Her life and happiness were what mattered, and while it felt incredibly wrong to lie to her about his feelings, her needs came before his. “A fling,” he added. “A fun way to pass the time, but I’m not a guy who cares about anyone for the long haul. We come from completely different worlds, and meeting this week just happened to help both of us.”
“Well, you got exactly what you wanted. Your reputation’s improved and SHE’s chosen you to be their ambassador.”
“And you got more events under your belt. I’ll be sure Danny lets your boss know how happy we were.” It physically hurt to sound like an ass. Sharp, unrelenting daggers pierced his heart over and over again. But he’d suffer it a thousand times to make sure Sophie ended up with the kind of man she deserved.
“For your information,” she paused as a swallow worked its way down her throat, “what this was was the best week of my life…and now you’ve ruined it. You couldn’t have pretended just a little longer?” She lifted away from the doorway. “Word of advice. Wait for the girl to leave before you knock her down.”
“Sophie—” Dammit. Why couldn’t she see she was better off without him?
She held up her hand. “I knew I wasn’t pretty enough for you. I knew I wasn’t worldly enough. But no one has ever made me feel stupid until now.”
Zane swayed, his knees almost giving out at the weight of Sophie’s words. He put a hand on the back of the chair to steady himself. Without meaning to, he’d just done to her what his father had done to him. But he wouldn’t rewind the last ten minutes even if he could. He’d needed to make her hate him.
He didn’t utter another word. Letting her go thinking the worst of him—and herself—was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.
Watching her walk away felt like being ripped to shreds, but no doubt she’d be better off without him.
Zane wove through the crowd of surf enthusiasts and filmmakers, smiled, shook hands, had his picture taken, received dozens of pats on the back. Finally, he got to the bar in the center of the bluff-top Cultural Center and Gardens and asked the bartender for a glass of water. The afternoon breeze wasn’t enough to temper the warm rays of August sunshine hitting the back of his neck.
He caught sight of Sophie again, standing under a palm tree and this time talking and laughing with the film group from San Diego. She’d been doing that all afternoon—speaking with the festival participants. The change in her from the last time they’d been up here—on opening night—to today was pretty amazing. She’d blossomed into the most beautiful, rare butterfly, and despite the horrible way things had ended between them, had been gracious enough to publicly thank him for his participation when he’d arrived earlier.
She stood out like the brightest star in the sky. And he could stare at her disarming smile all day. She’d gotten a lot of color this week and her skin glowed a light shade of caramel. There were a few more freckles across her nose and on her shoulders. Her hair, pulled back in a sophisticated ponytail a few days ago, now hung in loose waves around her face.
But it wasn’t just the external stuff he noticed. She seemed more confident. More at ease with herself and her body. The group she was with looked at her with appreciation. At least he hadn’t ruined everything for her this week.
For so long he’d thought the only thing he deserved from a woman was a casual relationship. Something uncomplicated. Temporary and superficial. And he’d proven this morning how right he was. Someone like Sophie, with her pure heart and engaging intelligence, was out of his league. Inevitably he wouldn’t live up to her expectations. That’s your dad talking, Zane. Get your head out of the gutter. He’s the one who didn’t know shit.
Yet he’d proven that, too.
He knocked back his ice water. Later he’d indulge in something a lot stronger to numb the pain chewing him up inside.
“You look like a man with something serious on his mind,” Bryce said, coming up beside him.
Zane put the empty glass on the bar and stepped around his friend to get some shade under a nearby umbrella. He lifted his sunglasses and wiped the perspiration under his eyes. Not a second later, his gaze flew back to Sophie. “I’m thinking it’s time I get my high school diploma.”
“You’ll be a shoo-in for prom king.”
“Shut up.” He pushed Bryce in the arm.
Bryce stumbled back. “Dude. You know I’m kidding. But you don’t need to pass your GED test to prove to anyone that you’re smart.”
“How about proving it to myself?”
“Then do it. In fact, we can use it to our advantage if you’re cool with that. We’ll tell your story. Let other young people who dropped out for whatever reason know that it’s not too late to get their certificate of high school equivalency. I think taking an education platform can be really beneficial to your career and help a lot of people at the same time. And if passing the test gives you what you’ve been looking for, I say go for it.”
Zane rubbed the back of his head. “I think it’s a start.” He’d thought about doing it on and off over the years, but until this week hadn’t seriously considered it. And making it public? If it helped kids—if it helped anyone—that made it more necessary.
Sophie looked his way, but quickly averted her gaze when his eyes met hers.
“You thinking about starting something else, too?” Bryce asked.
“Like what?” He kept staring at Sophie. She’d turned back to the conversation, but she was the best thing to look at, so he did.
“I don’t know. Sewing, horseback riding, a relationship with someone who matters.”
Zane put a hand to his chest. “You wound me. I thought we loved each other.”
“You know what I mean.” He pushed Zane this time. “And the fact that you don’t want to talk about it just means the shit’s real.”
“Says the master of meaningful relationships.” Zane righted himself and moved his attention to his friend.
“We’re not talking about me,” Bryce pointed out. “What’s the deal with you and Sophie?”
