“Darlin’, talk to me. Tell me how this trip has changed you. Are you going back to Pittsburgh the same woman who left there?”
Elijah’s surprising question gave her significant pause. How did she answer truthfully if at all? Images tumbled through her mind. First, meeting him on the train, his brooding countenance intense and purposeful. Second, the way he kissed her as if he had loved her all his life. Despite everything she could not understand, she did know this one thing…she trusted him deep in her soul. Even if he did plan revenge against his brother, she did not think he could actually kill Amos. The man she came to know, no matter how damaged and raw, would only kill to defend.
“I am not the same person, Elijah. I do not think I ever will be again.”
“What would your family think? Will they accept and like the changes?”
She shrugged, then reached up to undo her hair. She reached for the soap on the table next to the tub. “I can only imagine, but I doubt it.”
“You’ll tell them you took a bath with me?”
Her eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. ”
She watched as he straightened and shrugged off his waistcoat, and that was when she noticed the sleeves were wet. He tossed the garment on the bed and unbuttoned his shirt.
“What…what are you doing?” She knew the answer, but wished to voice a maidenly protest.
“Doing as our hostess bid us. Taking a bath with you, wife.”
Chapter Thirteen
Wife.
The word was gruff, not with anger but a sultry, glorious sound in Elijah’s compelling voice. Mary Jane could not take her gaze off him as he pushed his fingers through his hair, and the sight of rippling muscles parted her lips in astonishment. Yes, she had seen him like this before…yet not. As he lifted his arms, his biceps bunched and flexed. Shoulders a mile wide and a delineated, glorious chest added to his powerful appeal. Hair sprinkled across his pectorals and lined down over that flat, muscled stomach. Imagining a man more fabulous, more godlike in his physique than Elijah seemed impossible.
She had never seen Thaddeus’s naked chest, but she could not imagine in a million years it could look anywhere as wonderful as this.
“Elijah?”
“Yes?”
Without taking his gaze off hers, he sat on the edge of the bed and did away with his boots.
“How did you stay in such fine form while in prison?” She licked her lips, nervous. “You are physically…imposing.”
He smiled. He slid off his socks and as he stood again, unfastened his trousers. “There was an exercise yard. Each inmate had a small one outside their cell that was open to the elements. We were allowed twenty minutes outside. I exercised.”
“I see. You had enough to eat?”
He paused, his features stone hard. “They didn’t starve us, darlin’.”
She sighed. “That is good.”
As he slid his trousers down his legs, female fear kept her gaze away from his most private area. Even when he stood naked, it took a few seconds for Mary Jane to dare look down.
What she saw delighted and excited her more than she could have guessed.
His manhood stood erect. Thick, long and hard. Below this masculine evidence, his balls hung between his thighs.
She stared. She could not help it. After all, she had never seen a man’s arousal exposed. She had not actually seen Thaddeus’s manhood even though he had…
She swallowed hard remembering the pain of Thaddeus thrusting against her, his length rasping. Hurting.
Her gaze snapped to Elijah’s, and heat curled hot and alive in every centimeter of her body as she recognized the awareness in his eyes. She had seen one of her father’s history books and within it, a carving of naked Adonis had shocked her. Yet Elijah was so very much more. His body was a study in extraordinary masculine strength and potency. Her pulse skittered and farther down, lower than her stomach, a hollow need begged for completion.
He strode towards her and stood at the side of the tub, his eyes turned bright with lust, with obvious hunger.
Before she could speak, he stepped into the tub and slid down into the water with her. “Get your hair wet, and I’ll wash it.”
A mingling of relief and continued anticipation drew her to comply. The day drew much from her, and yet being with him in this intimate moment returned some of her flagging energy. She danced between exquisite possibilities and feral needs. She scooted down in the tub enough to dip her hair, then returned to sitting position.
He grabbed the soap from the stand next to the tub and created lather between his hands. “Turn around until your back faces me. Then scoot closer.”
