. Even if I was trashed.” He holds my gaze.
I nod, feeling glad, so relieved he came up to me. “You’re a Shark and a big pain in the ass, but you’re a hero, like your twin, even if you may not see it sometimes. You let me hit you then carried me to the office and sat with me for hours,” I remind him. “I don’t buy anything Liam might say about you. It was him. His voice. Everything.”
I watch as the relief washes over him. His eyes water and he bites his bottom lip. “Ava, shit, I don’t deserve any kindness from you, but thank you for being you.”
Piper rushes up, sees them, and bursts through. “Oh my God,” she pants as if she’s been running. “It’s all over the local news! Liam, that bastard! I just passed Jolena in the hall and she’s wailing and even Camilla is crying and I don’t know why! It’s crazy.” She stops, pushing her glasses up, frowning at my flat face. I’m keeping it together—for now. “Wait, why don’t you look surprised? You already knew?”
“Yeah.” I nod.
Students mill around us, most of them staring, all of them whispering.
Same shit—well, maybe different shit, but still, it feels the same.
“Let’s go to class,” Knox says. “I won’t leave your side. They might call you out of class, I don’t know. Dad can be here in ten minutes. He’s got someone for you, a lawyer from Nashville. She’s high profile and deals with sexual assault cases—”
“I have to see Mr. Trask right now. Later?”
He frowns then nods. “Alright, let’s go—”
“No, I can do it.” I give his hand a squeeze and let it go. “I’ll be okay.”
I head to the office, and Knox is with me every step. “I’m just going to hang out while you talk to him,” he murmurs when we get to the entrance, and I tell him he should go on to class.
He looks at me, a determined look on his face. “Not leaving you.”
We walk inside the office. “I have an appointment to see the headmaster. I called earlier this morning,” I tell Mrs. Carmichael.
She looks up from the papers she’s shuffling. “Ava! Goodness, I saw the news. I’m so sorry, dear. Take a seat and I’ll buzz him.”
I nod and sit on the loveseat. Knox sits with me.
“You’re not going in there with me, you know,” I murmur.
He takes my hand again, and for a moment, I sigh and lean into him, just a little.
“Tulip, are you still angry with me? That I didn’t tell you?”
Angry? I was, definitely, but now…
How on earth can I be? Dane is his family.
“It’s hard to stay pissed at you,” I say. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Then why do I feel like something is still wrong?” he mutters.
I rest my head on his shoulder for a second. God, he smells like the ocean and the sun. I’m going to miss him. I’m going to cry for months. I’m going to weep and weep and weep—
“Ava?” Mr. Trask appears in his
doorway, his face somber. “I’m ready.”
I stand and walk into his office.
“I’ll be waiting right here,” Knox says.
Twenty minutes later, I’ve laid everything out for the headmaster, that I know it was Liam who attacked me outside the gym, and of course, he already knows about the arrest. He quickly agrees to keep Tyler’s scholarship as long as I want, assuring me that the board members would be happy to. I’m not sure if he’s afraid I’ll sue the school since Liam’s been arrested, or perhaps he just actually cares. He agrees to refund Knox most of the money for my housing.
I accept it all and leave his office.
Knox stands up, searching my face. “Good?”
Relief feels immense after worrying about how Trask would react to me leaving. “Better than I thought, actually.”
He exhales. “Was it about Liam? He’ll be expelled, even if he gets off on bail, which I can’t imagine the judge allowing since his family is wealthy. Let’s go to class.”
We make our way down the silent hall, and everyone’s in first period by now. Mrs. White is probably talking about one of her iconic movies.
I stop at my locker and stare at it, thinking back to that first day and my letter from Knox. Sitting next to him in class. Him changing my tire. Playing my song on the piano. Prank night.
I work the combination, opening it and clearing out the items inside, placing them in my backpack. Photographs of me and Piper I taped up. Notebooks. Pencils. A highlighter.
Knox has grown stiff as he stands behind me, and now he moves closer, his hands on my shoulders, his chest against my back. I feel him dip his head into my hair. “Don’t do it, Tulip. Don’t leave me. Don’t—” His voice catches and he turns me around, his eyes gleaming. “Stay with me. I’m giving you my heart. I’m giving you everything.”
I whimper. “Knox, I can’t.”
“Why?” he says in a ragged voice, shoving his hands in my hair and palming my scalp.
I shake my head at him, looking for words. How do I tell him about the hours I spent yesterday, debating and thinking about the future, Knox’s and mine? How do I explain that I don’t think I can force myself to walk in that entrance one more day?
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