I took the back hallway to Kevin’s office and shut the door behind me when I walked in.
“How are you feeling?” I asked him, setting aside the blowout we had started down at the precinct last night. The last thing I wanted to do was argue. On top of that, the bandages were still on his neck, and added a strange vulnerability to his demeanor. I was going to do my best not to let this escalate.
“It’s fine,” Kevin said reluctantly. Lady shot him a scowl. He softened and added. “Thanks for asking.”
I nodded. “So about last night. Look, I’m sorry about what I said. It was harsh and uncalled for. I was upset…”
Kevin scratched the top of his head, tousling more of his thick grey hair into his face. “I may have gone overboard too. It was a stressful day. Have a seat, Johnny. We’ve got a few things to go over.”
I sat on the leather couch across from the two wingback chairs Lady and Kevin had taken.
Kevin started. “Before we get into the more pressing issue, I wanted to get an administrative item out of the way.”
“Okay. What’s it about?”
“Well, the bank phoned yesterday. Did you write a check for two-million dollar to Amanda?”
“Yes I did. Why?”
“Well why did you do that, exactly?”
I let out a sigh. “I’m saying this as politely as I can, so bear with me. Kevin, you’ve been oppressive, overbearing, and outright rude to Amanda from the moment we hired her. No one should have to voluntarily put up with that from an employer or client, especially when her duties have changed moment to moment. She’s gone from leading the security team to being a bodyguard acting as my girlfriend to lip-syncing on stage. We all expect her to agree and roll with the punches, yet she’s in the line of fire for me, taking the biggest risk.”
Kevin opened his mouth to respond, but I cut him off.
“Let me finish. And you can’t compare what Amanda’s doing to the FBI guys out there. They stand to get a lot of media attention and credit when the stalker is finally caught, and to be frank, they’re looking after the public interest, not just mine. Getting back to the point, I was the one who asked for her to be here, but that gives you no excuse for treating her horribly. You dangled the contract in her face like a carrot, then verbally abused her in front of everyone. I knew it would get worse, and you proved me right, when you tried to fire her in Greece. I wrote her that check early on to balance the scales upfront. No matter what happens, she’ll be fairly compensated for her work. So far she’s more than earned it. And I know I’ve said a lot as it is, but I’ll finish with this. I am the one who pursued her, not the other way around. I care about Amanda, and when it comes to the personal side of our friendship, it is not up for discussion or negotiation.”
Lady had been looking over at Kevin during my rant. She didn’t wait a second after I paused. She was clearly upset. “You tried to fire her in Greece, Kevin?”
He fumbled for an answer. “That was because…because she left her post.”
“You know that’s not entirely true, Kevin,” I countered, remaining as even-toned and calm as I could. Being in Lady’s presence had that effect on both Kevin and me. “And actually, if she didn’t leave the stage to check the room, who knows what I would have eaten from that basket the stalker left in the room. Face it, Kevin. Amanda has gone above and beyond in fulfilling her role to protect me. And she will continue to do so.”
“All right, boys,” Lady said calmly. “There’s certainly more to this than the amount of time we have to discuss it. Kevin, I think Lorne has a point about Amanda’s performance. He’s still in one piece, and it sounds like she has been valuable to Agent Carlson’s team as well. From everything I’ve heard, I agree with Lorne. She needs to stay until the end of the contract. And if you’ve already paid her, that’s fine. It is, after all, your money.”
“Thanks for understanding, Lady.”
“Well I’m not done yet, Lorne. For you, I understand that you and Amanda have some type of relationship forming. I’m thrilled if she makes you happy, and would be glad to embrace her into our family, if that’s what you want down the road. However, this situation is a little more delicate. Surely you can understand that. It’s not good practice to mix business and pleasure. This is why I think you need to hold off on getting too close for the rest of the tour.”
Kevin jumped on that like a dog on a bone. “That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell him. It’s not like sleeping with a real backup singer or dancer. She’s here to protect you. And if she’s too distracted with you, you’re both risking your lives!”
I rolled my eyes and fought the urge to leave the room. “Amanda is doing her job, Kevin.”
Lady raised a hand again to stop us both. “Let’s stay calm, boys. Lorne, in order to do her job properly, she needs to stay sharp and focused. This intimate relationship isn’t appropriate for as long as she is on your security detail.”
“I’m sorry Lady. You know how much I love and respect you, but I can’t agree to what you’re asking of me. Amanda is not just a friend or someone I’ve been intimate with. I really care about her. And I have not asked her yet, but after the tour is done, I plan to…I’ll be asking her to stay with me.”
Kevin got to his feet. “You’ll do no such thing, Johnny. There’s a whole lot more we can accomplish in the months after this tour. That won’t work for your career.”
“And why do you feel I don’t deserve to have someone special in my life? When did I ever sign up to put the career you want for me above my happiness?” I stood up too, jaw clenched with fury. “You know what? Don’t bother answering. I’ll make this even simpler than ever. The tour is over. I want out, and you are going to make it happen, Kevin.”
“Johnny, don’t be an idiot! Tonight is a pivotal moment of your career that we’ve been working toward for years. You can’t blow this off.”