A wild thrill coursed through her body as she complied. Getting closer to Elijah’s naked muscle made her shake with anticipation and virginal fear. Sweet torment, all of it. She closed her eyes and felt him shift close to her back. His long, heavily muscled thighs and calves pressed along the outside of hers. She kept her eyes closed and savored the sensations. Hot, male muscle against feminine softness delighted and challenged her. The hair on his thighs sent soft tingles along her skin. Warm water lapped, as soft as a lover’s tentative touch and a delicious discovery. Her nipples beaded and tightened, and gooseflesh prickled along her skin.
As his fingers massaged soap into her hair, she sighed in pleasure. The soap smelled good, and she wondered what Mrs. Connor used to make it. She gave into the rhythmic movement of fingers over her scalp. He knew how to touch without hurting, and the motion soon eased into a languorous caress.
She barely registered how long he washed her hair before he spoke. “Now we need to rinse.”
He left the tub long enough to pick up an additional bucket full of water. As she tilted her head back and closed her eyes, he poured the water over her soapy hair until it came squeaky clean. He stepped back into the water and returned to his place behind her.
Husky with an emotion she couldn’t define, he uttered his next request. “Lean back against me, darlin.”
Apprehension returned. “I do not know if I should.”
“Should? Maybe not. What do you want to do?”
Ah, well wanting was another matter. She shifted backwards until her back pressed his chest. She felt his chest, his rippled stomach, and most of all, the undeniable evidence he still wanted her.
“Relax, Mary Jane. Relax against me.”
Those hard thighs bracketed hers once more with a dominating presence that sheltered but didn’t command. Then, without giving forethought, she palmed the top of his thighs. He sucked in a breath, and that hardness pulsed against her back. She moved, wriggling to get nearer, and with a rough sound of delight, he kissed the side of her neck.
Tingles danced over her skin. “Oh, Elijah.”
“Mmm?”
“What are we doing here? We are not married.”
“No.” His denial did not stop his touches, or the tender kisses trailing over her left shoulder and then her right. His fingers splayed out over her hips as he groaned softly. “No. By the saints, darlin’ you are a fire in my blood. But if you deny me…if you don’t want my touch, you have only to tell me at any time, and I’ll stop.”
As his hands drifted over her shoulders, smoothing the soap with sensual strokes from her wrists to her elbows, she could not refuse him. Up. Down. Up. Down. All this felt too good, too fragile to illuminate with light and vision so she kept her eyes closed. She licked her lips and matched his exploration by stroking along his thighs. She savored hair over hard muscle, the strength inherent in his body.
“This is dangerous, darlin.” His voice went guttural. “Very dangerous.”
“Oh?”
Rather than answer her verbally, he gripped her waistline and then smoothed downward. He feathered over her thighs, and she jerked in surprise.
“Easy, Mary Jane. I won’t do anything you don’t wish.”
Once more his hands glided upward and brushed past the side of her breasts. She moa
ned. Her breath came faster, the excitement pounding in her veins. She relaxed. Flowed with his touches until they started to blend together in a beautiful collection of sighs, whispers and surging desire.
Hot lips feathered over her ear and his tongue flicked inside. She gasped and wriggled. His breath puffed warm and seductive, setting off shivers of delight. She moaned and shifted in his hold, determined at once to renew and escape the feelings, wanting them and hating them because they drew her nearer a precipice. Around and around he palmed and circled her belly, setting new fires before another lay extinguished.
Her back arched as he plucked one nipple. “Oh.”
“Your breasts are so beautiful, Mary Jane. So beautiful.”
His tongue flicked her earlobe, then he settled into torment as he lightly strummed her nipples with his thumbs. She arched into his cupping palms, into each ruthless brush over her nipples.
He pleasured with exquisite slowness, finding and touching and caressing until Mary Jane writhed within an exquisite madness.
