Alice's Soldiers

by Robert T. OShea

The Vice President was Gil Hodges.

  The Attorney General was Carmine DeVan (Alice’s Uncle).

  It was legal to Wager (Bet Money) on anything.

  A two percent “Wager tax” was collected on all bets.

  Catholic men and women can divorce and still enter Heaven. All divorcees will receive a notarized certificate stating as such.

  A boyfriend and or girlfriend can call each other honey if they are drinking whiskey (Seagram Seven) while in the back seat of a car, parked in a drive-in movie.

  The President of Brooklyn requested the new Country received twenty-one-million dollars from the Marshall Plan.

  The citizens acted: “One hundred landlords were hung on street lamps throughout the new Country. Under the directions of the new Attorney General Carmine DeVan, all the prisons cell was open. The prisoners were taken to and checked into Northern New Jersey motels and left there.”

  Unknown to the outsiders, all the Brooklyn people understood and spoke English, which they learned from watching TV. The local Government ordered all “Brooklyn Citizens” to avoid talking to outsiders.

  Chapter Three

  The Story Begins.

  Alice

  The mesmerizing snoring sound was soft, hypnotic and peaceful: it was coming from a happy, healthy dog named, Lily Kemble. She was a fifty-pound brown short haired “West Rhodesian Ridge-back,” with a purple tongue (tired eyes) and a ridge of hair ready to spring up when it was time to go into battle. Two of her paws were pressed into the sleeping star of this story, Alice Marie DeVan.

  Alice didn’t act like it, but she was a beautiful woman. She had a prominent Roman nose, a perfectly shaped face; her eyes were a deep green, Alice’s skin was soft and felt like silk. Her long, pitch-black hair ran down her shoulders and back. Her dimples looked good. She stood and walked tall because she was a Princess.

  Today is Alice’s “Twenty-First Birthday,” and according to her best friend ever, Gloria, there will be a ‘Birthday Party’ this evening, (No big secret) at ‘The Diner.’

  Meanwhile, Alice laid on her bed snuggling with her pet trying to find a reason to stay there. Right away she had two; she didn’t want to wake up Lily Kemble, and then both would lose out on the dog’s relaxing snoring. She wanted to lay in bed and think about last night encounter with a young man, her Prince. “I always hear Johnny Mathis singing when my Prince arrives,” Alice said to herself, she continued I wonder how he does that? He sits on my bed kisses my face, and we make out until I fall asleep. It’s about time, every night I have had to listen to one of the three pigs, made up adventures with their boyfriends. I know it’s my knight because he always unbuttons my pajama top.

  A couple of years ago Prince Robert and Princess Alice were living happily in the Bleecker Street house. He slept on the third floor, and Alice stays in her bedroom on the first floor. Robert was busy with Soldier’s, stuff, and Alice was finishing her residency at the military Complex her friend Joeann was taken her back and forth from the hospital, where she was attending school herself.

  Two years ago to date, Alice was hypnotist into thinking that Robert didn’t exist and she had been blind since birth. What is terrible is that Alice was supposed to get engaged to Robert today. Back to the story now.

  Alice has been having horrible nightmares, so Grandma Lily has ordered Alice’s three girlfriends to move in with her (Alice). Their jobs would be to take turns sleeping with her; if the nightmares get too bad, they must wake up Grandma. Their duties also call for them to help with Alice’s dress, make-up, and hair in the morning. Then take her to “The Diner” for breakfast.

  Alice’s adoptive Mother, Clare had caused this mess. She left Alice alone again. Therefore, Grandma Lily had to come over to the Bleecker Street house to help take care of Alice. Clare hates the family and especially her ex-husband, Freddy DeVan. Claire had been a good mother until Alice was around ten years old and then her life (Clare) began to fall apart. Freddy was gone all the time working the families businesses with Lily. Meanwhile, the strain of eight children, two grandmas, and two mothers, living in her house and the demands of running a large restaurant finally broke her back.

  Freddy said, “Clare is a drug addict.” “Her family is one of the largest crime families in the world. They operate out of Sicily.” “A couple of times a year Clare goes back to Italy to restock her drug supplies and to work as a prostitute.” She returns to Brooklyn so that she can maintain her guardianship status over Alice.”