“There is no deal. We’re going our separate ways.” Shame gripped him by the neck and he didn’t want to get into the details. It was for the better.
Even though…
Even though when she’d looked at him with anger in her beautiful green eyes when they’d shaken hands earlier, the kind of jolt a guy experiences only once in his life had rocked him.
He loved her.
He’d realized it this morning, but this afternoon without the harsh words he’d said to her, it spread through him like the best and worst kind of gift. Erasing her from his head and heart would take the rest of his days.
Bryce flicked Zane’s sunglasses, to get a better look at his expression, Zane guessed. Zane pulled off the shades. “Just like that, huh? You’re not going to tell me she didn’t mean anything to you, are you? Because I saw the way you looked at her. The way you are looking at her.”
Zane sighed. “No, I’m not going to tell you that.” He took a quick glance at Sophie. She was nodding at something someone said. “But it was a temporary thing, okay? She’s got a life that has nothing to do with surfing and is better off living it than being stuck with me.”
Every muscle in his body constricted in pain—the kind he’d never experienced before. The heavy-hearted, miserable kind.
“Zane, Bryce,” Jon Waldron said, approaching before Bryce could say anything more on the topic of Sophie. “I wanted to say good-bye.” The older man extended his hand and he and Bryce each shook it. “And tell you again how much I’m looking forward to our new relationship.”
“I couldn’t be happier,” Zane said. “It’s an honor to serve as your ambassador.”
“Your schedule just got a lot busier, young man. My wife’s the brains behind our events, and she can’t stop talking about plans for you.”
“I’m looking forward to it.” This was his chance to make a difference and be good at something besides surfing, and he planned to give it 11
0 percent. He felt like a kid all of a sudden, pride and achievement welling inside him like he’d just won his first trophy. His head got a little light. He couldn’t contain his smile.
“Where is Mrs. Waldron?” Bryce asked.
Jon nodded over his shoulder. “She’s saying good-bye and thank you to Sophie Birch. Sophie handed us a check for SHE earlier. We understand you won a scavenger hunt.”
“We did,” Zane said. His smile grew wider thinking about how pleased Sophie had been for his group.
“I think this is going to be a worthwhile partnership,” Jon said, a thoughtful and appreciative expression on the older man’s face. “I’ll be in touch later this week.”
“Pleasure meeting you,” Bryce said.
“Thanks, Jon, I do too.” Zane nodded as Jon turned to go. The thing Zane loved most in the world was surfing. And now he’d get to do that and raise awareness for excellent causes.
His eyes found Sophie again. She’d made him better this week, made him see things with new, fresh eyes, and he was grateful.
She’d stolen his heart and with it his wish for her to have it all. Everything she desired and hoped for. Rose petals and burgers and milk shakes. Late-night Tarantino films. Waves at her feet. And someone by her side to enjoy every moment with.
I love you.
Enough to let her go.
He’d done Sophie a favor cutting ties with her. She’d gotten what she wanted and he’d gotten what he wanted.
End of story.
…
Sophie sensed Zane’s eyes on her again. He’d been keeping track of her all afternoon from afar, and her nerves tingled every time she felt his company. Even across the well-manicured vibrant green grass of the Cultural Center, he affected her.
And she hated it.
Hated him.
Loved him.
Despite his awful, heartbreaking words, she couldn’t deny a piece of her still loved him. The piece that chose to believe their time together hadn’t entirely been insignificant.
Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he had let her in.
She zoned out of the conversation with guests from Florida for a minute, thinking back to this morning and how Zane had touched her. There weren’t enough words to describe the different ways he’d been gentle one minute and deliciously wicked the next. He’d navigated every inch of her body and left her in complete happiness. She’d read romance novels where the heroine’s eyes rolled to the back of her head while intimate with the hero, but she’d never thought it would happen to her.
Had the passion she’d felt really been one-sided?
Feeling herself flush and sure her cheeks were bright red at the turn of her thoughts, she looked across the courtyard. So many people had turned out for the closing reception, and she gave herself a mental pat on the back.
She’d done it. She’d hopped on a plane and left her hesitations at home. She’d supervised the biggest event of her career. And she’d made it a success. All afternoon she’d received thanks and praise from the film participants and the townspeople of White Strand. She kind of felt like a rock star.
“Would you excuse me?” she said to the group and backed away.
But trusting Zane had been the worst—and best—mistake of her life. She sought somewhere private and out of the sun to get over the terrible stab of nausea that hit her with unwelcome force. With silent thanks that no one in the crowd stopped her, she hurried to the tiny Spanish-tiled courtyard at the back of the gardens. She remembered seeing a bench there.
Grateful to find the spot and area empty, she sat and let her shoulders sag.
This morning, surrounded by the translucent turquoise sea and slow, rolling waves, Zane had carefully helped her stand on a surfboard and ride her first wave. It had taken sooo many tries. But he’d stuck beside her, offered encouragement, kissed her. She’d never been more determined to do something after that. And when she finally caught the whitewater at the perfect time and popped up on the board with near-perfect balance, she’d wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.
Zane had gifted her with so much this week, and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t dreamed about being with him forever.
What a silly, stupid, naive girl she was. He’d only been biding his time until he could say good-bye.