“It’s not for my career. It’s the career that you want for me. There’s a difference.”
Lady sighed, sensing she had lost her grip on the discussion.
Kevin started pacing the room. “So, what’s your career? You want to be the singer-songwriter in some coffee shop in the middle of nowhere, playing for three people who won’t even tip you enough to buy a cup of coffee, let alone care enough to go and download your piece-of-shit, self-produced single on iTunes?”
“Oh for heaven’s sake, Kevin,” Lady sighed.
He ignored Lady in the midst of his anger. “You think I’m being overly dramatic, but I’m not. You’re Johnny Q Venom. You don’t do heartbreak ballads and deep, emotional shit. You sing about partying like a rock star, because you’re a rock star! If you switch gears now, you’re done. You can put out another album, you can hire the best producers, hell, you might even have enough clout to get a record label interested in your new stuff. But no matter where you go, you’re roots are going to follow. You will be impossible to label, impossible to brand. And without a brand, you’ve got no chance at success. You’ll shrivel into another no-name hopeful who wasted their potential, and eventually their stuff gets tossed into the bargain bin at Target.”
The picture he was painting was grim, but it didn’t scare me. The idea of working with people I hand-selected to help me achieve my dream was within reach. I had not deluded myself into thinking that my music was going to bring about world peace. I just wanted to stop singing about sleeping with a bunch of girls, getting drunk all the time and trashing guitars, cars and hotel rooms.
“I’ll take my chances,” I countered.
Kevin spun on his heels and stared at me, his eyes wild. “Well that’s a shame. Because I wanted better for you. Your parents wanted better for you.”
A ripple of sadness washed over me. I kissed Lady on the cheek, excused myself and made my way to the door. All the fight had drained out of me. I left the room and started down the hall.
“Lorne.” I spun around at the sound of my name. Lady stood in the doorway. She stepped into the h
all and gently pulled the door closed, leaving Kevin inside the office. “I know you’re upset right now, but I’m begging you, don’t let this tear you two apart. You know he loves you like his own son.”
I wished I could speak, that I could offer her some comforting words, but I was empty. All I could do was wrap her in a quick embrace before going back up to my room.
Chapter 6 - Amanda
I went upstairs to my room after Johnny mentioned he needed to speak with Lady and Kevin. I half-expected much of their discussion would be about me. It made sense to give them as much space as possible, and short of leaving the house entirely, retreating up in my room was a good bet. I sat in the armchair closest to my bed, and used my tablet to see if there were any new messages on Johnny’s sites. There were none, so I checked my email for any new messages.
There was one from Gary, letting me know the television producers who were interested in me were hoping for a face-to-face interview in two weeks. Unfortunately, his message did not mention where the interview was supposed to take place. He also wanted to review the deal and prepare me for the meeting beforehand. He insisted I meet with him within a week. I was not sure how I could pull that off, unless Gary was willing to come out to LA or to one of the tour stops in Las Vegas or San Diego. I replied to his email and asked his preference, giving him some options where we could also speak by phone.
Right after I hit send, there was a knock on my door. Without getting out of the chair, I knew it was Johnny.
“Come in.” I put down my tablet and straightened up against the backrest.
Johnny stepped into the room. His face was tight and his eyes were wild. He shut the door behind him, probably with more force than intended. It slammed with a loud bang. He ignored it, and crossed the room to sit in my bed. His demeanor was restless and tense. He sat down on the end, and in the next moment, sprang up again and began to pace.
“What happened?” I asked. I kept my voice low and waited, watching as he stalked around the room. He reminded me of how I used to get before a fight—amped up, restless, and ready to go kick some ass.
“I really tried to make peace with Kevin. And still, he insists on being a smug control freak. I’m so tired of it. He’s slowly getting Lady onside too. She would never have supported this chaos before…I don’t know…I’m ready to walk away right now.”
I was struggling to keep up. “Do you mean for tonight’s performance?”
“Not just that. I told him last night and I was dead serious. I want out. I don’t want to do any of this anymore. None of it. This is Kevin’s dream. He makes it seem like it’s mine too, but none of it is what I want.”
“You don’t want to be a musician?” I asked.
He glared across the room, at nothing in particular. “Yes I do, but not like this.”
I was silent at his declaration, unsure of what to say next. My guess was the stress of the tour, the stalker threat, the attack on Kevin, his interest in me, and possibly being caged up influenced what he was feeling. In all honesty, I did not know him well enough to be certain. He could have also been venting, and not completely serious about quitting.
“What’s it really about?” I asked.
He looked over at me, but said nothing.
“Oh. It’s about me, right?”
“It’s more about me. The fact that I’m making room in my life for something other than being Johnny Q Venom.”
I leaned my head back on the backrest. “And let me guess. I’m the thing you’re making room for?”
“That’s not exactly how I meant it.”
“Just tell me the truth. It’s about me, isn’t it?”
He briefly closed his eyes and nodded. “Kevin doesn’t think you can do the job and be involved with me at the same time. And Lady agrees.”