  Clare was pissed off at all the DeVan’s because during one of her “Drug Vacations,” Freddy got a Brooklyn Divorce (A Catholic can get a divorce and still get into Heaven) and married Grandma Lily. Freddy and Lily lived at the Bleecker Street house when Clare left the country so they can take care of Alice.

  Freddy must start baking the bread at daybreak to stock the bakery at The Diner. As soon as the kids are up and at it, Grandma Lily is on her way to her office to run the family’s businesses. So, the three girlfriends are responsible for a lot, such as cleaning, cooking, and shopping.” They love to take Alice food shopping and put strange things in their cart. At checkout time they usually run like hell and leave Alice with the mess. But, she has wised up by switching the responsibility to Gloria. Now Joeann tells the checkout clerk that Alice was blind and slow and that she and Sarah were challenged, leaving Gloria in charge.

  As information, “the three piglets, Gloria, Sarah, and Joeann have been my girlfriends since about birth. They all embellish their love life, I hope. I don’t know why they don’t get married. They have been going out with their boyfriends for years. But things are going to change because a few days ago the guys returned home from Military Service for a month leave. There will be a few engagements announcements tonight, at the party?”

  Today is Sunday, and it is Gloria’s turn to help Alice get up and going. Lily Kemble, the dog, heard Gloria coming, so she jumped off the bed and out the bedroom window and was barking to the world like she has been up guarding for a few hours.

  Gloria swung the bedroom door open and announced: “Fatty it’s time to roll out of bed.” She continued “Your room is such a mess I can’t find my hands.” “Today is a big day so its time for your monthly bath’’ Gloria said as she closed the door and walked away.

  Gloria only got three steps before Alice caught up to her and said: “I may be blind, but I can hear people walking, especially if they have giant feet. Gloria, I have waited all week for today. So please try to be good. I plan on spending the day with my family, including my girlfriends, at Church, at my house for coffee, then at The Diner for my birthday party and watching three losers get engaged. And, finally, a knock out drunk party. Maybe I will even end up in a bed with a cute boy since “I will be twenty-one tonight?”

  “The sound of a woman’s voice froze Gloria and Alice in place, both of them slowly turned. Yes, they were dead, It was Grandma Lily she had captured Joeann and Sarah as they were climbing out a window.” Grandma said, “You four have one hour to put this house and yourself in a mint condition that means Alice too. Her church dress is in her closet; her party dress is in my closet.” Also, birthday girl you can forget about the cute boy in your bed idea.

  At Church, ”Alice said, I will sit between my adopted Father, Freddy DeVan and my Aunt Joan. My family usually take up the first pew. Grandma Lily (Freddy’s wife and my stepmother) sits in the back of the Church with her two grandsons Billy and Robert who I don’t know and hate. The dumb sitting arrangement has something to do with Freddy’s divorce.” The beautiful Catholic Church we attend is only a short walk for the family.

  Since my body now has a few curves in it and I finally got a bust, the public has started to make cruel comments “Like, who would marry her” Or, “who would even go out with her, except to have sex? The problem is I can read other peoples minds. Recently I (Alice) overheard someone at the hospital saying ”It should be
against the law for me to have children. The nasty comments never seemed to stop like, how do you know she is even blind? Or, we should set her up with my Uncle Sheldon, he divorced now. She could take care of his children. But he runs around, so what, she can’t see. Their laughter made me cry.”

  Life goes on, one of the best things of the day will be the walk to Church with my girlfriends. When I am with them, I turn off my mind-reading abilities. I keep my mind on at all other times to protect my Family and friends from harm. Alice laughed with her friends when they outranked (Make fun of) each other during their walk to church. Like, Gloria would say, “Joeann, did you crack the sidewalk when you stepped on it?” No, Gloria, I think it “was from your last date when you slammed him to the ground because you couldn’t wait to find a bed.”

  Also, on Sunday she would get to see her Aunts, Mary and June. Alice is around six feet four while the Aunts are not. But somehow these two women could pick her up and crush her with love and kisses. Alice could tell who was who by their perfume.