Oh, she should not do this… She should not but…
She wanted it. Ached like she’d never ached for anything else.
Resisting ecstasy seemed futile in the face of what they experienced together. They had scaled heights of fear, of danger, of tramping through a wilderness that promised more perils as yet unexplored. How did one describe tumbling towards an abyss and not caring how far or how long one fell?
She abandoned last restrictions and threw away thoughts of resistance to whatever came next.
His fingers flirted with the underside of her breasts, then drew around and around the fullness as they filled his palms. His hips moved as he pressed a granite length of male flesh along her back. Much more and she would succumb to everything he wanted, a woman captured by his spell and denying him nothing. Oh, but did she care? Did she honestly wish to escape his charm, his affection and fierce devotion to her safety?
As she leaned fully into him, his hand played with her left nipple. Elijah trailed a tantalizing path down, down until his fingers brushed lightly between her legs. She gasped, her head back against his shoulder, his mouth caressing the side of her neck.
One touch caressed the lips of her most private area. Astonished, she jerked. He tried again, teasing along sensitive folds, discovering secrets as he stroked. She smoldered inside, reaching for a feeling she could not escape. His fingers twisting and tormenting her nipple, his touch stroking between her legs—it was all too much. Too amazing.
She clasped his hand between her legs. “Please—I—”
“It’s all right.” He went still under her grip, his voice gentle. “Do you want me to stop?”
Ecstasy and pleasure danced just out of reach. Did she want to banish them forever? “No.”
“Then feel it, my darlin’. Let yourself fly.”
He eased two fingers straight into her core. She gasped.
“Am I hurting you?”
“No.” She twisted, eager and loving the fullness. “More.”
He complied and the growl that purred from his throat drew her arousal higher. Back and forth, his stroke moved within her, drawing her slick heat outward. She writhed in his grip, a sob of excitement and torment tightening within her, ready to explode.
“That’s it.” His voice was hoarse against her ear. “Feel it.”
His touch whispered over her nipple and he slid his fingers deep into the heat and wetness between her legs. His thumb came up and flicked over her hottest need until she couldn’t contain low whimpers issuing from her throat. He panted against her ear.
A tingling quiver threatened to erupt, along with sweet pleasure arching through her every time his thumb moved and his fingers caressed.
Thaddeus had never touched her like this. Had never given her such amazing pleasure. Out of control, quaking, she drove towards an indefinable finish line. She could not stand a moment more. A knot tightened, threatened to burst. She shivered and moaned as white-hot pleasure erupted. Shudders jolted Mary Jane from head to toe as a bliss she had never imagined existed engulfed her. The ecstasy jolted her to the core, bringing soft gasps to her throat she could not contain. She quivered as the sweetness slowly ebbed.
Time drifted for an eternity until she realized his arms were wrapped around her waist and his lips teased her shoulder.
“Elijah?”
“Mmm? Did you like that?”
Heat filled her face she kept her eyes firmly closed. “It was wanton. Incredible. Do decent women even feel this way?”
He chuckled, muffling the laugh against her skin. “You’re a decent woman, Mary Jane. You’re beautiful and strong. Any man would be lucky to have you on his arm.”
His praise and reassurance gave her more confidence, and she opened her eyes. “Thank you.” The water had not quite cooled, and his arousal still pressed against her back. She turned in his arms so she could see him. “What about you? Do you want to…uh…”
A wicked smile matched the carnality in his eyes. “I do, but I won’t. You’re a virgin, and I won’t take that away from you. That honor is for you to give when you do marry.”
Disappointment and surprise filled Mary Jane with an uncomfortable sadness that erased her joy. She wanted to tell him the truth. If he turned away from her, if he thought her a fallen woman he wanted nothing more to do with, so be it. The idea twisted inside her, hurting more than she thought possible. But she owed him honesty and would give it.
“I am not a virgin.”
His arms loosened around her. “What?”