I could not disagree. Knowing the stalker was determined, resourceful and nearby was enough to require us all to be on alert, completely focused on keeping Johnny protected. Kevin and Lady were right, and Johnny needed to hear it from me.
I drew in a long breath before starting. “I know things with you and Kevin are not great right now. Believe me, I’ve taken the brunt of his mean side, so I get it. But, Johnny, don’t you see his point? This situation is really serious. I don’t think anyone, not even Kevin thought it would get to this level. This stalker is a real person. She’s flown halfway around the world to try to get to you, she was monitoring your movements here in LA, and she may have broken into a car and held a knife to Kevin’s throat to get to you. We really don’t know what she is capable of.”
“I know.” He turned and walked toward me, moving a hand through his hair. “I get it. But what does that have to do with you and me?”
“My getting involved with you is a distraction. For your music career, and for my ability to keep you safe.” I kept my voice level, removing all emotion, even though speaking the words made me feel weak.
“Do you really believe that?”
I nodded. “Yes. I’m not saying it’s insurmountable. I’m saying it’s the truth.”
“Forget about me for a minute. How has our time together distracted you? You’ve kept me in one piece. You noticed the basket in Greece. You’ve been on top of the online messages. And what about the little teenage fan? You took her down like it was nothing, as soon as she got onstage. I don’t care what Kevin says. You’re a professional. You know how to do your job, and you’ve been doing it very well.” Johnny paused. He walked over to me and kneeled in front of my chair, taking my hands in his. “And I also happen to enjoy spending time with you…and making love to you. How could that be a problem?”
I pulled a hand from his and gently ran my fingers through his hair. “Think of it this way. When you and I are together, I’m with you. I’m not up at night, checking every room in the house, searching the social media pages, none of that.”
“You weren’t hired as a PI, Amanda. It’s not your job to figure out who this crazy whack job is.”
“I understand that, but lately, I’m either with you, or thinking about being with you. It’s my responsibility to keep you safe. And yes, no one has touched a hair on your head so far, but that does not mean I’ve been stellar at my job.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because you would be better off with a more experienced person or team. I think I’ve been doing fairly well, but to be honest, I’m scared to death something bad is going to happen to you, and that my protection won’t be enough when it matters.”
Johnny stared at me like he was lost. For me, it was the first time everything fell into place in my mind. I was tired of fighting to prove I could do the job. I was ready to accept it—my presence on this assignment was not enough.
“When Kevin hired me, I think we all believed I’d be holding off crazy teen girls and groupies, and stopping them from sneaking backstage or tearing off your clothes. None of us thought I would have to watch you twenty-four-seven to keep some crazy stalker-slash-terrorist from blowing you up or slitting someone’s throat. I am in way over my head here. And the problem is you’re blinded by what’s happening between us. Think about this…it’s a longshot, but what if you and I were in the middle of…geez, what if you were making love to me and by some strange fluke, she found a way to get in here? That could happen on the road, in a dressing room, at a hotel…anywhere. The point is if anything happens to you, it will be on me. I couldn’t have that on my conscience.”
“If you believe that, let’s get more bodyguards to help you. But please…don’t give up. I don’t want you to feel you have to choose between protecting me and being with me.”
“It’s not about feeling one way or another. The truth is it’s not possible for me to do both really well. And in some ways…I’m not sure I can do either.”
There was a flicker of fear in his eyes. “So, what are you saying then? You’re going to quit and leave me? I thought it was one or the other. Now it’s both?”
Every muscle in my body revo
lted, but I forced myself to nod. “Yes. That’s what I’m feeling, Johnny. I’m sorry.”
“Well, I don’t accept it. Do you want to know what I think? You’re having a weak moment…a bad day. This is not the Roxy Punisher I know. You’re not one to give up. So don’t tell me you’re all of a sudden not the right person for the assignment. And don’t… don’t use this as a reason to run away from me…from us.”
Hot tears were building up behind my eyelids. I sucked in a deep, steady breath to keep them under control.
Without letting go of my hand, he stood up and gently pulled me to stand. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me in tight. “You’re not going anywhere, so get that thought out of your head. In fact, come with me.”
He released me, took my hand and started walking out of my bedroom.
“Where are you taking me?”
“I’m going to let Fred remind you how much we need you.”
Chapter 7 - Amanda
I found myself in a mental gridlock as Johnny led me out of my room and downstairs to speak with Fred. He and his team were probably waiting to get us all together to discuss suggested security enhancements in light of what went down with Kevin. They were down here doing their jobs…just like I should have been doing. The difference for me was at every turn, there was a new addition to what was expected of me, or some hurdle keeping me from focusing completely, or Johnny, making me weak every time I looked at him.
I originally thought the toughest obstacle would be the job of leading the project. That never materialized, and in many ways, I was glad Fred and his FBI team took it on. After I started the assignment, I began to believe Kevin’s domineering behavior and complete lack of faith in my abilities were the top barriers to my success. It was the case for much of the time, but stepping back, he was not the real issue. It was not the ever-changing demands of my role, Johnny’s romantic pursuit, or the stalker’s escalation either. The problem was simple—it was me.
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