  Alice never prayed for sight. Each night, she kneeled at the side of the bed folded her hands and prayed to ‘God’ for health and happiness for everyone, especially for Grandma Lily and Elizabeth.

  One night as she was listening to the night-birds ordering other birds around and scaring insects, she hit on the idea of asking ‘God’ for three wishes. If she did: (One), Alice would fly her aunts, grandmas, and girlfriends, their mothers and Elizabeth to Paris for a lavish meal at a ‘Michelin Star’ restaurant. (Two) Afterward, with an unlimited amount of money to spend, they would visit the French Perfume Shops. She would use her last wish to find the ‘man’ that has been in her dreams.

  “She told Gloria about the wishes.”

  Gloria got all nervous and yelled out “Alice you have the hottest boyfriend on this planet and you can’t even remember him,” as she rushed off crying.

  When Alice was young, she was a skinny blind girl, and no one noticed her. But now she is a young adult with a hot body which was driving men nuts. Since Alice doesn’t know how to sidestep creep’s nasty thoughts and disturbing remarks, the mind reading crap is eating at her heart. Alice said, “I can’t keep on running to Grandma if I had a bad day, but who else can I talk to God, no he the one that made me blind?”

  “If one hears a jackhammer breaking up the sidewalk, they might cuss the noise, the sound of a fire truck, ambulance or police car’s ‘Sirens’ might cause one to look and alter their course. But, hearing a cane’s light tapping on a sidewalk stops a person’s, heart. Although one’s eyes are open when they heard the cane their minds are closed. The ones who live in total darkness knows what this tapping sound means. They are signals saying hello. If you can’t hear these cries, then you reached your bus stop, time to get off and go away.”

  Chapter Four

  Sunday Mass

  My Dad kept on poking me trying to make me laugh. He has been taken my brothers and me to Church on Sundays, since the divorce. Today our entire family was there, including my Aunts and Uncles. Aunt Joan was standing next to me. The family filled the whole pew because my brothers, Tony and Steven and my Dad’s stepson Billy are home on Military leave. Gloria told me their uniforms were cute.

  Yes, you guessed it my brothers have been dating my girlfriends for years. There will be engagements announced tonight. That’s another reason for the party and my happy mood.

  I remembered it was near the end of Mass when it happened, we were all following the Church’s dictations, stand-up, sit-down, and say something in Latin. The repetitive nature of this religious dogma goes back centuries. Soon the priest will tell us to sit, I know because I’ve attended this play a thousand times.

  While standing between my Aunt Joan and my Dad, “Sunlight replaced my universe of never-ending darkness. It spread a path of light in front of me. I could see the priest, the altar, everything. It was like someone flipped a switch and my eyesight returned. Tears rolled down my face as I stood petrified. The priest said sit, I refused. Aunt Joan pulled me down anyway; my body was collapsing, my life was over, I must be dying.”

  I looked up; my heart stopped, I could see Aunt Joan’s face and her navy- blue colored round hat. She was looking down at me. I screamed, I was hugging her, yelling, I can see you. Then I turned towards my dad and brothers, no light, just a pitch-black world which slammed me backward; I cried out, “God.” With my back to the altar, I saw a tall young man standing in the last pew, (By the Church’s entrance) the light was coming from him. He must have been seven feet tall “He looked at me, smiled and waved. It looked like he was wearing a uniform and belonged in the hospital.” An old blond slut was hanging on to him, and they were both drunk and looked like they just finished doing it.

  “The World stopped, I didn’t know him, but something tried to tell me I knew him and missed him and that I loved him. I waved back with my hand down at my waist, God, he must think I’m retarded. I watched him for what seemed forever. Mass ended, and the place became a nightmare with everyone trying to get out at the same time. Then he disappeared, and total darkness returned, and I passed out.”

  My father grabbed me by the top of my winter coat and pulled me into his arms, whispering don’t worry honey. My Uncle Joe, the family doctor, joined us. Between the two, they walked me through the rectory (back of the altar) and to our car, to get away from the crowd and the stranger. Uncle Joe also told me “not to worry everything is going to be okay.” The doctor was a large man, and I was able to hide from the World by putting my head under his overcoat as I wailed. With the help of Aunt Joan, I was able to put myself together before we got to my home.