“You recall when I told you that my mother and father and sisters disapproved of me.”
“You said something about it. Yes.”
She sighed. “My mother and father despaired of my inability to follow strict decorum so they gave in to an idea I had to attend the university.”
“Women do not go to university.”
There was no disapproval in his voice, only statement of fact, so she continued. “I did not attend lectures. I worked for a small stipend for a professor and shared an apartment with another girl who did the same. We both worked for Professor Thaddeus Ricker.”
“The man who does not know how to kiss a woman.”
She could not help but smile. “Apparently not. But I spent considerable time with him, assisting with his notes, his administrative duties. I loved it. He was so intelligent, so kind, so understanding and not the least condescending to me. Soon, I thought I loved him.” When he said nothing, she rushed to finish the story, more afraid now of what Elijah would think when he knew the entire tale. She tensed. “I was very devoted to him and imagined a life with him as his wife. I took a risk and confessed to him that I loved him. He kissed me, then said he loved me. I was so happy. He locked the door to his office, closed the shades…”
Her throat tightened.
“Jesus.” Elijah’s voice deepened, rough with building anger. “What did he do? Tell me, darlin’. What did he do?”
She cleared her throat and managed to force the words. “He started to kiss me again, to caress me, to touch me in ways I never imagined a man could touch a woman. It did arouse me…a little. But then he asked me to turn around and put my hands on the desk. I could not imagine what for. Then he lifted my skirts, tore my undergarments. He shoved my feet apart and before I knew it, he thrust. It hurt Elijah and I did not like it. But I thought I loved him and I thought that is what happened when a woman loved a man. That she submitted to him in this one way. In many ways.”
She could not continue as humiliation washed over her. Elijah would want nothing to do with her now. Nothing.
Elijah’s arms tightened around her. His voice rasped against her ear, “My God, darlin’. The bastard. That fucking bastard.”
“If I had not been improper none of it would have happened—”
“No. That is not true. He used you for lust after you confessed your love.” He rubbed her arms with soothing strokes. “It was not your fault. You were innocent
and didn’t understand what was happening. If he really loved you he would’ve…”
She looked into the water, her mind spinning with questions and a breathless anticipation. “He would have what?”
He rubbed her shoulders. “He never would have hurt you.”
Relief doused a portion of her fear. Perhaps Elijah did not think poorly of her after all. She owed him a full confession. “When he finished I was disgusted and thought I never wanted a man to touch me again. I was confused and wondered how I could also feel so repulsed by a man I loved. Less than two days after that, he was accused of stealing important papers from the university. I confronted him because I had seen the papers among his work. He asked me to lie and I refused.”
His hands coasted over her arms. “That was very brave and admirable.”
She shook her head. “It came to me what a stupid woman I had been. I went to the university authorities and told them about the papers.” She took a deep breath. “It created a huge scandal. Even though the authorities found the papers and realized what a bounder Thaddeus was, and even though they relieved him of his position…”
“What happened, darlin’?”
She made a small helpless gesture with her hands as tears filled her eyes. “I was also relieved of my position, and though I kept quiet to everyone about my relationship with Thaddeus, the word got out.”
“The bastard told people he took your virginity?” Elijah’s voice was harsh.
“Yes. He did. Most people I knew at the university, the very people I thought were my friends…they shunned me. I had no choice but to return home a fallen woman in the eyes of everyone.”
“Damn. How long ago did this happen?”
“Two months ago. For the last two months I have tried to be proper. To act the way I should have acted all along—”
“No. Don’t say it. You are fine just the way you are, Mary Jane Lawson. You are the bravest, most giving, strongest woman I’ve ever known.”
His strident praise surprised her, and as gladness filled her heart, she turned slightly in the tub to see his face. His eyes had darkened to storm clouds, his mouth a tight line, the fierceness of his belief in her amazing. She smiled. “Thank you, Elijah. But if I had not—”
Before the Dawn Page 18