She wiped a hand under her nose. She refused to shed one more tear over Zane Hollander. She’d been blinded by his charm but learned an important lesson. The brain had no power over the heart.
Chapter Twelve
Four weeks later
“This has been such a great day.”
Sophie smiled as Honor plopped down on the couch with another large bowl of microwaved popcorn. They couldn’t finish watching Win a Date With Tad Hamilton! on her TV without it. Or in Honor’s case, without combining the M&M’s still left in the giant bag with the salty goodness. “I’m so happy you came to visit,” Sophie said.
After Sophie had picked Honor up at the airport, they’d taken a scenic drive so Sophie could give Honor a taste of Great Falls on their way to Sophie’s smaller hometown. They’d also stopped for lunch at one of Sophie’s favorite restaurants and checked out a few antiques shops and consignment stores.
“Thank you for saving me from having to go to my cousin’s daughter’s first birthday party this weekend. The drive on the 405 to Santa Monica is bad enough. But who in their right mind invites a hundred people and hires a petting zoo for her one-year-old?”
“Yeah, things are a lot more low-key here.”
“And guaranteed my cousin will be walking around in four-inch heels and a short skirt.” Honor gently shook the bowl back and forth, the M&M’s mixing into the popcorn. “Don’t get me wrong. If she wants to dress that way, it’s fine by me. But she’d take one look at my flip-flops and roll her eyes.” She handed the bowl to Sophie. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” It felt so good to relax for the first time in a month. And to do it with Honor was a wonderful bonus. As soon as Sophie had gotten home from White Strand, her boss had assigned her to a huge anniversary event at the Civic Arts Center. “You’re in trouble now,” her boss had said, referring to the job well done for the film festival and the increased responsibility that now meant.
True to Zane’s word, Danny had emailed singing her praises as well, and Sophie was in the happy position of getting the work and respect she’d craved.
Personally, happiness eluded her. All she really wanted to do when she had a free minute was crawl under her bedcovers and eat ice cream until her brain froze. Maybe then she’d stop thinking about him.
Zane.
“Ready to continue with the Josh Duhamel lovefest?” Honor picked up the remote control and pressed the pause button to restart the film.
“So ready.”
Unfortunately, Josh wasn’t good enough to keep her mind off what’s-his-name, because after five minutes, the back of her head hit the couch and her thoughts drifted back to Zane.
His touch was singed on her brain, and she’d tried a thousand times to connect the horrible, hurtful words he’d said with the sweet, enthusiastic caresses he’d used to love her body.
Picturing the tenderness she’d witnessed in his incredible blue eyes twisted the knife in her heart tenfold. He’d duped her.
Yet she couldn’t get over him. She had the stubborn problem of addiction, her stupid nucleus accumbens—the cluster of nerve cells beneath the cerebral hemispheres—flooded with dopamine. Her brain had no way to withstand the onslaught of pleasure even thinking about Zane still brought on.
Honor laughed at something on the television screen, bringing Sophie back to the present.
Sort of. Zane always lingered in the back of her mind.
“Okay, what’s the deal?” Honor said, twisting to face Sophie. “You are totally zoning out, and who does that when Josh Duhamel is shirtless?”
“Sorry. My mind is elsewhere.”
“Spill.” Honor lifted the remote off the couch and paused the m
ovie. She tucked one leg under her bottom and turned to give Sophie her full attention.
Sophie spilled.
Before leaving White Strand, she’d only told Honor “it was great” when Honor asked about her night with Zane at the closing reception. So this time she shared everything—sans the intimate details, even though Honor wanted them. Sophie vividly remembered the cruel things Zane had said about her to his sister and then reiterated to make it clear.
“The problem is I really liked who I was when I was with him, and if I force myself to forget him, I’ll be erasing that, too.”
“It’s impossible to forget someone who makes a huge impression on you,” Honor said, a faraway look in her eyes like she was talking from experience. “So you have to figure out a way to live with it and use it to your advantage.”
“How do I do that?”
“Everything you did that week was your choice, right?”
Sophie thought about that. She had followed her wants and gone above and beyond festival duties. And when it came to her and Zane, she had been the one to say the word. She may have dreamed about Zane sweeping her off her feet and telling her he never wanted to let her go, but life wasn’t a fairy tale and she had lived out the wanton thoughts in her head.
“Yes,” she said.
“Then look at the week as a badge of honor. You accomplished amazing things. You put on a rockin’ festival that the people of White Strand are still talking about. And you had your first fling. You,” Honor said, pointing at her, “don’t lack initiative or guts or influence, and you make others around you happy. That is how we should all live.”
A tear slipped out of the corner of Sophie’s eye. She wrapped her arms around Honor in a quick hug. “Thank you.”
“And the sucky things Zane said are his problem, not yours.”
“I agree.” She didn’t want to stay bitter. She’d been resentful for days after leaving California, and bitterness felt horrible.
“Don’t clutter your life with things that bring you down. Focus on the things that lift you up.” Honor smiled. “I read that in a magazine somewhere.”
Keeping Mr. Right Now: A Kisses in the Sand Novel (Entangled Bliss) Page 19