  Before going to the families’ diner for supper or any parties, everybody always stopped at my house for coffee and snacks. When they arrived, they hung up their coats and hats on the kitchen porches’ wooden hooks. They sat down at the polished and clothed covered kitchen table. The men pulled out their cigarettes usually “Camels.” The young men smoked “Chesterfield” for only one reason. So, they could say “to a young lady do you want a Chesterfield?”

  While the women were removing the large bowls filled with plastic fruit from the table and replacing them with, serving platers, clean ashtrays, coffee cups, silverware, bowls of sugar and milk and cloth napkins, the men lit up and waited for me to speak.

  I had about 15 minutes to think about what I was going to say, during the car ride back home. I am not a dope, “An Italian Family will not listen to what a young female has to say.” My Uncles “will say I fell asleep and dreamed the whole incident.” My Aunts “will believe me and say it was a miracle.” But, either way, I knew my family genuinely loved me and that all I needed.

  Alice imagined the family sitting around the table, waiting for the coffee to perk, and her to tell them what happened at the church. When she got to the house, Alice told, “Her Dad and Uncle she was okay and just wanted to go to her room for a minute.” Alice sat on her bed; she had two choices, go to sleep forever or face the unknown man from Church that’s if he even shows up at the house?

  Picking up her slightly beat-up stuffed knight’s doll, she told the toy “I think his name is Robert.” “Thanks to him I have been blind for years, and I hate him more than life itself as she carefully placed the stuffed toy back on her pillow.” Alice said, “the hell with it and smeared more lipstick on her lips not thinking about what she was doing. Alice,” wanted to use a particular color red of her lips that she had received numerous compliments on.”But she didn’t know which one it was. In her haste and some last minute confusion, she realized she had lipstick on her hands, face, and arms. Alice felt like a freak as she put her head down on the makeup table and started to cry.

  There was a soft knock on Alice’s bedroom door; one could hear ”Sis, Sis, are you ok?” It was her brother Tony.

  Alice yelled, “Tony, please come in I have made a real mess of myself again.”

  It ok A
lice, it’s not as bad as you think. Sure enough Tony saved the day, he been taken care of his Sis since they were babies and this wasn’t the first time he had to straighten out her lipstick. Tony said “Alice this is fun working on your lipstick before you see Robert instead of after (Smeared lipstick from making out with Robert).

  Alice yelled, “There that name Robert, again.“ Tony, I don’t know anyone named Robert. But more importantly, I understand you may be getting engaged tonight. “Now Tony who is the lucky girl?”

  Hilarious Sis. I’m going to tell her. Said Tony, “With a loud laugh.” As Tony was getting ready for his hug from Alice, he was making sure she had the same colored shoes on, and her pocketbook contained everything she needed for a long day. He also promised to get Gloria to check her (Alice’s) hair. He knew not to mention Robert. For some unknown reason, all of a sudden both of them went nuts (Alice and Robert). They both hated each other. Alice has wholly forgotten Robert. But, there was something Tony had to say. “I saw him a few months ago.”

  Alice said, “I don’t want to hear a word about that bastard.”

  Tony has never heard his sister curse before, and it stopped him in his tracks, but he had to continue. Alice listen, said Tony, “I saw him three months ago in one of the secret cities. He was all curled up in the corner of a bar. He was unconscious; he looked dead. So, we got a hold of a few Soldiers, and they took him to the hospital.”

  Alice said, “I hate him.”

  Tony said, “listen, Alice as the Soldiers dragged Robert away, he put something in my pocket and whispered your name.” A few days later I tried to find out how he was doing, and the hospital people wouldn’t talk. I don’t know why. Anyway, here is what he gave me. It was a bright blue colored heavy decorated medallion with a gold chain. It looked like a picture of Alice was on the pendant

  “Great,” said Alice, now I must be worried about a dunk hanging around. “He looked fine this morning,” said Alice, “in Church with that blond hooker hanging on him.” Alice accepted the piece of jewelry; she placed it deep into her pocket.